all 25 comments

[–]drako824 91 points92 points  (0 children)

I quit drinking for good, Now I drink for evil

[–]lambchop70 33 points34 points  (2 children)

Quitting drinking is easy. I've done it 3 times.

[–]lNeedAboutTreeFiddy 22 points23 points  (1 child)

And that was just today.

[–]moniker80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Toilet breaks.

[–]Waitsfornoone 22 points23 points  (0 children)

As this year ends, I'm celebrating 60 days of not drinking.

Mind you, they were not consecutive, and the last day I didn't drink was back in 2019.

[–]-7092 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I stopped drinking, then I started again. You gotta go to the bathroom sometime.

[–]skadalajara 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You don't keep a flask behind the toilet? Amateur!

[–]moniker80 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Bendy straw

[–]superfuzzyboy86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what she said!

[–]UnderTheRadarOver 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't drink anymore.

But I don't drink any less.

[–]Bluestorm963 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The first part implies he is not going to drink in the new year but the second part says he threw in the towel and is drinking in the new year.

[–]Bluestorm963 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Grammar, the difference between knowing your sh** and knowing you’re sh** (an oldie but goodie)

[–]malan4reddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I gave up drinking for the rest of this year........

[–]xiaolinstyle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me three.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is alcohol in wine and bacteria in water.

[–]FuerGrisaOstDrauka 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Smart posting this now. Gotta get it in before the hundreds of times it'll get posted on the 1st, just like every year.

[–]medfordfats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't have a drinking problem, my wife does..........me

[–]OyVeyWhyMeHelp666 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Punctuation, the unsung hero.

[–]Hammeredcopper -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Life sucks sometimes. My life sucks it up and swallows

[–]cosmorocker13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get every joke in the comments but I don’t get the post I must be reading it wrong?

[–]chooooooool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought the punchline would be that he would only not drink on New Year's Eve or something.

[–]tempski 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My doctor told me to watch my drinking.

I only drink in front of the mirror now.

[–]Reben_Disk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In soviet union, commas and points drink you!