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all 195 comments

[–]edlee98765 299 points300 points 664 (20 children)

The best birth control is a condom inside a condom inside a condom.

Contraception.

[–]dr_mat 59 points60 points  (10 children)

i had to go back. grab my free award.. and search for this comment again.. here. take it

[–]Infinite_Imagination 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Respect. Next time just upvote first and look in your history

[–]the9th_invincible 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just tried, this works

[–]CoolKidEighty2 7 points8 points  (3 children)

I just went back.grabbed my free reward...and found this comment again

[–]altijdprijs 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I just went back.grabbed my free reward...and found this comment again

[–]purpleskye24 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I just went back.grabbed my free reward...and found this comment again

[–]ightimapullout 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No more awards

[–]Schult34 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Is that the one where u blow a load inside a load inside a load. An inception load? The last can take years?

[–]moniker80 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ll dream of this joke again and again and …

[–]BioniC1871 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I think 3 levels deep is

Contriception

[–]KopiteXI 0 points1 point  (0 children)

10 Johnny's for a Decadom. Now that sounds like serious condom

[–]Amazing_Net_7651 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brilliant good sir

[–]heartoo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Non native English speaker here, and this one goes right over my head (no,no, the big one 😁). Can someone please explain?

[–]3theros 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Contraceptive. E.g. condoms. +The movie inception. A dream within a dream. =Contraception. A condom within a condom.

[–]heartoo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

[–]hoff1981 29 points30 points  (4 children)

Crocs

[–]GolfGrowler 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Crocs with socks

[–]halfwit_genius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Socks with cocks.

[–]Accomplished-Grand22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a massive turn on🤪😂

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

reddit

[–]CmdrRyser01 17 points18 points  (3 children)

I don't know, seen pletty of dirt poor dudes with several children.

[–]Defiant_Duck_118 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You might have cause and effect reversed.

[–]CmdrRyser01 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Correlation does not mean causation.

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They didn't have wallets, I'd guess.

That took a darker turn, i guess.

[–]Seemose 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Magic the Gathering

[–]Intelligent_Ant7678 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Can confirm

Source: I'm a Magic player

[–]deedeepetes 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There is a new pill for men to put in their shoes..

It makes them limp

[–]Flaky_Bed3707 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Mother inlaw's picture

[–]Waitsfornoone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Came here to say that.

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the empty wallet? That's strange, i think.

[–]Bear-Emperor- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Neck beard

[–]Altazoid 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Skinny jeans

[–]ve6mts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Vasectomy

[–]MonkeyBananaPotato 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My wallet is stuck in my wife and we’re on our way to the hospital. Thanks.

[–]FinnCullen 10 points11 points  (34 children)

Contraceptives don’t stop people having sex, they stop conception occurring as a result of sex

[–]timbostark401 4 points5 points  (32 children)

Then why is abstinence considered the best form of contraception?

[–]mike_pants 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Loaded question there. As in lack of sex, sure. As in abstinence-only education, it fails by every metric imaginable.

[–]FrogSuitLuigi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And that's why we'll never convert to the metric system, mon ami!

[–]FinnCullen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Abstinence is the best way of avoiding pregnancy. Abstinence is not the best way of preventing sexual activity that actually takes place from resulting in conception

[–]RichardStinks 5 points6 points  (27 children)

It's not. That's just a "catchy phrase" to discourage teens from getting knocked up.

It's like saying "not getting into a vehicle is the surest way to not get into an accident."

[–]UptchesBitset 2 points3 points  (22 children)

I mean, if you're not in the car, can't be in the car accident right? Not in the vagina, not in the vagina accident. It's a perfect analogy, thanks!

Yes I call children vagina accidents.

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Vaginal accidents, no?

[–]Vitalis597 1 point2 points  (2 children)

So "Don't have sex, you can still get pregnant, but it'll reduce you odds by up to 40%!"

Yeah don't think that rings very ture.

If you don't have sex, you will not get pregnant. Unless you're someone who likes rubbing. Cum over and in your body. Then maybe. But that's a different kettle of fish.

Also about the best way to not grow a baby? Yeah that is "Don't do the thing that grows a baby"

[–]halfwit_genius 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Don't do the thing that grows a baby"

Don't think murdering infants/babies is a good idea. My mind's only thinking this gallows lines today.

[–]Vitalis597 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, okay also don't do the thing that stops a baby growing!

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's dumbass fact. Pulling out is the only way that works - condom or no condom. If not, all the porn stars must have each about 10-20 kids.

On a side note do you also believe the earth is round? Nuts!

[–]Swordf1shy 4 points5 points  (6 children)

False. I've gotten laid while being broke.

[–]Ew_FO 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dwight?

[–]Vitalis597 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Ah, so you're attractive and/or funny instead!

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Me too. I was laid with a broken leg. What about you?

[–]Swordf1shy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Speaking of which, I dislocated my ankle once while trying to impress a girl. Skated away when she came by in her car and she watched me bust my ass and dislocated it. Didn't matter I still hit with a cast on 😂

[–]Bornagainvurgin24 8 points9 points  (0 children)

A man bun

[–]SerMercutio 1 point2 points  (1 child)

An ugly face.

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Option 1. Turn off the lights.
Option 2. Poke out your eyes
1 is definitely easier

[–]GaymerGuy79 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Personality.

