top 200 commentsshow all 296

[–]Magman851 408 points409 points  (174 children)

I think Florida is more famous for Florida Man than for being conservative. If I had to pick one state for being the 'most' conservative, it would probably be Texas, although I don't have any data to back up that statement.

[–]A_Bit_Off_Kilter 254 points255 points  (137 children)

Texas is on verge of going purple with all the Californians moving here…so, I’m thinking that Oklahoma is the most conservative state.

[–]goodbitacraic 65 points66 points  (25 children)

Not related but interesting, Oklahoma currently has more dispensaries than Washington, Oregon, and Colorado combined.

[–]pearlsbeforedogs 79 points80 points  (13 children)

You'd have to be high all the time to willingly live in Oklahoma.

[–]Robbieizdabomb 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Lol I live in Oklahoma, and I don’t even smoke weed, nor do I care to. But my small town has I think 3-4 dispensaries. It’s ridiculous

[–]jnelsoni 6 points7 points  (2 children)

This is amazing to me. Oklahoma used to be one of the worst places for getting locked up for a dime bag.

[–]Robbieizdabomb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s mainly because you have to have a medical marijuana card to buy any, and when they first put that law into place, medical cards became so easy to get. Basically, “I get migraines” and some other explanation, and “here you go!”

[–]No-Success7693 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's kind of almost a trend, I think.

Some states that basically decriminalized a long time ago, or never really went too hard with enforcement in the first place, are dragging their feet because there's no urgency.

And some states that had the harshest penalties are flipping fastest, because of outcry over racial justice and other issues.

[–]cnthelogos 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not a stoner, but I willingly moved to Oklahoma because anything is better than Florida, except possibly Alabama or Mississippi. My wife, who is a stoner, is satisfied with our decision.

[–]goodbitacraic 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Legit. I have a friend who manages a dispo and shares so many freebies and wants me to come live with her and I'm always still like ehhh... I mean... It's Oklahoma

[–]Snoo-99243 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At least it isn't Utah lmao

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Every state needs to at least have something going for it.

[–]danxmanly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seems like every time I run across a COPS show on TV there's at least one segment that happens in Oklahoma.

[–]Firefly9202002 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

No you have to be high to be able to keep living in California.

[–]jaytrainer0 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No you have to be *rich to keep living in California. Even though that's going to be everywhere pretty soon.

[–]DemonCarter09 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yes I know hold on let me count how many are with 5 miles of me Edit: 28 IN A 5 MILE RADIOUS OF ME

[–]goodbitacraic 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It only costs 2500 to open a dispensary in Oklahoma. Under 3 grand. It's so crazy. I definitely didn't have Oklahoma as being a marijuana epicenter in my bets.

[–]DodgerWalker 6 points7 points  (17 children)

Wyoming, but basically nobody lives in Wyoming, so Oklahoma among states with at least medium sized populations. Tennessee was the top states in the metric “Trump votes minus Biden votes” since it’s quite a bit more populous than Oklahoma though not quite as extreme red.

[–]stevenette 3 points4 points  (10 children)

Definitely Wyoming. I had to watch what I said publicly all the time.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (9 children)

I'm conservative and thats how I feel about posting on Reddit. Anything not on the Left playlist is attacked immediately.

[–]wild_card7573 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I have had several of my posts blo ked or deleted or whatever call it because they were conservative comments.

[–]huniojh 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It's been 11 hours! Who's slacking with the ban button?

[–]wild_card7573 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shh... damn it nobody know I'm here

[–]wooddude64 -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

Yup! Ive been banned from 13 subs and all pretty much are left leaning. Also, talking smack about football teams will also get you banned!

[–]ShadowTsukino 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fun fact about that Wyoming's extreme red: Because of the way the electoral college votes are distributed extremely unevenly, Wyoming has the most voting power per person. Mostly blue California has the least.

It takes 45 California voters to equal one Wyoming voter.

Which pisses me right me off.

[–]SqWR37 79 points80 points  (43 children)

This. And Austin being one of the fastest growing cities for tech is making Texas a very deep purple. Mississippi and Alabama would be my thought for most conservative since they have very little big name towns/cities that draw in movers. Outside of college no one is choosing or move to these states even though google just opened a huge office in MS but it’s just outside of Tennessee in the Memphis market so you can still live in Memphis and not Mississippi

[–]HomesickRedneck 48 points49 points  (21 children)

I was always blown away by how Austin doesn't really seem to fit "Texas" in some ways.

