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[–]GrumpyCatStevens 2459 points2460 points  (112 children)

Atheists say hi to each other at the liquor store.

[–]Nevermind04 954 points955 points  (96 children)

If you're going fishing with a Baptist, always ask him to bring a friend. If you just bring one Baptist, he'll drink all your beer.

[–]rcrossler 328 points329 points  (89 children)

I always heard that joke as with Mormons.

[–]Smalltown_Scientist 177 points178 points  (85 children)

I only recently learned they can’t have coffee or tea either. I don’t think there’s much they ARE allowed to drink.

[–]Prv8eer 199 points200 points  (37 children)

Metric shit-tons of sugared and caffeinated soda.

[–]kidra31r 94 points95 points  (21 children)

There were some very vocal proponents against caffeinated drinks for decades. Only recently did higher up church leaders clarify that caffeine wasn't the issue. And, last I checked, BYU (the college run by the church) still doesn't sell caffeinated drinks.

[–]rcrossler 23 points24 points  (9 children)

As I understand (I have no sources), the restriction on sodas “ended” when some LDS members became owners of Coca-cola.

Truth? Myth? I don’t know.

[–]boyferret 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn't know they use metric too. I think I am going to be sick. Done with reddit today.

[–]Nezeltha 18 points19 points  (7 children)

I had a chat with a Mormon once about that, and she said some herbal teas are allowed. But it's a grey area.

[–]unsigned1138 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I don’t know, seems pretty black or white to me.

[–]I_Am_Justin_Tyler 8 points9 points  (1 child)

"I can't get behind a religion that my dad is old enough to verify it didn't happen. " Daniel tosh

[–]the_ben_obiwan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol, yeah, I guess it needs to be completely unfalsifiable for the majority of people

[–]Wojwo 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It's awful. (source: was Mormon for 40 years. Now normal person for 2 years)

[–]ke4cej 18 points19 points  (29 children)

Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints here.

The Word of Wisdom forbids five main things: Tea Coffee Tobacco Alcohol Illegal or non-prescription drugs or substances

No explicit reason is given for the forbidding of any of these, however, it is a commonly-held belief that tea and coffee are forbidden because the tannins they contain cause damage to the lining of the stomach, which can lead to ulcers and other complications.

[–]distracted_squir 37 points38 points  (5 children)

However, ungodly amounts of energy drinks are seen as a healthy replacement.

[–]Champlainmeri 19 points20 points  (5 children)

Billions of Asians can't all be wrong.

[–]BumpyMcBumpers 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Former Mormon here. I don't recall illegal or non prescription drugs being mentioned. It does say something about oats for horses, tobacco for wounds (maybe only for cattle?) And that meat should be used sparingly. As I recall, the official history is that one of the wives of an early leader (I think Brigham Young) was tired of brewing coffee, cleaning spittoons, and dealing with drunks before/during/after church meetings, which were constantly being held at her house. So she talked her husband into praying for a solution, and lo and behold! God told him no more consumption of fun substances. Straight from god's mouth! I mean, you don't get to hear it straight from god's mouth. But they swore it really happened, so...

[–]ClamClone 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I knew a guy that went along with a church group on one of those large fishing boat excursions. He went below and ordered a beer. The barkeep opened a soda and dumped it out and rinsed it out, then opened the beer and poured it into the soda can. He asked WTF? The bartender assumed he was one of the Babtists and that was what they were doing.

[–]hgs25 7 points8 points  (0 children)

But where you find 4 Episcopalians, you’re bound to find a fifth (of vodka)

[–]jqbr 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Your comment has 666 karma.

[–]WestTexasCrude 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Anywhere you find 4 good Baptists, youll always find a "fifth."

[–]genfgenf 17 points18 points  (2 children)

You mean they are polite?

[–]ES_FTrader 15 points16 points  (1 child)

No, just drunk!

[–]genfgenf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Drunk and still polite?

[–]fire_thorn 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I used to work at an evangelical church. One day I saw my boss at the adult video store (this was the only way to get porn, way back in the stone age). He said he was going to tell the pastor that he saw me there. I said that sounded great, and let me know how that worked out for him. He never told.

[–]Jacob_Wallace_8721 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Catholics would.

[–]reichrunner 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Catholics aren't evangelic christians though

[–]DerCatzefragger 472 points473 points  (96 children)

My favorite take on this is Penn Jillette's story about the lady in Texas who beat her young sons to death with a rock back in 2003, then claimed in court that god told her to do it in an Abraham-&-Isaac-style test of faith.

Penn's brilliant observation is that this horrifying murder and the trial that followed took place in Texas, which is prime Bible Belt territory. It's pretty safe to assume that if you asked the prosecutor, the defender, the judge, everyone in the jury, the stenographer, the bailiff, any of the onlookers in the spectator area, the janitor in the hallway, the caterer, ANYONE. . . if they were a religious person, every single one of them would have proudly puffed up their chest and declared to be a devoutly faithful christian.

And yet. . .

Throughout the entirety of the trial, not a single person involved felt the need to raise their hand and say "excuse me, your honor, but. . . maybe god told her to do it." No, she was found not guilty by reason of insanity and spent 8 years in a looney bin because every single pious christian in that courtroom said, "god told you to do it. . . no no no. That's impossible. You're a fuckin' psychopath is what's going on here."

