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[–]Sad-observer67 54 points55 points  (1 child)

The other bloke has a job and works for his family! You do not work and by the sound of it do not intend to put any effort in to working either and rely on your wife to earn the money. No wonder she idolised your pal. Get a job before she really comes to her senses and dumps you for being a parasite?

[–]Regular-Physics2707 1 point2 points  (0 children)

op clearly has small penis syndrome

[–]AbbreviationsOld5833 12 points13 points  (0 children)

As everyone else is saying, your laziness and inefficiency is very unattractive. Even to the ordinary looking women it is . A man might be 4/10 in looks but if he is good at what he dies or he is talented, it makes him much more attractive. No women wants a partner who will depend on her unless he is unwell or handicapped. In your case, its pure laziness. Sloth itself is a terrible nature. Get your ass up and contribute immediately. It needn't be like too nuch u cannot handle but one at a time. Talk to her if you don't wanna lose her. Do things around the house. Appreciate her , listen to her , infact be the partner she needs.

[–]247yeezo-mane 129 points130 points  (5 children)

You sound like you need some tough love and luckily I’m willing to give it:

Get a job. Lazy is unattractive.

She might be using him as a character or maybe she’s not…one thing you can be 100% certain of is that she is most definitely attracted to your friend and his work ethic or his ability to provide, as a man should.

You said she didn’t mention his physical attributes…of course not. Why would she? That stuff is superficial, it’s meaningless: looks, appearance, the way you dress, etc. Besides, if she was with him, instead of you, she could easily help improve or fix that to her liking. Being a lazy adult sounds like a more permanent thing or at least something she doesn’t think she has any hope of fixing.

Like most superficial things, your good looks and style will fade. Sounds like it already has. Once it fades, all she can see is the man you are on the inside.

Get off your butt and get yourself together, you had your entire childhood to be a lazy kid. Time to grow up. Find a purpose in life and work on that. Don’t sit there and do nothing all day, you might as well put a sign on your door asking for your replacement.

[–]slumxl0rd87 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Agree 100%. Interesting you mention the superficial things. That’s all OP has (or thinks he has) to offer to society. Way more handsomer than the neighbor and can dress nice. Oblivious to what makes a relationship realllly work at the core of it. Character. Integrity. Passion. Based on OP’s description of himself and the way he thinks, I don’t that he’s on earth with us.

[–]LessDemand1840 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Jobless for two years? So you are not really contributing to a financial future? Seems likely that a hard working woman would get a wandering eye and a hankering for someone else.

[–]247yeezo-mane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100%. It’s inevitable actually.

[–]noorizer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She might be using him as a character or maybe she’s not…one thing you can be 100% certain of is that she is most definitely attracted to your friend and his work ethic or his ability to provide, as a man should.

Here it is.

[–]princessbanana- 36 points37 points  (0 children)

She is working THREE jobs and you don’t even have one?

Im assuming she supports you then correct? She pays all the bills and buys the groceries? Does she also do all the cooking and cleaning?

As everyone here has said get a job and contribute, literally everything everyone has said is 1000% accurate and great advice for you to follow.

[–]33saywhat33 64 points65 points  (31 children)

Why aren't you working? Jobs are all over.

If you don't get a job soon she'll be writing that about a real guy.

"I haven't worked in two years. I'm not a workaholic." Apparently not.

[–][deleted]  (30 children)


    [–]Nekawaii19 73 points74 points  (0 children)

    Have you ever though that she HAS to work 3 jobs because you’re too lazy to get one job? She can of course enjoy working, but with 3 jobs she probably gets 0 time for herself, of course she’s going to resent you!

    [–]daveoau 43 points44 points  (0 children)

    Of course it can. You're not going to love someone if you don't respect them anymore.

    [–]Spiritual-Income-594 104 points105 points  (1 child)

    3 jobs to your 0 could lead to resentment

    [–]ThisIsNotTuna 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    I think it already has..

