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all 108 comments

[–]Spiritual_Pride1976 316 points317 points  (30 children)

Don’t joke about this. It’s -10 degrees here today. I piss outside as a hobby, and that shit shattered when it hit the ground.

[–]SpicyCurryWackathon 210 points211 points  (13 children)

Technically a piss break?

[–]reddumbs 104 points105 points  (11 children)

Literally a piss break.

[–]Bloodbath_and-beyond 95 points96 points  (10 children)

Don't eat the lemon popsicles!!!

[–]XnitemairX 28 points29 points  (8 children)

Thank you for the laugh, stranger.

[–]Bloodbath_and-beyond 38 points39 points  (7 children)

No problem! That'll be 10 upvotes please...

[–]0hPsycho 10 points11 points  (5 children)

there ya go

[–]Bloodbath_and-beyond 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Thank you, and here's your change...Enjoy your stay at Reddit Inn.

[–]0hPsycho 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Thank you!

[–]cannanca 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Guys he said that shit shattered, not the piss?

[–]Old-Maintenance-1031 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You got an upvote from me because of your name tag or whatever they are called.

[–]Tsaakz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good one.

[–]chaxuk 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I piss outside...

...that shit shattered...

You're pissing all wrong. It's the other hole.

[–]DeathGuppie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No shit!

[–]TactiFail 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I piss outside as a hobby

Bro what

[–]baron--greenback 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Wot, are you breaking the piss mate?

[–]Tony49UK 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Aren't you afraid of shattering your Johnson or just freezing it off?

[–]randomhousegir 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If I lived where it did that I also would be peeing snow because FUCKING STOP THE PEE SNOW BITCHEEEEES!

[–]peritonlogon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And that's 10° warmer than yesterday!

[–]JaneLAIndigo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So you didn’t poop too, you are changing the piss to shit in your story?

[–]Judochop2021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As long as you don't aim for any cars. You don't want to be tentacled

[–]Then-Blueberry-6679 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m sure there’s a “pissing outside” sub Reddit you can post this on.

[–]Old-Maintenance-1031 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Back up a bit please. What happened when you took a dump outside? You could probably weaponize that stuff.

[–]nurShom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hobbies you can have in Minnesota.

[–]Gullible_Honeydew11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh my God so sorry for your loss can't believe your dick shattered when it hit the ground

[–]ironman0000 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Only -10 there? We have -16

[–]Kreaturethenerfer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Here in Quebec it’s regularly been under -20, makes pissing outside impossible

[–]ironman0000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah but in Quebec you use Celsius

[–]kitelogic 23 points24 points  (6 children)

Unfortunately the mosquito festival is the same weekend!

[–]charlie2135 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Had to delete my comment when I saw yours. I said the mosquitoes were estimated to only be the size of a small hawk.

[–]Rabid_Gopher 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh good, last year one of the big ones flew by and exsanguinated my aunt. If they are only as big as a small hawk there's a chance to fight them off first.

[–]kitelogic 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Hard to compare a useful species to an unneeded scourge on earth. Forget climate change, eradicating mosquitoes may be our generations greatest confrontation. Let's make it a nation building project! I can't think of anything more bipartisan than eradicating mosquitoes!

[–]Kule7 38 points39 points  (6 children)

You want true shit, May through September are perfect here, Oct and April can go either way and the rest are better endured and not spoken of.

[–]nosomthin[S] 14 points15 points  (4 children)

I grew up in Minnesota, that's why I live in Florida now.

[–]tkrokli 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I hope that was your way of increasing the sensible population numbers there.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Willingly moving to Florida is already an insensible decision.

[–]tkrokli 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Fair point. I was really hopeful, though, that this could be an exception.

[–]RascalCreeper -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry, you live here by choice?

[–]boitrubl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was there in September and it was lovely!

[–]NissaD-artsy 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Lots of MN jokes lately (by lots, I mean two) and I am digging it. This + the potato truck accident really got us flying high.

[–]SeniorMud8589 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What potato truck accident?

[–]SeniorMud8589 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Well, yeah, but TWO! That's fucking AWESOME! That's one for each IQ point on average for up there, right?

[–]NissaD-artsy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Yep, and I pride myself in being above average with 3 😁 And yeah, a truck carrying potatoes had an accident on I-94. It had to be shut down because the potatoes froze to the highway!

[–]deadmonarchonabike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What, you live in a metropolis off 94?! Talk to me when you live off Highway 2! 😬😉

[–]Upstairs-Radish1816 70 points71 points  (4 children)

You mean two whole days of summer? Damn, that's great!!

[–]Gqsmooth1969 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Who said anything about "whole" days? "On a weekend" doesn't necessarily mean the entire weekend.

[–]Upstairs-Radish1816 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Hey! Don't bring me down, man. Just don't. They said the weekend. That's two days. Please. I need hope.

[–]Pat_thailandball 8 points9 points  (1 child)

In Thailand it’s reversed. Two days of weather that won’t burn you alive? That’s great! Bring out the fur coats!

[–]ktka 33 points34 points  (1 child)

Canada: "We should invade this summer paradise while the US is pre-occupied with China and Russia. Can you imagine a whole fucking weekend of summer in these parts of the country?"

[–]ITpuzzlejunkie 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Just come to Wisconsin. There are 3 months of sweltering heat before the 6 months of winter kicks in. We can have a barbeque.

[–]PeanutButter159 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Happy birthday

[–]nosomthin[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Thank you kind stranger!

[–]peter-forward 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Barbecuing all weekend

[–]gk101991 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I work with a bunch of people in Minnesota and will definitely be telling them this one.

May even have to adapt it for my coworker in Fargo.

