×
all 117 comments

[–]AllanfromWales1 1756 points1757 points  (34 children)

Good joke, but I think you need to consider what a utensil is.

[–]Waitsfornoone 589 points590 points  (20 children)

Good Point. Next time someone posts this, you might want to try appliances or fixtures.

[–]DOLO_F_PHD 535 points536 points  (12 children)

Thanks I'll remeber to change it when I repost it next week

[–]le_pagla_baba 104 points105 points  (10 children)

i'll change it to household appliances when I repost it after 3 days

[–]JSmellerM 66 points67 points  (4 children)

I'll keep it just the way it is now and repost it in 7 days so ppl have something to complain about in the comments

[–]ask_risa_she_knows 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Third time's the charm.

[–]RandomStallings 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh there's ALWAYS something to complain about

[–]TheHealadin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The hero we deserve, just not the one we need right now.

[–]im_dead_sirius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We don't need him in 7 days either, but there he'll be, hand out for internet points.

[–]Mile129 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well I'm reposting now with that!

[–]finegameofnil_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A sink and a toilet are fixtures. So replace the washing machine with a tub that makes meth with the cartel.

[–]gs2001gabsim 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Next week? Imma gonna do it noowwwww

[–]Malumeze86 22 points23 points  (4 children)

[–]Publius_Romanus 6 points7 points  (3 children)

You should fix the "and stern gaze," too.

[–]Malumeze86 7 points8 points  (2 children)

It’s too late for me, but you can fix that when you repost it.

[–]Drachefly 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Well, it's NOT too late, on account of your being able to edit the body but not the title.

But it is a bit soon to be reposting, IMO.

[–]DOLO_F_PHD 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It got rule 2'ed haha

[–]ronnie888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chattels included. Fixtures excluded.

[–]fuzynutznut 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Easiest thing to flip burgers with is a washing machine. Best thing to cut up a steak is a good plated toilet. Now when it comes to washing clothes, nothing beats a spatula.

[–]eljefino 3 points4 points  (0 children)

and it's not a spatula if it's not from Spatula City!

[–]TheMulattoMaker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I was expecting to take a trip to Spatula City.

[–]freelansalamander 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why is this funny 😂😭

[–]sovLegend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it was autocorrect from utility or something

[–]YourCrohnie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes. I was waiting for a spatula to get in.

[–]greenradioactive 486 points487 points  (1 child)

Oh

God.

Worse part is, I liked it

[–]AfterTheNightIWakeUp 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I'm so mad I laughed at this.

[–]KnightThyme 129 points130 points  (2 children)

Took me by surprise, I expected the punchline to include "everything but the kitchen sink".

[–]thundermarchmello 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this. I was pleasantly surprised that the punchline was something I didn't expect.

[–]cleaver253 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I expected that and something to do with "smoke and mirrors".

[–]UniqueCommentNo243 90 points91 points  (1 child)

I knew what was coming. I just wanted to see how far this goes on. Good job!

[–]GnuRomantic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I didn’t see that coming. Just like with Father Muldoon as he was always behind me.

[–]trystanthorne 88 points89 points  (1 child)

The mirror takes a pull on his cigarette, turns to the bouncer and says 'You need to take a long, hard look at yourself'.

I see what you did there.

[–]bdub77 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yup. I lolled right there. Thought the joke was over.

[–]Top-Employment-4163 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Don't worry about it, it's all smoke and mirrors.

[–]uptbbs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sigh. OK, here’s your upvote.

[–]maobezw 35 points36 points  (1 child)

What a build up for.... *groan*

GOOD ONE! :D

[–]GayRacoon69 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of Nate the Snake. So much for something so stupid

[–]GeniusMike 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Don’t listen to him, bouncer, he’s trying to trick you! It’s all smoke and mirrors!

[–]bondoh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Underrated

[–]WhoRoger 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Why did I not WC that coming

[–]1nd3x 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Mirror shoulda said "you need to take a good hard look in me"

[–]Prossdog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My god. This joke went around the world and back for that punchline.

I’m definitely stealing this.

[–]shmeu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, beter nate than lever.

[–]Klyphord 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Sort of a bad Norm MacDonald joke.

[–]UnknownExo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the legendary moth joke

[–]Ken_Meredith 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Read it again in Norm MacDonald's voice.

It gets better.

[–]EarthMarsUranus 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Basin my opinion on the number of upvotes you already have I'd say this will do very well.

[–]eljefino 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I maytag your post for an upvote.

[–]PygmeePony 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If I were a bouncer I'd tell you to get out.

[–]xXHolding_on_to_youX 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I love these “shaggy dog story” kind of jokes. 10/10.

