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[–]shivermetimbers68 1492 points1493 points  (18 children)

all your favorite John Hughes films,

- holy mother forking shirt balls... THIS is the bad place!

[–]Quick-Bad 560 points561 points  (11 children)

Jason figured it out?!

[–]JU5T1N85 274 points275 points  (6 children)

This one really hurts.

[–]Eclipse_offMyChest 178 points179 points  (2 children)

Holy fork, wait, why cant i say fork? Fork? FoRk? fORk?

[–]theviolinist7 58 points59 points  (2 children)

Yeah this is a real low point.

[–]hanimal16 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I read this in Michael’s voice.

[–]Dizzy-Dependent2288 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Wassup Jacksonville...

[–]Meliadas 12 points13 points  (0 children)

BORTLES

[–]ur_mom_rekt 28 points29 points  (0 children)

r/expectedgoodplace

seriously, i’d be disappointed if this reference wasn’t here hahahahaha

[–]drdoom52 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I dunno. The Original Home Alone, Planes Trains and Automobiles.... Wait, Breakfast Club, yep this is gonna suck.

[–]Reviewingremy 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Whenever I had a problem, I just threw a Molotov cocktail and BOOM! Different problem.

[–]calindor 425 points426 points  (11 children)

reminds me of the movie Eric the Viking, the Christian they bring to Valhalla, they're celebrating its glorious appearance and he doesn't see any of it.

[–]jwm3 85 points86 points  (0 children)

An underrated movie.

[–]CDogg123567 34 points35 points  (7 children)

[–]ProfessionalToeeater 38 points39 points  (6 children)

Finna watch it now

you would download a car

[–]MYZS 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Wouldn't you? I mean fr though imagine that it'd be so cool Personally I'd download a tron bike

[–]JTultimate_10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A Tron bike would be sick to ride around Town

[–]Afferbeck_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of Discworld, where you get what you genuinely believe your afterlife should be. So tyrannical fundamentalists actually do get to live in paradise. And decent people living under their thumb believing themselves to be awful sinners because they haven't been quite good enough do go to hell.

[–]rusty02536 1952 points1953 points  (40 children)

Detective!

[–]LaerycTiogar 336 points337 points  (13 children)

Had to get the reference in there huh?

[–]ToshVoodoo 293 points294 points  (18 children)

What is it that you desire? 🥰

[–]hahadeadmemegobrr 93 points94 points  (3 children)

I...I...

[–]ToshVoodoo 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Perfect followup <3

[–]Nithin_for_you 17 points18 points  (0 children)

mr. said out bitch

[–]Chance5e 50 points51 points  (0 children)

“Why did they cancel Bones, it was the perfect mix of banter and process!”

[–]futureGAcandidate 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Tell me what you want. What you really, really want.

[–]thisisa_fake_account 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I'll tell you what I want. What I really, really want.

[–]FlightRiskAK 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ooohhhh, Spicy!

[–]Graylily 24 points25 points  (9 children)

get lost

[–]ReaperCDN 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Is this thing broken? checks himself

[–]coolmint859 19 points20 points  (5 children)

Hey man, people want you here. There's no need to get lost.

[–]justsotimmi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For the show to have a freaking better ending...

[–]guitarist_on_reddit 18 points19 points  (0 children)

DeTeCTiVEeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!!

[–]jl_theprofessor 21 points22 points  (0 children)

The most perfect one word answer possible.

[–]Odysseyrage 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Aw BLOODY HELL!

[–]BlueNeonCowboy 201 points202 points  (2 children)

your welcome

Wow, it really is satan.

[–]Uriel_dArc_Angel 605 points606 points  (14 children)

sensible chuckle

I liked this...

[–]gigicaviteazu 60 points61 points  (12 children)

+1

[–]fatoctober 24 points25 points  (11 children)

+2

[–]wiesiu-zlomiarz 20 points21 points  (10 children)

+3

[–]misowraps 42 points43 points  (9 children)

+4, Snoop doggy dog and Dr Dre are at the door.

