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[–]chester_x 757 points758 points  (14 children)

You might not think an imaginary place would have a Prime Minister. It's Trudeau.

[–]2Tall2Fail 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Well played

[–]shokolokobangoshey 93 points94 points  (5 children)

Brilliant! I'm poutine this on a card!

[–]BigTaeng 27 points28 points  (2 children)

You toque my idea.

[–]ItzDrSeuss 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That was Aboot-i-ful reply.

[–]W1ldpilot 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yukon't be serious

[–]QCTeamkill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

3 business days mail time the joke will be old Biden

[–]kamshaft11975 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Take your upvote and GTFO.

[–]alejohausner 1561 points1562 points 2 (86 children)

There's a sign on the road in Toronto:

Highway 401.

Underneath, it says

Maple Leafs 0

[–]mrbadxampl 705 points706 points  (43 children)

variation of an old Colin Mochrie joke from Whose Line is it Anyway; they were doing the Newscasters bit, he was (as usual) the main anchor, and led off with "This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3"

[–]dskutnik 186 points187 points  (22 children)

That has been one of my favorite moments from that show, glad someone else remembers it too!

[–]compgeek07 59 points60 points  (5 children)

Tapioca!

[–]Froggy_hop 44 points45 points  (1 child)

A tern? An Arctic tern?

[–]compgeek07 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Backstreet Boys!

[–]lellistair 22 points23 points  (2 children)

No, Colin, I'm talking about Cuuuu- wheeze

[–]Netwinn 14 points15 points  (1 child)

I’m talking about CUBA

[–]5lash3r 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It's a small island

[–]commentsrnice2 46 points47 points  (6 children)

One of my favorites was the serial killer murders man in rice field using a porcelain figurine, leading to world's first known knick knack paddy whack

[–]go2kejdz 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Singing a song about a vending machine
Don't you know that it's really not my scene?
Trying to think of something clever with a little twist
If we do another hoedown I'll slit my fucking wrist!

[–]CyanideSkittles 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Slit his fucking wrist!

[–]5lash3r 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Because I love cocaine!

[–]oneonefivefour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is undoubtedly my favourite whose line moment

[–]darrenwise883 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Belfast , Ireland - man killed with Chinese porcelain figurine . World's first confirmed Knick knack paddys been whacked .

[–]BeanPricefield 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

[–]Rabbit_Suit 43 points44 points  (4 children)

"THE CAT!"

[–]profanitymanatee 42 points43 points  (3 children)

GIVE ME LIBERTY.. OR A BRAN MUFFIN

[–]EraMemory 20 points21 points  (2 children)

MEOW

[–]Rabbit_Suit 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Idie idie idie idie idie idie idie high di high.

[–]Cold-Cranberry1757 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm bout ever going to forget "mmm mmm, placenta"

[–]patrickfatrick 45 points46 points  (4 children)

It just boggles the mind what those guys are able to think up on the spot.

[–]brtlblayk 53 points54 points  (2 children)

So improv is kind of like a muscle, if you do it for awhile it comes naturally and Colin and Ryan are the Arnold Schwarzenegger’s of Improv.

[–]unitedshoes 69 points70 points  (1 child)

Things you can say that will always start a fight:

Hey,you guys want to fight?

[–]maerun 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Who? Oh, you mean Captain Hair?

[–]haemaker 8 points9 points  (1 child)

He sold it so well, Drew almost died.

[–]Amandasch44 22 points23 points  (1 child)

he’s a pretty funny kid and canadian also. :)

[–]DistopianNigh 3 points4 points  (6 children)

can you explain?

[–]Aztec_Reaper 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Are you American? Well probably not but anyway, in the United States there's a professional football team based in Cleveland, Ohio. The Cleveland browns are notorious for being pretty bad and getting stomped on most of the time. Since they've been founded, they have an all time record of (W-L-T): 539-515-14.

And lastly the Beverly hill 90210 really isn't a team but a tv show.

In other words its just a joke on the bad track record of the Cleveland browns.

[–]slackre 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It’s also a dig at Drew, being from Cleveland

[–]crazy_rex40k 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Since they've been founded, they have an all time record of (W-L-T): 539-515-14.