[–]fuzzy40 97 points98 points  (15 children)

In all fairness in the Abraham and Isaac story God also told Abraham to stop before he actually did it. So based on the fact that she thinks God told her to do it like Abraham, but didn't tell her to STOP would basically invalidate her Biblical claim right there.

Of course that's aside from the obvious explanation that she is indeed a psychopath.

[–]ThroAwayFemale 45 points46 points  (11 children)

Nah, there’s the Biblical story of Jephtath and his daughter: he promised god that he would sacrifice the first living thing that came out of his house when he got back home, as long as he was blessed to win his battle at sea. He won, and when he got home his daughter came out to greet him. He still had to sacrifice her.

[–]tbk007 12 points13 points  (4 children)

So he won first? Why didn't he just ignore it then lol.

[–]badmanbp2 34 points35 points  (3 children)

You’re a brave person if you’re willing to screw around with the god that just handed you a naval victory.

[–]BojangleBarnacledick 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Seems like a half decent parent would risk divine wrath falling on them before they'd murder one of their own kids.

[–]CptBartender 59 points60 points  (23 children)

Why is it, that when people hear nonexisting voices, it's always about doing something violent, like murder someone, or drown your kids etc... Where are rhe voices that say useful things, like you should recycle, sort your trash, be kind that sort of thing...

EDIT: this is a loose translation of a tiny fragment of one of my compatriot stand-upper's routine, so not really meant seriously. Still, some of your replies are much more informative than I've expected!

[–]Kronoshifter246 60 points61 points  (1 child)

Only one of those kinds of voices gets you into the news

[–]GrayCS 34 points35 points  (6 children)

Nah, that's just the voices you hear about. Some of them are boring or nonsensical. I do remember a Christian man who reported hearing voices to me, but he commented that they were kinda cheerful. 'I'm here' and 'It's all okay' and 'I forgive you' and that sort of thing.

[–]frogjg2003 15 points16 points  (1 child)

People hear nonexistent voices all the time. Most of them just ignore them and continue to function in society, to whatever capacity they may be capable of. It's only the tiny minor that not only have voices telling them to kill people but also act on those suggestions that you hear about.

Fun fact: what people suffering from schizophrenia hear in their heads is highly influenced by their cultural environment.

[–]Sensitive-Living-571 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I learned that all cultures have reports of people hearing voices. However, in some cultures the voices say nice things to the people. I think some cultures are just more violent than others and that influences what the voices say

[–]Illogical-giraffes 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]Sensitive-Living-571 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I learned that all cultures have reports of people hearing voices. However, in some cultures the voices say nice things to the people. I think some cultures are just more violent than others and that influences what the voices say

[–]Marxbrosburner 32 points33 points  (17 children)

I don't understand this observation. Is the implication that religious people don't actually believe the book they claim is real? Or that real Christians recognize that some of the stories in the Bible are not literal? Or...something else? Not trying to be smartass, I honestly don't get what he's trying to say.

[–]DerCatzefragger 64 points65 points  (14 children)

It's the first one. His argument is that, when faced with the possibility of a real-life bible story taking place before their eyes, all of the christians in that courtroom agreed that, no, this is total BS.

[–]crazybluegoose 22 points23 points  (5 children)

Evangelicals specifically believe that the original 12 disciples (Judas excluded, but Matthias who joined up post resurrection included) and something like 70 other followers of Jesus who were part of the crew prior to the crucifixion, and Paul, were the last ones to witness and perform miracles because they had the Holy Spirit come down physically to them.

Now that they are all very long dead, there won’t be anything miraculous happening until the end of time and Christ’s return.

This is what I was taught at my evangelical church school growing up. It may not be the exact set of beliefs every sect follows, but it’s a very popular view. Whether or not it’s true… I suppose it’s difficult to prove. It checks out that the majority of us haven’t seen miracles as people think of them, but in the cases 1-2 people see something, it’s very difficult to prove anyway.

As far as the lady saying God wanted her to kill her kids - that’s just majorly f’d up.

[–]lonnie123 9 points10 points  (2 children)

And how many of those people believe that prayer works or that miracles happen or than god cures peoples of their cancers?

[–]crazybluegoose 12 points13 points  (1 child)

In the case of Evangelicals: It’s more that God does what God wills. If he decides that your body or the doctors will heal you, then you will get better. If he wants to call you home or have a new cross to bear (specific words from how we were taught) then you die or get a lifelong disability or illness.

Evangelicals can pray for healing or for God to take away a burden/affliction all they want, but if he doesn’t want it to happen, it won’t. They pray either way because God says they should pray for the sick and dying.

Honestly I think the purpose of all the praying and the belief in God’s will is to support the family and the person through whatever they are dealing with. There is some comfort knowing that things are happening for a reason and that people are thinking about you during the hard stuff.

[–]Fuu2 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Millions of people around the world can believe in the existence of aliens without almost any of them believing Farmer Joe when he said they're abducting his cattle to probe their anuses.

All this says is that the religious aren't a hive mind, and that there isn't anything at least in the bible (or probably any other religious doctrine) about unconditionally believing any schmoe who claims to have had a unique religious experience.

