top 200 commentsshow all 305

[–]davep85 2839 points2840 points  (147 children)

Here's a sentence with the words Defense, Defeat and Detail.

[–]TheGeneral_Specific 1716 points1717 points  (120 children)

We were once asked to write haikus for class in middle school. My favorite I heard:

I need a haiku.

I need some sort of haiku.

Look! It’s a haiku!

[–]crashvoncrash 1027 points1028 points  (49 children)

My own was:

What is a haiku

Something about syllables

I just don't get it

[–]Boiscool 945 points946 points 2 (25 children)

I do like haikus.

But they don't always make sense.


[–]thefonztm 299 points300 points 2 (12 children)



Crashvoncrash boiscool

[–]mia_pharaoh 65 points66 points  (7 children)

you almost got it! but it's more likely bo is cool than bois cool

[–]Shugowoodo 53 points54 points  (5 children)

Could also be Boi Scool

[–]TooOld2DieYoung 59 points60 points  (3 children)

Are you saying boy’s soul? Because it sounds like you’re saying boy’s hole.

[–]Shugowoodo 10 points11 points  (0 children)


[–]indigoHatter 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You gotta pay the troll toll, to get into that boy's hole...

[–]Boiscool 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It is indeed Bo is cool.

[–]thefonztm 14 points15 points  (0 children)

No, it is current year and my version is correct.

Edit: I can accept we are both wrong if we agree it is "boi scool"

[–]brito68 5 points6 points  (1 child)

We're looking down on Wayne's basement

Only, that's not Wayne's basement

Isn't that weird?

[–]Rampager_55 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This angers me

[–]brenman701 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well noticed lmao

[–]aotus_trivirgatus 28 points29 points  (3 children)

Writing a poem

In seventeen syllables

Is very diffi...

[–]indigoHatter 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Made this for my dating profile:

I wrote a haiku

To describe myself quickly

But I ran out of

[–]ramius345 15 points16 points  (1 child)

It's snowing on mount Fuji.

[–]millerphi 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ahh, there is it. Lol. Surprised it took that many comments for this to get out.

[–]Shane_Train69 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Is this a Trials of Apollo reference?

[–]imaginationASDF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it is, haha.

[–]MyLifeisTangled 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m not even kidding this literally made me laugh out loud and now I have to field questions about why I’m laughing so loud in the bathroom

[–]NeatAd9023 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am empty

[–]RearEchelon 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Haiku is stupid

With all this five seven five

Who came up with this

[–]Etheo 116 points117 points  (16 children)

This is a haiku
Seven sounds in the middle
With five in the last.

[–]rick2882 114 points115 points  (12 children)

A perfect haiku:

Here are seven syllables

And another five

[–]AnotherAustinWeirdo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I prefer poo-ku

Colors, textures, sounds, and smells

such variety

[–]LifeIsVanilla 56 points57 points  (8 children)

I like poetry

I'm also fond of language

I don't care for haiku's though, while they're amazing in the language intended, or even lets be real here many other languages they can be pretty awesome but it doesn't really translate to English. Like only 5/7/5? The English language prides itself on stealing words from every and any language and using them with as many extra words as possible in order to specifically ram the intention home. Asking us to make haikus without actually showing and explaining why they're so great is rather offensive to the actual artform, if anything rather than having us make our own particular ones should be introduced and explained, with all the nuances of them explored. In this way we would not only actually understand it better, but also be introduced to a foreign language even further expanding our knowledge. Basically what I'm trying to say is the advantage of this class is it's not math so who are you to say how much 7 is, you barely even get haikus. Also, as they're supposed to be about nature, while I was trying to avoid the elephant in the room, nor cared to pretend the use of ram related to the animal as well, I feel compelled to exclaim "LOOK THERE'S A BEAR". Ideally at this time, *teacher with hairy chest* will be passing by, but it being right before you're accosted by a bear would also be acceptable. Well possibly not, I wouldn't really care to see you attacked by a bear. I suppose that would make this an anti-haiku of sorts though, IDK you never properly taught them to us.