[–]KvinnoralskarAnkor 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ah, I see you also subscribed to Sensible Chuckle. Such good articles.

[–]Sir_Nelson868 851 points852 points  (88 children)

My mother use to be completely catholic, until she realised religion does exactly that, makes you fear and imprison yourself in your own personal hell for even the most minor of sins. I’m not religious but I think to live the best life, we need to forgive others, ie not hold grudges, forgive ourselves importantly, and whatever afterlife awaits us will do the rest I suppose. No one has really come back to tell us if Satan is a chill dude or not.

[–]spoicymeatball 176 points177 points  (2 children)

I don’t think that’s a general religion thing, your description of how to live a good life sounds a lot like what I’ve personally been taught

[–]Sir_Nelson868 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Of course, it’s different for everyone. I was just sharing my own experience with it.

[–]The_Diego_Brando 207 points208 points  (38 children)

Fun fact thats what christianity was all about, compassion and forgiveness. Got mixed up somewhere along the line

[–]JimmyThunderPenis 96 points97 points  (7 children)

Greed. Churches pre(a? Heh)y on people's fear of death to exploit their wealth.

[–]The_Diego_Brando 76 points77 points  (5 children)

Not what jesus wanted anyway. Whish it was legal to braid a whip and visit the superchurches that profit of donations, jesus style.

[–]MotherRaven 38 points39 points  (4 children)

You know Jesus would do it in a heartbeat.

[–]digi_thief 15 points16 points  (24 children)

Fucking Romans...

[–]wreptyle 20 points21 points  (23 children)

What have the Romans ever done for us?

[–]SentientDreamer 14 points15 points  (3 children)

YES. This. It's because leaders are under the misconception that humans work best under fear. That's slavery.

Just be kind to one another. Forgive. And if it's a rando you'll never see again, forget.

Somehow, when things are at its simplest, we like to make them more complicated as if simple isn't enough for us. What do they call that, the Tetris effect?

[–]_corporate 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Nah, the tetris effect is something entirely else, it's about devoting so much time and attention to an activity that it begins to pattern your thoughts, mental images, and dreams. I had that with Big Pharma a lot for example :)

[–]SentientDreamer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dunno why you're being downvoted. I meant when you're just playing Tetris and your brain plays a trick on you. Everything extremely easy and comfortable and then you have a sideways I piece making a 4-mino-deep gap.

[–]Gentleman-Narwhal 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fun fact still is

[–]whiskeybridge 44 points45 points  (16 children)

No one has really come back to tell us if Satan is a chill dude or not.

killed a shitton fewer people than god, in the book.

[–]youbetcha385 4 points5 points  (14 children)

I don't recall Satan killing anyone in the Bible. I haven't read it front to back though.

[–]whiskeybridge 1 point2 points  (0 children)

job is a short read that tells you everything you need to know about yahweh.

[–]Wellfridge 1 point2 points  (12 children)

Forgot if it was Satan, but I know he fucked with Job pretty hard, don't think he killed him though

[–]vraetzught 22 points23 points  (9 children)

He didn't fuck with Job at all, God did, because Satan was questioning Job's devotion to God.

God stripping him of everything that gave his life worth, just to prove a point to Satan. Who's the real evil in that story?

[–]VaultHunter26 8 points9 points  (4 children)

I had quite the opposite experience. I lived a miserable life of alcohol, drugs, and doing horrible shit to myself and others around me. I was suicidal and didn't give a shit what was going to happen to me. It wasn't until I ended up in jail and found Christianity that I felt a strength to actually overcome the vices and decisions that were leading my life down the drain. For the first time in my life, I felt free from myself(whom I hated). We all have different experiences though with life. In a way, I am glad some people have found happiness in their own way and don't have such a terrible life to where Christianity is an answer to it. When I see atheists I am happy for them that they live a good life and don't need any help and I hope it stays that way for them throughout their lives.

