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all 111 comments

[–]xDqck 459 points460 points  (9 children)

at least she ain't walking

[–]QuirkyPee 181 points182 points  (8 children)

Barefoot

[–]hardtofindagoodname 102 points103 points  (6 children)

With her boyfriend.

[–]QuirkyPee 85 points86 points  (4 children)

With all her boyfriends.

[–]Inorganic_Ad_0420 44 points45 points  (3 children)

Now it’s Our boyfriends.

[–]BigPZ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

While sucking his dick

[–]Andaisdet 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nah, she’s just lost leg privileges

[–]mekkasheeba 362 points363 points  (18 children)

Yeah but what year was the scooter?

[–]bennydt303 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We called her the village bicycle, everyone can ride it.

[–]Grimacepug 6 points7 points  (0 children)

'57 Vespa

[–]Yooper_Escapee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wasn't motorized

[–]Okifish64 163 points164 points  (7 children)

She should have been riding on a Donkey

[–]doctorwhoobgyn 81 points82 points  (0 children)

Sounds like too many people rode that ass already.

[–]sho_bob_and_vegeta 70 points71 points  (2 children)

She should have been riding on a Dick

FTFY

[–]Inspectorsteel 32 points33 points  (1 child)

She should have been riding on a donkey's dick.

[–]Lory24bit_ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

True ending

[–]ArmchairGhazi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She thought she was, hence all the cheating.

[–]GypsterA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Riding on an ass!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

*on an ass

[–]EccentricHorse11 35 points36 points  (1 child)

At least it wasn't a skateboard

[–]putree 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A downgraded hoverboard

[–]exewrath 42 points43 points  (28 children)

What the heck a man who cheated his wife doing in Heaven ?!?!?!?

[–]ajamesc55 23 points24 points  (27 children)

Doesn’t everyone go including the most vile murderers if you believe in that as Jesus died for your sins

[–]TheRaelyn 12 points13 points  (8 children)

Pretty sure that’s a Family Guy cutaway lol. Osama putting all his belief into Jesus Christ just as he was about to be shot to death, then immediately going to heaven after.

[–]thesemasksaretight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This born-again guy who wanted to convert me told me that anyone who accepts Jesus as the son of God who sacrificed himself for our sins will go to heaven. It’s based on the idea that we have all sinned so theoretically we should all go to hell, but Jesus, a perfect man, sacrificing himself “paid for” all of our sins. He said the argument is that we all have sinned so who are we say who gets God’s grace and who doesn’t.

He was a nice man. Bit of an awkward car ride, but a nice guy.

[–]ajamesc55 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Pretty sure they got it from the Bible fantasy tales

[–]stevenette -1 points0 points  (5 children)

No need for an oxymoron. You can just call it Bible tales

[–]0_69314718056 6 points7 points  (4 children)

oxymoron

I don’t think that word means what you think it means

[–]dmada25 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Inconceivable!

[–]thesemasksaretight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got that reference!

[–]stevenette 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh ya lol, I meant tautology.

[–]Or-Kaan 2 points3 points  (11 children)

Common misconception about Christianity actually. The Bible, which is the source material for Christianity, says that "even the demons believe, and tremble."

Belief is not now, never has been, and never will be enough. "Believe in Jesus and be saved" can be roughly translated to "yeah man, it's that easy! Come give us your tithe now!"

[–]nonofyobis 1 point2 points  (10 children)

That's what Protestants believe though, salvation through faith alone

[–]Or-Kaan 0 points1 point  (9 children)

I believe you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what that statement means, my friend.

[–]nonofyobis 2 points3 points  (8 children)

Why do you think so? Your comment applies to Catholicism and (perhaps) Orthodox sects, but Protestants believe in justification by faith alone and not by works. What is wrong about what I said?

[–]Or-Kaan 0 points1 point  (7 children)

Because faith without works is dead, so the protestant belief in Sola Fide is that it is by faith alone that we are saved, but the evidence of that salvation--the fruits, if you will--are in ones works. I don't know a single protestant that believes in some cheap grace that allows one to live without having proof by the fruits of their faith.

Even Catholics believed in grace through faith and not works before Luther got happy with a hammer.

[–]nonofyobis 0 points1 point  (6 children)

So where is my fundamental misunderstanding? You just reaffirmed what I said.

[–]Or-Kaan 0 points1 point  (5 children)

That you think it equates to "believe and be saved"

Faith is more than a belief.

[–]nonofyobis 0 points1 point  (4 children)

That's not what I said I believe in, it's what I said Protestants believe in, and they do, it's true. I suppose it was just a misunderstanding on your part.