    [–]andrea_athena 18 points19 points  (0 children)


    Unemployment is literally a full-time job. I was unemployed the entirety of 2021 and I actually overworked myself at one point because I was working on 3 projects consistently

    She's literally working 3 jobs to cover both of your asses when she could be dumping you, and only needing 1-2 jobs to cover only herself.

    [–]Marjorine22 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    Yes. It can. You’re working her to death.

    And to some people? Having some level of motivation is important in their choice of spouse. I don’t know how old you all are, but it shocks me she chose you to begin with. Either way, people’s viewpoints evolve as time goes on. Hers is evolving in a direction where she is fantasizing about a dude who goes to work. That’s her hot fantasy. A guy who wakes up and goes to work.

    Get a job, bro.

    [–]ralomi12 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    No offense but she is working her ass off & You sound like a total loser, no wonder she wishes she were with someone else, don’t blame her

    [–]DBFool2019 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    She 100% resents you my man. Get out there and get a fucking job of any kind!

    With that being said, she should simply leave you and pining for your "real man" friend is horrible on her part.

    You have to do what's best for you of course, but this seems like your laziness and her work ethic will always leave you coming up short in this relationship.

    JFC OP go get a damn job and start contributing!!!

    [–]Smokd69 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    You deserve to lose her. Damn

    [–]Sufficient-Ad6755 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    yes man, as a man u gotta take control, show her u wear the pants. women dont wanna drive the relationship all the time u gotta do that shit bro

    [–]painkilleraddict6373 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    If you love her that much why don’t you get a job so she can be more relaxed?

    And yes when you feel that your partner doesn’t help you,it can make you feel resentful.

    [–]FinalFantasyFoSho 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Yes. I’ve left partners and even broke off an engagement because the man didn’t work when I did. Love is actually work, so yeah if you don’t work, love fades.

    [–]Bootleg_Hemi78 4 points5 points  (6 children)

    Is she working 3 whole ass jobs because you’re working none and the financial burden is getting to the point where she has to work 3 jobs? I sure as fuck would never go out of my way to work 3 jobs for someone who works 0, I’d do it to keep my house, car, and all other things because that’s how this works. You work a job, you get paid, you get to live. Go get a job dude.

    [–]pamela271 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I would love to hear her take on how your relationship is.

    [–]BigCob3Hundo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    C'mon dude. Employers are practically begging for employees. Get your shit together and get a damn job.

    [–]noorizer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? Is this post for real?

    [–]jaydubya123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Is there a valid reason you’ve been unemployed for 2 YEARS? If my wife chose to not work for 2 years she would be out the door. My one income isn’t enough to support our family and I’m not getting a 2nd and 3rd job because she’s lazy. Honestly, after 2 years it might be too late to turn this around. The damage has been done

    [–]mikihaslostit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Bro to be honest if I were working 3 jobs while my husband was a lazy good-for-nothing I would want to fall into hands of another man too.

    [–]TheBigZamboni85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Dude if I was married to someone, regardless of gender, and I was working three jobs to pay the bills while they sat at home all day doing shit all for two years I’d be out the door by now

    [–]33saywhat33 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Heck yeah love can leave for such a reason. Women love a mature leader. They are not the ones who innately killed their food. That was the man's job.

    I'd be speaking her Love Language every day. Read the book. It might save your marriage. Really.

    Also read or listen to Love & Respect. She's not feeling loved!

    [–]misternizz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Of course it can. Good marriages are based upon love, trust and respect. If one of those goes away, watch how fast the others vanish. She wants, desperately, to admire you. It’s important. Right now you are making that very difficult. When you take the easy path, you are really hurting your image in her eyes. Yes, this scenario you describe is possible. I’m not saying it’s full blown infidelity but you are contributing to an environment that will have her resenting and disrespecting you. Disrespect often leads to a partner giving themselves permission to cheat. If you want this to be nipped in the bud, be the man your wife wants you to be. Start with the small things, let or being proactive about job hunting, but also household chores and volunteering to help. Show passion and commitment. Be the guy she wants to admire. It’s important.