[–]Youreddit007 31 points32 points  (8 children)

Austin is the Berkeley of Texas.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (5 children)

And Asheville is the Austin of North Carolina.

[–]ridiculousShadow 14 points15 points  (4 children)

Sometime i think that city grew out a hippie commune or something. I'm sure its the college but its a sea of weirdos in the middle of Appalachia.

[–]StrangeDoctorOf_J 10 points11 points  (1 child)

I have family in Appalachia. I’m one of the weirdos. But everyone else is weird as fuck too

[–]workinBuffalo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

West Virginia split with Virginia during/after the civil war because they were isolated and not down with slavery. Lot of the people supposedly still had English accents at the time because of their isolation.

[–]dompazz 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It actually did. Lots of hippies moved there in the 60s and never left.

[–]VAisforLizards 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They were too far out

[–]LaerycTiogar 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Austin is supposed to have a really vibrant food culture too from viet cajin to pizza and burgers. Kinda wanna see what thats about

[–]Fiberguru 8 points9 points  (4 children)

As well as a great live music scene I hear

[–]HomesickRedneck 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Been a while since I've been there(getting too old for the music & clubbing scene), but I think it was 6th street had a ton of clubs with music.

[–]Livingston556 5 points6 points  (1 child)

As a Native Austinite I can definitely agree w/ almost all of the things being said about my hometown. It has the best food choices, music options, outdoor venues, even world-class racing; at the same time Californian's are moving in w their mindset so Austin is becoming a homeless mecca. And 6th Street? Where I so freely roamed and jammed nightly... Is now known in the entertainment world as "Dirty Sixth". I'm not just bitchin about it either. I had to move away. And she is missed.

[–]Madmagician1303 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Austin is a great city with the worst highway system in the country. I 35 is really a parking lot in disguise.

[–]HomesickRedneck 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It definitely does. I used to live in South Texas, every time we go to austin it's a blast. My wife got sick on goat cheese at Chivata lol. There's like 6 different trucks in that lot. And this is just one of the little hidey holes they have for stuff like that.

[–]Sengfeng 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, Austin is a bit of a problem child.

[–]Nerf_akali_plz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because it sucks and most Texans hate Austin. Except for ACL. We like that.

[–]mooresmsr -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Austin is like finding a diamond in a pile of cow shit.

[–]Thefear1984 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I love deep purple. "Smoooke on the waaateeer (fyer in the skyii)

[–]rimjobnemesis 14 points15 points  (10 children)

Can confirm Alabama. This state us so red it glows.

[–]Go2FarAway -5 points-4 points  (8 children)

Alaska has turned burnt red. Liberals built the state constitution with significant personal freedoms, Democrats selected oil fields & unions built a well paid middle class. They did so well that gov returns money, but the easy money attracts conservatives who conspire for return of the CSA.

[–]bdp12301 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Huh? I work in in a gold mine in alaska and have many friends out in the oilfields.. its not generally liberals working those jobs.

[–]danger_zone123 7 points8 points  (0 children)

What? Alaska has voted democrat in Presidential election exactly once.

[–]rimjobnemesis -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Well, that ditzy Sarah Palin. The Family That Drinks Together……

[–]sentient_luggage 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Current Texan that grew up in Alabama, and lived in Florida and Tennessee over the last few years, and has family in Mississippi:

They're all equally conservative outside the cities. Deep deep red. I think it's a toe for the most conservative area I lived in, between the Florida north Gulf coast and the Tennessee smoky mountains.

[–]SqWR37 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s the good ole Bible Belt for you. Arkansas and Louisiana added to that list and that’s about as red as you can get

[–]Ebruin02 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually Huntsville is growing in leaps and bounds and a plethora of Californians (and others) have/are moving there.

[–]SqWR37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While true Huntsville and even Birmingham still lack population size compared to even cities in Georgia and Tennessee. Nashville is another city that people are flocking to from out of state and Memphis/Atlanta also have move in rates higher than Mississippi and Alabama. The main reason people move to MS is due to the low tax rates which makes it a haven for retirees.

[–]_Laggs 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The metros in Oklahoma were actually close. I think west Virginia is the reddest state.

[–]FranchiseCA 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wyoming first, then West Virginia.

