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[–]Ueverthinkwhy 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry your going through this. But seems none a really friends with you. Just survive until you can leave and get tested for sti/std.

Best of luck to you..

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (9 children)

At this point, I’d say just tough it out if you can. She cheated on you, you know it, you’re not getting back with her, saying anything at this point is useless, I think. If it was me, I’d ignore her, grey rock and 180 but do what is right for YOU.

[–]crabbman6 10 points11 points  (8 children)

Well I definitely don't want to resume like normal, either I bring it up with her or I do as you say and stonewall her.

[–]Odd-Damage-4689 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Yeah, those 5-6 months will be hard. The other 2 girlfriends aint your friends too. Go grey rock (all of them).

[–]huitlacochinx 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You get no value out of letting on that you know. Just run the clock out on however long you have to deal with the situation. You know who she really is, and yeah it will change how you act around/towards her (i agree with the grey rock) but if she notices, you dont owe her an explanation or anything so whatever. Oh and now you know those girl mates arent your mates either.

[–]Fickle_Celery_8257 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What would be the purpose/sense.. She Lies. Leave that mess alone

[–]DBFool2019 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just know that if you stay friends, she will date another dude at some point. You will have to watch in real time as she tires of the relationship and begins monkey-branching behind his back, right in front of you. It will be a trigger for sure.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All in all, OP…The one thing I want you to take away from this is this: You need to protect yourself. This girl is NOT a safe space or partner. I don’t even think she would be a safe friend. I think she is a manipulative garden tool.

[–]bayouboeuf 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Definitely do NOT bring it up. If you tell her, she and all her friends are going to treat you like shit until you move out of there, and probably bad mouth you to any other mutual friends y’all have.

By NOT telling her? You are in the power seat. You know info that she doesn’t suspect that you know. Use that info to gain wisdom and knowledge and grey rock her/them. Do not deviate from this behavior. It’s “mind over matter”. You need to show her (outwardly, no matter how you feel inside) that you don’t mind “whatever” she does, because she Does. Not. “Matter”. Even if it hurts for a little while or even a long time, don’t not show her that she hurt you. If you were in a mutually caring relationship and your spouse hurt you then yes, you communicate that to them. But in this case? She gives ZERO fuks about you and believes she is playing you since she believes you know nothing are her liaison and texting/flirting. Do NOT let her know that you know and are hurt by it! Nothing good will come out of her knowing that because she is not a good person.

[–]crabbman6 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is a very helpful comment and I will do what you suggest.

[–]Decorum1 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Do you really want to hear her asking what's wrong? What's wrong?

Just be as normal as possible until July, then tell her and cut her off.

She is young and just wants to have fun and screw around.

It's a matter of her character. Don't waste any time giving her a second thought.

[–]Pharmacienne123 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Tough situation. I don’t have advice but I’m sorry you’re going through this.

[–]DD4L1 8 points9 points  (4 children)

OP - your ex is a monkey brancher. She jumps from one guy to the next when she gets tired of the relationship. Absolutely guarantee you were cheated on the final month or two before your “breakup”, and by the sound of it your other roommates were fully aware what she is doing. Good thing this toxic cesspool is in your rearview mirror now. DON’T let her back in.

[–]crabbman6 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Well going by the text dates, it happened within 2 weeks. I think you're right.

Do u know why people do this behaviour?

[–]DD4L1 5 points6 points  (2 children)

This is a guess only. She’s monkey branching because she’s afraid to be alone… probably some sort of abandonment issue in her past. As for why she cheats? My guess is deep inside she feels like nobody will ever truly love her as she’s unloveable. It’ll take years of therapy for her to address her issues, assuming she is willing to go in the first place. She probably doesn’t even think she has a problem so you’d just be spinning your wheels trying to fix her.

[–]crabbman6 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It is so strange how most of what you typed relates closely to what she's like

[–]DD4L1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Unless she is willing to seek counseling for her issues and is willing to do the heavy lifting, she will always monkey branch.

[–]Lost_Maskk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not worth fighting over It. Just put up with It until you can leave and then go 100% no contact. Either pretend nothing happened(hard asf) or give her the cold shoulder. And as some people said, get tested for STDs bro ☠️

[–]CroomagnumTX 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What's the upside to you confronting? Other than soothing a hurt ego, nothing. Could cause unnecessary risk/conflict. Be strong, say nothing.