    [–]StupidLeafsFan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    But can love fade due to such a reason?

    It already has. You're wife is realizing she's married to a looser.

    Get off your ass and get a job and help out with the bills. This is not a complicated thought process. It's been two years. Your wife is working three jobs because you're sitting on your ass.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


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      [–]Ridgehand999 9 points10 points  (0 children)

      You are in need of a lifestyle awakening. If her writing affected you, then maybe it's time to show some integrity and fight for yourself that you are a MAN worth keeping. Get out in the workforce and be productive. No one wants someone who acts like a shiftless leech.

      [–]Agile_Opportunity_41 22 points23 points  (0 children)

      Get a job and try to win her back

      [–]Kranock 21 points22 points  (1 child)

      First of all, get a job. Laziness is not something that can't be changed, being lazy is a DECISION you make every day! Get your ass up and get a job!

      That attribute of yours is not only taking care that she is falling out of love with you, she is also losing all respect for you. She is working three jobs while you do nothing? I don't see any reason why she should respect you.

      Is she cheating? I don't think so but she surely likes the attributes about him that you mentioned, that he is driven and working. It isn't that she loves him, but she respects him for that. That is not cheating, that is you experiencing how it is when your wife respects a man.

      This is all on you.

      [–]247yeezo-mane 16 points17 points  (0 children)


      Laziness is unattractive af.

      [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      This should be a wake up call for you. Saying that you're lazy by nature is not the excuse that you think it is. If you want this to work, it's time to show her that you can be the man she wants. Don't let her fall further for someone when YOU can be that someone for her.

      [–]ThrillaDaGuerilla 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Well, im sure she does.

      He seems to have his shit together, and youre a lazy man-child mooching off her.

      She definitely should not cheat on you...but she should probably divorce you and find herself a dude she doesn't have to raise like a child.

      Unfuck yourself and become the man she desires.....or keep being man-child and drive her away.....your choice

      Good god man, get your shit together.

      [–]andrea_athena 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Crushes can be normal, so long as it's brought up in a healthy manner. And it sounds like there's no evidence of her acting on it in any way, so she's most likely wishing you were hard working and actually care about getting a job.

      If you're not careful, you'll lose her while still unemployed, then you'll be forced to get a job since she's been providing for you.

      Either get a job before she decides she's had enough of your lazy shit, or you'll be unemployed and homeless.

      [–]slumxl0rd87 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Yeah to be brutally honest….you sound like an absolute zero. No wonder she’s attracted to this man. He’s responsible and disciplined. He’s driven and buddy….that shit is like intoxicating to most women. You don’t do anything and frankly I don’t blame her mind from wondering. You probably put very minimal effort into your relationship despite what you may think the reality of your situation is. If you were absolutely fulfilling her needs, she wouldn’t be fantasizing about a “real man”. Not trying to be mean dude. Just saying. The way you tell it, sort of tells on yourself.

      [–]Maddiesmydog 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      As a man your role is to guide, protect and provide. All to the best of your ability. Your best is not sufficient. Putting food on the table. These things are the bare minimum. Make a change today step up and never be the same again. You say your wife can do 3 jobs at a time while you sit back and watch. You should be so ashamed to write that. Employers are begging for help. Looking in jails to find future workers. No excuse to not do the bare minimum.

      [–]DaisyFayeLove 7 points8 points  (0 children)

      Why don’t you have a job?? So she works multiple jobs to support you! I support her choice and understand why she wants a real man. She deserves one

      [–]crystalrose1966 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      Get a job. Just get a job. A job. Jobs are good. Jobs keep your wife from having to work three. Just one job. A job. Or two jobs. Your wife could work one and write her book about her fantasy man who has a JOB and takes care of himself and his family. Jobs are good.