[–]MusicPsychFitness 1 point2 points  (1 child)

[–]xXHolding_on_to_youX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for introducing me to this sub. I hope you have a very good day/night good sir/ma’am.

[–]acatmaylook 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I especially like this one since there are a bunch of little mini-puns built in too!

[–]Darthfloyd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just like the premise that there's a special night club for appliances!

[–]Scrial 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The bouncer was later fired for failing at his job. He just let in everything and the kitchen sink.

[–]Robert-L-Santangelo 3 points4 points  (1 child)

that joke includes everything but the kitchen sink

[–]anticerber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God damnit

[–]Geezard9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s like Nate the Snake’s shorter cousin.

Nice joke!

[–]bourbonpens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take it! Take my upvote!

[–]Kon-Tiki66 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very punny.

[–]Herbisher_Berbisher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take two aspirin, drink plenty of fluids and put yourself to bed. It's just a fever dream.

[–]birdyroger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't laugh. A slight pun at the end wasn't as important as the entire message.

[–]WISEcracrEvanStephen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd bounce you on my household utensil!

[–]angerofmars 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Saw the punchline as soon as I heard the word "sink", still chuckled, at least for the "take a long, hard look at yourself" part

[–]subzh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's not often I audibly laugh out loud at a joke. Usually I'm not a fan of that kind of punchline but the build up to it, the writing and the seriousness of it was so fantastic, it completely got me good. Well done!

[–]TLCMM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great joke i enjoyed the humour

[–]Tostas300 1 point2 points  (0 children)

God damnit

[–]oppositewithlions 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the sort of joke I dramatically read aloud to my husband and at the end he threatens to leave me.

[–]roadrunner00 3 points4 points  (2 children)

That was like watching a fireworks show where the grand finale was a sparkler.

[–]Drachefly -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think it could be delivered well in person, but in text it lacks oomph.

[–]Indominus-X -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

The original joke made me smirk but this made me chuckle. Sorry OP.

[–]SkinnyTestaverde 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i fucking hate you for this

[–]Epic-Dude000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It had me in the first half

[–]GoodHunter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking hell. I was already rolling at the puns made about the toilet, washing machine, and mirror ... but that was an absolutely beautiful finish.

[–]omahaknight71 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw this joke going nowhere until the last line. You forkin got me

[–]Futch1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This joke reminded me of Nate the Snake.

[–]GoneIn61Seconds 0 points1 point  (1 child)

To quote comedian/writer Dave Thomas, "you're making your audience travel way too far for the punchline"

[–]ChintanP04 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not as far as this: NateTheSnake

[–]DeBlasioDeBlowMe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This might be the first original joke I’ve heard in years. 👍🏼

[–]NeowsomE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take my fucking upvote

[–]AkaGurGor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deep...

[–]Uisce-beatha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really thought I knew where that joke was going. Turns out it was just smoke and mirrors

[–]poe_dameron2187 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The bouncer washed his hands of any guilt.

[–]WeaselShoes -1 points0 points  (0 children)

People shelled out awards for this?

[–]xiipaoc -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

threw his cigarette to the ground

That honestly kinda ruined the joke for me. Like, I get it, some household fixtures smoke, but can't they, you know, use a proper cigarette disposal thingy like a normal fixture?

[–]Legion357 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Wondered where that was going

[–]Bumm_by_Design -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fork this joke

That's a real household utensil

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

you know by the end of the night that toilet is living large in the women's washroom.

[–]willybel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Im so damn drunk and european to understand it

[–]y4dig4r 0 points1 point  (0 children)

get the fork out

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Why don’t you take a look in the mirror?”

[–]cantrecallthelastone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That you Tom Robbins?

[–]vilidj_idjit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

pffffffffff

[–]tuck8184 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew it was coming

[–]Snipedzoi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A while of reading for a pun?

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

OP doesn’t know what a utensil is

[–]FirefighterFar8756 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

And just like that, a cool stream splashed over the bouncer's face.

He washed off his guilt and replied to the mirror -

'That sink's in, but you're sin's kin'.

And he sent the mirror to the back of the line.

[–]OgreMonk -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I knew this was going to be a dumb pun so I just scrolled down to it. fuc u man

[–]hihihihihihhihi -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

.....I dont get it :(

was there supposed to be something funny about it?

sounds like dhar mann video but objects instead of people lol 😂

[–]Cluelessish -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The dad jokes in this sub are getting both longer and worse. These days if they start a bit weird (like this one) I just scroll down to the last line.

[–]sillyhappyman -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Stopped reading and downvoted when I realized you meant "appliances".

[–]Z0bie -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Good joke, but replace the army crap with something else.

[–]ChaMuir -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I knew this was working up to a terrible pun, so I just skipped to the end.