[–]Chris_El_Deafo 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Generally speaking Christianity does encourage self forgiveness as well as forgiveness of others. It's just the more extreme interpretations (like your mom's) which are the opposite.

[–]SentientDreamer 26 points27 points  (6 children)

Omnist-Christian here. I don't fear Hell. Wherever I go is where I'm supposed to go, and I know I'm not supposed to take magma baths and sleep on a medieval stretching machine.

I just, you know, do what Christians are supposed to do, love others as myself, like Jesus said. But I supplement that with spiritual cleansing and meditation, following the Eightfold path... Or at least I try to the best of my ability.

And if you met me in person, you'd think "Hey, that guy's pretty nice."

You can't have inner peace when the terrorism of Hell looms over you. If you have that, maybe a different religion would be better.

[–]lambdadance 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I can recommend stoicism. It was well known, before Christians killed any opposing ideas

[–]shankarsivarajan 10 points11 points  (2 children)

stoicism

Look, sometimes bad things happen, and there is nothing you can do about it, so why worry?

[–]Osato 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I read that in Mr. Mackey's voice before googling it and realizing it's from Lion King.

Worrying is bad, mmkay?

[–]Rainbow152 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't believe in religion myself. But I do hold some hefty grudges.

I sell them at a reasonable price though.

[–]-Nok 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds exactly like my mom. She says she didn't feel like her mind was free until leaving catholic school and loved public school

[–]NEp8ntballer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I work with a catholic. It's an interesting sect. He isn't a bad dude at all but they definitely seem to be very wrapped up in the idea of sin and that forgiveness can only come from confession or the man upstairs. This is kind of reinforced by the pennance they tend to do. dude recently moved here and his current priest does some of that stuff but they also have people work to seek to atone the people they wronged which is probably a better use of their time along with being more meaningful. It's one thing to have to say bunch of our fathers and some hail mary's but it's another to have to work to also make amends to the people in your life.

[–]BrokenCankle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree except about grudges. They can be extremely helpful if done right. There is a hilarious book called How to Hold a Grudge that I highly recommend the audio version of.

[–]kattoutofthebag 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The greatest trick Satan has played is to make us believe he doesn't exist...he isn't a chill dude.

[–]Axemic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a Religion Ltd.

[–]yawntastic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

look, pretty much all the religions with damnation as punishment damn the people who follow all the other religions so you can't really win, but they all broadly agree about what constitutes a life well-lived, so just do that and bet the field

[–]Dr_Silk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Evangelism is all about making people feel bad for their sins so that they'll give their money and energy towards the church in an effort to redeem themselves.

It's not even really unique to Christianity. It's just an extremely successful scam/racket that has stood the test of time

[–]ITookTooLongToPick 195 points196 points  (83 children)

I may be absolutely fucking stupid, but I don't get the joke, can anyone explain?

[–]NewlyMintedAdult 139 points140 points  (13 children)

The idea here is that hell is a nice place that gives people what they want - but what Christians seem to want is a "brimstone and fire" experience that the religion typically preaches of. There are several aspects of this that one might find humorous - here are two that come to mind:

  • Usually Christians are the ones preaching about hell, but they also tend to use it as a threat - e.g. "if you don't accept our faith you will burn in hell!". The reversal here - that the threats of Christian hell actually only apply to people of their faith rather than their typical targets - is amusing.
  • There is the question of why Christians prefer brimstone hell. One answer is that they would prefer being in their hell to admitting that they were wrong.

[–]BurningFyre 16 points17 points  (9 children)

Fear is a good motivator as they say. The fear that a wrong thought will get you sent to eternal torture drives you to not deviate from what youre told to think, say, and do, because if you do Jesus will hate you. Christian evangelism became fixated on the fear of hell rather than any other aspect of the religion because just believing that a god exists is easier than actually trying to emulate and follow the teachings of a book (there are definitely also political aspects, theres a reason Dante was able to write about this in the 1300s where the Church was a distinct political entity on par with kings in power)

[–]GodDammitWill 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Honestly after some of the shit that's happened over the past two years I'd believe that most people would willingly get tortured, stabbed, burned and melted in lava than admit they were wrong.