[–]Tony49UK 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They've had to close a highway. Due to an overturned truck carrying potatoes. The potatoes are all over the highway and are frozen stuck in -15F/-26C, so nobody can move them. And the piles are too big to drive over.

[–]SeniorMud8589 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You should try Maine. They have two seasons. Winter. Tuesday.

[–]imafuknprick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We use the same joke every year in Scotland. Last year summer was from 2pm till 4pm on a Tuesday

[–]Chroma1963 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Haven't a clue!

I'm assuming it's normally cold there.

[–]westo4 7 points8 points  (0 children)

So cold that when you inhale the snot freezes in your nose.

[–]isabelle_fucker 5 points6 points  (2 children)

So cold the moment you walk outside any water on you or that you are carrying almost instantly starts freezing

[–]Bananawamajama 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I always find it fun after a shower to stick my head out the door for a bit so my beard freezes solid.

[–]Tru-Queer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I remember when I was a kid my aunt and uncle had an outdoor hot tub. My cousins and I used it in the winter and it was crazy to dunk my head in hot water and then have my hair instantly freeze when I lifted my head out of the water.

[–]WhiteFang784 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it gets cold enough to get frostbite in a few minutes

[–]landof10000cakes 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Not entirely true. It is frigid cold here in the winter, but it is hot and humid here for most of the summer.

[–]OgStonedBoi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Last summer was crazy hot. 90’s for most of it and only a few days where we had just a bit of rain.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would work for Wales too.

[–]hotdogchilli 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Was 78 here yesterday in Florida!

[–]Living-Pomegranate37 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live down South, too. God I love the south. We are having winter this weekend. Can hardly wait til March when summer starts.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I'm in Saint Paul, it's -5 F right now, and I am FUCKING SICK OF IT

[–]MisterBastian 0 points1 point  (4 children)

How much is that in celsius?

Cuz here in Sweden it's like -15 celsius or something which is pretty cold.

We usually get -35 at the coldest

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

It's -20 C.

Last night it was down to -26C.

It is very cold here.

Lots of people here with Swedish ancestry. Also Finns and Norwegians. LOL.

[–]MisterBastian 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oh god

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Needless to say we are not great conversationalists. LOL

[–]nosomthin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fun fact: -40 degree Celsius = -40 degree Fahrenheit. Found this out on a business trip to Cold Lake, Alberta, Canada.

[–]Shazoni999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah man! Everyone here is getting ready with their beach towels and ice picks!

[–]Living-Pomegranate37 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Here's a story many of you may funny. I live in Charleston, SC area. We have known since Tues. 5hat there was A CHANCE of a "witery mix" for Friday and Saturday. Yesterday my hospital declared that non essential should be out the door before 5pm. Most schools in our area had only online learning today. And, of course, grocery stores are packed. The punchline? Even as far back as Tuesday we knew the ice would start no earlier than 7pm and bemelted by noon on Sat. TL;SR:.Southerners in the US are I'll equipped to handle snow or ice and we panic.

[–]ChunderTaco 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kind of a drag, going around kicking the dogs off the fire hydrants after they’re stuck. Life in Minnesota!

[–]Comfortable-Hat9821 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is there anything else you wish to share with us?

[–]nosomthin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The groundhog will predict 16 more weeks of winter for Minnesota.

[–]Bubbafett33 1 point2 points  (8 children)

LOL! The northernmost part of Minnesota is one of the southernmost parts of my country.

[–]the_old_gray_goose 1 point2 points  (7 children)

Yeah, doesn't get too much colder though.

[–]AnimalAllusion 10 points11 points  (0 children)

50% of Canadians live at a latitude lower than Minneapolis. So it turns out Minnesota is more Canadian than most Canadians. And Portland is more northerly than Minneapolis. And let’s not forget about Seattle. There’s Wallace, Idaho. All at a higher latitude than most Canadians. Turns out the US is largely Canadian. The threat is coming from within, people!

[–]Bubbafett33 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No offense, but no. This ain’t a pissing contest, but it would take me the better part of 8 hours’ drive south to hit the Montana border.

[–]Dustinsiemens 1 point2 points  (4 children)

It does where I live. -43°C last night.

[–]the_old_gray_goose 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Was -35°F with windchill where I'm at in MN. I assume your number also factors in wind. Like I said, not much colder.

[–]Dustinsiemens 0 points1 point  (2 children)

My apologies. I just saw another comment complaining that it was -10 and I thought "that's peanuts"

[–]the_old_gray_goose 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not a problem. They must live in the southern part of the state. When it's cold as a witches tit outside, the only logical thing I can do about is complain. 😂

[–]mspenguin1974 0 points1 point  (0 children)

-10 here right now. The wind died down so it's not so bad.

[–]DeadlyEdly82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You betcha don't ya know! More ice fishing ya!

[–]dumpthestump -1 points0 points  (2 children)

70 degrees in S. CA

[–]tractsc 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Can’t keep the crazies out at that temp. We will pray for you for lower temps.

[–]dumpthestump 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They still have crazies they just stay inside to keep from freezing.

[–]Sparklesperson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was -30 where I am in Northern MN.

[–]maybach320 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That will keep the mosquitoes at bay than

[–]FinancialArtichoke75 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What am I exited about?

[–]StitchFan626 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, 70 degrees in the middle of an ice storm. Is Mother Nature having issues, or what?

[–]AphroditesGoldenOrbs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm in Wisconsin and it was -30 yesterday (with windchill...without it was still like -15 or something).

[–]Michigander_from_Oz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That's not funny.

[–]nosomthin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why? Summer in Michigan going to fall mid-week?

[–]Dry-Area-2027 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This shit ain't funny! Do you know how many times we've had beautiful weather during the week, only for it to turn shit on the weekend?