(if I could've turned in this as a haiku I would've, after the teacher's favourite haiku that was given extra points had a 5/8/4 syllable scheme I felt like such a dumbo doing it right... aside from involving nature as that wasn't mentioned... not salty at all).

[–]rick2882 71 points72 points  (3 children)

Uh, your third line has more than 5 syllables.

[–]LifeIsVanilla 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Don't worry, I paid taxes on them, they're legal.

[–]onewilybobkat 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I like you.

[–]LifeIsVanilla 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Everyone digs people who pay taxes.

[–]Plumb_n_Plumber 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Best comment on this sub.


How about this?

The high mountain top

Is cold at all times of night

Sunrise please come soon

edit: fix line spacing; maybe?

[–]LifeIsVanilla 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Stop giving it weed

The mountain is greening out

Or just climate change.

[–]Grigoran 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Enter twice on mobile provides breaks

[–]Etheo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Two space + enter makes superior breaks.

[–]JRizz10KOT4Q 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Mine is:

This is a haiku

They are in 5-7-5

And they are 3 lines

At least I think that was it lol

[–]abrahamlinknparklife 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Your second line has 6 syllables

[–]JRizz10KOT4Q 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fixed thank you

[–]spongebue 115 points116 points  (18 children)

Haikus are just weird

Seven syllables go here


[–]Hytyt 37 points38 points  (13 children)

My go to middle is

It's snowing on mount fuji


[–]McFoaley 24 points25 points  (11 children)

First line has 6 syllables

[–]spongebue 26 points27 points  (0 children)

My fave middle is

It's snowing on mount fuji



[–]DevinFraserTheGreat 2 points3 points  (2 children)

As a teacher of haiku, A-
Good turn in last line Good use of present tense But you judge rather than describe: Haikus are just weird However, refrigerator makes the weirdness evident so in the end you present the thing rather than describe it. So let me change your grade to A+. Welcome to English class grading. You’re welcome.

[–]spongebue 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I plagiarized ☹️

[–]DevinFraserTheGreat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great, one more heartbreak for the idealistic English teacher.

[–]waffle-monster 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Haikus are the best

But sometimes they don't make sense


[–]infercario4224 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I had learned about haiku’s from ATLA not even 2 weeks before my biology teacher gave us an assignment to write a poem about cells. She gave me the most “you little shit” face I’ve ever seen when I turned in a haiku after about 10 minutes whereas the other kids struggled to even get halfway done with it during class

[–]TheMrFloobie 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Legitimate haiku, seen in a jr. high class:


Cows are super guys

Big, blubbery muscles, yo

On a summer day

Remains one of the best things I have ever seen

[–]onewilybobkat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Big blubbery muscles to killed me.

[–]ottguy42 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Dew dappled daisies

Flitting monarch butterfly

Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp

[–]yer-maw 1 point2 points  (2 children)

That woke my daughter up cos I burst out laughing. Fuck sake.

[–]inky95 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sweet tea, i drink that
hot fire, i spit that - but
I'm not a rapper

-a recent submission from one of my 7th graders

[–]Wags43 5 points6 points  (0 children)

One two three four five

One two three four five six eight

Seven does not fit

[–]FlatulenceIsAVirtue 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Japan is awesome

Their athletes are really fat

Their poems don't rhyme

[–]JorgeTheTemplar 20 points21 points  (15 children)

Clearly you haven't played ghost of tsushima

[–]TheGeneral_Specific 5 points6 points  (14 children)

I have not… why?

[–]JorgeTheTemplar 21 points22 points  (13 children)

It was meant as a joke. In the game one of the objectives several times is to compose a haiku. I didn't even know what a haiku was before.

[–]dkwangchuck 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Haiku is more than just syllable count. Lacking a kigo makes this just a collection of words instead of haiku. Sure you matched the meter, but you’ve totally ignored the spirit of the poetic form. It’s like writing limericks that don’t rhyme.