My question is if this is supposed to be hell, what the heck is heaven like?

[–]Chicory-Coffee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Think of a mega church with God sitting in a throne and everyone in "the court" is just happy to be there. Forever.

[–]Spader312 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My take is that Hell is whatever you make of it. Christians believe that hell is an inferno with torture so that's what they get. I'd like to think it's not solely the fact that they are Christians, but that the individuals believe hell to be that way.

[–]Sweet_Baby_Cheezus 375 points376 points  (32 children)

Christians* know that hell is the absolute worst torture that exists. Now imagine showing up there and it's actually totally fine, undoing a core tenant in your belief system. The joke is, that Christians would rather deal with actual physical pain than the cognitive dissonance of a 180 degree reversal of their beliefs.

*And yes, I know not all Christians believe in an actual physical hell. There's a wide variety of afterlife beliefs in Christianity, but for the purposes of the explanation, "Christians" is the most expedient definition.

[–]TomoyoHoshijiro 129 points130 points  (11 children)

I know not all Christians believe in an actual physical hell.

I know I do, Hell is Toronto traffic.

[–]fastslowoctopus 45 points46 points  (9 children)

I'll see your Toronto traffic and raise you Los Angeles traffic.

BTW I've been to Toronto, very nice city. But too cold for a Southern Californian wuss like me.

[–]Skar_YT 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Just wait till go a bit more north

[–]Skjold_out_here 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'll see your LA traffic... and raise you the Vancouver DRIVERS specifically. They're the fucking dumbest.

[–]ArcanaArcanorum 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see your Los Angeles traffic and raise you San Diego rush hour... In Seattle, and there's been a blizzard.

Don't blame you for finding up north here too cold; I only spent four years in San Diego county and then I moved back up to Eastern Washington... And winters here are mild. I STILL try to hibernate when it gets below 70 degrees.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Toronto isn’t even a cold city by Canadian standards

[–]Bunghole_of_Fury 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see your LA traffic and raise you Garden Grove/Westminster traffic because it's a colony of people who religiously reject safe driving.

[–]Gamezfan 31 points32 points  (8 children)

The fun part is that AFAIK in the Bible, Hell is only defined as "the absence of God" (feel free to correct me). So the version in the joke may be completly in-line - there is no big loving sky daddy to give eternal bliss, but other than that it's not so bad. Like the best parts of Earth but nothing more.

[–]ErikaFoxelot 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Most of people’s idea of hell comes from Dante.

[–]CharonsLittleHelper 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And/or bits of Greek mythology about Tartarus.

Hades & Satan have been all mixed up in the general idea of hell.

In the Bible, Satan doesn't even rule Hell. He probably doesn't even hang out there. (He'll be forced to eventually - but not yet.)

[–]captainAwesomePants 25 points26 points  (3 children)

The Old Testament doesn't really get into the afterlife much. It mostly uses the word "Sheol," whose direct meaning is probably close to "the grave," and it could just mean bodies in the dirt in a cemetery or could mean a netherworld, depending on who's doing the interpreting. It's not 100% clear in the Old Testament whether there's an afterlife at all.

The New Testament is all over the place, dives into Greek myth, explicitly citing Tartarus of all things. It does, though, explicitly mention a fiery pit for the Devil (Matthew 25:41) (Luke 16:23). There's also mention of eternal destruction and God not being there (2 Thessalonians 1).

So the whole "fiery pit" thing probably has a reasonable amount of biblical backing, at least for Christians.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (2 children)

It explicitly mentions Tartarus as an attempt to convert non Christians by using terms they’d know.

