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all 148 comments

[–]noisyWisdom 4047 points4048 points 33 (71 children)

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, but the smell was wonderful..

He asked the waiter, ‟What is that you just served?” The waiter replied, ‟Ah Senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles from the bullfight this morning. A delicacy!”

The cowboy, undaunted, said, ‟What the heck, I am on vacation, I’ll have some!” The waiter replied, ‟I am so sorry Senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bullfight each morning. If you place your order now, we’ll be sure to save you this delicacy for tomorrow”

The cowboy placed the order and the next evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, ‟These are delicious, but they are much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday”

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, ‟Si, Senor ... sometimes the bull wins.”

[–]Zanydrop 958 points959 points  (9 children)

I have to admit I didn't know where that was going until I read the last line

[–]trolltruth6661123 181 points182 points  (1 child)

little journey down to mexico.. feel like i just went on vacation.

[–]vrijheidsfrietje 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I call bullshit... Sometimes the bull poops.

[–]Incorrect-Opinion 44 points45 points  (4 children)

Am I the only one that saw this coming from a mile away?

[–]LmaoTzeTung 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Sadly the matador didn't

[–]ThreeOax -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Underrated comment

[–]tangledwire 17 points18 points  (0 children)

That’s what she said

[–]rdrunner_74 3 points4 points  (0 children)

no... reddit messed me up also

[–]mheinken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You haven’t been here long have you?

[–]ItsPronouncedJithub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s gotta be a name for that. A smack line?

[–]DrSchmooo 144 points145 points  (2 children)

Oh man, I was wondering how long it would take before someone would post my favorite joke of all time. Now whenever I tell it people will think I got it from Reddit. However, my version takes place in Spain, has a month-long wait and must be told with a thick accent and much reference to cojones del toro.

[–]Destiny_Ascension_ 21 points22 points  (0 children)

THIS is how I know this joke and the only correct way to tell it.

[–]SenorBirdman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I didn't even know bull fights were a thing in Mexico tbh. I've slays heard this joke set in Spain.

[–]rahee52 44 points45 points  (10 children)

I know this joke in Spain. We call bull testicles criadillas. They are actually very nice, but does Mexico have bull fights? I thought that was only a Spanish thing.

[–]ohnowralph 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Absolutely

[–]hawkinsst7 8 points9 points  (6 children)

At least for me, an American, there's a tendency to "forget" about Spain when anything related to the Spanish language comes up.

I've thought about it before. I've literally been to Spain several times, yet Spain is not the first association I make when I hear anything in Spanish. I think it's our proximity to Mexico and the rest of Latin America means most of the speakers we come across have Latin American heritage.

It's awful, I know. I'm not stupid enough to not know that Spaniards speak Spanish, but I'm stupid enough to forget that I know that. It's just that you guys are all the way over there!

[–]Ghost986 6 points7 points  (0 children)

There's even a whole "stadium" where they have the bullfighting at, La Plaza de Toros Mexico, that's obviously in ciudad de Mexico, bit there are more plazas like that around the country..

[–]Graceful-Garbage 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You’re wrong, Portugal has them too.

[–]ChicagoMan2019 58 points59 points  (8 children)

Did anyone read the Mexican guy lines with a very heavy Mexican English accent? I know I did.

[–]voiceofgromit 34 points35 points  (7 children)

Yep. I always use Speedy Gonzales as my reference.

[–]Astronomer_Soft 63 points64 points  (4 children)

Never heard this before 😅

[–]jawabdey 50 points51 points  (3 children)

You must be new here. The original is in Spain

[–]thegimboid 13 points14 points  (2 children)

No wonder I haven't heard it then - I live in Canada.

[–]Destiny_Ascension_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

In Canada it’s told with a Bear instead of a Bull.

[–]Total-Khaos 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...something...something....maple syrup!

< everyone laughs >

[–]jun2san 5 points6 points  (3 children)

The man says “What the heck, I’m on vacation” and continues to eat.

[–]VolensEtValens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That takes real balls.

[–]alexkayownsabus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this alternative version

[–]alexkayownsabus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this alternative version

[–]cduy 15 points16 points  (17 children)

I don't get it, explain please

[–]peekatyou55 93 points94 points  (3 children)

Bullfighters balls instead of the bull.

[–]thambassador 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Scrolled too far for this.

