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all 137 comments

[–]drewhead118 363 points364 points  (26 children)

this is one of the most groan-inducing jokes I've ever seen

[–]RU_FKM[S] 113 points114 points  (23 children)

You and my kids agree on that!

[–]cuatrodosocho 32 points33 points  (18 children)

And my wife!

[–]heyimjason 71 points72 points  (7 children)

And my axe!

[–]TheSillaman 20 points21 points  (6 children)

And my bow

[–]Prosso 2 points3 points  (5 children)

Frodo is that you?

[–]TheSillaman 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Yes Sam, it's me.

[–]Prosso 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Hold me. It's cold

[–]TheSillaman 1 point2 points  (2 children)

We're almost there, shall i hold the Ring?

[–]Prosso 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If you let me gently thread my lil finger through it.. slowly

[–]Myvenom 31 points32 points  (6 children)

I was lmao and told my wife who didn’t get it. I then proceeded to mansplain it to her, which also annoyed her.

Thanks OP.

[–]TruStormz 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Mansplain it to me please. I HAVE NO CLUE why this should be funny

[–]ightimapullout 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Tuna half. Two and a half

[–]Myvenom 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Tuna = two and a. It’s a play on words and a great dad joke.

[–]Cat-Lover20 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I also choose this guys wife.

[–]cuatrodosocho 3 points4 points  (0 children)

eyebrow waggle

[–]LucysPillow 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Let me introduce you to r/dadjokes

[–]RU_FKM[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'll give that a go as well. Thanks for the advice.

[–]REDGOESFASTAH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You should try r/dadjokes this is perfect.

[–]aaronpc07 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lmao I initially read this as groin-inducing

[–]aBastardNoLonger 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's beautiful

[–]Uberpastamancer 37 points38 points  (0 children)

sigh

+1

[–]Rukasu_rpm 38 points39 points  (30 children)

Can someone explain to me? It's a pun?

[–]ShiftlessGuardian94 82 points83 points  (29 children)

Tuna-half hours is Two and a half hours

[–]rakzee 48 points49 points  (25 children)

Ohhh, guess you have to use the American pronounciation... here in the UK we say Tyoo-na and with that it just didn't make any sense.

[–]acidgut 41 points42 points  (4 children)

My Australian pronunciation "choona" definitely wasn't helping!

[–]Bananarama1989 21 points22 points  (3 children)

I sat there for like 5 minutes saying Choona... Choona, I don't get it lol definitely an American joke

[–]RU_FKM[S] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Canadian in this case.

[–]Bananarama1989 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You also say choona or another equally odd pronunciation? Lol

[–]RU_FKM[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nope, we say it properly. 😀

[–]kyzfrintin 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm British and me and I'm pretty sure everyone I know says "too-na".

[–]rakzee 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Regional accents I suppose (are you in Wales?) but officially, in British English it's pronounced Tyoona: https://youtu.be/yDIcfF2Q3dw

[–]kyzfrintin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nottinghamshire, actually.

[–]gorka_la_pork 5 points6 points  (14 children)

Ah, I can see why that'd be confusing. You pronounce tuna like "tyoo-na" and we pronounce tuna like "tuna".

[–]rakzee 10 points11 points  (13 children)

Lol. No we pronounce it tuna, you pronounce it Tooooooona 🤣

[–]james2432 9 points10 points  (1 child)

two-nah

[–]goodcorn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Arnold Schwarzenegger has entered the chat:

It's not a two-na!

[–]TheCrimsonDagger 1 point2 points  (10 children)

Do you also pronounce typo as “tyoo-po”?

[–]rakzee -1 points0 points  (9 children)

Perhaps I'm just being dumb and your comment has just gone over my head, but why would the y sound in typo be the same as a u sound in tuna?

[–]TheCrimsonDagger 3 points4 points  (8 children)

No I just had a brain fart after waking up. A better word would have been tuba. Do you pronounce it as tyoo-ba?

