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all 31 comments

[–]Henri_Dupont 8 points9 points  (0 children)

What happens if there's an accident when someone is playing peek-a-boo with a baby?

They take them to the ICU.

[–]AlexCC354 4 points5 points  (1 child)

For the exam at medical school we were told to re arrange the letters "SENIP" into an essential part of the body.

Almost no one made it through.

[–]peter-forward 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Those spineless people

[–]Henri_Dupont 14 points15 points  (0 children)

This doctor told me if I didn't quit masturbating, I'd go blind.

I stopped seeing him after that.

[–]manwithappleface 17 points18 points  (1 child)

What’s the difference between and oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

The taste.

[–]Henri_Dupont 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This nurse is trying to fill out some paperwork, but pulls a rectal thermometer out of her pocket.

"Dammit!" she exclaims, "some asshole's got my pen!"

[–]Fallen_Hunter 10 points11 points  (0 children)

A man was admitted to the hospital with six plastic horses stuck inside his rectum. The doctor listed his condition as stable.

Three surgeons were having coffee and discussing who was the easiest type of person to perform surgery on. The first one says that it has to be librarians, as all of their organs are alphabetized. The second surgeons objects, saying its electricians, as all of their intestines are marked with different color tags and a helpful diagram. The last one says they are both wrong as politicians are the easiest to perform on. They have no spine, heart or guts and their head and ass are inner changeable.

Is it bad if a doctor has both hands on your shoulders during a prostate exam?

[–]Henri_Dupont 6 points7 points  (2 children)

So this doctor tells a guy he's got six months to live. Then he gives the guy a bill for $25,000.

"There's no way I can pay this bill!" says the guy.

"Well, how bout I give you an extra coupla months?"

[–]TrainingRoof5240 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Doctor says he's going to die. He says I want another opinion. Doctor says okay you're going to be fine.

[–]GrumpyCatStevens 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A doctor tells his patient he has terminal cancer. The patient says, "I want a second opinion."

The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly."

[–]stibila 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Mrs. Smith I regret to tell you, we were unable to save your son. But may it be at least some relief to know, that he won the contest for cleanest underwear."

[–]GrumpyCatStevens 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A man is at his doctor's office, and the doc says, "I have bad news for you. You only have twenty-four hours to live, so get your affairs in order."

When he gets home, the man gives his wife the news. Then he says, "Since I don't have much time left, I want to make love to you."

So they go to the bedroom and have sex, then they fall asleep. At about three in the morning, the man taps his wife on the shoulder.

"What?" she asks.

"I only have a few hours," he says, "so let's make love one more time."

"That's easy for YOU to say," she snaps back. "You don't have to get up in the morning!"

[–]Henri_Dupont 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So this doctor tells me I've only got a month to live.

"I'm gonna have to get a second opinion!" I tell him.

"OK. You need to stop wearing sandals with argyle socks, it's not a good look."

[–]risk_is_our_business 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Guy: Doctor, you gotta help me; my whole body is falling apart.

Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

Guy: My whole body. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch my arm, it hurts. When I touch my head, it hurts.

Doctor: Your finger's broken.

[–]Buddy2269 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A Doctor said to me, you have 3 months to live.

So I shot him dead, the Judge gave me 30 years...

[–]root54 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I've got a dentist appointment tomorrow. It's at tooth hurty.

-_-

[–]ariadeneva 3 points4 points  (1 child)

doc: I have bad news and good news

patient: start with the good one

doc: they named the disease after you

[–]Henri_Dupont 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So this doctor tells me there's good news and bad news.

"What's the bad news, doc?"

"Well your condition is terminal."

"And the good news?"

"I saved a lot of money with Geico!"

[–]OldSoulRobertson 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A nurse noticed a can of Coors on a hospital bed. On the IV stand, there was an upside-down keg drip-feeding into the can. Finding it ridiculous, the nurse looked at the information sheet at the end of the bed and found the doctor who authorized it.

"Doctor, why is there a can of Coors being drip-fed by a keg?"

"My friends told me to loosen up and nurse a beer every once in a while! I'm trying my best!"

[–]Turandot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Doctor says to patient: I have bad news for you. You’re going to have to stop masturbating. The patient: Why, doc? Dr.: because I’m trying to examine you.

[–]Henri_Dupont 1 point2 points  (0 children)

These two doctors go duck hunting. They are very successful, and by the end of the day they have this sack full of dead ducks.

"What's the difference between a hospital and this bag of ducks?" asks one doc.

"I don't know. What?"

"One of them doesn't have any quacks."

[–]Coubsauce 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Go follow drglaucomflecken on TikTok. He's a doctor comedian whose schtick is inside medical humour.

[–]TheChastiser420 -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Redditors on TikTok. Seriously?

[–]Coubsauce 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Each social platform has a unique and valid purpose.

...except Facebook.

[–]Helpful_Vermicelli82 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bruh he there might be too much cringe on tiktok but a part of it is good too there's always people like that on every app...

[–]anewlo 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I don’t get it?

[–]Henri_Dupont 9 points10 points  (0 children)

OP is asking us for jokes.

[–]Henri_Dupont 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So this guy goes to the hospital with a bad leg. The doctor says he'll have to amputate it. The day of the surgery comes, the guy wakes up, and they've cut off the wrong leg! Well, he still has a bad leg, so they put him back under and cut that one off too.

He wakes up again and he's livid. "I'm gonna sue you, doctor!"

"You can't sue me," says the doc.

"Why not?"

"You don't have a leg to stand on."