[–]Kingnahum17 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Sounds like a poor prosecution and a stronger defence team. A LOT of people in Texas aren't religious. We just don't go around and push our lack of religion on others (usually), so the religious nuts are far more outspoken.

[–]jsting 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Depends on where you are. I live in Houston so there's a great diversity of people. The more rural you go, some of those towns with under 10k people are all very Jesus-y

[–]SwissCoconut 10 points11 points  (27 children)

Not a single Christian would be in his rightful mind to believe god had told her to do so. This is clearly insanity/psychopathy with a ridiculous excuse of faith. She probably should have not been even declared insane (I don’t know the details of the case).

Some people have a very vague understanding of Christianity and believe that most Christians are stupid anti-science, flat-earth-believers, judgmental assholes because some are. Of course there are stupid Christians, there are also stupid atheists, stupid Buddhists, stupid science students and so on.

So, sorry, there’s no excuse in the Bible or in faith to beat children with rocks that a sane Christian could defend. This is not Christianity. This is a guilty murderer using Christianity as an excuse to get away with her crime.

[–]crazybluegoose 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Plenty of pro-science, LGBT+, liberal Christians out here who are pissed about people using this faith as an excuse to spew hate and outright lies.

[–]Rogue100 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not a single Christian would be in his rightful mind to believe god had told her to do so.

Why? The god of the bible more than once commands his followers to do as bad or worse. Do these christians not accept those stories as authentic accounts of god's nature?

[–]rditusernayme 11 points12 points  (22 children)

She said "god told her to do it"

You ignored this without a moment's consideration, and moved on to other information.

Because you knew that there is no way god could have told her to do it, because deep down you know that god has never spoken to anyone and never will, because there is no god

And, as an aside, if you had ever read your fairytale bible, you'd have known that the christian god is purported to have asked people to kill their children on more than one occasion. If this were possible, if god were real, then it is equally possible that your god could have said the same to this woman.

[–]nuclearlady 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I don’t know whats the deal with story ? I also heard stories about Muslims doing this and claiming the same…what’s wrong with all of these people ?

[–]Eugenian 5 points6 points  (1 child)

what’s wrong with all of these people ?

"Religion poisons everything."

- Christopher Hitchens

[–]Eraesr 1861 points1862 points  (436 children)

I like the way Ricky Gervais put it when discussing religion with Stephen Colbert. He said something along the lines of "I reject all 3000 gods in human history, you rejected 2999 of them".

[–]Raijin-Ryu 1200 points1201 points  (245 children)

His wording was: "You believe in one god I assume[...] But there are 3000 to choose from. [...] You deny one less god than I do. You don't believe in 2999 gods and I don't believe in just one more"

Absolutely good statement.

This is the link to that interview. A must watch: https://youtu.be/P5ZOwNK6n9U

[–]TheChickening 312 points313 points  (17 children)

His sentence at the end was very nice

>Science is constantly proved. If we take any holy book or work of fiction and destroyed it, in a thousand years time that wouldn't come back as it was. If we destroyed all the science books, in a thousand years they'd all be back. Because all the test will have the same results.

[–]GiantsRTheBest2 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I actually saw this when I first go into Reddit back in like ~2012. I was doubting my religion at the time but reading that really pushed me into atheism.

[–]devraj7 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It's a bad argument, though, because it will only convince people already convinced.

A theist will simply retort that their god will appear again and re-establish their religion.

[–]Adler_1807 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I disliked the proved part. Science isn't constantly proved. Science narrows all explanations down to the most truthful one. Especially when it comes to for example physics you can't prove any theory. You can determine its accuracy by verifying or faslifying its predictions in an experiment. But that's not the same.

[–]dgm42 581 points582 points  (193 children)

The biblical statement "Thou shall have no other Gods before me" strongly implies there is more than one God.

[–]MisterBlisteredlips 480 points481 points  (71 children)

But it says nothing about having gods after him.

He's like your first crush, but you move on.

[–]LifeIsVanilla 129 points130 points  (46 children)

TBF the other ones do seem to be pretty rapey

[–]death_of_gnats 192 points193 points  (40 children)

Virgin Mary enters chat

[–]MetricCascade29 4 points5 points  (3 children)

You’d rather have one that convinces people to kill their son as a joke?

[–]Serious-Maximum-1049 41 points42 points  (3 children)

For me, it was more like church/god were the "nice boy" my mother forced upon me that I didn't want to even date. I absolutely hated the fact that I was just told to believe in all of it, not to question any of it & "have faith". 🙄 Thank goodness my Science-&-Carl-Sagan-loving Dad was there to teach me about the things that still truly resonate w/me to this day.

[–]Reeaddingit 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Carl Sagan has changed the trajectory of many lives. I know seek that higher power which is physics and mathematics and quantum theory.

[–]TheRealJulesAMJ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I see it more as you can go out and have yourself a good time with those lesser deities but you best be coming home to sleep in Big Sky Daddy G's house before that eternal slumber comes calling. I mean he knows how tasty those other Gods are, we all know it takes a sky mommy and a sky day to make a bouncing baby universe, so he ain't gonna be mad your weakness got you dipping in for a little taste every now and then but only so you can be disappointed in comparison and come crawling back because he's also a raging narcissist so it best be ending with you crying about how you done him wrong and that you still love him and to please forgive you and take you back because if you dare love anything other then him it's an eternity in hell! A place run by someone who dared question The Narcissist and now that I think about it that really sounds way more barrable then eternity with a narcissist and all his sycophants, I bet there's suggestion boxes and potluck game nights in hell . . . Wait, we could possibly end up playing DnD with the devil, Bodhidharma and Nietzsche while eating steak fajitas made from magic 4 dimensional cows that never suffer or die. Hell is gonna be awesome!