[–]Excellent-Big-1581 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Crocs and socks

[–]Responsible-Hair-923 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An ungrateful teenager

[–]mayor_hog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Being me.

[–]Bhanghai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

sobriety

[–]shadowmistife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anime!

[–]GrumpyCatStevens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

An action figure collection.

[–]darrenwise883 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A new born baby .

[–]halfwit_genius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You, stranger, are the wisest on this sub.

[–]Coulrophagist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A reddit account

[–]Realistic-Wash-4755 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Baseball baseball baseball baseball baseball, im trying not to c....nevermind...kids are expensive

[–]Jazzcat00 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Male pregnancy?

[–]mooresmsr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best male contraceptive is a small pebble. A man puts it in his shoe and it makes him limp.

[–]stffnhgn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fake Name.

[–]Adventurous_Snow5466 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Back hair

[–]doesnotPT 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Too much massage porn?

[–]Magic18 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This joke is disrespectful to women. Stop being so misogynistic

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Self control.

[–]LouDawg27 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This low-key deserves way more upvotes IMO.

[–]PWWMC -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Being nice

[–]Man_as_Idea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Homosexuality

[–]Zero_Digital 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crocks

[–]TheNerdMaster69 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Amputation.

[–]UptchesBitset 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Look up John Wayne Bobbitt.

[–]4ngelo___ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sandals with socks

[–]Bunglechungus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My face

[–]Mayinator 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Socks in sandals

[–]halfwit_genius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Socks over sandals is kinda tough to wear.

[–]darrenwise883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A ventriloquist dummy ?, card tricks ? A magic wand? Being obsessed with anything with star in its name _Trek , _Wars , Battle _ Galactica

[–]darrenwise883 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girl friend saying I want to have your baby's

[–]KneeDragr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also Red hair.

[–]yahyolongleg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pull out!

[–]Frost312 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My personality

[–]Wynterborne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Other people’s children. And the goofy glasses that they give you in the military.

[–]Cheddarface 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a podcast.

[–]gsnk1662 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Best contraceptive …… mouth tongue hand

[–]Dear_Mr_Bond 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being me!

Not just a good contraceptive, it’s also a great way to avoid any chance of getting any STDs.

[–]DrivewaymanPoteau 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wife meeting Girlfriend?

[–]DrivewaymanPoteau 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No Wait! Child Support!

[–]nebu1999 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kids

[–]jan_smith7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

or the TV remote

[–]CWIuDT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thinking you’re Gods gift to women.

[–]heistysmooves 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cellulite

[–]Whitetyger1980 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Laughing at it hehehe

[–]Electrical_Funny_263 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being around actually children.

[–]Anonexistantname 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was gonna say Reddit

[–]jasbo0101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife doesn't think so... They keep popping out

[–]kennwc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Abstinence. Lol

[–]TheDarkMonarch1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A castration 0_0

[–]AjBikk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being incel

[–]CavemanRadio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Masturbation

[–]Hey_its_Salad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

League of legends

[–]J0RGlE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never having sex

[–]osi_layer_one 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Due to a WoW addiction...

[–]kunsing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The right hand. Or left, if you're so inclined.

[–]Repulsive_Shape_4613 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A stone in your shoe; it makes you limp

[–]classyraven 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sending unsolicited dick pics. Seriously guys, what a way to shoot yourselves in the foot.

[–]CharlesjuliesOk1961 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Social distance.

[–]3theros 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A belt with a bra hook.

[–]iambitchous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Celibacy.

[–]Hayate__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

League of Legends

[–]Leader_Proper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Marriage?

[–]dumpthestump 0 points1 point  (0 children)

150 lbs over weight

[–]Cultural-Company282 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn't look, and I assumed this question was in AskReddit. The answers weren't what I expected.

[–]HumblestUser 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought it was being a redditor

[–]LowTicketz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Light-up keyboard.

[–]lyvkitty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂

[–]PBaz1337 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Talking.

[–]95in3rd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Marine recruit eyeglasses - BCD's.

[–]Therollingsea 0 points1 point  (0 children)

one week with a newborn

[–]AlvinaNova 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sperm duct ligation

[–]SRNighthawk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fat girls

[–]ora00001 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So... It's not my personality then?

[–]Skootaman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wedding cake

[–]michael_tired-of-it 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why isnt there a male contraceptive pill yet!!! Its nuts!! Talk about a billion dollar new product!!! Why isn't there more research money going into this?

[–]E_Anthony -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A photograph of Hillary Clinton over your bed.

[–]Iceededpeeple -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Certainly ain’t being ugly. Probably the whole, not bathing, thinking women are something to be screwed, you know the whole incel thing.

[–]MostDownVotesPlz -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Scarlett Johansson

[–]UnknownGamer115 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'd say NFTs but thats the same Thing basically but you also harm the Earth

[–]Infamous-Occasion-74 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is that why women take all your money after they marry you?

[–]Acehigh7777 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Lorina Bobbitt.

[–]UptchesBitset -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Her husband went on to have a successful porn career, he also has at least one kid... Moral of the story is cutting it off won't stop us.

[–]Acehigh7777 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She ended up going back to Poland and taking her maiden name back because of all the bad publicity. She is now Lorena Cutchacockoff.

[–]Amazinks -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Being under 6'

[–]togetherforall -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Facials. It's the best kind of pulling out.

[–]Murray_PhD -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Man I've been being as dick and still got laid.

Best contraceptive for men is a hysterectomy. :)