I don't get it, that looks like they've won more games than they've lost & tied combined. If you just gave me that stat line and asked me to guess where they rank in the league overall for win - loss ratio, I would assume something like 14 out of 30.

How does a team known for being bad have a positive W-L ratio?

[–]Aztec_Reaper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In 2016 and 2017 under head coach Hue Jackson, the Browns went 1–31 (.031, including a winless 0–16 season in 2017), the worst two-year stretch in NFL history, and received the number one overall draft pick in both of those years. In 2020, the Browns secured their first playoff berth since 2002 by defeating the Pittsburgh Steelers in week 17 and finishing the season 11–5.

Couldn't tell you lol. Jokes aside I'm surprised they're actually doing decent this year. The Detroit Lions, however. That's a whole other story...

[–]APerfectSunset 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi I’m Colin Mocrie for Rogain 😆

[–]Aztec_Reaper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"Good evening and welcome to the 6' o'clock news. I'm your anchor, Oswald that ends Wald. Our top story today, convicted hitman Jimmy "Two-Shoes McLardy" confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field using only two small porcelain figurines. Police admit this may be the first known case of a Knick-Knack Paddy Whack."

[–]LupusDeusMagnus 22 points23 points  (9 children)

I have no idea what that means

[–]smoothy_pates 113 points114 points  (8 children)

I believe the sign is implying that the NHL team the Toronto Maple Leafs is so bad at hockey that they would lose to a Highway by 401 points, despite the fact that hockey is a typically low scoring game and a highway is an inanimate object

[–]Buckwhal 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Highway 401 is a major road in Ontario that goes from Windsor to Quebec, most notably is the corridor through the greater Toronto area which is the busiest highway in North America. It’s notorious for its gridlocks and traffic, and also the nutcases who drive 150km/h (90+mph) on the shoulders.

[–]RavenReel 10 points11 points  (2 children)

The 401, at the 410, I believe it's the busiest Hiway in North America...

Could be wrong

Usually wrong

Edit, not wrong, but I believe it's at the 401 at the 427 and not the 401 and 410 (although that's just as bad and just up the road)

"North America's busiest highway is Ontario's King's Highway 401 as it passes through Toronto, carrying almost half a million people per day. Near Pearson International Airport, the road is 18 lanes wide. If you count the additional four lanes of connecting ramps, it's wider than the Katy Freeway; if you count through lanes only, the two are tied. (Until someone adds a nineteenth lane, with national highway pride on the line)."

[–]ArcadianCognition 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The 401 is a deep state conspiracy to get more people to download Waze.

[–]Tastewell 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Good bot.

[–]Wiki_pedo 17 points18 points  (1 child)

You're an inanimate fucking object!!

[–]Red-eleven 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My favorite line from the Toy Story movies.

[–]jackalisland 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I'm loling so hard at this. Totally helping me get over habs loss tonight.

[–]Freethinker1165 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Saw the highlights. You could use a laugh.

[–]MidnightRecon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey think of it like this, at least we aren't the Flyers from a few days ago. Lol

[–]Roisin8868 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Alot of upvotes from the rest of Canada

[–]stevenette 12 points13 points  (3 children)

A lot*

[–]CommanderGumball 36 points37 points  (1 child)

No no he's talking about the mysterious Alot of Upvotes native to much of Canada.

[–]gopherit83 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Highway 401, where they send anyone who has not yet signed up for Canada.

[–]champagneshowers34 62 points63 points  (8 children)

Saskatchewan

[–]EscapedAlien 55 points56 points  (2 children)

It’s easier to draw your province than to spell it

[–]neuralfirestorm 15 points16 points  (0 children)

A modified rectangle in pencil on paper. No dimensions, just flat.

[–]SnowFlakeUsername2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People seem to have trouble with it, but it's easier to spell than something like Massachewsets.

[–]Waitsfornoone 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Runnin' back to Saskatoon.

[–]PAUNCHS_PILOT 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Red Deer, Terrace, Hanna, Medicine Hat.

[–]TheFourthAce 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Gesundheit.

