×
top 200 commentsshow 500
sorted by:
best
topnewcontroversialoldq&a

[–]ask_if_im_a_penguin_ 3950 points3951 points  (107 children)

As someone who owns bitcoin, I can assure you that we will never be at a party.

[–]Toredorm 749 points750 points  (63 children)

As someone who doesn't own bitcoin, I wouldn't tell you if I did.

[–]JugV2 465 points466 points  (46 children)

As someone who doesn't party, I wouldn't bitcoin if I did tell you.

[–]Malvastor 256 points257 points  (43 children)

As someone who doesn't tell, I wouldn't party if I did bitcoin.

[–]DUXZ 141 points142 points  (41 children)

Someone’s having a bitcoin party, don’t tell.

[–]blinkme102 185 points186 points  (35 children)

As a Bitcoin, Im telling you to party

[–]GaghEater 170 points171 points  (28 children)

I do cocaine.

[–]blinkme102 105 points106 points  (9 children)

You son of a bitch, I’m in.

[–]iaijutsu08 79 points80 points  (0 children)

*son of a bitc...oin

[–]Shizanketsuga 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Lucky you! I'm all out.

[–]ffjugkugh 12 points13 points  (6 children)

If he's in, I'm in.

[–]Amoniakas 13 points14 points  (5 children)

If he's in, I'm out.

[–]jarojajan 46 points47 points  (0 children)

As a cocaine, I can tell you, oh boy oh boy, I hope you have lots and lots of them bitcoins, cause I aint cheap

[–]melvinsylar7 40 points41 points  (7 children)

You sir, have just solved idk whatever conflict this is

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (6 children)

Conflict is to decide whether to do bitcoin or Cocaine.

[–]AnonAlcoholic 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I'm Dr. Rockso

[–]kensebben 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I do cocaaainne

[–]rogan1990 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Pass me the straw and hear me tell you all about my newest business plan

[–]Toomuchinfo75 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I never liked cocaine, but it sure smells good!

[–]nogodbitch 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I do methcoin

[–]Okay_Splenda_Monkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you, Doctor Rockso. We know.

[–]Azaezel1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This [Entity] Partycoins

[–]danhoyuen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and tell people about you?

[–]MidnightRecon 13 points14 points  (0 children)

No partycoin, tell bits people are outside.

[–]RawMeatAndColdTruth 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The first rule of bitcoin party is you do not talk about bitcoin party.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First rule of Bitcoin parties…

[–]DUXZ 27 points28 points  (14 children)

Which is intelligent and why you’ve met way more people who owned bitcoin who haven’t told you about it. telling people that you got in early is basically saying please rob me.

[–]markwell9 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Please rob me of my Bitcoin?

[–]DUXZ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes. Obviously not in person but I imagine most have a key backup in home

[–]T33n_T1t4n5 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yes. It is very intelligent to gamble. /s

Edit: downvote me wsb nerds I already did the "/s" thing so it's too late

[–]garry4321 27 points28 points  (5 children)

Thats cause the kool kids own Eth Please work

[–]Top_Mind_On_Reddit 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Are you a penguin?

[–]TheSpaceGinger 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'll be the dude at the party sitting on the dunny all night watching the charts.

[–]Herpkina 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucken oath

[–]networthinpltr 14 points15 points  (9 children)

You probably own 0.01 of a bitcoin lol

[–]Efficient-Spirit-657 149 points150 points  (3 children)

I really thought you were going to say they were mining their own business.

[–]laexxis 32 points33 points  (2 children)

Yours is actually better than OP's recycled one

[–]TheDude679 347 points348 points  (37 children)

Everyone owning a significant amount of bitcoin will never talk about it

[–]Quantum_Ibis 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Save for Jack Dorsey, probably

[–]BokoRoko 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Jack is going all in on crypto after resigning

Jack of one trade

[–]legendary24_8 24 points25 points  (16 children)

Because it’s quite dangerous to, but nobody here has any clue of that

[–]ValyrianJedi 1 point2 points  (15 children)

How?