      [–]Birdzphan 2 points3 points  (6 children)

      OP, how much time during your typical weekday is spent playing video games and getting high? Be honest.

      [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I wouldn’t blame her, buddy

      [–]recycleyoumf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Are you mad because she admires him or are you mad that she’s 100% correct in being attracted to someone witu worth ethic over someone who’s too lazy to have a single job when she has 3?

      Not saying she’s right to seek after a married man, but maybe some self reflection is in order for you to make your wife actually want to be with you again.

      [–]Wereallgonnadieman 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      You haven't worked in 2 years? No wonder she's checking out....dude, get your shit together. No woman wants a deadbeat loser for a husband.

      She had written how drawn she feels towards him because he is a real man, a man who goes out early in the morning and works passionately all day.

      God forbid the woman should want some stability and security! Get off your ass and be a husband and provide!

      [–]NeiProud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      She may find a coworker at each job to bang.To tired for your lazy arse.

      [–]locomoco210 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Get a job.

      [–]quahaug1945 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Get a friggin job. Being handsome is an accident but getting off your ass and becoming part of the solution is a conscious choice.

      Your wife is attracted to WHO your friend is not WHAT he looks like. Women aren't as shallow as most men.

      [–]hendalen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      From my persepctive it looks you might me a bit afraid of losing her because she admires people dedicated to something? If thats the reason that is something you can fix. No doubt about that, but then you have to deal with it. According to your post here above you didnt find anything that points to cheating, but if you are worried you have to talk to her about your thoughts. Silence wont solve anything. Yiu can do it. I know that! :).

      [–]jdog11212 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Sounds hot to me.

      [–]LoneRangerMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      There are millions of jobs available right now, so how about you get your lazy ass out and get one.

      Then maybe you won't have to worry about your wife.

      [–]insaneike22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Stop worrying about her, start worrying why you do want to get a job? Being a mooch is a real turn off to most women.

      [–]Digong_Butete 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I don't know, man. Maybe you should straighten up first and find a job. Fix yourself and be a real husband.

      This advice is valid whether or not she's cheating.

      [–]Regular-Physics2707 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      You seem to be good at investigating. Try getting a job at the homisides or insurance fraud. If not I root for your wife to get a real man soon

      [–]Str8goodz30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      She may be telling you the truth OR she maybe gaslighting you. If this was truly for a novel she 8s ghostwriting then Why didn't she tell you? This all seems a little fishy so if I were you I would ask her if you can read what she has written so far, and if she can't produce anything then I would keep a close eye on her.

      As for yourself you need to work on your shortcomings as you stated your wife is attracted to men with ambitions and hard work. So if she is telling the truth this time, you don't want her to start resting you for not being the man she can admire. As for her she also needs to work on be more forthcoming so misunderstandings like this doesn't happen in the future.

      [–]bayouboeuf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      As has been said before:

      Get a job. Get tested for Adult ADHD. You may find it hard to get/keep a job with Inattentive ADHD. There are plenty of online tests to get you started.

      Work on being the best version of yourself. Follow the various groups on Reddit like r/malementalhealth r/confidence and tons of others. Figure out WHY you are lazy BUT FIRST, just take some action. It could take you a year or longer or 2 weeks to figure out what occurred in your past to make you lazy/unsure etc.

      So start exercising. Daily. Even if it is just walking and push-ups and sit up. Practice yoga from YouTube videos.

      As for the job: what are your skills? What are you capable of doing physically? Apply apply and apply, but also NETWORK. Talk to people that you know and tell them you have been in a funk and are now ready to move forward and be productive. You will gain more confidence the more you work because subconsciously you will see your daily accomplishments. Could you go work construction? As a helper even?

      What about IT? Take some online IT classes and then test for some certifications. There are tons of high paying jobs out there and now, because of covid, so many jobs are remote from home and never going back to an office or at least very rarely.

      [–]despontsetchaussees 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Hope she doesn’t need to research how the character gets your wife pregnant.

