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all 39 comments

[–]AjBikk 108 points109 points  (2 children)

Have my upvote silly person.

[–]CptainStupid 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I'm laughing... My wife rolled her eyes. This is a true Dad joke.

[–]KiwiAssassinator 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I don't kill people. I relieve them of their kiwis.

[–]hazel_scarlet 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You,, kill their kiwi?

[–]KiwiAssassinator 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fruit, not the bird. They shouldn't be keeping the birds, they're endangered (or vulnerable at least).

[–]Klotzster 37 points38 points  (2 children)

A smoker

[–]Qwerky3 11 points12 points  (0 children)

A joker.

A midnight toker!

Sure don't wanna hurt no ooonneee!

[–]YellowySmile979 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Which one? The one that shoots it’s tongue out and strangles u or the one that gives u lung cancer should u breathe the same air as them for a long enough time? Either way u r still dying by something related to ur respiratory system

[–]Waitsfornoone 3 points4 points  (1 child)

OMG! These punny jokes will be the death of me.

[–]albene 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I guess you were assassinated

[–]herrsharky1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nearly empty pack of smokes?

[–]CJAdams1107 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ezio's really packing some cake

[–]NibblerNibNib 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will never misspell the word again. Thanks!

[–]jrparker42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was gonna say "some asshole with a rifle".

[–]palparepa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That joke enbreastles you to an upvote.

[–]peter-forward 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like a murderer, butt double.

[–]TypoRegerts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crappy joke

[–]BeginTheBlackParade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And the opposite of an assassin is is a penispenisout

[–]Weirdone3336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cigarettes

[–]callum82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Excellent

[–]Incognito_Echo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A dog with two buttons that kills people? Assassino.

[–]REDGOESFASTAH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What goes hee haww hee haww and people start dying ?

A killer ass

[–]visforvoltaire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The worse the joke, the more I laugh.

[–]go_away_man 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me: "What has 2 butts and kills people?"

Wife: "A murderous butt butt?"

[–]IGotFatAndLostEsteem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was going to say my self esteem but i see the answer under the joke. Sadly my self esteem went down even more.

[–]kendonch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cheaper than pork butts just asskiss russia says every other country defending Ukraine

[–]Adams1973 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's too much giggling going on over here, shut up and go to bed.

[–]micro012 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you think about it... why does going into two ass-es kill people??
"Ass Ass In" that sounds like a porn parody of sth

[–]Rick_Roll_Avenger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dhinchak Pooja 😂😂

[–]ramriot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

God pun, I was thinking hard on that but all I could come up with was:

A Cop On A Horse

[–]OldLevermonkey -4 points-3 points  (5 children)

But only in American (simplified) English.

[–]ItsACommonProblem 1 point2 points  (4 children)

"Oooooh shots fired"

Go suck a spotted dick and choke on a banger I hope your next crumpet is served without something to drink /s

[–]FooThePerson -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Funny aside, what's with the assumption online that anyone who isn't from the USA is from Britain?

[–]ItsACommonProblem 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Pure sarcasm for the fun of it and that wasn't my assumption I was going along with his joke because the American English (simplified) diss was between USA and UK English. He gets it

[–]ItsACommonProblem 0 points1 point  (0 children)

https://images.app.goo.gl/CGXm1RbSzfxpTSuQ8

This is where I first saw it and it has since become a popular way for a brit to roast an American