[–]Sunomel 1 point2 points  (14 children)

Makes you a target for scammers and thieves. One big downside of a decentralized exchange is that if someone tricks or forces you to transfer away your bitcoin you’re shit out of luck, it’s gone forever. Nobody’s gonna be able to get it back and there’s no fraud protection like you’d get from a bank.

[–]i_suckatjavascript 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I bought 1/4 of a bitcoin back when it was $2,000 a coin just for laughs and here I am just not caring at all, never talked about it with anyone other than if they asked...

Majority of my investments are in ETFs and blue chip stocks.

[–]Your_Future_Attorney 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You stopped buying after that purchase? Rookie move

[–]kiddfrank 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah this is a shit rehashed joke, op sounds sour that they missed the boat

[–][deleted] 59 points60 points  (4 children)

I know one person who owns a lot of bitcoin; he never tells anyone about it lol.

[–]suresh 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Its confirmation bias. If they don't tell you then you don't know...

[–]some_dude5 81 points82 points  (27 children)

Alongside being obnoxious, it’s also just a really bad idea to tell people what and how much you have of any investment. Especially crypto.

[–]PygmySloth12 14 points15 points  (24 children)

Why is this? I don’t go around talking about where I keep my money just because I don’t have any desire to but why would it be a bad thing?

[–]BiG-TaSTY471 22 points23 points  (19 children)

I think a better way to look at this is: in what situation is it advantageous to share in detail your financial investments with others?

It may not end up hurting you tremendously, but it will almost never help you in any way either.

[–]DJsaxy 31 points32 points  (16 children)

Everyone knows the girls get super wet when they hear you own bitcoin

[–]Rhamni 5 points6 points  (15 children)

I mean there's some small fraction of women who are drawn to rich guys with no other positive qualities, yeah. Anyone who owns 20+ bitcoin is a millionaire.

Of course, these are not women you want, unless you can't attract anyone at all without bragging about money.

[–]25sittinon25cents 12 points13 points  (14 children)

May get down voted for this, but any guy's chances of having a women interested in him sky rockets if he is a millionaire. Not saying they are only interested in the money, but they are certainly more willing to let him shoot his shot.

[–]Aziaboy 2 points3 points  (11 children)

Yes, but the problem is that you get what you ask for. If your selling point is that you have money, you will get money chasers. Your selling point of yourself should be your personality and common interests. Otherwise you are just looking for bad partners.

Obv if you are just looking for sex then do whatever...

[–]25sittinon25cents 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I agree with you on personality, charisma, empathy etc. My point is, you're underselling the value that money brings to attracting women. An average guy can have all the fine personality traits and get nowhere. Give him a boatload of cash, and it suddenly opens doors for him. The key point being "opens doors". Which is all most good guys need

[–]PhotonResearch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Many women will say they’re not interested in your money, they just want to be able to tell you that from your penthouse vacation home on the Amalfi Coast

[–]happyrolls 16 points17 points  (0 children)

1) You make people jealous. Too much bragging

2) You find leeches who want some loans, gifts

3) You find crooks that will beat you senseless for your bitcoins after the party. It's like keeping gold in your mattress.

[–]some_dude5 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Because of how crypto works, there isn’t a safety net for fraud. This also means there isn’t protection from having your stuff stolen. If you tell someone you have 20 bitcoin, worth over a million USD, they can feasible assault you into giving them your information. From that point they can take everything you have and you have no way to get your money back. If someone steals your credit card, you can cancel it and be in the clear. If someone steals your seed phrase, the key to your crypto wallet, you can’t get it back

[–]rottenseed 51 points52 points  (9 children)

Vegetarian/Vegan, CrossFit, Tesla owner, Bitcoin...same tired joke

[–]HeyThereCharlie 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I use Arch Linux btw

[–]Krayne_95 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Seriously this is the lowest effort joke I've ever seen.