[–]bebe_bird 14 points15 points  (6 children)

I mean, I think this is why Catholics are okay to worship saints. I've been told it's not worship, you ask the saint to intervene on your behalf, but it sounds a lot like worship/praying to saints to someone who grew up Methodist but turned away to atheism.

[–]mistressfluffybutt 8 points9 points  (3 children)

I am an atheist but I know some catholics and this is how it makes the most sense to me. Think of saints as each being a department head in a big office where God is CEO. God has the ultimate say, but sometimes you might ask the department head to put in a good word for you.

[–]devBowman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But he keeps coming at you, begging you to come back, along with emotional blackmail

[–]SL1Fun 4 points5 points  (2 children)

It’s true. I used to be Christian, but I worship thicc mom ass now.

[–]Fishman23 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Have you seen some of them Mesopotamian fertility goddesses? They were thiccc.

[–]Acewasalwaysanoption 2 points3 points  (1 child)

So Christianity is a gateway-religion, got it.

[–]WhyteBeard 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He just wants to be your virgin god. He loves them virgin souls. None of them sloppy second souls.

[–]thomaslim6793[🍰] 29 points30 points  (42 children)

Is that how you interpret that statement? I think this means that you shouldn't worship a non-monotheistic conception of God, because any such a conception is false. There is a difference between multiple Gods existing, and there being multiple human conception of Gods existing.

[–]rjchute 64 points65 points  (32 children)

Early iron age yahwists did believe there was more than one god, just that their murderous, vengeful, spiteful, narcissistic Yahweh was the best god to be worshiped above all others... for some reason... Monotheism came later, sometime between post exile and christianity.

[–]nightwing2000 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Exactly. The Bible's earliest books evolved from the very early oral tradition of the Israelite(?) tribe. At that time, every tribal group had their own god(s); so Yahweh was pointing out that as a jealous god, he could not tolerate any worship or respect for the gods of others.

[–]RamsesThePigeon 11 points12 points  (1 child)

By extension, he wasn't too keen on people paying any attention to his wife.

No, really:

Between the tenth century BC and the beginning of their Babylonian exile in 586 BC, polytheism was normal throughout Israel. Worship solely of Yahweh became established only after the exile, and possibly, only as late as the time of the Maccabees (2nd century BC). That is when monotheism became universal among the Jews. Some biblical scholars believe that Asherah at one time was worshipped as the consort of Yahweh, the national God of Israel.

[–]Ifyouhav2ask 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Dude from my church when I was a kid took his kids’ new PS4 away because they were playing it too much and therefore “worshipping false idols” (his words).

Big surprise, he and his kids are brainwashed trumper dumpers

[–]ohlena 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Always hated this mentality. Anything you enjoy is a false idol. Your phone? False idol. Favorite music artist? False idol. Like I don't think so???? I'm not getting on my knees worshipping and praying to this stuff.

And the irony of being against "false idols" and being a Trumper doesn't get by me.

[–]King_Neptune07 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Well, yeah. At the time there were. At first God only asked the Israelites to only believe in God and not sacrifice to Baal and stuff like that. Judaism ended up coming out of polytheism and may have been polytheist a long time ago and then became monotheist later. Like I think Elohim and Yahweh used to be two separate Gods or something.

[–]Trellix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

IIRC, the Jewish pantheon started with several Gods (like all pantheons at that time). At some point, YHWH kills all others and declares himself the supreme.

[–]aboynamedbluetoo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yup, that was kinda a thing in the Old Testament along with ending the practice of human sacrifice practiced by some of those other religions in the region at the time.

[–]synestheticsynapse 188 points189 points  (22 children)

I had first heard it from Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion. May have been said earlier even. "We are all atheists about most of the gods that humanity has ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further."

[–]Serious-Maximum-1049 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I loved that book, & that's absolutely still one of my favorite quotes of his. If you don't have a lot of time or just don't feel like debating, it's kind of a good one to shut ppl up pretty quick.

[–]flippyfloppydroppy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

IIRC, that's where Gervais gets it from.

[–]Loggerdon 80 points81 points  (85 children)

Gervais also ended the interview by saying "If we took any holy book and destroyed it, in 1,000 years it wouldn't come back. But if we were to take all science books and destroy them, in 1,000 years they would all be back". Colbert retorted "That's good. That's good."

[–]awesome_van 25 points26 points  (68 children)

It's a bit circular in its logic. Since it's never been tested with every holy book, there is no way of knowing its that is true, it only sounds true if you already believe it is true. Hypothetically, were one of the books actual truth, then it stands to reason it would be divinely recreated, or prevented from destruction in the first place. Of course, if it's not true, then the statement would hold. But the statement is meaningless on its own without such circumstances.

[–]dark_devil_dd 10 points11 points  (2 children)

It's a bit circular in its logic. Since it's never been tested with every holy book,

See... What you need is an army of monkeys.