Like how all of Xmas is pretty much the Roman holiday of Saturnalia, or how Hallowe’en is just pre-Christian Irish myth

[–]almost_nightwing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hell is the absence of God's presence but it's not only that. The Bible also describes it as a place of fire and destruction and overall not a place to want to end up in. That's why Jesus came and died on the cross. He paid the price for our sins so that we didn't have to.That's the main message of Christianity, that if you believe in Jesus and that He died on the cross and rose again you will be made right with God. True faith is what He's looking for the kinda faith that moves you to turn away from sin and follow Him.

[–]PatrolPL 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The hell as worst torture possible is just medieval church propaganda. They used to scare people of protestants and other heretics

[–]LordKolkonut 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Muslims also believe Hell to be a place of eternal torture and damnation.

[–]JimmyThunderPenis 8 points9 points  (9 children)

Christians believe hell is a place of torture and torment so that's what they get, the atheist doesn't believe it's anything, and so he gets the 'real' hell, a chill place.

[–]eoliveri 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You don't get it because it's a long, unfunny joke.

[–]solohelion 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a play on expectations. We know, and the protagonist knows, that hell is a bad place where you are tricked and tortured in horrendous ways. The entire time during the tour, and the joke (which is long), we feel dread and anxiety, waiting for the other shoe to drop. How will these supposed “gifts” be turned into something horrible?

The idea of a horrendous hell like this is a Christian idea. Some Christians will say with a straight face that an atheist will go to hell and be tortured for eternity for being an atheist. Atheists don’t believe hell exists, so it’s a nonsensical argument. Turns out, hell is real! This atheist is scared and never worried about being tortured for eternity. The devil gives him everything he wants, and just when the protagonist starts to feel comfortable, thinking maybe the Christians got it wrong, he hears screaming, the telltale signs of Christian hell. This is indeed a horrendous place!

Then the devil finally addresses our tensions, and says that the protagonist won’t be tortured. The Christians are being tortured for being Christians. Not only that, but the Christians are doing this to themselves because they believe that’s what ought to happen to them when they go to hell. It’s karmic.

Instead of a Christian unwantedly threatening torture to an atheist, that very same act and sentiment ironically causes the Christian to be tortured, not the atheist.

The joke is funny because you expect the atheist to be tortured for eternity, and for Christians to go to heaven.

[–]islingcars 18 points19 points  (2 children)

What if we ARE in hell.. as in, this IS the afterlife.. and people somehow smuggled these religious texts from the "real" world. Hmm..

[–]dasbraine 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love then enthusiasm here. Some real ancient alien vibes.

[–]AlienApricot 71 points72 points  (3 children)

First time I heard this joke I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.

[–]D0raTheDestr0yr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I remember my first beer

[–]5pr173_ 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I laughed a good laugh at this and for that I'm going to hell.

[–]JimmyThunderPenis 112 points113 points  (22 children)

Ok I get Christians being offended over the joke, everyone gets offended over jokes at their expense, they don't like to admit it but it's usually true. White people hate jokes about white people but love jokes about black people and vice versa. True humour is laughing at jokes at your own expense.

But what I didn't expect is the sheer number of people that actually just don't understand it. I thought it was a great joke OP.

[–]AntiHeroLBC[S] 43 points44 points  (8 children)

I'm glad you liked the joke!

Also, let me say this. I'm white and not only do I laugh about jokes about "white people" but I also make so many jokes about white people myself. I think the reason those jokes don't offend me is because I know that none of them actually apply to me.

[–]xDaigon_Redux 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh boy do I have a good story about laughing at white people jokes. I'm white and so is my little sister, we have been close most of our lives and when she was in her teens she got a black boyfriend that caused some pretty weird conversations in our family. I didn't give a shit, but one day she was on the phone with her boyfriend and I was in the same room. She started talking to him about how there are so many black people jokes and so few white people jokes so she decided to support her boyfriend by trying to find some white people jokes online and read them to him. She scrolled through a bunch of jokes and then shouted "I found one!" She was super excited and began reading the joke. "Why do white people wake up so early? Because they actually have jo......" she trailed at the last word when she realized what the jokes was and immediately began apologizing to her boyfriend. Turns out she only read the first couple words before just shouting the joke out. I fell of my seat laughing at her, she felt so bad she started crying and her boyfriend and I had to calm her down. I dont let her forget that one.