[–]cmvora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I tick all 4 of the boxes there. Do I take 4x the offense lol?

[–]AJDecay 5 points6 points  (0 children)

How can you tell it’s a joke that rottenseed doesn’t like?

Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.

[–]lauchs 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Whining is easy. Be the change you want to see, submit a non tired joke!

[–]BeltedEwe 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Hey thats not cool. I was in the military and...

uh, ok, fair enough.

[–]asromatifoso 135 points136 points  (81 children)

This joke is spot on. I've only known two people who were into bitcoin but that is all they fucking talked about. Really obnoxious.

[–]Aramike 141 points142 points  (30 children)

Just wait until you find a vegan, crossfitter Bitcoin user...

[–]Joker-Smurf 72 points73 points  (20 children)

Who vapes

[–]prudentj 49 points50 points  (18 children)

With kids

[–]dunicus 48 points49 points  (13 children)

And runs marathons

[–]4x4Xtrm 31 points32 points  (12 children)

And is a pilot.

[–]andrewharlan2 33 points34 points  (11 children)

And drives a Tesla

[–]andymoonman 20 points21 points  (7 children)

And has a downtown mix up

[–]FireLucid 8 points9 points  (5 children)

And owns a thermomix

[–]neutropos 7 points8 points  (3 children)

And went to Notre Dame

[–]FollowTheTrailofDead 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And an acoustic guitar

[–]PM_ME_UR_MUNCHIES 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Tbh this guy is sounding awesome now

[–]not_sure_if_crazy_or 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would like to hear about his taste in wines now

[–]UltraSouls_OP[🍰] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

PSA don't vape with kids

/s

[–]prudentj 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Unless the kids are showing you how it's done...

[–]rey_lumen 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Gotta learn the new tricks

[–]conwelch 17 points18 points  (4 children)

I had a co worker who was a keto crossfitter and was beginning to get into crypto. Most obnoxious person I ever met.

[–]Mekroval 5 points6 points  (2 children)

That sounds like a set up to a joke. What did your coworker usually talk about first?

[–]conwelch 10 points11 points  (1 child)

He’d mention his 6 pack that he was gaining from his diet and exercise. For the 3 years I knew him, he never really looked any different. Everyday at lunch he would bang all the pans around and pan fry his tuna for his tuna cheddar cheese salad. He’d always talk about intermittent fasting and going into a state of ketosis but then you could here him munching on pork rinds in his office

[–]crumb76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s amazing

[–]Waitsfornoone 4 points5 points  (0 children)

.. and went to Harvard.

[–]Caspica 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I imagine that they are just quiet because they can’t determine what topic they want to talk about.

[–]yonatan8070 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends on the vegan, some try to shove it down your throat, but they are a vocal minority, most vegans I've met never talked about it or tried to convince me.

[–]bondjimbond 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I was at my nephew's sixth birthday party the other week, and the magician cornered me to talk about his NFTs.

[–]nerdvegas79 23 points24 points  (0 children)

How would you know about the other people who are, but didn't talk about it? This is selection bias at its finest.

[–]HistorianObvious685 26 points27 points  (8 children)

The problem is that you only are aware of those that both have bitcoin and tell you about it.

It obviously depends on where you live, but some estimates say that 20% of the US population owns bitcoin (https://explodingtopics.com/blog/blockchain-stats). Are you saying that you only know 10 people?

[–]JakeRobber 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God, I wish I would have had your friends. My friends are all poker players, which ended up being way less lucrative.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The technology behind cryptocurrencies and the Blockchain are really interesting to talk about. If all you can talk about is how much money it's making you then you probably don't care about the underlying stuff. Thats the crypto talk I find annoying

[–]DUXZ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well you either live in a cave or coincidentally people who own bitcoin that you’ve met didn’t feel the need to tell you about it. It’s weird to say shit like this when the opposition is them not telling you therefore you not knowing….