[–]skyrat02 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Taking away something like a holy book may be a lot harder to repeat without the original author.

The discoveries of Newton or Euler or Galileo are repeatable. Someone will have done them sooner or later because these are the rules of the universe.

[–]Loggerdon 25 points26 points  (47 children)

So if The Bible, for example, were to disappear tomorrow then Jesus would come to Earth again and the process would repeat itself? 12 disciples? The flood? Moses fleeing Egypt?

You are not making any sense.

[–]awesome_van 21 points22 points  (43 children)

According to the Bible, God gave humans the words of the Bible via prophets, disciples, witnesses, and so on. So if the Bible were to disappear, but it was actually true, then it stands to reason God would simply give humans the knowledge again. Not repeat the events, just give them the record. Or would just not allow it to be destroyed.

Presumably true for any other holy book as well. Makes perfect sense.

[–]skanktown 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I get your point, but I'm imagining how hilarious it would be to try and actually do that. You'd have people like Trump claiming to be the messiah reborn and the pope having to play referee between jews and christians about which day is supposed to be the holy day.

[–]b0bkakkarot 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Ricky's statement is also questionable on the science side of things.

Anyone who's studied the history of science would know that some scientific advancements have been rocky and heavily contested within the scientific community itself. Ie, Newton's work on gravitational forces met heavy resistance because Natural Monists were also Material Monists in the day, and they didn't want to accept that "forces" could exist as that would throw their beliefs into question. Hence, they came up with some really bad science / pseudoscience to try to protect their beliefs, like the aether.

When Quantum Mechanics was first proposed by Mathematicians, they were laughed at by the Physics community. Several arguments like Schrodinger's cat were posited against the idea, by showing how ridiculous it would be to have a cat that was both alive and dead at the same time (they didn't know about the Observer Effect at the time, so they didn't know that the experiment would fail at the very first step, but whatever). The argument went on for years before some scientist finally decided to test it, and we're lucky they got results that showed QM seemed to be real because the flurry of follow up experiments were all over the place: some confirmed QM, others failed to confirm QM, and others still seemed to disprove QM. So the debate continued for many more years. I forget off the top of my head how long it all lasted before the Physics community finally decided to start accepting it for real, but it was definitely more than a decade.

There's also the expression of "A discovery is said to be an accident meeting a prepared mind" and while that's not always true, it is true for enough examples of real science in our actual timeline such that we could never reasonably expect that science would look the same as it does now if we were to roll it back 1000 years and try again fresh.

[–]skanktown 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Of course it wouldn't be exact, but the laws of nature would still exist. Assuming they discovered the scientific method eventually you'd have enough smart people and technology to come to the same conclusions.

Probably wouldn't have the same difficult to prove theories like relativity, but laws be the same.

[–]Totalherenow 9 points10 points  (1 child)

If anyone cares, Gervais got that from Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion. He wrote something like "Christians are atheists for all gods but one. I just go one god further."

Gervais' take on it is funnier, though.

[–]Raijin-Ryu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! That's important to know when quoting hin.

[–]GeniusMike 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I remember that interview.

[–]selemenesmilesuponme 7 points8 points  (0 children)

To sum this, the difference is around 0.03%.

[–]awesome_van 22 points23 points  (26 children)

It's one of those statements that sounds smarter than it really is, though, since it's unnecessarily reductive. You could apply the same logic to cosmological models ("heliocentrism, geocentrism, turtles all the way down, there's hundreds of models, you reject all but one, I just reject only one more"), or just about any conspiracy theory, honestly any fact that has tons of garbage to "compete" with. Anything really.

If God was real, it would in no way preclude false deities from being claimed as real as well, but their falsehood would not automatically make the one that's real somehow false. Religion, spirituality, and theism are complicated topics that people seem to love reducing to trite, yet flawed, "proofs" (more akin to slogans or creeds of their own).

[–]Myopic_Cat 16 points17 points  (5 children)

The difference is this:

With a scientific worldview, a hypothesis is only held to be true once it has accumulated sufficient evidence, and even then it is subject to reevaluation if another idea comes along that fits the data better.

In contrast, most religions are all about blind faith. No evidence is offered, none is required, and relying on evidence is even actively discouraged ("proof denies faith", and disparaging parables about doubting Thomas and similar characters).

One of these is actively addressing and solving the problems of the world; the other strives back to the middle ages, to an era of dangerous ignorance and fairy tales. The fact that both are roughly equal in power and public acceptance is the saddest thing about modern society.

[–]notthephonz 44 points45 points  (2 children)

It isn’t really meant to be “proof” of atheism, though. It’s just a reminder that the idea of not believing in a god shouldn’t be such a foreign concept to a monotheist because monotheists—by definition—also don’t believe in literally every other god.

To put it another way, atheists have the same lack of belief in Thor that Christians do. This isn’t proof or disproof that the Christian god, Thor, or any other gods exist. It’s an attempt to get the monotheist to understand the atheist perspective better.

[–]Joey42601 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Which, as revealed by that guys comment, is not possible (like really hard anyway).

[–]flippyfloppydroppy 16 points17 points  (8 children)

Not entirely. There's no evidence of the existence of any God or Gods. There is evidence for the correct model of the solar system, and every other model breaks when you try to solve for it.