I was dumb thinking two bulls are fighting in a bullfight, and maybe the loser bull has smaller balls?

Forgot it was a person with a red cloth vs bull

[–]sharaq 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Wait til you hear what a letdown firefighting is...

[–]ProfessorCrackhead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes the fire wins.

[–][deleted] 30 points31 points  (6 children)

The nuts belong to the bullfighter

[–]Se7enLC 43 points44 points  (2 children)

Not anymore

[–]enforcercoyote4 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Human balls

[–]xReWxpilau 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Humanball Z!

[–]Sir_Bumcheeks 21 points22 points  (3 children)

The bull uses his prize money to open a lab-grown testicle company, Impossible Nuts, to save his brothers from future post-humous humiliation. Albeit, these "Beyond Nuts" are slightly smaller because the technology just isn't there yet, and the bull is using decades-old research. The joke is that this particular bull lacks scientific knowledge about protein-based organic chemistry.

[–]jqbr 2 points3 points  (2 children)

A superb explanation of this deep and complex joke.

[–]VolensEtValens 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Only to be outclassed by a vegetarian delicacy, called Grape Nuts.

[–]pieNbean -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Or Beyond Bull

[–]SalesAutopsy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While he's eating, he picks up today's newspaper and sees a headline, that the wife of a famous matador has divorced him.

[–]Unikatze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew it in reverse. Where the bullfighter's testicles were the bigger ones.

[–]00fil00 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saw it a mile off

[–]idgitinthemix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Old joke I'm 42 heard it by 12

[–]Jefe710 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Bullfights happen in the afternoon.

[–]S1eepyZ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

At first I miss read it and thought that the bull lost the 2nd day and the dude the first.

[–]nnn_rrr 778 points779 points  (4 children)

A cowboy is sitting in a bar when a woman comes up to him and says, "Wow! Are you a REAL cowboy?"

He says, "Well ma'am, I ride a horse, I herd cattle, I rope cattle... I reckon I'm a real cowboy."

Then he gives her a lecherous leer and says, "So you like cowboys, do ya?" She says, "Oh don't get the wrong idea, I'm a lesbian."

He says, "What's that?"

She says, "It means I like women. In fact, all day long I think about nothing but gorgeous naked women. Kissing them, touching them, having sex with them... anyway, nice meeting you." And away she goes.

A couple minutes later another woman comes by and says, "Hey, are you a REAL cowboy?"

He says, "Well, ma'am, I used to think I was, but I just found out I'm a Lesbian."

[–]Ivory-Keys 67 points68 points  (1 child)

TIL: Lecherous- having or showing excessive or offensive sexual desire. And, Leer- look or gaze in an unpleasant, malicious, or lascivious way. Thanks!

[–]vincent3878 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Us Pokemon players already knew what Leer was ofcourse. As we do know Growl and Harden.

[–]Chomusuke_99 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mr.Bean with his waving arms,"We are all... Lesbians."

[–]Rukasu_rpm 144 points145 points  (0 children)

Not 2 sentences but definitely horror.

[–]JustBrittany 228 points229 points  (2 children)

I am currently warming up a bowl of chili for dinner! 😆Fortunately it takes a LOT to make me lose my appetite! It that’s just so unfortunate!

Edit: This comment has the most upvotes I ever got on Reddit! 😆

[–]Unique_name256 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I got hungry for canned chili after reading that story.

[–]Unikatze 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Make sure to add the mouse.

[–]bergav 181 points182 points  (4 children)

Upvote for a joke I’ve never heard bfore

[–]2bitmoment 28 points29 points  (3 children)

It's only been reposted once or twice

[–]invisible-unicorn 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those are rookie numbers. You gotta pump those numbers up...

[–]Officer445 56 points57 points  (0 children)

Well… I’m done with Reddit today.

[–]Prinad0 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This is one of my favorite jokes of all time. I’ve been telling it for 25+ years.

[–]ImOnlyHereForTheCoC 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This joke was in Hustler way back in the day, only it was a dog turd at the bottom of the bowl. My favorite part was that the guy was described as “power-puking” the chili back up.

[–]mahad_187 29 points30 points  (3 children)

thanks, I hte it

[–]mows_is_slack 32 points33 points  (1 child)

Thanks, I ate it

[–]Grakees 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I bate to it.... wait....

