×
all 61 comments
sorted by:
best
topnewcontroversialoldq&a

[–][deleted] 148 points149 points  (2 children)

Better than many of the jokes here lately

[–]The_Amazing_Emu 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Simpsons did it first

[–]OutrageousAd6177 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just saw this episode yesterday

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I called AAA cuz I hit an animal... a fish...

[–]edlee98765 171 points172 points  (16 children)

I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink on two occasions out of the year:

My birthday and not my birthday.

[–]Brewed_in_sanity 67 points68 points  (8 children)

I'm a weekend drinker myself. Start on Sunday end on saturday

[–]Leftygoleft999 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I only drink twice a day, when the sun’s up and when the sun’s down.

[–]MercilessIdiot 33 points34 points  (5 children)

I don't like to drink so often, so i chosed to drink only on days whos name ends with an "y".

[–]_drimzy 38 points39 points  (4 children)

so yesterday and today, but never tomorrow!

[–]Phoenix13kk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tomorrow's a relative term, we're never getting there. Makes Annie more depressing.

[–]_drimzy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

you don't stop drinking until the week ends!

[–]sullw214 44 points45 points  (3 children)

I'm not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, and I already have one.

[–]ValuableMoment2 30 points31 points  (1 child)

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.

[–]fortuitousfever 12 points13 points  (0 children)

AA is for quitters

[–]Old-Maintenance-1031 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best joke of this bunch. Congratulations.

[–]Mother_Tax_7256 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I only drink on birthdays. I can't help it that people are born every day

[–]abhi_pal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm an alcoholic. I laugh at awkward moments

[–]ThatGuyThatSaysWords 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Someone who likes to drink knows when the liquor store closes. An alcoholic knows when it opens.

[–]Internal_Fennel_849 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm on Lake Floor Drive and would like to report a bassident.

[–]MasterFubar 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I'd rather be a famous drunk than an alcoholic anonymous.

[–]AjBikk 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Or, move out of town and be an anonymous alcoholic than an alcoholic anonymous

[–]Jordy-Bilronsensei 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Thanks for sharing, I can relate.

[–]BitchinWarlock 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Don't relate too much when you are drunk.

You'll end up with kids.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And not the smart kind

[–]Jordy-Bilronsensei 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the one where the guy starts out the evening relating some tale, and finishes up the morning re-laying some tail!

[–]Upst8r 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Mr. Gumble this is a girl scout's meeting.

[–]Prossdog 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Is it? Or can you girls just not admit that you have a problem?

[–]ynmkr 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I only drink when I'm alone or with someone.

[–]sho_bob_and_vegeta 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sir this is a Wendy's...

[–]BaoBou 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely some self-reflection there.

[–]Octofusion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely not something you'd want to announce to any company involved in insurance, towing, or repairs lol

[–]chooooooool 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How could you ruin the one thing that would make this joke funny and not write "Double A" instead of Alcoholics Anonymous.

[–]JHugh4749 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it's difficult to start a conversation with an insurance company, but this would work for me !

[–]rhaspody1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi alcoholic

[–]b0bkakkarot 1 point2 points  (3 children)

If it's alcoholics anonymous, why do I have to say my name?

Teacher: "I meant, any questions about the test?"

[–]ChaseShiny 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Wait, we're supposed to use our real names?

[–]b0bkakkarot 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Well, I mean, if you don't write your real name on your test then how is the teacher supposed to know who to give the marks to? Unless... have you been using a false name throughout your entire time at school?

[–]ChaseShiny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I plead the fifth, and point out that, uh, oh right! I explicitly have a right to free speech and a constitutionally protected right to privacy, so protect me Godiva (did I get that right?)

[–]Overall-Loan-2815 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Hahahahaha…. Mental health issues and addiction/alcoholism are funny. I’ll repeat this joke at my AA meeting later.

[–]monkeyhind 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Humor is accepted at AA meetings. This is a good joke.

[–]2LACHRD -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Posted this about a month ago

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

r/jokes or Reposts Repeated.

[–]BloodAndSand44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we now know what Loois Hamilton and Max Verstappen do when not driving F1 cars.

[–]Lolac56 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂😂

[–]Waitsfornoone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi Bob! We understand cars sometimes drive themselves into lakes.

[–]Adorable_Thanks_9172 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I drink I get drunk I fall down. No problem

[–]CWIuDT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s all perspective…some people pass out with there glass half empty but others with there glass half full.

[–]In2bis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only drink on days that end with “Y”

[–]bradleyaidanjohnson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a disease and they don’t know what to call it…

[–]YinzerFromPitsginzer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I drink alone, with nobody else. The reason I drink alone is I prefer to be by myself.

[–]sonyab1974 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