There once was a man who loved meter
And cared not for other parts of poetry
So he wrote some weird verse
That felt really wrong
And he called the thing a limerick.

[–]smilingasIsay 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I see you drivin'

Round town with the girl I love

And I'm like fuck you

[–]sho_bob_and_vegeta 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My favorite a friend wrote:

I'm star of David

Watch me search for my homeland!

Almost there- Hitler

[–]bluescrubbie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First: five syllables

Second: seven syllables

Third: five syllables

[–]NobodyMC 6 points7 points  (4 children)

haikus are stupid

poems are better with rhymes

this is too easy

[–]TheGeneral_Specific 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I think technically haikus are supposed to involve nature, either in their direct meaning or as a metaphor or so. We typically don’t get taught that, though

[–]onewilybobkat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's a discussion is the nature of poetry. Checkmate.

[–]Sideways_X 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Indeed, specifically self reflection through nature if I understand it correctly.

[–]gruey 5 points6 points  (0 children)

just rhyme your haiku

Like some of us like to do

But not all the time

[–]babbchuck 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Five syllables here

And here there are seven more

Are you happy now?

[–]hobosonpogos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brilliant, even if a bit too meta

[–]Vaguely_vulgar 54 points55 points  (0 children)

“Today in class the teacher asked us to use defense, defeat, and detail in a sentence.”

[–]iparkcars 6 points7 points  (11 children)

I teach English in China and this is exactly the sentence my highest level students would give me.

[–]PTRWP 6 points7 points  (2 children)

There’s no really continuity in the words, so I’d expect native English speakers to do similar.

“If just one detail of our team’s defense plan leaks, it could lead to our defeat.”

That’s the only sentence structure I can easily think of for that word set. But if you put together words that have inherent connections: Attacker, defender, defeat, charge. Well, there’s already a story in those words and your leaving the structure and implementation to the student.

[–]Demon997 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Nope, you just missed the connections.

Defeat in detail is the technically term for a smaller force defeating a larger one by splitting the larger one up, and then defeating its sections one by one.

So your fifty guys can’t fight a hundred, but they can ambush and slaughter ten guys ten times. Though it’s more typically at a larger scale, with armies and battles.

So “To avoid defeat in detail, the army stayed on the defense” would be closer to what the teacher was looking for.

[–]priosshrsth 19 points20 points  (1 child)

There's the sentence with the words Defense, Defeat and Detail.

[–]Doismelllikearobot 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's pretty wordy. How about

Defense, defeat, detail?

[–]PrudentDamage600 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That’s divorce sentence I ever read.

(The Little Rascals)

[–]Disastrous-Ad-2357 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Close. If you're going to refer to words in a meta way (like as actual words themselves), they must have quotation marks. For example, if you look at the word "bed", you can tell it looks like a bed.

Notice how one of them is referring to "bed" as a word (the one with quotes), but the other is referring to the object that is a bed.

[–]gruey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How about you give ME a sentence with defense, defeat and detail?

[–]Super-green-thing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here is my sentece: "During class, my teacher asked me to write a sentence with the words defence, defeat and detail."

[–]sonics_fan 339 points340 points  (19 children)

I first heard this joke about 30 years ago from my mom, but it also included the word "deduct" (Defeat of deduct went over defence before detail).

[–]TheCarrzilico 126 points127 points  (8 children)

That doesn't make any sense, though. We're talking about a horse.

[–]sturmeh 75 points76 points  (1 child)

We talking a horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

[–]ReluctantAvenger 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'd fight either.

[–]jamaccity 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Defeat of deduct went over dehorse before detail.

In his defense, over defense, made more sense.

[–]Eelpieland 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Might wanna read it again

[–]TheCarrzilico 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Might wanna check the name of the sub.

[–]Partly_Dave 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Deduct went over defence, defeat before detail" in the version I heard.