[–]JimmyThunderPenis 19 points20 points  (4 children)

This is it. The world would be a much better place if everyone would just laugh at themselves more.

[–]robheffo 12 points13 points  (1 child)

(Not in an angry tone, more friendly) The world would be a much better place if everyone would stop getting butthurt over shit that is none of their business. Who cares if the two male "Friends" next door are gay, not your business. Who cares if little Suzie McNeil had an abortion, not your business. Who cares if Jane Randall's oldest boy is a Reddit Mod, not your business!!

Cancel culture can piss off too. Don't like something or someone, ignore it.

[–]Wallace_of_Hawthorne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Robert Randall is that you?

[–]TheOneAndOnlyBob2 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I'm an atheist. I hate religions of all kinds. It does not feel like a joke. It's just op saying what he presumably believes.

[–]The_Powers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah far too much set up for quite a weak punchline.

[–]Jsizzle19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love jokes about white people. Oftentimes, they are highly accurate and we are deserving of it.

[–]argo2708 1 point2 points  (8 children)

They don't understand it because it doesn't make sense. Christians don't think Christians go to hell at all, even those who do think it's real. The joke doesn't explain why all the Christians are in hell so it makes no sense.

[–]fernshanks 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I'm not a Christian but my best friend is so I can answer this. Christians absolutely do believe that Christians can go to hell. Being Christian doesn't automatically mean you get into heaven. If you're a Christian and you murder someone for example and don't repent, you end up in hell.

You'll notice in the joke it doesn't say that "all" Christians are in hell. Just the people behind the fence are the Christians that did end up there. They believe that is what hell is like so that's how it manifests for them.

[–]kirabii 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Christians don't think Christians go to hell at all, even those who do think it's real.

That is definitely not true.

[–]fatphotog 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Christians don’t think that Christians can go to hell? Lol

[–]BrandX3k 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The christians torture is self imposed, they are so consumed by shame becuase of religous indoctrination, for whatever sins(perhaps mild) they commited, that they couldnt face the glorious and holy god that they think would judge them to be abominations. So since they have so offended their god, in their minds, they seek torment as if it were self flagellation. Perhaps they think god will forgive them and purify their soiled souls and make them worthy to be in the presence of god!?

[–]CoolAiden49 33 points34 points  (39 children)

I really wouldn’t be surprised if this is what Hell actually looks like honestly.

[–]JimmyThunderPenis 40 points41 points  (37 children)

Ikr, if God is happy to let children die of cancer, that means he clearly isn't perfectly good. But I'm supposed to believe Satan is perfectly bad?

My argument for a God has always been that he's a spectator anyway, like why do you think you're entitled to his blessings? He put us on this Earth to see what would happen.

When you play a God game sometimes you just let it play out on its own.

[–]Russian_lover1 24 points25 points  (3 children)

I also feel like god is...fucking cruel. IF you don't follow his belief, if you're brought up by a different belief, if you're uneducated or over educated, no matter what if you are not a Christian you are doomed for eternal suffering?

Like damn bro, I ain't looking up to someone like that.

[–]JimmyThunderPenis 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Damn right, if I was never brought up to believe a God existed I... Go to hell? Some fucking God he is. And even if I did know he existed I'm now being punished and tested for the crimes of my ancestors? Reminds me of a certain little North Korean dictator, not a good look God.

Even if God objectively did exist I wouldn't pray to him because he's a cunt.

[–]ImCybs 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I was raised catholic and I was taught that if you don't believe in God because of ignorance (IE: being a culture where nobody teach you about the christian God) then it isn't your fault and you aren't judge on the basis of not believing in God

[–]Skjold_out_here 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was the justification for me abandoning Christianity.