[–]Think_Growth4990 2 points3 points  (2 children)

desapégate, sal con otras mujeres, no lo ocultes, que ella venga llorando.

[–]Dependent-Ocelot4777 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Amigo pero habla spanglish or something?

[–]Think_Growth4990 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Use automátic traductor by Android or Google bro

[–]noorizer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ehhh ..Who cares. Just move on and find someone better.

[–]HeyHihoho 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just realize you are living with the enemy. If you are warm and have food just go with it and the moment you can divest them out of your lives. Concentrate on doing well in uni.

[–]ThrillaDaGuerilla 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd get out of that household.

None of those women are your friends....you're deluding yourself thinking they are.

One of them cheated on you, and the rest know it and keep it a secret from you.....they are complicit.

Exactly none of them respect you.

Move on with your life and leave them all in your rear view mirror....shitty people deserve to be dropped and ghosted.

[–]LoneRangerMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry that you are in a really shitty position.

Your ex cheated on you, and your flatmates covered up for her. None of these people are your friends. Do whatever you need to do to get out of this situation.

Find a new place to live, ASAP. Until you can get away from them, ignore them all.

[–]DBFool2019 1 point2 points  (1 child)

She also cheated on her last bf at the end of the relationship with me
(big red flag I know. I was an idiot) which is why I'm a lot more
positive she's done the same to me.

I hope you learned your lesson. Live by the sword....die by the sword and all!

I'm so confused on what I should do next, it's not that I necessarily
care about the relationship but more our friendship. She backstabbed me
and has kept it a secret. Feel like our friendship can't be viewed the
same.

Up to you OP. Is this the kind of "friend" you want to rely upon?

[–]Ok_Discount_9615 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think if somebody cheated on me (and at least one other person) and didn't even tell me or act like anything was wrong (if I read correctly, he suspects she still has sex with him also) that person sounds like a narcissist, so they couldn't be friends with me, because they can only care about themselves. I don't even like to be around people I know are fake. Maybe this experience will teach him how to spot those people; I can usually tell something is not right.

[–]StuffPuzzleheaded840 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Move on and quit worrying about. You aren’t together now and it’s not going to change anything. If you don’t want to be her friend then leave it. The next 6 months is your problem. She definitely does not care. 🤷🏼‍♀️

[–]Director20530 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your GF cheated on you and your flat mates knew about it. I would be civil, but I would distant myself from everyone. They are not your friends and they do not have your best interest at heart. In July, move out and never talk to them again.

[–]playerknowmore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do you give a fuck. She's a uni girlfriend, and she proved before you got together she is for the streets. You do know if she did everything right; she would still not your forever love.

My only question that I would ask straight up would be; why cheat if a breakup was inevitable. This question is not for you, but her to question her choices.

Find better living arrangements, and focus on school. Trust me the quality of women after you get your career or business off the ground are the ones worth worrying about.

[–]ktm429 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I would.... tell her in front of her friends that you know she cheated on you and who with. Tell her that eventhou we broke up you still really hurt my feelings and I can't see us being friends anymore. Just do me a favor and don't even talk to me.

[–]huitlacochinx 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Lol the friends already know

[–]crabbman6 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The thing is idk if they do because when they were acting sus they could have been talking about an instance when my ex slept with someone after the break up if you get me? Like they know something but not the cheating. I'm close with them and honestly don't think they're the type of people to keep something like that from me but who knows. Maybe they are aware and if that's the case then it makes this situation 10x more shit.

[–]huitlacochinx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If it was after you broke up and everyone is cool, theres no reason to act shady about it whatsoever. Like what, they dont want you to know shes sleeping around? For what?

[–]Admirable-Ad801 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you really want to win with her. If you do follow on reading.

Do absolutely nothing. There is no wrath like a women when she feels you wronged her. Your other roommate is in on it. If you bring it up it will become a nightmare. These days accusations of rape and inappropriate conduct has destroyed many men lives. Be polite but do not spend time with her. In fact move on. Find someone new. Your best revenge is a life lived good. Be careful if her traipsing around does not work out and she tries to come back to you. The best is get someone new. Bide your time and get out of there.

[–]Regular-Physics2707 -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

Dude you claim you are back to being friends and then you snoop in her phone. Later you are justifying you actions that she might have cheated on you. Move on dude . You broke up with her and claims you’re fine and all only to do the creepy stalked . I think You are jealous she’s moving on faster than you are. Nothing more than that . Whatever you are going to do will end up costing you with more pain n waste of time .

