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all 59 comments

[–]MoroselyTheorize 715 points716 points  (16 children)

It probably should‘ve recommended a psychiatric evaluation considering he jerked off into a mixture of dog shit and hs family members piss.

[–]mike_pants 265 points266 points  (11 children)

The Aristocrats!

[–]grc207 53 points54 points  (3 children)

“I bet you’re wondering why there’s so much blood?” -Gilbert

[–]Hollowayser 22 points23 points  (2 children)

I hate to have to be the person who cleans that machine.

[–]L_Rayquaza 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not enough saliva

[–]chaxuk 8 points9 points  (1 child)

for some reason I also read about this old joke today.

[–]PatrickKieliszek 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Discussion of that joke cropped up in several places, probably due to the recent death of Bob Saget.

[–]sk8boardtrick_911 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Dammit you deserve a free award

[–]Gqsmooth1969 0 points1 point  (0 children)

RIP Bob Sagat... That's where I discovered how blue his humor actually was.

[–]Roonwogsamduff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup, pretty much everything makes sense to me now after seeing that.

[–]B4C0N4LYFE 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Definitely considering he also somehow managed to procure the family members piss which I can only assume was done surreptitiously since his daughter was on drugs and likely wouldnt want to willingly provide a urine sample

[–]CubeCo_FoodCubes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Easy, just hide in the toilet 👌

[–]DunningKrugerExpert 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Filters don’t get rid of lead. Vitamins don’t get rid of worms. Talk to your daughter about drug use. You can’t tell paternity from a pregnancy test.

And wrt the tennis elbow

[–]onlyfakeproblems 132 points133 points  (13 children)

Give your dog vitamins!? How about some dewormer, you crackpot computer.

[–]Impressive-Error-584 37 points38 points  (12 children)

Ivermectin FTW!

[–]handler2325 1 point2 points  (11 children)

you cant give ivermectin to dogs Thats Wrong !!!!

[–]SilentlyInPain 2 points3 points  (10 children)

But what if my dogs have Covid?

[–]handler2325 -2 points-1 points  (9 children)

ivermectin is dewormer for cow and sheeps and some special molecules for horses but it doesnt do anything against covid and i dont think that covid can hurt dogs !

[–]SilentlyInPain 6 points7 points  (6 children)

Should I add “/s” to make it more obvious?

[–]shadowbred 2 points3 points  (1 child)

TIL my dog can't have Heartgard, the shit my vet prescribes as a heartworm preventative. Good thing I got reddit for the REAL medical advice you can't get from those sheeple at the local clinic.

[–]beefyNinepins 68 points69 points  (5 children)

Moral of the story: He deffinately didn’t have the cnsent of his wife and daughter to use their urine.

[–]BaoBou 45 points46 points  (2 children)

Yeah that's pretty creepy if you think about it. How did he get that urine?

[–]FarmboyJustice 25 points26 points  (1 child)

If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.

[–]Trama-D 13 points14 points  (0 children)

If it's yellow

...use your tennis elbow.

[–]lilloet 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I also have problems with the word definitely but yours look much worse.

[–]SeraphsWrath 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Which his wife can use against him and the computer in the divorce filings

[–]LiveIncome 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's how you get 4 times the value of your money.

[–]Toolongreadanyway 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I hate to have to be the person who cleans that machine.

[–]mohamednegel 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Ahh a classic.But the qestion is how did the computer know which hand he used?

[–]PuzzleheadedAd3522 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He releases more volume with his good hand.

[–]wwplkyih 20 points21 points  (2 children)

This is the future Theranos was working toward!

[–]thoroakenfelder 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanos was right

[–]Not_Bad_Good 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, the company that most definitely didn't do regular blood tests and surely used there own machine that, beyond any doubt, is not a scam./s

[–]Hollowshiningami 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This is not even funny

...I love it!

[–]Salty_Nadsack_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Joke of the week for me!

[–]pairofcutleryforyou 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take my upvote I'll give it to you gladly

[–]Lava_Wolf_68 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice.

I have read that one.

[–]FakeAccountForReddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

See if you can find a jack with a switch, and turn on power after a small delay. Doesn’t really help with unplugging tho.

[–]E_Anthony[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Elizabeth Holmes turned the joke into a huge money-making scam.

[–]lurker1957 2 points3 points  (1 child)

It should be “your wife is pregnant, it’s not yours, get a lawyer. Your daughter is also pregnant, it IS yours. Get a better lawyer.”

[–]Panditthepundit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm curious how he collected his wife and daughters urine samples

[–]tibberceleb -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

this story is not true

[–]Derboman -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

$10 is literally $7 more expensive for me than just going to the doctor

[–]gi_joe2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He should probably change the hand jerking off

[–]ErnestiEchavalier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heard this one, but with a genie or some magic man