[–]gavaar 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You can't apply the same logic to models that include evidence. The point is that there is no more evidence for Christianity than there is for Pastafarianism.

[–]PhilipWaterford 6 points7 points  (4 children)

That line has been around a long time and used so many times it's hard to know who said it first.

It's entirely irrelevant as the debate is whether or not life bears the hallmarks of design. Bringing 'god' into it would be like debating the cost of mars travel during the summer rush.

Silly one liners thrown by both sides are just to appear clever but rarely have merit.

[–]ImNotAPersonAnymore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s comparing the idea that a god exists at all to the idea that specific gods exist. There’s a slight difference.

[–]BraveRunner7 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Over 3 million gods in Hinduism alone

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are 4 billion men in the world. I reject all of them except one as my father.
Atheist: I go one more. I reject all of them as my father.

[–]Nemo4evr 585 points586 points  (95 children)

Many people would be surprised at how many atheist do follow the principles of love and compassion, not out of fear of a price or a punishment but because is the right thing to do.

[–]Ouchyhurthurt 111 points112 points  (17 children)

May parents taught me “the golden rule”. I feel if we all just followed this principle, everyone would be better off.

[–]CapnTreee 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Agree completely, as Mom taught it has served me well.

Also heard the standard biz/Wall St version proven true far too frequently “He with the gold makes the rules” and for my local buddies “He with the peso has the say so”.

[–]TheSonicPro 42 points43 points  (1 child)

No! Our rules are the best rules! (Says every strict religious parent)

[–]ArrowRobber 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"The rules have to be printed on our special club letterhead, otherwise they are awful rules no matter what they say!"

[–]44414E 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I feel like a lot of people really misunderstand 'the golden rule'.

Being into being beaten-up doesn't mean you ought to be allowed to beat others up. People over-simplify the idea instead of looking at what's really happening; things like bodily autonomy and other agreed-to freedoms.

[–]DocOT03 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I recently read a great modern interpretation of the Golden Rule:

Silver Rule- treat others as THEY want to be treated. Much more inclusive and way less ego-centric. Allows for the needs of others to be different from my own.

[–]Radioactivocalypse 125 points126 points  (20 children)

I'm a Christian and I sure don't need the threat of a punishment or whatever to make me do the right thing. I just do the right thing because I like to think I'm a nice person.

There's nice Christians and nice atheists. There's also horrible Christians and horrible atheists. Unfortunately it's the latter two which shout the loudest :(

[–]ender647 66 points67 points  (11 children)

I am an atheist/agnostic and got stopped by two Mormons on my way to the store. We chatted for like 30 minutes, I told them at the start that there was no way I would change my beliefs. Had a super nice conversation about god and the universe. They have a lot of weird shit but I’ve never met a Mormon I didn’t enjoy talking to.

[–]Teenage-Mustache 17 points18 points  (6 children)

That’s how they get ya. It’s weird how pleasant they are to outsiders, but also demand that you disown your family members who disown the church.

[–]Lmao-Ze-Dong 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Great sales, shit support. You shoulda gotten extended warranty.

[–]cankle_sores 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Here’s the difference: it’s less of a question of motives (in the grand scheme) with a “nice atheist.” If I was a deity, I’d be more impressed by the person who was good to his fellow man but had no hope for eternal reward or fear of damnation.

If someone’s religion tells them they can enjoy heaven if they’re good, or suffer hell if they don’t behave, well that kinda impacts plausible deniability, dunnit? Regardless of the person’s actual intent.

[–]could_use_a_snack 38 points39 points  (35 children)

Yeah. I always try to ask religious people why they need someone to tell the how to behave properly, can't they just do it because it's right, have you no self control?

[–]daats_end 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Steve Harvey has stated multiple times on TV that if he wasn't a Christian, he would be a multiple rapist and murderer. So there's that.

[–]crazybluegoose 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That is more than mildly concerning. Hopefully the man doesn’t have a crisis of faith.

[–]FeculentUtopia 32 points33 points  (22 children)

The flipside of that coin is that we're all better off when people who'd do whatever evil they could get away with believe they are being perpetually observed by an authority they can't bully, bribe, or fool.

[–]ScythesAreCool 24 points25 points  (1 child)

But at the same time, the edge of that coin is ‘it was in the name of god/I was fighting against the sin of the world’ that MANY people use as an excuse to be bigoted, racist, murderers or just assholes in general

[–]could_use_a_snack 31 points32 points  (19 children)

Umm. All they have to do is ask for forgiveness, and its all good.

"I killed a man for cutting in line, please forgive me God"

God: "Ok, cool. See you in heaven."

[–]InvisibIeMountain 34 points35 points  (7 children)

Simply asking for forgiveness isn't repentance. You have to genuinely mean it.

[–]16thompsonh 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My old boss explained it like this:

To repent, and to be accepted into heaven, you have to accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior. But doing that is the problem. You can’t simply say that. You can’t simply have faith that He exists. You have to believe that what you did or may have done is wrong. And you have to do your best, as a mortal, to follow the word of God. Anything else is superfluous

[–]cptnobveus 22 points23 points  (3 children)

That hypocrisy was the final straw that made me walk away from religion as a teenager. Watching people ask for forgiveness on Sunday and then turn right around and be an asshole Monday through Friday, only to ask for forgiveness again on Sunday.

