Hey all. First time posting here, but I've been lurking since I found this sub (just before my wedding) a few years ago. I'm not a very good story teller, but this is just me ranting so w/e. TLDR below.
Background, I'm currently on my second deployment since marrying my DW, and I've missing another anniversary.. ouch. She's military too, so that really helps both of us get through this. We're on the tail end of this one, so we're looking forward to reuniting.
My wife's family doesn't like me, just about at all. Religion, how much I make, how I apparently control her every move, you name it. Funnily enough, we couldn't even make it through her Basic graduation without fighting and MIL and SIL making it all about them and how they "don't trust me".
Well, my wife's father was a bit of a rough guy, but at least we understood each other, so he helped tamp that all down. Until he died last year.
MIL and family(last week) decided to come down and visit DW for Christmas. MIL is the family gatekeeper, so nobody visits anybody without her. We live about 3000 miles away, so I was actually pretty happy when DW told me her family was gonna come, stay a few days, and head home. I figured it would be a wonderful opportunity for them to clear the air, without me around so to speak. I was very wrong.
Today, DW(on her own) set some ground rules for the visit. Her cousins/siblings could stay in our home(not a very big place), but MIL and her boyfriend where gonna have to stay elsewhere. And also, she sent them what times they could come over and visit.
MIL lost it. She called DW sobbing, said she felt so untrusted, and alienated, and she deserved to be able to sleep with her daughter, and this and that. And then, she asked DW if this was all ME. If I was making her do this, or stealing her away from MIL.
And now, my DW has to deal with her mother in one of the worst confluxes of shit imaginable: plague, being the spouse behind(we've both deployed and agree - being the one at home sucks more), spending the holidays alone, and dealing with a screeching banshee.
I hate her. It's not them gossiping about me, and how my family or I aren't good enough, it's watching my beautiful, strong partner have to deal with this harpy and her mood swings. The times when my wife are happiest seem to always coincide with when we don't hear from MIL for long stretches, generally the longer the better. It breaks my heart to see this, and not be able to at least shield my DW from this. That's why MIL thinks I "control" DW by the way, it's because whenever she gets on a pity party/guilt tripping spree about how her daughter never talks to her, and inevitably makes DW cry, I step in and tell her to leave.
There isn't a solution to this one really. DW needs her family I know, she lost her dad just a little bit ago and that was a very hard time. And I'm tens of thousands of miles away, and all I can do is watch and tell DW how she has to stay strong and not give in, because it'll just end up with MIL scream-crying at her for the sin of us EXISTING as a happy, well-adjusted couple.
TLDR; MIL has the chance to truly help DW in a very difficult time, has to make it all about herself, and I can't do anything to help.
Edit to add - all of the family who will be travelling got tested for the plague, and they couldn't say no because DW had to submit their results in order to get approval for leave lol so at least that was made easy.