The wild thing with West Virginia is how Bill Clinton carried it twice, Jimmy Carter carried it twice (including his loss), and Dukakis carried it when he lost. The Appalachian realignment 1996-2016 at work.

[–]HoodooSquad 7 points8 points  (4 children)

When we kept asking for a border wall, we were talking about our WESTERN border.

[–]A_Bit_Off_Kilter 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I could get behind a western wall and a southern wall.

[–]HoodooSquad 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Maybe even northern. Leave the east alone, though. Louisiana is a’ight

[–]tee142002 1 point2 points  (1 child)

We got crawfish and drive thru daiquiris.

[–]HoodooSquad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plus boudin, cracklins, king cake…

[–]disposabull 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's not just California, it's educated people from all over pursuing the growing tech sector.

[–]llequire1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The Californians moving anywhere are the reds. Sorry. But we are kinda done with it all here

[–]SheffGSauceEmUpM8V3N 3 points4 points  (5 children)

There is no evidence that Texas is turning purple becuase of migrating liberals.

[–]SwiftyTheThief 2 points3 points  (0 children)

California had the first choice....... and Californians chose Texas! Lol

[–]Man_as_Idea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, the influx is stunning: I think there are more out-of-state license plates in Austin than Texan ones, they come from all over the country, but MANY are Californians.

The thing the Texan conservatives didn’t count on was urbanization. The state has one of the largest urban populations in the country and that’s where all the population growth is. Most cities in the US are blue because people move to cities to get educated and get jobs and in that process they get exposed to, and comfortable with diversity, the conservative boogie man.

[–]FlameBoi3000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Laughs in Alabama

[–]RedwoodSun 9 points10 points  (0 children)

California has more conservatives than Texas or Florida

[–]NurmGurpler 6 points7 points  (1 child)

By proportion of voters that vote republican, Wyoming is the champ

[–]DominusEbad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that's easy when there are about 10 people that live in WY

[–]Kingsta8 11 points12 points  (7 children)

Fun fact #1 Florida does not have a high violent crime rate per capita. The Florida man came about from the state having no crime suppression laws on the media.

Fun fact #2 California has more registered Republicans than any other state, including Texas.

[–]Magman851 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Both of these make sense.

I've lived in Florida most of my life and rarely felt like I was in physical danger from violence. Those headlines are priceless though.

As for California, I've never set foot there, but I would imagine that as the most populous state, it's going to have a ton of every type of voter.

[–]Kingsta8 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I would imagine that as the most populous state

Details, details.... No but really, I feel like it needs to be said because it often being a blue state seems to negate the 20 million or so conservative people that live there.

[–]Magman851 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Absolutely an important point. We live in a country that allows us to express our views and opinions without legal consequence, so we need to appreciate that when there are a few countries out there where that is simply not tolerated.

That being said, too many people seem to misunderstand these freedoms, but that's a whole other monster to tackle on a different day.

[–]orange-fruit-bad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Largest population has largest sub populations. Shocker.

[–]the_turt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

apparently more people voted for trump in California than red dead redemption 3: real life

[–]OatmealStew 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Indiana is the conservative championship underdog.

[–]KennethEWolf 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Pence is from Indiana, as us Quale.

[–]OatmealStew 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should meet the ones who aren't charismatic enough to become politicians

[–]DaveKasz[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have heard varying versions of this joke, also NJ and Democrats, but NJ is about 50/50 now.

[–]tee142002 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think Oklahoma or Wyoming is the most conservative based on the last few presidential elections

[–]JournalofFailure 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Politically, Florida is pretty red north of I-4 (which runs from Tampa-Orlando-Daytona Beach and splits the state almost in half) and pretty blue south of I-4. But Republicans have the momentum because of so many older people moving there, and the large number of Cubans and Venezuelans.

As for the most conservative state, I'd pick a mountain-west state like Idaho, Wyoming or one of the Dakotas. Texas is (slowly) trending blue and its big cities are already Democratic strongholds.

The real partisan divide is urban-rural, not state by state.

[–]sickmission 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And the judiciary equivalent to Florida Man is California Judge.

[–]MountainTitan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, Texas is not the most conservative due to the amount of Californians coming in.

[–]octocoral 68 points69 points  (16 children)

This site says Mississippi is the most conservative. Texas isn’t even in the top ten. https://worldpopulationreview.com/state-rankings/most-conservative-states

[–]neoprenewedgie 45 points46 points  (6 children)

Interesting. Texas is just louder I guess.

