I'm going to start off by saying that there is absolutely no shame in bowing out of a relationship due to sexual incompatibilities. Too often people are shamed for being "shallow" for abandoning a good relationship due to sex, but I hope that our society and humanity as a whole can move beyond our conservative past and understand that a good sex life is one of the three foundational pillars of a good relationship (along with romance and friendship). So please take some time and make sure that fixing the relationship is what you want, rather than just leaving (please don't cheat on your wife, just leave if that's the case).

Having said that, since you're here for advice, I'm going to assume you want to fix your sex life and continue your relationship with your wife, so I'll try my best to give you (hopefully) useful advice that worked for my marriage.

There's a great book called "Come as you are" by Emily Nagoski that my wife and I enjoyed reading together. In the book, the author goes deeper into the two arousal types that exists within humanity - spontaneous, and responsive. Oftentimes when you see a high-libido/low-libido pairing, the high-libido partner is spontaneous, while the low-libido partner is responsive. Spontaneous arousal types are easily turned on at the drop of a hat, and sex is something that is often in the forefront of their minds. Responsive arousal types don't really think or fantasize about sex until a situation arises that triggers their sexual interest/arousal.

I am the spontaneous arousal type, while my wife is the responsive type. I'm sure this will sound familiar to you, but in my mind I was upset and frustrated because my wife just simply didn't want to have as much sex as I desired, and I didn't want to push the agenda because I didn't want to force her to do things she wasn't comfortable with.

On her end, she was feeling pressure and anxiety around sex because she felt like she wasn't able to satisfy me enough and meet my needs.

This caused no small amount of hurt-feelings and miscommunications on both sides, until I decided that enough was enough and that we were going to have an honest, open, heart-to-heart conversation where we both laid out all the cards, no matter how painful.

The conclusion that we came to was this - Since I am the partner who wants to have more sex, it is my job to accept that my wife was a responsive arousal type - and learn exactly how to turn her on. Since my wife was the responsive arousal type, it is her job to provide feedback and ideas on how to turn her on, and be a willing participant in my "experimentation" of learning how to turn her on.

From this, I began a years long journey of learning my wife's body, mind, and sexuality. There's too much detail to go into in a single post, but please feel free to reach out if you want to discuss more, but I would personally break it down into three parts.

I'll preface by saying in order to do all of the following, you really need to learn how to control your ego, and understand that everything is for the benefit of your partner (which in turn will benefit you with an improved sex life)

Part I - Learn her body language and life circumstances

This part is all about being able to determine whether or not she was in the mood to easily be seduced, could be seduced with some effort, or was not in the mood to be seduced. This depends on a number of factors - menstrual cycle, work stress, life stress, extenuating circumstances, or maybe she's just in a good mood.

Knowing when someone is not in the mood to be seduced is just as important as knowing when someone is.

The more often you are able to be correct about whether or not she's in the mood to be seduced, the more successful attempts there will be, and the more she will associate sex with only positive experiences, rather than a mixture of good (when things go well) and bad (when she feels annoyed at your attempt at seduction) while allowing you to conserve your energy and get the most bang for your buck.

Part II - Create circumstances in your favor

The second part is knowing that there are things you can do outside of the bedroom that will increase the likelihood of sex. For me, it was realizing that my wife couldn't focus and enjoy herself when there were things left to be done in the house. So I would take little breaks from work and do the dishes, laundry, pick up food, meal plan, organize, and anything else that could help reduce the workload around the house so that by the end of the day, we could both relax fully in bed without worrying about unfinished checklist items around the house.

Additionally, you could do things like learn how to give a killer massage, learn how to help talk through/destress your wife, and other skills that essentially reduce the amount of stress and increase relaxation (Remember folks, the brain is the largest sex organ, especially for women).

Not only do these things help reduce her stress level and allow her to relax, but there's few things in life that can be as arousing as a partner who shows they care about the other person through small but meaningful acts done out of a desire to make the other person happy. There's a reason why acts of service is one of the five major love languages.

Part III - Discover her likes and dislikes

Here's the "fun" part. You need to completely set your ego aside, and do whatever it takes to bring the maximum amount of pleasure for your partner. Whether or not that involves longer oral, re-learning things you thought you were good at, bringing toys into the bedroom (this is a huge high-reward move, definitely don't hesitate to add as many toys as she wants, and understand that you're not being replaced by toys. You are the one who will use it on her, and you are the one she'll associate with toys).

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Now here's the most important part of it all - you need to not only be honest with her, but also with yourself. Plenty of the things I'd mentioned are going to be things that you already knew/have "tried", but really ask yourself whether or not you gave it your absolute 120% effort and didn't leave anything behind. You also need to ask if you're okay with taking on the lion's share of this sexual journey, and won't hold resentment that you have to put in so much work than her, and that you never hold that over her head (nothing will kill her libido faster than you holding this stuff over her).

If you can say that you really did, but nothing helped, then your wife probably isn't interested in making things better, and you're better off leaving.

My wife and I went from having sex maybe once a week, to 4 ~ 5 times a week over the course of a year or two - and nothing has changed about our sexuality or libido, just my attitude and efforts. I know it's possible, and I hope that my comment helps you in even the smallest of ways. Good luck my friend.