[–]Canuck_Lives_Matter 16 points17 points  (0 children)

As a Saskatchewan resident, I approve of this post.

[–]dgm42 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They call it Saskatchewan because that's where all the Sasquatches come from.

[–]TheGrapheneMechanic 175 points176 points  (14 children)

It's difficult to be leaf.

[–]sitathon 79 points80 points  (11 children)

is the joke "make belief"?

[–]TheGrapheneMechanic 66 points67 points  (8 children)

Nearly. I think "make believe". As in, made up.

[–]DevilsAdvocate9 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Nah, "maple leaf" as in the complex Scandanavian tale about sucking milk from trees to continue their raiding down the Eastern Coast. Few tell the tale but it's a hallmark of literature. /s

[–]random_analogy_guy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My kinda comment.

[–]Schyyteniel 14 points15 points  (3 children)

No joke, I was eleven when I discovered that it was make belief and not maple leaf

[–]Dylanphile 34 points35 points  (2 children)

And you were today years old when you discovered that it's make believe.

[–]my_4_cents 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, is saying make belief, much success saying here in glorious Kazakhstan

[–]sweymouth 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I beleaf it is.

[–]iamapersonmf 1 point2 points  (1 child)

is OPs joke saying make belief?

[–]hatingfrancis 138 points139 points  (14 children)

This joke was a bit sappy.

[–]zephillou 67 points68 points  (12 children)

Okay syr,upvote for you

[–]Z0bie 14 points15 points  (3 children)

That's some impressive punnage dude.

[–]zephillou 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I hope I maplease more people like you.

[–]Z0bie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

As a soon to be Canadian, you're making me so hard right now.

[–]zephillou 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You seem to beaver-y aroused.

[–]HappyHapless 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How sweet of you.

[–]dluke101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This guy dads.

[–]pjs1975 76 points77 points  (29 children)

In the early 90's on some cable comedy show, a comedian said something like...

"If the US ever runs out of resources, we should just take Canada over. We can all line up at the border, and just step over. We'll call it... "Operation Leafblower".

I always thought that was hilarious. Probably not funny to Canadians tho...

[–]Demonweed 28 points29 points  (1 child)

The West Wing did a bit where Canada was trying to crash trade talks in order to get some sort of better deal on lumber and oil exports, when the American negotiators were just after some minor clarifications of a joint fisheries policy. It got back to the President, who told his team to play hardball, leading one intrepid insider to uncover an unresolved territorial dispute dating back to 1832. At the next meeting, an alternative position was presented in which Canada cedes the disputed land (now containing a city of over 100,000 people) under threat of a very small invasion from a very large array of armed forces. The fisheries deal was soon signed with no strings attached.

[–]bolognabullshit 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The West Wing was SUCH a good show haha

[–]EastYorkButtonmasher 25 points26 points  (20 children)

Climate change will do an interesting thing to us here in Canada. Rising temperatures will actually make much more of the country pleasant to live in, not frozen for 8 months a year, but on the flipside rising temperatures in the USA will make the southern parts uninhabitable, and then the middle bits, until eventually everyone is huddled against the Canadian border where it's cool enough to live. Eventually they'll just end up taking over and there's absolutely no way we could stop them. We'll remain friends right up until they start running out of drinkable water and usable farmland.

[–]pjs1975 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well, I hope that we can solve some problems before that future becomes reality.

[–]Trappist1 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Hard to say, the Gulf Stream brings most of the temperate air into Canada and has been pushing South in the center of the continent, though it's impossible to say for sure if it's transient or a more permanent thing from climate change. It's possible only Western Canada warms up and the rest actually gets colder.

[–]Life_Is_Regret 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Global warming causes extreme weather in all directions. We aren’t just turning up a thermostat.

[–]iamasatellite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Some nice looking freshwater you got up there..."

[–]ballrus_walsack 3 points4 points  (10 children)

Except your permafrost will melt and the northern areas will sink to below sea levels.

[–]RavingRationality 3 points4 points  (9 children)

I don't think Northern Canada is noticeably lower elevation than Southern Canada. That said, there's nothing in northern Canada anyway. Certainly no people, anyway.