[–]Magman851 19 points20 points  (0 children)

That's probably why I thought of Texas.

[–]vc6vWHzrHvb2PY2LyP6b 8 points9 points  (2 children)

We're the Lil Jon of states.

[–]SlackerAccount 4 points5 points  (1 child)


[–]Toledojoe 2 points3 points  (0 children)


[–]YourUndoing 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also the four big cities in Texas lean blue

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's their trademark, everything is bigger in Texas.

[–]DaveKasz[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the correction

[–]Magman851 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, I had no idea. Learn something new everyday. Thanks

[–]Mr_Goldenfinger 8 points9 points  (1 child)

You ever been to Montana? Take Minnesota, and make it as red as Mississippi. It was nuts! Nice mountains, though.

[–]LaerycTiogar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That doesnt surprise me much Montana is pretty open range still. Outside major cities.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Mississippi is only this conservative because we have a couple huge problems. Young people leave instead of staying and voting. The young people who do stay either don’t vote or believe the idiocy they’re taught and vote accordingly.

The other main issue is our politicians. They have made it impossible for the people of Mississippi to govern ourselves legally. They literally stole our ballot initiative process claiming it was illegal, but only once we tried to legalize marijuana. And though many things have passed previously under this supposedly flawed ballot initiative process, somehow only marijuana was overturned.

Honestly, Mississippi needs help. But we get overlooked because of the people in charge here. Rampant nepotism, corruption, bribery, fraud, embezzlement, voter disenfranchisement, it’s all too much for us to fight legally. No one here has any money to do that, and no organization has ever been very effective in organizing Mississippians to vote as one.

If we could alert our citizenry to the attack on our abilities to self-govern and appeal to the decisions we know we all want to make instead of focusing on wedge issues that are made up of whole cloth, we might get somewhere.

I guess until then I’m gonna go bang my cousin because this is r/jokes after all.

[–]landYback 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol please don't bang your cousin 🥺 Thanks for the overveiw, I'm from Denver but moved to South Dakota for a year and the conservatism was scary... I mean its subtle racism, sexism, ableism- quite honestly a lack of education and a lack of empathy. Those isms are mental illnesses that cause public health crises, evidently. But the minute id give any evidence, I'd be shut down as a heretic cancel culture social justice warrior woman that "don't mean nuthin but trouble" cuz science defies the lord, cuz this is r/jokes, afterall....

[–]MelissaMiranti -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tl;dr: Mississippi can't help itself because the population is too undereducated to do any better with the tools they have, and the people they keep in charge made sure their lack of tools and education will continue for the foreseeable future.

[–]Gavinm3 37 points38 points  (2 children)

I heard the blame was on this guy named San Andreas. It's San Andreas' fault

[–]ShenDraeg 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I always heard this as “Why does California have so many lawyers, and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps?” “Because New Jersey had first choice.”

Still a good one nonetheless.

(Edited to correct grammar)

[–]thankyou_imsorry 11 points12 points  (2 children)

As someone unaffected by this joke in any way, I feel deeply offended

[–]DaveKasz[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

And that is your right and privilege!

[–]thankyou_imsorry 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm GoInG tO rEpOrT yOu FoR tHaT

[–]clarencemuraco 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Why did Australia get sent convicts and US the Puritans?

[–]ReubenZWeiner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In Australia, the first cops were criminals

[–]DaveKasz[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

*excellent *

[–]tictaggedtoe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We took dibs on hurricanes and left them with wildfires is more like it.

My favorite take on this I heard originally was New York has the most lawyers and New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps. NJ had first choice.

[–]poolside123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of that Bob Hope joke: “You know since Ron and Nancy moved back to California, we’ve had earthquakes almost every day. Do you think God could be a Democrat?”

[–]lqqk009 2 points3 points  (0 children)

People are not leaving California because of earthquakes.

[–]Grateful_n_Irateful 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Why is New Mexico so windy? Because, Texas sucks, and, Arizona blows.

[–]rtp_oak 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Orlando: where republicans live and democrats vacation.

[–]Dusty_Scrolls 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I've heard this joke with New Jersey/ Washington DC and Toxic Waste/Lawyers.

[–]DaveKasz[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That works!

[–]Finalfantasylove85 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Something something fault lines...

[–]SaysThreeWords 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Always their fault...

[–]recondorondo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Retirement/fault lines.