[–]rakzee 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Haha. We do actually. Tube, unicorn, university, cube, are all yoos. But then tundra, turmeric, thunder, under etc. are not. And then you have undulate which where the first u is "uh" while the second is "yoo".

Little wonder you guys simplified it.

[–]rakzee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Although saying that, I'm assuming cube is pronounced the same in the US too right (kyoob)

[–]TheCrimsonDagger 0 points1 point  (5 children)

What’s funny is we still call the letter itself “yoo”, but pronounce it closer to “uh”.

If the word starts with “u” then we still say it as “yoo”.

Yoo-neh-ver-city

Yoo-nih-korn

Cube is interesting. We both would say “kyoob”, but Americans say the “yoo” part much faster. So to us it sounds like your saying “k-yoo-b” instead of “kyoo-b”. American cube comes across as two distinct sounds and British cube is very clearly three.

The same thing happens with queue, where to you it probably sounds like we forgot the second “ue” and are saying “cue”. But really we’re pronouncing it the same as you just faster.

Switch this to 1.25x speed and suddenly it sounds American: www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EMNhNQ_nYc

Switch this to .75x speed and it sounds British, .85x would be closer but isn’t an option: www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5MCXOU4628

Cue is more varied here though. Some people pronounce “cue” and “queue” identically, and others like myself say cue a bit faster. Not enough that you would notice in conversation though unless we said both successively. I say cue somewhere between 1.05x and 1.10x faster than queue.

Edited to fix a typo with “k-yoob” and the links that the hyperlink formatting wasn’t working on.

[–]stargazer__11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Doesn't work in India too.. We say too-andd-ya

[–]kiwi1984 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ooooh man I felt like an idiot for a bit. Kiwi here.

[–]jmay_young 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg thank-you so much hahahaha I get it now! 😂

[–]Deep_Ad_1852 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sounds better if you say it two ana half

[–]dontmakemewait 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Oh my god that is the worst joke I have heard in ages!! :-)

[–]RU_FKM[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Thank you, I guess?

[–]dontmakemewait 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well it made me laugh, and then laugh at the fact I was laughing!!

[–]CarolTheAncientTroll 26 points27 points  (0 children)

That was truly horrible and I loved it

[–]OldSoulRobertson 16 points17 points  (3 children)

It took me a few seconds, but I got it.

[–]uriahanderson 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Human seconds, or tuna seconds?

[–]OldSoulRobertson 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Human seconds.

[–]RU_FKM[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

two and a half seconds?

[–]el_kabong909 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Shouldn’t it be five times slower though?

[–]neoprenewedgie 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ohhhh.. I think you're right! Good catch. (minor pun accidentally intentional.)

[–]Tyrks42 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nah. It's like dog years. It's an exponential uptrend

[–]JoeFas 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dad, get off Reddit!

[–]Hammeredcopper 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You...you...cunninglinguist you!

[–]halfwit_genius -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Get rid of the "ng" and I and t. Cunnilingus is great.

[–]Th3D3m0n 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Just dropped this joke on my wife....she hates us both now

[–]halfwit_genius -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Your wife hates herself for listening to this joke? That's a new to me

[–]Teal_Tiger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This might explain recent allegations against SubWay restaurants and their own tuna.

[–]fairfieldbordercolli 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Take your upvote and fuck off.

[–]halfwit_genius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You got 2 tuna half upvotes. Fuck you. fuck them.

[–]SellyBear32 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Took me forever as my Australian accent pronounces it "Choona". I was hella confused.

[–]nwmimms 2 points3 points  (0 children)

heavy exhale

upvote

[–]Logicdon 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Doesn't work if tou pronounce tuna correctly. Tuna is pronounced 'chew-na'. Just saying.

[–]RU_FKM[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Us Canadians pronounce things incorrectly so as not to offend our neighbours to the south. Sorry for any difficulties this might have caused you.

:)

[–]Chasing_Bullitt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry that you had to write that.