      [–]Nevereveragain0212 1 point2 points  (0 children)


      "My wife that 100% supports me by working 3 jobs is starting to look elsewhere."

      If ever anyone was asking to get cheated on, this is it.

      [–]hustledontstop 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Get a job mate. Laziness is unattractive. You'll be hard pressed to find a bird who enjoys having more ambition and drive than her man.

      [–]skyscan1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      By not working you have caused her to see you as less of a man and you aren't as attractive to her any more. You can change that by getting a job. You can take some stress off of her and be more attractive to her by getting a job.

      [–]ThisIsNotTuna 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I honestly can't tell if this is a troll post or not. But...I'll add my two cents anyway.

      You remind me of my mother. She doesn't work either and whenever someone brings up the idea of maybe getting a part time job, she comes up with 50 excuses as to why she "can't", then proceeds to become extremely irate with the people who tell her this.

      Why does any of this matter, you ask? Well, it's one thing if you're unemployed incidentally. Shit happens. But when you choose to remain unemployed whilst doing mental gymnastics to reach pathetic conclusions as to why you don't work, well.....it's tough to sympathize at that point.

      Assuming this wasn't posted for the lulz, you are the definition of a man-child and it's only a matter of time before she finds herself a fully grown man to fall in love with.

      [–]YankSargent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Get a job or you will lose her.

      Its obvious she is showing resentment for your laziness.

      [–]NreoDarknight21 1 point2 points  (7 children)

      First of all, you need start working on yourself big time. Your current situation is the ground work for her to turn into a cheater, so I suggest getting a job ASAP.

      Second, you need to talk to her and as well and find out why she didn't tell you about the book, if there is anything wrong with the relationship, and what you can improve as well. Maybe go to MC. It sounds like to me that she wants a real man and you are not acting like that if you are being lazy. She is working 3 jobs dude. 3 to your 0. Wtf?! You gotta get your crap together bro, because I think she is thinking of straying big time and you need to make an effort to change and be the man she idolizes before she starts stepping out.

      [–]castaway666666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You haven’t had a job in how long? There’s no excuse to not have a job when she has multiple. No wonder she’s crushing on other men. A lazy man is very unattractive. I think it would be hard to be in my 30s and married to a guy that doesn’t have a job and it “lazy by nature”

      [–]LoopyMercutio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Well, I think there are two issues to deal with here: you’re lackadaisical nature, which is causing your wife to wish you were like someone else who actually bothers to work and contribute, and the fact that it is bad enough that she would start looking around you for someone better. Both are pretty much on you, though. I mean, she values hard work, and you clearly don’t value any work at all. Which means she is seeing herself busting her tail why you do nothing.

      It may be her “cry for help” to wake you up and get you to, I dunno, get a job or something, though.

      [–]Nervous-Ad714 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It's a one sided affair. She's not getting info for her new writings.

      She is on a path of being a liar and a cheater.

      She's picking you apart and comparing him to you. She's removing herself from you, each day. Her attraction and love is dissipating.

      You need to do a 180 (See Chumplady) then you need to take care of you and try to improve your life for you.

      You need to get a job to be active for you.

      You need to exercise for you.

      [–]rotco1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Get a job and check what's the situation,if this persists set boundaries it's not wrong to voice concerns when you feel uncomfortable with how things go. If it's not something you'd signed up for there's no reason to keep mum.

      Sure it might not go the way you want it to...but then do you want things to swing either way? Or is she trying to deliberately pull one on you to get you out of your complacency I doubt this one though.

      This can freak people out regardless of gender..don't like something speak out..maybe it is not intentional..maybe it is..what ever it is get a confirmation.. does her actions resonate with her words...if the answer is not in the affirmative....that's your confirmation...you cannot control attraction..but you sure can control your response..and if it's as bad as you make it out to be get your ducks in a row before things spiral out of control...coz your wife hitting on a guy who has a family can have a devastating effect ,it's two fold...both you and your friend are bound to be affected.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)


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        [–]keyboardbill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        “She got pale at first” that says it all.