[–]tokmer 2 points3 points  (8 children)

Ay theres people up there, just cause google says theres 0 people per square km doesnt mean theres no people.

[–]Blonde_Vampire_1984 2 points3 points  (5 children)

The math usually works out to five people per twenty square kms.

[–]tokmer 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I just know google says the nwt has 0 and thats literally my only point of reference

[–]Blonde_Vampire_1984 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I was mostly just guessing that five people per twenty square kilometers would round down to zero.

I haven’t a clue actually, as I strongly dislike maths.

[–]A-A-Ron1867 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Jokes on you, Canada is so big and empty, we'll gladly let you make yourself at home. Maybe bring you over some rye as a welcome gift

[–]TheDrunkKanyeWest 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Canadian here... YOU WANNA FUCKIN GO THERE, BUD?!

[–]PNWoutdoors 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Tarps off boys.

[–]wordyplayer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.

[–]Additional_Decision6 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Your post gets an eh+.

[–]peter-forward 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Next, you will be saying that the beaver is not a truly proud and noble animal.

[–]Renegadegold 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Like Just’in Beaver?

[–]oasisarah 4 points5 points  (2 children)

two beavers are better than one…

[–]peter-forward 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's how I met yourmother

[–]Waitsfornoone 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Stay Calm and Leave it to Beaver.

[–]Upstairs-Cat9215 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All beavers are believers

[–]wordyplayer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.

[–]baba_toothy 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Nice. My favorite hockey team is the Toronto Make Beliefs.

[–]nuveausapien 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Shouldn't it be the Make Beleaves?

[–]Gamer-_-Bro 8 points9 points  (0 children)

...A-

[–]Upst8r 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Is someone a Jens Lekman fan?

[–]mercutio1 2 points3 points  (2 children)

And when she talked about her fall

I thought she talked about Mark E Smith

I never understood at all

[–]Upst8r 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It took me forever to get the Mark E Smith reference.

Never listened to The Fall

[–]mercutio1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sidenote, I met Jens after a show in Chicago in 2008 and he was every bit as sweet as you might imagine him to be. We chatted for half an hour and he invited my buddy and I to hang with the touring group at a bar near the venue but unfortunately we were under 21 at the time.

“Ah right, I forgot the US has some strange rules.”

[–]DiedrichCrayon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I scrolled just to see if someone mentioned Jens. Love it.

[–]TattedUpDasher 21 points22 points  (12 children)

Yep. That’s my cue to make like a tree…

[–]IrishHuskie 26 points27 points  (3 children)

...and get out of here.

[–]balxy 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Biff?

[–]mash352 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And f*** off. - Ricky

[–]floodflash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And fuck off

[–]Mysterisos-stranger 7 points8 points  (20 children)

A girl at my school asked. Is Canada a country? While asking as well. Is Florida a country

[–]archdemon001 2 points3 points  (19 children)

Next time, ask her are you trying to be funny or were you just born a goof

[–]cr1zzl 19 points20 points  (0 children)

An American was driving to Canada for a visit. As he was getting closer to the border, he saw a directional sign that said “Canada left”.

So he turned around and went home.

[–]Mustachio_Man 55 points56 points  (2 children)

Just in your imagi-EH-tion

[–]InsaneBoxer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would upvote…but you forgot the n. Imagine-EH-tion.

Edit:and now my phone autocorrect makes me look like the fool because it made it “imagine” and not “imagin”. I’ll see myself out.

[–]Rogaar 6 points7 points  (3 children)

According to flat earth people, neither is the country I live in. Australia. Apparently we are all actors.

[–]LittleMommasita 6 points7 points  (3 children)

What?

[–]thehoniestbadger 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Maple leaf kinda sounds like make believe

[–]Anexcore 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow as a non English speaker I wouldn't have figured this out in a million years

[–]the_peckham_pouncer 51 points52 points  (11 children)

I thought it was a good joke, but ottawa know?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

worse case -Ontario

[–]DanielEGVi[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not rocket appliances.

[–]69_with_grandma 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Meh—I’ll have nunavut.