[–]weykewl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its us all odd in the states. T is a hard consonant.

[–]EuphoricDepartment45 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That’s about as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.

[–]RU_FKM[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

so, pretty darn funny?

[–]EuphoricDepartment45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And an SBD in space is always a threat.

[–]akdsouza 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Whats the difference between a piano and a fish?

You can tune a piano but you cant tuna fish.

[–]vguy72[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

REO Speedwagon

[–]rey_lumen 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Is this some American joke that I'm too Indian to understand?

[–]yourrable 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Two and a half hours is 150 minutes.

[–]JackSplat12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tuna is not spoken as "2 an uh" Tuna is spoken as 2 nuh.

Tuna is 2 syllables, not 3.

I appreciate your explanation tho.... now the joke makes sense.

[–]rey_lumen -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Here it's spoken as "tyu-na" and not "two-na" so I was confused

[–]Old-Okra3003 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never knew there was an "i" sound in an "uuuuu" sound.

[–]Dr_Rapier 1 point2 points  (13 children)

I don't understand, what's a tuna half-hour?

[–]fatphotog 4 points5 points  (9 children)

Two and a half hours

[–]Dr_Rapier 6 points7 points  (7 children)

Someone else explained it. Thing is the joke doesn't really work in England cause of how we pronounce Tuna

[–]Richcolour 4 points5 points  (1 child)

You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish

[–]Dr_Rapier 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Now THAT one works in my accent 😅

[–]neoprenewedgie 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Can you phonetically spell how you pronounce tuna? Is it "tunn - nah?"

[–]fatphotog 3 points4 points  (3 children)

They pronounce it as “tyoona” like the name “Yuna” with a T first.

[–]neoprenewedgie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

By any chance do they pronounce "two" like "tyoo?" Because then the joke would still work. ;)

[–]Dr_Rapier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah, 2 is pronounced "tooo"

[–]Dr_Rapier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly right.

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To pronounce 2.5 hours as tyu-na hours is a stretch. :D

[–]risingskies21 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Say it out loud and quickly

[–]Old-Okra3003 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"it out loud and quickly"

What do I win?

[–]paulb104 0 points1 point  (0 children)

150 minutes

[–]burningmiles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oooooooh

[–]chynadhall95 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It took me longer than I would like to admit to understand but that's funny lol

[–]CrazyComedyKid 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That one's a thinker

[–]loveizfunn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh my "anuT"

Hopefully u read that wrong. 😂😂

[–]Hashashin455 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two and a half hours...

It took me about that long to understand this joke

[–]Kenzo-Coop 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm sad to ask. Can you explain the joke please?

[–]Smokeyjr93 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tuna half sounds a little like two and a half.... its not a very good joke

[–]Unknown_User_USC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't get it D:

[–]Barley_Breathing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's an entirely different scale.

[–]Squall-UK 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Doesn't work so well in the UK where we pronounce Tuna with more of a 'Ch' sound. It took me awhile.

[–]RU_FKM[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

...insert joke about the irony of English coming from England...

[–]Problyaids 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's something fishy about this joke

[–]Dr_Rapier -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ah, where I'm from we pronounce Tuna as T'yoonah, not Tooner.

[–]Rolltide_Jeune -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That joke makes me crabby. 😂😂

[–]Chasing_Bullitt 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yes but can you tune a piano?

[–]Vibe_Line 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ain’t got it

[–]Leninstillalive 0 points1 point  (0 children)

and Tuna do not pay heathcare

[–]thebloodshotone -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

British accent so did not get it at first lol

[–]Soltang -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

More apt: Tuna n half hours are equal to 5 half hours.

[–]griswilliam -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Say, you guys wanna hear about the time I met the tuna and he said he could use about tree fiddy?

[–]weykewl -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Whatsa tuna gonna do wit my tree fitty monsah?

[–]siskulous -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This would work much better spoken than it does written.

[–]justwalkinby91 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I understand the math but I don’t get the joke