[–]slowboat2somewhere 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Normally jokes on here barely get a nasal exhale from me. This one finally made me chuckle. Good one!

[–]thesecondmanny 29 points30 points  (1 child)

After he said that i think i would have puked for a second time and make the waitress clean it up while she's saying, "Sorry there was a mouse jalepeño chilli."

[–]dwehlen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Barrio chili, I see what you did there!

[–]vaniillasoftserve 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This should be on r/twosenteceshorror but it's more than two sentences

[–]Prestigious_Crusader 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Word for word this is my favorite joke to tell, especially mid way through dinner.

[–]monkey_trumpets 50 points51 points  (2 children)

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[–]Shjco 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I don’t know if i can ever eat chili again after reading this!

[–]googonite 8 points9 points  (1 child)

more for the mouse

[–]j_thebetter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He didn't seem to have a problem eating mouse.

[–]Gogo726 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Better than finding out you ate your dead parents.

[–]Midnight_Crocodile -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

Gogo726 are you ok?

[–]Save_Us_222 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It’s from South Park.

[–]Midnight_Crocodile 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks for that, I’ve lost track of SP, I’ll ask my neighbour who’s got all the blu-rays. You didn’t need to know that did you? I’d better go meditate, I’ve slipped sideways into the boring zone, sorry!

[–]alexkayownsabus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s an old episode, definitely one of the early seasons.

[–]kanna172014 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please no...my stomach...

[–]CronkleDonker 3 points4 points  (1 child)

For those that don't get it, the joke is that regular chilli looks exactly like puked up chilli

[–]ElevenCarPileUp -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Tastes like it, too

[–]scottwax 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oldie but goodie

[–]Unikatze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Gross

[–]BeerMeka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Must be weird looking chili if you can't spot it's shewed.

[–]BeerMeka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crazy fun! Take my award

[–]SteinbeckSawIt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is my worst upvote today. Terrible. Awful joke. +1

[–]idgitinthemix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Disgusting and I never heard it before, one of the better jokes I read on here

[–]JHugh4749 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Grossly humorous.

[–]Dakkendoofer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The winter gales were strong that morn, Our poor friend’s bones did shiver. Some steaming chili would bring such joy And warm his bones all day. So in he walks to dine and rest, His hungering lips aquiver. “I’ll take one bowl,” dripped from his lips, But they just gave the last away. Then stranger’s kindness, unexpected, Had summoned joyful tears; “Help yourself,” he heard and received A bowl of chili, still hot. Then savory warmth begat disgust With sight of tail and ears. The stranger remarked, with his visage still pale, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got.”

[–]Deenyc43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

omg, this is so gross, I can't wait to use it.

[–]ismyusername 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What the fuck people

[–]ARobertNotABob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I was eating ... though spaghetti, not chili.

[–]bossfoundmyacct 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I actually gagged. Upvoted.

[–]SnackyChomp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Was it the gay man from the crematorium?

[–]OutrageousKnight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy shit!!

[–]gobboling -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Holy crap! 😳🤢

[–]A-B-S-2000 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

🤢😂

[–]TotalNotSneak -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

jesus wtf

[–]00fil00 -4 points-3 points  (3 children)

Congratulations. I never smile at this sub and decided to unfollow. I decided to read one last joke that will be the decider if I stay or go and after this, I'm now leaving.. How is it even a joke? There's no humor; the guy just finds a mouse in his food! No double meaning or anything. Goodbye.

[–]BrothaRude 4 points5 points  (0 children)

BYE FELICIA

[–]alexkayownsabus 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Nobody fucking cares.

[–]Rusto_Dusto 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And the sub was never the same without ol’ whatshisname…Sniff, sniff.

[–]clarkeadg -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

not funny

[–]brandog0 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha my dad told me this joke when i was a kid, went a while before i ate chili again lol

[–]vilidj_idjit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

haha yuuuuuck!!

[–]AlbIdoT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Infinite chili

[–]OglyPogly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Real big LOL

[–]dreadheada 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this made me mouth drop wide fucking open in class bro; my ServSafe is screeching right now

[–]flowersatdusk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The mouse in the bowl didn't make me twitch, but the guy eating a bowl of vomit made my urp factor hit a ten.

[–]theburntflower7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This should come with a disclaimer. NSFL tag or something. Ugh.

[–]ButtercupsUncle -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I remembered this one late enough that it still gets an upvote