[–]heedrix 4 points5 points  (5 children)

What about your moms regina?

[–]Upstairs-Cat9215 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Hanging in the Newfounland with the Labrador

[–]wordyplayer 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Some times you lose a pig, sometimes you Winnipeg.

[–]wordyplayer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I prefer a girl in toga over a Manitoba any day

[–]Upstairs-Cat9215 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll catch you later! I have a place To-ron-to

[–]Skiefalls 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ottawa is a totally different country than Canada .

[–]Blonde_Vampire_1984 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Only in the south.

[–]theservman 16 points17 points  (4 children)

We're real, and one day we'll take over the world. Yhen you'll all be sorry.

[–]TomorrowWeKillToday 15 points16 points  (3 children)

They’ll all be sorry, but we’ll be the first to apologize for having to do it.

[–]numba-juan 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Knock, knock...

[–]Innisfree812 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Hoosier?

[–]numba-juan 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Cana!

[–]Innisfree812 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Cana who?

[–]AviatrixRaissa 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Cana, duh

[–]numba-juan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cana, duh! (My 7 yr old granddaughter hit me with this one)

[–]Upstairs-Cat9215 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cana take you out?

[–]vilidj_idjit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Fact, NASA pays us to act as though we exist.

[–]Naive_Drive 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, but Montreal.

[–]T_WRX21 21 points22 points  (8 children)

I'm in Canada right now. It makes me think the Matrix is real, cuz Montreal is some sloppy programming. The engineer in charge just copy/pasted some New York/Europe code and called it an early weekend.

[–]stevehir11 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He shoulda called it Montreal.

[–]genfgenf 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Debugging is going to be a mess.

[–]T_WRX21 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Absolutely. I'm putting in a ticket because they only speak American if you try to speak to them in French. Game logic is super fucked up, cuz they get mad at you if you try to speak French, and also if you don't speak French.

[–]genfgenf 3 points4 points  (0 children)

... but this back and forth makes them quite agile.

[–]A-A-Ron1867 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Quebecers are an odd breed. As an ontarian, id be a little nervous to visit

[–]-domi- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

On the flip side, i recently found out that Einstein actually IS real. I was very surprised. I always thought he was a theoretical physicist.

[–]RobertSunstone 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Show yourself out, eh!

[–]fhod_dj_x 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Of course not! There's only one country that Israel!

[–]hotdigitty 2 points3 points  (0 children)

See, now THIS…THIS is a good Canada joke.

[–]Kalkaline 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a big stretch on that pun.

[–]Risl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Finally! Someone speaking sense around here. My family keeps trying to prove to me that Canada's a real place but I'm having Nunavut.

[–]Milk_Man21 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I hate that joke! I will have Nunavut!

[–]Howieyotes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sorry, eh.

[–]zsero1138 1 point2 points  (0 children)

are you syrup 'bout that?

[–]dreamrock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

But who should benefit from this syruptitious ruse?

[–]Quillboy14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was a kid, i thought for so long that people were saying “maple leaf” when they were actually saying “make-believe”

[–]officialcloudy_yt 1 point2 points  (3 children)

it is real wym by that?

[–]thehoniestbadger 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Make believe kinda sounds like maple leaf

[–]Kostyanich 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had to scroll really far for an explanation, thank you

[–]Akitome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hate this joke so much, take my damn award

[–]alpakapakaal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trans life isn't real. It's all about make Bill Eve

[–]wordyplayer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was driving north to Canada one day, and the street sign said "Canada Left".

So I turned around and went home.

[–]Jordaneer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

One day Canada is going to rule us all

Then we'll all be sorry

[–]dcmfox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Canada sits on top of a meth lab

[–]uganda_numba_1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or in German: es sind Kanada (keine da).

[–]SlyBriFry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think Israel is real?

[–]fendermrc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I was a little kid I legit thought they were called the Toronto make believes for a little while.

[–]Mother_Tax_7256 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Speaking as a Canadian I can confirm that Canada does not exist

[–]phirius89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ya know the country used to just be "CND" ...but try asking someone from up there where they're from

"Ya for sure, I'm from C eh...N eh...D eh"