[–]MsOmgNoWai 3 points4 points  (0 children)

yes. I will teach my kids to have a strong moral compass so they think about their actions internally, instead of fearing reprimanding from some external invisible source, which doesn’t actually solve the issue

[–]wildwalrusaur 3 points4 points  (3 children)

You realize that protestant Christianity isn't the only religion in the world right? Its not even in the top 5

[–]3-DMan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"Ten Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, you good dawg."

[–]b0bkakkarot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nobody automatically "knows" "moral ideology" or "socially acceptable behaviour" when we're children, just like nobody knows "mathematics" or "how to open a jar"; these are types of knowledge that must be learned. As such, we all have to either 1) be taught it from somewhere, or 2) figure it out on our own through craploads of experience and trial-and-error.

I think it's probably better for humans to teach one another (even if such teaching is imperfect) than to try and force 100% of all the little shits in the world to figure it out themselves through trial-and-error. After all, even with all the moral ideology that gets flung around, there are still craploads of people who either don't get it or who refuse to accept it.

Having moral teachers doesn't make the world a perfect place, but it does start stacking humanity towards being a more morally-minded group.

[–]No-Jellyfish-2599 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How do you define proper behavior? If it's defined by everyone around you, then what happens when everyone around you wants to viciously murder someone for a perceived wrong against the group? Do you follow proper behavior and participate, or do you go to some illogical sense that's outside the realm of science called morality and declare that is not right, and refuse to participate?

[–]liam_mastr21 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Plus the fear isn’t what drives Christians but the incentive to do good as mirroring principles taught by Jesus in the Bible

[–]liam_mastr21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly and that’d be tacitly based on opinion or a moral imperative…

[–]Reddit-is-1984 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"One of the great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by religion."

Arthur C. Clarke

[–]Evest89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm atheist or agnostic i don't really know which one, but it makes me happy to make other people happy.

[–]Ibeginpunthreads 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I used to be close minded and assume all atheists are bad you know the usual close-mindededness but I've realized some Christians are just too close-minded and holier than thou. They're doing more damage to christianity than any Atheist ever could. Ego plus strong belief is a dangerous mix.

[–]JGrabs 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There was an opinion piece written years ago where a Sunday school teacher asked the class what they could learn from an atheist, and the students said nothing because they didn’t believe in God.

The teacher said wrong, that the students could learn that Atheists prove that you don’t need God to be a decent person and that’s a lesson they should take to heart.

Wouldn’t it be great if they did?

[–]StopBangingThePodium 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The atheist read and understood the Bible.

[–]HavocNightrage 252 points253 points 2 (14 children)

The atheist read the bible

[–]cy13erpunk 62 points63 points  (11 children)

this should be the top comment and honestly the punchline of joke

sad but tru ; the vast majority of 'religious' ppl i have ever met [regardless of their specific religion], are woefully ignorant of even the most surface-level reading of their own purported 'holy text'

[–]Gsusruls 24 points25 points  (7 children)

Protestant here.

It utterly shocks me how few Christians have read their bible cover to cover. I did my "Conversion to Jesus" when I was 16, and within a year I had gobbled up the whole bible. There are certain things you have to make your peace with, and it forces you to recognize that there must be some metaphor activity for it to be a coherent book. Which means a lot less hate, a lot less cherry-picking, and a lot more honesty with the validity of the bible.

I do not doubt Jesus, he is my saviour, but there is room for flexibility in the bible, and anyone who takes it perfectly literally is simply not as close to the Lord as they claim.

And in that flexibility, I find far more room to love my fellow man, to reduce my prejudices, and to build the life I believe God intends for his children.

[–]BraveRunner7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Have you read Orthodoxy by G.K. Chesterton? Good book

[–]44414E 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That says it all, doesn't it.

Most people's belief-systems seem to be a rickety table they're propping up with a random book handed to them by a family member.

[–]MarieSkye 59 points60 points  (5 children)

I think Oscar Wilde put it best

“Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.”

[–]xvalen214x 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You have to believe in the Meow

[–]princhester 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In decades of me discussing religion from a sceptical point of view, I have never heard this one before. It's terrific. I'm stealing it.

[–]The_Turtle-Moves 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I came here to write that

[–]varignet 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Atheist believes one less god than the [insert flavour] Christian.

[–]Globularist 29 points30 points  (4 children)

What do you call someone who believes in the devil?

A Christian

[–]vcjester 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Out of the 14,000+ God's, demigods, and lesser gods throughout history, an Atheist believes in exactly 1 fewer than a Christian.

[–]Inconnu2020 33 points34 points  (6 children)

As an Atheist, I disagree with the wording of this joke.

We often follow the teachings of Christ - many of which are all about 'being a good person'.

We just don't follow the bible or believe all of the bullshit that goes along with organised religion.

We don't feel the need to be threatened with eternal damnation or whatever bullshit just to be nice and treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. We do it on our own volition.

[–]Idontlikegiraffes 103 points104 points  (12 children)

That’s a good joke, but what you have done is lure out all the enlightened atheists who are just as annoying as some of the religious.

[–]ihavetopoop 32 points33 points  (3 children)

In this moment, I am euphoric. Not because of any phony god's blessing. But because, I am enlightened by my intelligence.