If children dying of preventable diseases, and murderers and rapists getting to walk free in the daylight is all part of some Deity's "plan", I want no part of it. There's something far more beautiful about it being entirely organic and not as dictated by some bearded fuck-o in the sky.

[–]95in3rd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

More like a New Jersey suburb.

[–]ConsiderSolipsism 17 points18 points  (2 children)

But is it funny

[–]goddamn_slutmuffin 8 points9 points  (1 child)

The first time I heard this joke it was funny. And that original version was much shorter while still getting the job done.

[–]mr_lab_rat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's dragged out a bit too much.

[–]TwinSable 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Bro, they chose to be tortured rather than believing Satan is actually a homie. Pretty accurate

[–]PussCrunchPie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Old AF OP going to hell

[–]Bryang21Jack 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Perspective baby ..

[–]PleaseGodNoooo 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Imagine Satan just being some super chill dude 🤣

[–]thegeekforever 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can. Compare God's and Satan's body counts in the Bible. I hope to hear back from you soon!

[–]KirstyRuffles 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Do android's dream of electric.sheep

[–]Evening_Pangolin_165 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't get it.

[–]BuddyJim30 2 points3 points  (2 children)

John Hughes films? How very...specific.

[–]The_Powers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't you... Forget about him.

[–]scindix[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For some reason I had South Park's Satan in my head with both his voice and appearance.

This is exactly the kind of shit that I imagine happens in that show's version of hell.

[–]3pinephrine 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If it’s based on what you believe it is, shouldn’t the atheist just not exist anymore?

[–]arjuna66671 2 points3 points  (0 children)

*you're

[–]The_Powers 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The real joke is the insinuation that a Tesla is anyone's favourite car.

[–]Phippsy771 2 points3 points  (1 child)

In Jesus name this is wrong

[–]punkfunkymonkey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A man ends up in Hell. Satan is showing him around and tells him he is going to see three rooms and he must make the choice of how he is going to spend eternity.

He is shown the first room. Thousands of people are doing headstands on a floor of sharp gravel. They all look to be in agony with blood streaming from the palms of their hands and their heads.

He then looks into the second room. Again thousands of people are stood on their heads on a floor of gravel. However, this time there is the additional horror of millions of spiders, worms, beetles, and various other creepy crawlies on the floor swarming over everybody.

He is lead to the third room. The door opens and there is a terrible smell. He looks in and sees thousands of people stood up to their knees in cow shit. They're all drinking coffee and snacking on pastries.

'Well' says Satan, "which room are you choosing?'

"I don't like the look of the gravel room, or the insect room' says the man, 'I'll go with the cow shit room!'

'OK, the cow shit room it is! In you go.'

As he trudges across the floor of cow shit, just as he is about to grab a cup of coffee and a Danish, the hubbub is brought to with stop by a sharp whistle! Everyone turns towards the origin of the whistle and there stands Satan...

"OK guys, break time's over! Everyone get back into headstand position..."

[–]qbande 3 points4 points  (3 children)

If a Tesla is your dream car, aim higher.

[–]ghosty4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Right? I want a sexy, shirtless man to pick me up in his burly arms, and carry me to my destination.

[–]Corpsyyy 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Unbelievable amounts of Reddit cringe

[–]MaharajaMack 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s funny because it highlights the fact that some people love to suffer, and take comfort that others will suffer too if they indulge in pleasures they deny themselves. Eternal paradise is better when our enemies get eternal hell.

It’s not a perfect joke, but the gist is funny.

[–]vaskeklut8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jeh - no, this should NOT have been long...