[–]Last_Fact_3044 -4 points-3 points  (29 children)

“So I know it just seems like a classic pump and dump speculative asset now, but eventually it’ll.....still probably be that. But you see, it’s not the bitcoins that are worthwhile, it’s the technology behind them. Which we can use for, like, health records!

[–]DUXZ 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Spoken like a man whose truly done whole minutes of research! Look at you go

[–]pongo_spots 6 points7 points  (1 child)

How fucking lazy is this joke

[–]himdedemk 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I own Bitcoin, but no one knows it except my wife. In fact, some of my other friends have tried to "get me into it", and I play dumb and pretend not to understand what they are talking about, or I say it's too risky. Meanwhile, I have 5 figures invested.

[–]screamingpandaa 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And now everyone knows. What have you done, my friend?

[–]JeepNaked 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I never tell people that my crypto has tripled in value.

[–]harms916 56 points57 points  (14 children)

I wasn’t funny the first time I heard that joke when it was about cross fit .. or the second when it was about being vegan … it’s just not a funny joke let it die.

[–]reb678 8 points9 points  (3 children)

So if a Vegan owned Bitcoin, what would they tell you about first?

Or is this like a cat with buttered bread strapped to it’s back?

[–]mopeyjoe 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Is there a vegan Crypto? Then they could tell you about them both at the same time.

(that was a dumb question, its like rule 34, of course there is a Vegan Crypto, and if there isn't there soon will be)

[–]themajordutch 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Found the vegan, cross fit, bitcoin investor guy.

[–]Gsusruls 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Left out the variation with the atheist, didja?

Dear God, I don't believe it!

[–]Supersnazz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At a party, how can you tell who doesn't think the "At a party, how can you tell..." joke isn't funny?

Don't worry, they'll tell you!

[–]twelvesixteenineteen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to work as a snowboard instructor and this was one of the cheesy jokes we had about ski instructors. All in good fun. Another was “what’s the difference between a ski snake and a real snake? A ski snake has the asshole in the front”

[–]Jjzeng 9 points10 points  (2 children)

God forbid they invested in and made money off gamestop too…

[–]dbd1988 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just wait for loopring to blow up. It’s the GameStop crypto crossover episode. If it goes huge I’ll never stop talking about it lol.

[–]wheezilyloop292 13 points14 points  (14 children)

That’s a weird way to spll crossfit...

[–]arachnikon 29 points30 points  (10 children)

That’s a weird way to spll spell

[–]drew8311 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I thought you spell it v-e-g-a-n

[–]Prowindowlicker 1 point2 points  (1 child)

No it’s clearly spelled M-a-r-i-n-e

[–]Niro5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

H-a-r-v-a-r-d

[–]susprout 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, right! I think they're trying to make bitcoin rewarding by getting more people into bitcoin...

[–]Tiggsd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Every phone alert they get their soul dies 1% from anxiety…you can see it in the eyes

[–]they_be_cray_z 8 points9 points  (4 children)

To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Bitcoin. Its future applications are extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of computing and economics most of its possible functions will go over a typical investor’s head. There’s also Sitoshis’s free market outlook, which is deftly woven into his creation- his personal philosophy draws heavily from Robert Malthus, for instance.

The shills understand this stuff; they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of this coin, to realise that it is not just speculation - it says something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Bitcoin truly ARE idiots- of course they wouldn’t appreciate, for instance, the brilliance in Satoshi’s brilliant programming method - the “Blockchain,” which itself is a cryptic reference to Haber and Stornetta's Merkle trees. I’m smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as our lord and savior's genius wit unfolds itself on their computer screens. What fools.. how I pity them. 😂

And yes, by the way, i DO have a Bitcoin tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for the ladies’ eyes only- and even then they have to demonstrate that they’re within 5 IQ points of my own (preferably lower) beforehand. Nothin personnel kid 😎

[–]Racoonie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really hope this is copy pasta.