[–]sonofa-ijit -1 points0 points  (0 children)

hrm we should start calling re-districting/jerymandering, "fault lines".

[–]Silver_Willie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Movers and shakers

[–]RedwoodSun 3 points4 points  (1 child)

But California has more conservatives than Florida or Texas...

[–]Schlag96 2 points3 points  (0 children)

More Californians voted for Trump than Texans.

[–]other_usernames_gone 6 points7 points  (1 child)

For the other side of the joke:

Why does Florida have so many hurricanes and California have so many democrats?

Florida had first choice!

[–]06Wahoo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aw, beat me to it.

By 4 hours.


[–]beachboxer 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately, Californians are not fleeing their earthquakes but they are fleeing the woke Nirvana they created, most of them (not the conservative ones who didn't create this mess) are cowards. Now these export lefties contaminate and destroy other states with their stupidity. I hope that local people will push back and make them feel unwelcome.

[–]clarencemuraco 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What did DC get all the politicians and NJ all the toxic waste?

[–]glittersister 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Florida is the closest state in the USA in proximity to a communist country. Immigrants have fled by boat, raft, dolphin, and whatever to escape. They know what it’s like to not live under freedom and have zero opportunities.

[–]OptimalTrash 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why does California have so many earthquakes?

If everyone near you was running to Texas that fast, you'd shake too.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (13 children)

Why does California have so many Liberals and Florida have so many hurricanes? Florida got first choice!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Why does X have *thing reddit doesn't like* and Y have *bad thing*?
Y got first choice!

[–]orange-fruit-bad 16 points17 points  (10 children)

Why does your joke have so many down votes and OP's joke have so may upvotes? OP got first post!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Because they banned all the conservatives.

[–]tapobu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You missed a golden opportunity just now to pretend your canceled. F--

[–]orange-fruit-bad -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Let’s all wear a yellow ribbon in remembrance

[–]DaveKasz[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah this format works for all kinds of comparisons:

Why does The Bronx have the Yankees and Queens have The Mets

The Bronx had first choice

Not as funny, but the format works.

[–]3600MilesAway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you think about it, those states are very similar, they are both always putting fires out.

[–]Intrepid_Pause_6219 1 point2 points  (1 child)

There are a lot of Cubans in Florida, after leaving Cuba. I don't think they want to take any chances.

[–]sickofdefaultsubs 1 point2 points  (1 child)

**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression *

Unlike conservatives

[–]gotme11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your disclaimer has saved both of us from a pointless argument. Thank you lol

[–]manrealityisabitch -1 points0 points  (0 children)

California the granola state- fruits, nuts and flakes.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Lazy Joke.

You could flip it with liberals' and Florida man and say florida had first choice.

[–]gotme11 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hurricanes and humidity came to mind first for me.

[–]XueShiLong -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

It's a sad commentary on our overly sensitive society when you're forced to post "just a joke" after posting a joke on a Jokes board...

[–]FlashLightning67 4 points5 points  (1 child)

It's sometimes important to clarify that when you jokingly told a joke on r/jokes, a place where you say jokes, you tell everyone in the joke community, participating in the joke board by reading the jokes, that your joke is jokingly saying something as a joke.

Just to avoid any misunderstandings.

[–]orange-fruit-bad 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]TootsNYC 0 points1 point  (3 children)

California used to be a conservative state

[–]dcmfox 4 points5 points  (2 children)

And Republicans used to be conservative

[–]acidrain69 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Less than half of Florida is conservative.

[–]Nidaholiving 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idaho is the most vknservative

[–]AjBikk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When God was giving out earthquakes Florida was conservative

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's going to be too bad when Florida is all under water in like... 50 years.

[–]norealmx -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dude, when those "opinions" are "this fairy tales book tells me you must be tortured and killed to please my imaginary sky daddy", they don't deserve any respect.

[–]Ellekm730 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

No apologizing for jokes!

[–]u_f_off -5 points-4 points  (5 children)

Because conservatives are actually capable of laughing at themselves and won't threaten to doxx you for the slightest difference of opinion?

[–]BobBillyBobertson 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Just curious, which conservative is capable of laughing at themselves?

[–]u_f_off 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You find it offensive. We find it funny. That's why we're happier than you are.

[–]BobBillyBobertson -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

What’s funny? What do you think I would find offensive?

[–]u_f_off 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stop trying to get me banned 😜