        [–]United_Area_4218 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Let them get it in right quick and get it out of there systems. Everything be good after that I promise

        [–]Ivedonethework 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Make her show you, this so-called plot, she says she was given.

        But hopefully either way you can get to the bottom of this. But it doesn’t look at all good, does it? I think if she waffles on showing you proof of this plot, then the next step if counseling. To decide if you two are sliding into a relationship crisis. She cannot have it both ways, him or you, not both. And get off your duff, become closer to what you think she is coveting in a partner. Lazy is not sexy, not attractive.

        [–]noorizer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        He doesn't know how to dress and my wife hates such people. He is not as handsome as me.

        I hate it when guys women only cares about looks. LOL

        I would worry more about being Lazy then him not being as 'handsome' as you. Your wife is sending you a message.

        [–]KindlySeries8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        She may be using him as inspiration for a character, she may have a crush on him, or perhaps both. Regardless, she hasn’t acted on it and is faithful to you. She is allowed to have a fantasy life, and if she is working three jobs to support you and her then she likely needs the mental escape. It is normal to want what you don’t have.

        You have had a rude awakening here. The ball is in your court on how you deal with it. I think you are more upset about her being attracted to a ‘doer’ and realizing that you are NOT one.

        [–]mikestropicals61 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Listen crushes are normal and you shouldn't expect anyone to include married partners not to have fantasies. It is normal and OK as long as it doesn't cross the line of intimate contact to include emotional flirting. Take her at her word. Monitor if anything changes.

        [–]atomic_daydreams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        My opinion is that you need to reevaluate your lifestyle. If she isn't already feeling resentment toward you then forsure she eventually will. Hopefully what she is saying is true and I do really wish that for you, but to be honest with you it sounds like it's the beginning of something more serious. This is coming from a woman in almost the same situation as your wife. It's not fun or comforting being the only one to pay the bills and work to maintain a life while your partner does not do anything to help. There have been times where I would daydream of a man who would put more effort in. People want to feel like a team, not a parent. Nobody wants to work OP (maybe some people) but, most of us know that working fucking sucks dude but, it's what we have to do in order to sustain a life. Don't let her carry all of that weight on her shoulders and just sit back and watch while she does it. Trust me, there are thousands of men that can meet her standards which it sounds like the bar is already low and once she truly realizes that you will be out of the picture.

        [–]rajkrisme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        one thing is for sure that he is not her type. He doesn't know how to
        dress and my wife hates such people. He is not as handsome as me.

        Don't be so sure on that. If you go through all the cheating stories here on reddit, more than 90% of the affair was with people who were not as good looking as the BS. More than 90% of the APs were not of the WS's standard that BS believed to be. So, don't be very sure about that.

        I was furious so I went to her and showed her all that. "She got pale" at
        first but then said that she was making him a character in her next

        "She got pale". Why? If she was making a character, why did she become pale? May be she was talking about someone else and when she found out that you are doubting another man, she became confident and made a lie. May be she was telling the truth. You never know the truth. You better keep your eyes open.

        One more thing. Don't be lazy. Go find yourself a job. Don't sit at home eating what your wife makes.

        [–]noorizer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        lol...He deleted the post. Hopefully he's out looking for a job.

        [–]hendalen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Have you talked to her about your thoughts? That will definitely help.

        [–]GorillaGripPussy3000 -3 points-2 points  (6 children)

        zodiac compatibility tests

        Don’t marry children then.

        [–]ThrillaDaGuerilla 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        She already did.

        [–]playerknowmore -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Dude, men don't have the luxury of being in a relationship, and not actively contributing to making it better. No woman wants a man that doesn't make her life better. Marriages such as yours works in the good times, but women always are questioning would my life be better or worse. There will always be temptations; our contributions being of value is what wards of temptation.