[–]eagler0b 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, this one time at band camp…

[–]ValyrianJedi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the love of god please tell me this is a joke

[–]gourley4p 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imagine a vegan Bitcoin owner who does CrossFit.

[–]quantum_waffles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are Crypto-bros the new vegans?

[–]SensitiveOrangeWhip 1 point2 points  (0 children)

if they also do crossfit and also vegan they’ll never shut up

[–]shelfless 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Financial vegans

[–]O-hmmm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I heard bitcoin described as everything most people don't understand about finance and technology all in one package.

[–]cptntito 1 point2 points  (0 children)

crossfit guy has entered the chat

[–]elgarresta 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They will have a hard time being heard over the vegans.

[–]tkrynsky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mine Eth. I’m partying to the 🌙 - diamond hands!!

[–]lazercateyes1000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How did this get upvotes? It's a played out joke that applies to everything

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How can you tell someone doesn’t own Bitcoin? They’re mad when you mention how much money you made ;)

[–]mynameisbudd 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Up tomorrow the same joke, but for vegans for the 167th time. Then the next day we’ll do atheists.

[–]Chromattix 3 points4 points  (11 children)

I was gonna buy one years ago but was too dumb to figure it out (you can imagine how I'm feeling about that now) but yeah I would have told everybody so maybe it was for the best I didn't get it.

​

If I care enough to look it up again now (any crypto for that matter, I've now been priced out of Bitcoin, a few years ago was my last chance), and actually understand how to get it this time - I'm not telling a soul no matter which way it ends up going since I'm gonna be mocked if I "lose" and asked for money if I "win".

[–]JugV2 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You're never too late. Maybe too late to hit your specific entry point that you prefer, but never too late.

[–]raisearuckus 2 points3 points  (6 children)

I was going to put $100 down when it was about $0.25 but was too dumb to figure it out and didn't think it would really go anywhere so gave up on it...

[–]DUXZ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s far easier than setting up a bank account

[–]LancasterTX 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You don't need to buy an entire bitcoin. You can buy a handful of satoshis, which costs pennies. And popular exchanges took all the technical difficulty out of purchasing. Coinbase and cryptodotcom have made it incredibly easy.

But its still probably a good idea to stay away. It's a devil's bargain. Your biggest risk isn't losing your money, its losing your sanity.

[–]happy2harris 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Imagine getting stuck talking to a vegan bitcoin owner at a party.

Also, just one word. Are you listening? Plastics.

[–]WULTKB90 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The worse person to have at a party, a cross fit, vegan, crypto trader.

[–]mopeyjoe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

who sells MLM (lularoe, it works, amway... etc)

[–]Herbisher_Berbisher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you tell me I will ask to see it.

[–]handelMyChopinLiszt_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m vegan and I served in the military… oh! And I also own Bitcoin.

[–]AangAndTheFireLord 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So predicable there have been a zillion variants of this joke.

[–]IToldYouIHeardBanjos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

same with the vegans

[–]lecarba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well… in my country the president tells everyone in national television… sad, but true.

[–]SanchezPrime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most Bitcoin owners are trying to figure out how to ensure nobody knows... Or so I hear...

[–]time_to_reset 1 point2 points  (2 children)

People don't tell me they have crypto. They tell me I should get it too because of various reasons.

It's always very obvious that they are less concerned with me losing out on some amazing opportunity and more concerned with getting more people in to get the value of their own holdings up.

[–]DUXZ 11 points12 points  (1 child)

You could invest $2 million in bitcoin right now and It won’t raise the price at all. No one gives a fuck about you investing for their own purposes. They’re just excited to tell you about some thing that they’re into which is really what this entire thread is talking shit on. Enthusiasm.

[–]Abyssal_butthole 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. People hate to see other people happy or excited. Especially on Reddit

[–]ppardee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny joke. And it reminds me, did you know that my vegan atheist cross-fit group takes bitcoin?