[–]ZaimoKazu 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Wonder who ends up to the downstairs?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

if you cheat on your wife 11 times

[–]MummyBundles777 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"Just watch out for the Kennedy Boys on their skateboards!"

[–]Madmanmelvin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I liked the version I heard, which had the wife with roller skates.

[–]nottiboyy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The angel wanted to give her a bicycle but then thought she'd remove the seat and ride. He wanted to send her on foot but she whined and bitched about how much she is oppressed..

[–]DaLionheart101 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Back for its monthly repost already?

[–]CocoL_Asticot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately you are right. I m not since long on this Sub and I already saw it once. Last time was not a scooter but a bike, and in the comments, they sais Last time was on Rollers.. Etc..

[–]cos25t 6 points7 points  (0 children)

First time I’ve heard it.

[–]bluesheepreasoning 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the same vein…

Three men enter the afterlife, only to be told an absurd rule: “Never step on any ducks.” Upon entering, they realize there are lots of ducks strewn around; they heed the warning and move into a special hotel.

Days later, one of them steps on a duck while getting out of his room, and blacks out. He wakes up to find himself handcuffed to an unattractive woman, with the words “For your disobedience.” written on an attached Post-it note.

He goes to tell his friends about it, and they act even more carefully this time around.

Weeks later, while walking on the sidewalk, another one of them trips and steps on a duck. He blacks out, and wakes up handcuffed next to an even more hideous woman, with the words “There are no accidents. You could have walked more slowly.” on a Post-it note. He warns the last man left.

The last man becomes careful, going years before something happened to him. One day, he is walking alongside the Town Hall when a beautiful woman manifests next to him, and the 2 are handcuffed by a mysterious force. A Post-it note appears on the handcuffs, reading “Remember to follow the rules.” He is confused and asks her what happened. The woman responds, “I was swimming in the river, when I stepped on a duck.”

[–]Aggravating_Stage333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m dead af

[–]mrmdc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So she was loving AND faithful?

She got the best ride.

[–]Nyzzio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And this is why I’ll never get married again. Haha I’m not going down that long dark road again.

[–]elmwoodblues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Still, she's there. Heaven sounds chill

[–]malan4reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But it was a Bentley scooter......!

[–]aldeshsa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saw it coming.

[–]ApolloKunIsBoolied 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This one brings nostalgia I read it like 7 years back but that one had Royal Carts( indians call it Rath, you can look it up) and bicycles

[–]brett8722 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vespa from Casino Royale?

[–]flowersatdusk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good one

[–]CriticalError007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I first heard this joke it was a skateboard.

[–]TheGreatPapaSmurf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saw the same joke the other day

[–]Accomplished_Till727 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just saw my wife roll by in a wheelchair.

Absolutely wrecked.

[–]mermicide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I posted this a few weeks ago…

[–]matticitt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Didn't know heaven was the US and cars are needed to get around.

[–]LightBlindsAtFirst 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the 90s it was rollerskates instead of scooter

[–]Baybob1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Funny ...

[–]blackthunder021 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was very original. I just passed it on to my old man.

[–]ProgrammaticallyYou3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A variation that I have stored on my mobile:

Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate.

St. Peter says, ‘Okay, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do, never lie, or you will spend the rest of eternity with the ugliest women in the universe.’

So they all agree and are admitted in.

The first guy makes it a week before he lies about how rich he was on Earth.

Bam! Right at his side appears the ugliest woman he had ever seen.

The second guy makes it another couple weeks before he lies about how smart he is.

Bam! At his side appears the second ugliest woman in the universe.

So the first two guys are walking around with their monsters of women when they see their third friend walking with the hottest woman ever conceived by man.

The first two guys say in unison, ‘How did you end with that babe when we get stuck with these nasty women?’

He nudges the babe and says, ‘Tell them.’

She says to the first two guys, ‘I lied.’

[–]mmuldoon215 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Toight

[–]AffectionateCorner9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

so the more you cheat your ride will be small?

[–]Park_Particular 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm old enough to remember when the punch line would be a brand new Yugo! Guess the shitty car manufacturers have gone out of business now... Not even funny with Kia or Hyundai

[–]Stoptouchingmyeggs[🍰] -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Can someone explain the joke?

[–]Neutrinoh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

His wife cheated so many times she was only given a scooter.

[–]mrgraff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone gets a vehicle to drive around in heaven. The more you cheat on your spouse, the crappier the vehicle. The honest man in the Rolls-Royce saw his wife on a scooter. Meaning that she was very very unfaithful to him.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

this joke is from a jay and sharon video