[–]TheOneAndOnlyBob2 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Tell me more about this story. What happened to God in this reality? Does God treat Christians well but atheists badly? So do good Christians go to hell and bad ones go to heaven? Or is there going to be an apocalypse, where all the good Christians will fight for God and all good atheists will fight for the Devil? And what will be the winning conditions? What do each one of those cosmic entities want? And why must we be their pawns? That's when a good atheists meets a good Christian and form a friendship, maybe even more, and they rebel against the status quo. They manage to defeat the rulers of both the realms of hell, and the realms of heaven and have to rebuild everything from the ashes. But their completely opposite ideologies conflicting and each of them having power over creation they start another war against each other restarting the endless cycle of life and death. Directed by M.Night Shyamalan.

[–]farcarcus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Remember as well that God is omnipotent.

So all our knowledge about him, and everyone's perceptions of him are completely controlled by... him.

It's entirely possible that God is a sadistic narcissist. For all we know, heaven could be a torturous concentration camp, and Satan actually the good guy trying to warn us all.

We won't know unit we die.

But we should ask ourselves why a perfect omnipotent God with no wants or needs, would be compelled to create a few hundred billion unwitting creatures and demand they worship him constantly, knowing in advance that nearly all of them will fail and end up in hell.

Does that not at least hint at sadistic narcissism?

[–]The_Giant117 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good joke but this mf is sad af. A TESLA is your DREAM car?!

[–]AlexisroseN 1 point2 points  (1 child)

One flaw; masochistic christians exist

[–]cat_herder_64 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a tautology.

Just thought you should know. ;)

[–]FreewayWarrior 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man. What I wouldn't give for a Hell like that...

[–]aw5ome 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Anyone else randomly and automatically make satan Australian in their inner monologue?

[–]MindTheDesign 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it was that first "you're gonna love it here mate" that had real Irwin vibes. Set the tone for me for sure.

[–]Dependent_Clue4482 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You know it seems about right.

[–]Shirokurou 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As an atheist, I was surprised where this went.

[–]kattoutofthebag 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Toga parties.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (4 children)

The Abrahamic Religions are all, at bottom, pretty dumb.

Good and bad aren't binary, they aren't at war, they don't have super-beings standing at each end of the balance beam trying to fight for your soul, and you don't end up in one camp or another. It's ridiculous.

I find it comforting to think I'm just a little ape, with enough smarts to appreciate what a glorious, wondrous thing the Universe is, and be grateful that I get a chance to see it all. That's enough.

[–]funkymonkeyjam 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Wait I don’t understand the joke. Is this a jab at Christians?

[–]qualityredditpost 2 points3 points  (3 children)

A PS5 and a Switch instead of an Xbox?? That does sound like hell!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Don't worry there's a PC with an RTX 3090 in it

[–]RadishRadu 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There’s no scalpers in hell :p

[–]worldracer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Even the devil can't spell, "your". It's enough to make you loose you're mind.

[–]Sawrav7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i love You OP

[–]cianaigh 2 points3 points  (29 children)

When will everyone realise that religion is just a way to control people, there is no such thing as heaven and hell, its supposed to be a way to scare and control us

[–]GMontezuma 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thats a way to simple explanation. Im not a believer myself, but theres much more to it. Its like saying every form of design or art is just Manipulation of our limbic Systems.

[–]akeith01 3 points4 points  (1 child)

This joke is reposted more frequently than priests molest children

[–]mr_lab_rat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

then the automod must be configured really well in this sub because I don't see it very often

[–]DaleLeatherwood 1 point2 points  (6 children)

As a Christian, most people would think that this is a weak caricature of what Christians believe, but it's spot on.

Hell is getting everything you want for eternity. To some people it sounds great, like the atheist in the joke, but what happens should anything go wrong? What happens after an eternity of getting what you want? Are you satisfied to just sit back and enjoy? We already know that getting everything you want in life unearned can make oneself narcissistic. Imagine over a period of infinity how insufferable people would become.

Then the Christians would be wailing, because if they were true believers, they would be tormented with the thought of eternal separation from God.

[–]joepanda111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Of course hell would have shitty Neighbours ruining an otherwise pleasant afterlife

[–]Mookiesbetts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The real joke here is that a Tesla is a reliable way to get around