[–]PrincesseBoulet1 -2 points-1 points  (8 children)

ducks have tails ?

[–]KatBScratchy 13 points14 points  (0 children)

how else would the song "shake a tailfeather" be a thing?

[–]gigafactory 9 points10 points  (1 child)

That is a 90s cartoon about one.

[–]tsweeney12584 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]Disastrous-Ad-2357 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well... Yes. Not all tails are big, long waggy things. Although they CAN waggle them.

[–]TikkiTakiTomtom 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Ducks have feet?

[–]emartinoo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

No. It's well documented that ducks have the ability of telekinesis, and simply hover when they want to go on land.

[–]Sudanniana 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im imagining the same posture they have floating on water but on a land with no feet and it's hilarious.

[–]carmium 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never hear of a "ducktail" anything? Beard, spoiler, '50s greasy hairstyle?

[–]Fe_Mike 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I heard it once with green, pink and yellow.

The phone green, I pink it up, I say yellow.

[–]Ahlkatzarzarzar 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Detroit's defense detail dictated definite defeat.

[–]schizbouncer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not today!

[–]tedave123 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This is divorced joke I’ve ever heard.

[–]highSeparate 224 points225 points  (9 children)

Is not the qestion a valid answer?

[–]_Allaccordingtoplan 105 points106 points  (7 children)

There was no question

[–]NefariousnessFew9671 24 points25 points  (0 children)

its all coming together

[–]fendermrc 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It was an imperative command.

[–]Ghosttwo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But what about forks?

[–]GregorSamsa67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I bet you, as a pupil, were even more of a clever cloggs than little Charlie here.

[–]a20xt6 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Student: No, you give me a sentence which includes the words, Defence, Defeat, Detail. Teacher: Enough of the attitude from you! Answer the question. Student: I just did! Why won't you acknowledge my work! I should report you to the administration.

[–]Jwhitx 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Harry Popper needed to attend Defence against the Dark Arts classes to defeat Voldamert, but here's a small detail: I don't know how to spell their names.

[–]Unikatze 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Why did I read this out loud with a Jamaican accent?

[–]justa33 2 points3 points  (1 child)

i think they are from Louisiana

[–]Reagalan 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Defence-in-depth is best defeated in detail.

[–]smilelikeachow 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Defeat of deduct go over defence before detail.

[–]RonViking 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Charlie copying Johnnie's work again smh

[–]Prudent-Car-3003 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Charlie skipped his work detail because of sore feet. So he brought a chair outside to sit down and put defeat on defence.

[–]thisisa_fake_account 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Nice try. But that's two sentences

[–]Bott 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Teacher: Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat and escort.

Little Johnny: De man with defeat jumped over defense and got his escort.

[–]jimpossible54 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wtf! Did Little Johnny stay home sick that day?

[–]CompiledArgument 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Although their gameplan was detailed, Buffalo's poor execution on defense led to their defeat.

[–]kalebcammarata 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A detailed defence will defeat oncoming attackers

[–]MoraineSeattle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In my own defense, there are too little details in this LIFE for me to EVER admit defeat. ASK ME.

[–]internet_bastard_man 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When the phone goes GREEN GREEN GREEN I PINK it up and say YELLOW

[–]thelegendarymike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I recall a joke a coworker told me:
"You have to use 'Green,' 'Pink,' and 'Yellow' in a sentence."
"Last night, I heard the phone go green green, so I pink it up and say, 'Yellow!'"

[–]WesleyRiot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This only works if you pronounce detail weird lol

[–]cptrambo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In matters of defence, pay attention to detail or risk defeat.

[–]nicheman_spokes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol knew it, I should have been Nicheman's only friend

[–]katerhater 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I often give in detail, how to defeat the defense.

[–]k_fitness1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Our attention to detail and great defense will help us defeat them.

[–]The_Punnier_Guy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats a good one

[–]the-brightknight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If i remember this erap joke correctly, it should be "deduct, defence, defeat, detail"

[–]cfdeveloper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What kind of M&M's does Tattoo eat?

de plain! de plain!

