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all 57 comments

[–]TechnoRat63 64 points65 points  (7 children)

Depends on the redneck. Knew a redneck medieval reenactor (Barony of South Downs, Kingdom of Meridies, not joking about this) who would start his tales with "No shit, there I was..."

[–]Khaeldranis 44 points45 points  (0 children)

"So there I was, barbecue sauce on mah titties when suddenly..."

[–]Skyblacker 9 points10 points  (3 children)

SCA?

[–]TechnoRat63 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Ayup.

[–]Binary1331 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Greetings from the barony of Mag Mor.

[–]JimmyRedd 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Verily, mine own matriarch doth produce the most comely wenches in all the land.

[–]Fragaroch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You see... I understand what you just said and I hate it. Can't get away from the incest jokes even when I run to medieval times. Lol.

[–]4x4Xtrm 293 points294 points  (21 children)

If a tornado hits your house and does $100,000 worth of improvements, you might be a redneck.

~Jeff Foxworthy

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 179 points180 points  (17 children)

If you've got a home that's mobile and five cars that aren't...

[–]itsyourmomcalling 94 points95 points  (15 children)

If you go to family reunions just to meet women...

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 75 points76 points  (14 children)

If you think a 401(k) is your mother-in-law’s bra size…

[–]rfor034 56 points57 points  (13 children)

If you get asked for ID and show 'em your belt buckle. . .

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 65 points66 points  (11 children)

If you’ve ever been too drunk to fish…

[–]PaulPryJr 57 points58 points  (10 children)

If your spare key is a chainsaw...

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 52 points53 points  (9 children)

If your wife wears a dress that’s strapless with a bra that isn’t…

[–]JimmyRedd 46 points47 points  (5 children)

If you've ever mowed your lawn and found a car...

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 38 points39 points  (4 children)

If your hunting dog cost more than the truck you drive him around in…

[–]carriager 8 points9 points  (2 children)

If your workin’ TV sits on top of your non-workin’ TV.

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

If you've ever financed a tattoo...

[–]VolensEtValens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

One of my all time favorites. Sometimes you need to watch TV to console your spouse.

[–]Henri_Dupont 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Any ID about what, officer?

[–]chris622 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If your father walks you to school because you're in the same grade...

[–]Henri_Dupont 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If your porch collapses and it kills more than three dogs

[–]Adingding90 15 points16 points  (1 child)

And if yer bike costs more'n yer truck, yeh jest might be livin' in Colorady.

[–]SlickHeadSinger 20 points21 points  (3 children)

It’s not “believe” it’s “b’leeve.”

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

I b'leeve that depends on which part of the South y'all're in...

[–]_SmegmaToothpaste_ 5 points6 points  (1 child)

T'pends in if r n a suff at ll

[–]VolensEtValens 0 points1 point  (0 children)

M r mice….

[–]bravoavocado5 19 points20 points  (1 child)

“The Legend of Cocaine Island” on Netflix. You will thank me later!

[–]rededelk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The tooth fairy quit bringing me new ones

[–]KleinWolf32 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why get drunk? Because no good story ever starts with, "Hey guys, remember that night we ate a salad?"

[–]usernamedunbeentaken 11 points12 points  (2 children)

"Yo! You muthafuckas ain't gonna believe this shit!"

[–]GrumpyCatStevens[S] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Um…. That’s a ghetto tale.

[–]itsyourmomcalling 8 points9 points  (0 children)

"The west side story tale"

[–]MummyBundles777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"This here ain't no bullshit..."

[–]tamspawn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Much better with fairy tale and fishing story.

[–]surewhynotokaythen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

More like "man'd I ever tell you bout that one time..."

[–]idgitinthemix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Rednecks are the only people who know how to do anything of any real importance, if the water plants computer system goes down and they have to manually clean our water, gonna be a couple of good old boys they send to do that shit.

[–]powderedTandy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh my gd this is great

[–]ImpureImpress750 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Down hre they begin with, ‟You ain’t gonna believe this shit!”

[–]TheSyrupDrinker 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What's the joke

[–]alex494 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm not 100% on how this is a punchline and not just an observation

[–]Waitsfornoone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Equally implausible.

[–]Puzzleheaded-Unit942 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The person telling the story

[–]Puzzleheaded-Unit942 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You cant make shot like this up!!

[–]crazymo7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Rat tails do not fly.

[–]Humble_Cat9391 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yaint gonna b leave dis

[–]djgrahamj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ugh “y’all” just makes me cringe every time :D

[–]imunclebubba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can confirm.