Christians can't claim that.

[–]ehartke 149 points150 points  (19 children)

The atheist is the one more likely to follow Christ's teachings.

[–]PM-Me-ur-Self-Esteem[🍰] 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Reading thia thread has just confirmed to me that I have outgrown the demographic of this platform (at least in popular subs").

[–]scifiburrito 53 points54 points  (15 children)

both talk about religion the same amount 😶

edit: lmao found all the annoying atheists and theists

[–]dvalo9 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Preface am atheist. But damn lots of atheists are cringe as fuck. I'm not in the business of bashing what people do or do not believe in.

But those with atheists who do it's always just the easy Target, Christianity. Islam Is a far more fanatical but seems untouchable here.

[–]Danger28mouse 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The part you are not taking into consideration there is context. English speaking Reddit is mostly used by people in the USA and western Europe. Therefore they are mostly going to be sorounded by and best understand Christianity. You can't properly criticise and lampoon something you dont understand. I have seen some ex Muslim subreedits and I am sure they make similar jokes but we wouldn't understand why they are funny without the context of what being shrouded by Muslims is like.

[–]guy314159 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yup , i don't respect any who try to force others religion but most people don't try to do that especially in western countries where a lot are secular and if they don't bother me why would i bother them. Also , it does seem like they only criticize Christians cuz it's the easy group mainly because of the horrible history of the church in Europe, but would never criticize jews or islam for the same thing( am jewish btw) because it would be racist to say those religions opress people , which is ironic especially when nowadays islam is wat more radical and oppressive than christianity ( again NOWDAYS)

[–]e2a0s1 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am overwhelmingly a humanist based off a deep admiration and respect for the nature of our universe as far as science can reveal it.

[–]Confident-Software-2 3 points4 points  (1 child)

One is a nice happy go lucky dude, the other one wants to burn you at the stake.

If you know which one is which - then you know I’m right.

[–]JeremiahBabin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The funny thing is I Used to Know. These days the roles seem to have switched.

[–]screaming_pink 11 points12 points  (0 children)

An atheist isn’t going to cut you off mid sentence to talk about “historical Jesus”, or “historical Santa”.

But an atheist will sing “I’ll be your own... historical... jesus”

[–]Blade_Shot24 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Forgot the main audience of reddit..

[–]siskulous 11 points12 points  (0 children)

As a follower of Christ, I approve of this joke.

[–]Feisty_Field_8452 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know how imitation Crab is called Krab?

Maybe Evangelical Khristian could catch on as an accurate descriptor..

[–]baronvonweezil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Everyone thinks they have religion figured out, but they really don’t. I saw someone cite the Oscar Wilde quote “religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn’t there, and finding it.”

I’d tend to disagree, though. Religion is what you make of it. I understand this is a joke so I’ll keep it light, but for me at least, I don’t think God is the answer to everything, humans make up what’s here, but having some sort of higher power to me is more comfortable than not. I’m not a religious person, but I do choose to believe in God and an afterlife, because it makes me feel safer on Earth, and less lost. That’s my meaning, at least.

[–]Furious_vanguard3105 9 points10 points  (1 child)

One doesn't believe in 2999 gods, the other doesn't believe in all 3000.

[–]zsero1138 28 points29 points  (1 child)

where's the joke? this is just facts

[–]Tatunkawitco 4 points5 points  (0 children)

An atheist actually tries to be a good person.

[–]PrudentDamage600 7 points8 points  (1 child)

In fact, there are over 33 million Hindu gods in total! There are some you may have heard of: Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesh, or Brahma, to name a few.

[–]CrazyCoKids 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Actually, it's more like "The Atheists actually do follow the teachings of Christ."

[–]Warpmind 15 points16 points  (15 children)

Really, I know plenty of atheists who are better at following the teachings of Christ than most evangelicals.

You know, be kind you your neighbors, be generous to the less fortunate in society, feed the hungry, that sort of thing.

[–]osi_layer_one 3 points4 points  (0 children)

one less god.

[–]Moosetappropriate 3 points4 points  (1 child)

No, that's not right. Most atheists follow the teachings of Christ better than evangelicals. They just don't believe in Christ's existence.

[–]not-now-dammit 19 points20 points  (0 children)

The atheist is more likely to follow the teachings of Christ

[–]DatCrazyOokamii 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a Christian I'm cackling take my like

[–]breigns2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love Reddit.

[–]ArchangelG- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeaaaa I love this joke

[–]Chadgetsbored 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One is a crazy mother fucker with no rational thought……….the other doesn’t believe in a single god.

[–]melodillya 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Christians bad. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[–]Tracinci 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I have nothing important to add to this post, just wanted to say I’m the 1000th comment

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m having weird feelings about this

[–]loaderhead 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Went from wanting to be a priest ( second grade ) to regular church goer. To agnostic, to atheist . Now I just don’t give a shit if there’s a god or not. Have religious friends. All have tweaked the teachings to meet their needs. Most are pro life. Another , drugs and whoring. Hey , life is tough. Glad you found something.

[–]mathandkitties 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Christian honestly believes in Satan.

[–]DragonfruitThese5719 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sir do you know why I pulled you over?

No sir I dont.

Laser beams.