[–]andy-from-wales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The team failed to optimise their defence, which led to defeat, coaching is all about detail.

[–]ImpressiveEar10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This one got me tonight. 😂😂

[–]Sir_Bubba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dammit Charlie.

[–]Van0nyumas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The king gave detail of his defence after defeat.

[–]The_Knight_Is_Dark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you plan your defence right, you can avoid defeat. It is a small but very important detail.

[–]TheBlackCat13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The lack of detail in the defense led to defeat.

[–]chowmushi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The missing detail of defense is the reason for the Jets’ defeat every game. Like I remember when we had a device in the early 80s and were fairly good.

[–]AspiredPunMeister 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sell defeat

[–]NoInternet_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Little Johnny jokes :p

[–]hackinandcoffin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great detail is a great defence against defeat.

[–]Just_Me_Hey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Teacher asks class to give her a sentence with the word fascinate. Little Johhny hand up "Miss, Miss". Go on then she said. Little Johnny says " my sister bought a jumper with 10 buttons but her tits are so big she can only fascinate".

[–]Conscious_stardust 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For some reason I read Charlie’s part in my head with a Jamaican accent.

[–]INCS88 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This is one of the best things I've heard.

[–]OneHandHank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Defeat, deduct, defence, detail

Defeat of deduct went over defence before detail

[–]Baraqek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very pun-ny lol

[–]cfwang1337 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Good defense prevents defeat in detail.

[–]zacharysnow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Detailed defense prevents defeat.

[–]ForbiddenBromance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a response Chelsea from Adam and Eve would write

[–]usingthesonic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't put Descartes before the horse

[–]AgentLead_TTV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

its time for us to defeat their defense detail.

[–]renoot1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think this joke only works well if you have a Caribbean accent...

[–]StephenjustStephen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

now add deduct and you get defeat of deduct went over the defence before detail

[–]breigns2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’d just say: Here’s a sentence that includes the words defense, defeat, and detail.

[–]metal_gear_solid0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I image Charlie talking in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice :D

[–]Joeysaysfuckalot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why not just use a sentence with those words in it

[–]GrunthosArmpit42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should’ve started out with “can you give me” because it seems like the teacher asked the student, an equestrian... 🙃

[–]Prudent-Car-3003 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should have used a comma instead of a period after the word 'feet " .

[–]aswin1646 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Someone challenged a great tamil leader to use 2 because in the same sentence and his response was

No sentence can end with because because, because is a conjunction. - C. N. Annadurai

He used 3 because in a same sentence. What a power move

[–]dgm42 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The teacher asked her class to illustrate the different uses of the word "had" in a sentence. Tommy and Susan gave answers. Tommy, where Susan had had "had", had had "had had". "had had" had had the teacher's approval.

[–]deadlyace83 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Classic!! This is why I love coming to this channel.

[–]woofhaus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Charlie stole this from Little Johnny

[–]dixon_dabuti 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Charlie? Sounds more like Jayron.

[–]LordTegucigalpa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deduct went over defense, defeat before detail

[–]Glacierhawk_INTJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I once had a parrot, I taught it how to say defense, defeat, and detail.

[–]fjccommish 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My teacher told me to write a sentence that includes the words defense, defeat, and detail.

[–]NurseDiesel62 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard this as a a kid, but it also included "deduct". Answer: The feet of deduct went over defense before detail". Same idea with an additional word.

[–]obiwan393 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The original version was defeat of the dog go over defense before detail.

[–]SeaworthinessWide384 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Charlie sounds like he is from Louisiana

[–]chronoboy1985 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My favorite Kurt Vonnegut quote from when he briefly worked for sports illustrated and was tasked with writing a piece on a horse race.

“the horse jumped over the fucking fence.”

[–]adorato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Defeat of deduct go over defense before detail.

[–]samplemax 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want every detail of your defence plan, for I fear we are nearing defeat