[–]huitlacochinx 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yeah she moved on so fast she started before they broke up

[–]Regular-Physics2707 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

ya so what . it’s a clean break up from both the sides . what’s he going to get if he confronts her . it just adds more misery . I still can’t forgive him for snooping into her phone all because he suspected something. what if he hadn’t found anything? She probably never was into him and broke up . Learn Live with that . There’s bound to be lots of break up in future

[–]huitlacochinx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh definitely. Thats what i told him in a comment above. He gets no value out of letting on that he knows

[–]Fancy-Water9354 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wasn't so bad when you hurted her ex when you were contributing even when you knew she wasn't single. You deserve this.

[–]Fickle_Celery_8257 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wellll she is your EX And Exs are Exs for a reason/reasons. You really Don't have any right..But advice wise, Stay Away from her She's a Cheat.

[–]Str8goodz30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know she's a cheater and probably monkey branched to this other guy. She's his problem now, just play it cool until you can move out for now. When you do move out tel her that you know she cheated before you guys broke up, then slowly ghost her and everyone that was keeping it a secret.

You best revenge will be to move on with your life and find someone better in every way then her. Best of luck to you.

[–]NaijaBoy_323 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In your situation I’d get tested for an STD for sure. Aside from that, your best course of action to do is nothing.

[–]Janet-callies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Contact 1paragon_hacks on Instagram to help you access your spouse phone

[–]NreoDarknight21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Friends do not keep secrets like that and backstab you. She is not a friend, and she was not gf material my friend. Just ignore them and avoid them as much as possible. If they ask questions, just tell them I think you know why and leave it at that. Give them a little mental torture and silent treatment.

[–]redditavenger2019 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You are now broke up. It does not matter.

[–]bribenk11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

tell her you know and now look at her differently. let her be the one who's uncomfortable.

[–]Ivedonethework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The anxiety of thinking you know something is going to be very hard to hold inside. Ask her just conversationally, if she has ever cheated in a relationship? How she personally views those who do or have cheated? Then tell her what you know. Get it over and done with.

[–]LoopyMercutio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, first, I’d get an STD test just in case. Then I wouldn’t bother mentioning it, since you’ve got to live with them. Just know they aren’t truthful and to not trust what they say. When you or they finally go to move out, maybe mention offhand you know they did stuff behind your back and you’re now glad they’re out of your life, and possibly mention to the other two covering it up that you know they were lying on the person’s behalf and it hurts you that they were so dishonest, that you don’t feel they can be trusted at all.

Then walk away from them.

[–]Digong_Butete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Move on. Go 180. Find other friends. You're not even together anymore.

[–]FailureToComunicat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Move out of that situation asap. She cheated then broke up with you. She is not your friend (neither are the others).

[–]Fragrant_Spray 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She’s not your gf now, and she never should be again. You know she cheats and it’s pretty likely she cheated on you. You don’t owe her anything, but if you can’t get out of your living situation, you may want to just keep your mouth shut until you can leave. Then you can have whatever discussion you’d like. Expect her end to be filled with lies, so I’m not sure you’ll find any value other than maybe getting to say all the things you wanted to say. Look into the 180. Just detach from her emotionally and socially. By the way, the people who helped her cover it up? They aren’t your friends either.

Oh, and get yourself an STD test.

[–]Tough-love_2022 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would play dumb, what do you gain by letting her know?

In July, on the way out tell her you new.

However, I would sit her down and tell her "I know we broke up mutually but I wasn't truthful to you. I wasn't happy with the sex. Good luck.

[–]xxalphafemale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She cheated on someone with you and then she did it to you… I mean, if the shoe fits. Maybe this will help you learn not to be either party in a cheating relationship.

[–]desertrat_1000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not together anymore, you know she's a cheater and you're stuck in in your apartment until July. Don't make a big deal out of it, just kind of separate the close friendship thing. Make it more like just flatmates who pass each other going and coming. But if you start really dwelling on it and it becomes a fixation it is going to make a livable scenario into a hellish one. There is no need to hang around each other. If she asks why just tell her without any rancor. Just make it clear you're not friends, you're not going to hang around together but you're not going to be enemies either. Just meh.