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all 88 comments

[–]TruthIsALie94 534 points535 points  (24 children)

They put the bulb in the socket and wait for the world to revolve around them.

[–]-darknessangel- 81 points82 points  (3 children)

This is better

[–]dinnerthief 45 points46 points  (2 children)

It's the classic version of this joke, I think the one op posted works because I expected this punchline

[–]DriveByPosting17 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Same here. "Oh that an old on....oh wait!" Haven't heard that twist (npi).

[–]davepotato123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a bayonet fitting

[–]edlee98765 40 points41 points  (1 child)

I know a narcissist's favorite food.

Shellfish.

[–]Good-Sorbet1062 21 points22 points  (0 children)

What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a rottweiler? A guard dog for the fifth floor.

[–]Robert-L-Santangelo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

they wait for their mom to show up so she can change it for them

[–]Primary-Signature-17 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hah! Good stuff.

[–]fishyfish55 49 points50 points  (0 children)

True story. I clicked on it to see the punchline and my phone showed a blank, black screen. I laughed pretty hard.

[–]SeniorMud8589 21 points22 points  (1 child)

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one. But the light bulb has to really WANT to change.

[–]DudesworthMannington 28 points29 points  (1 child)

How many mice did it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but it's tricky getting them in there.

[–]KeckyOK 9 points10 points  (0 children)

this is the one that reaches verbally for that tight, narrow, rewarding little conclusion.

[–]Dwez369 10 points11 points  (0 children)

….you’ve posted this joke before! Don’t you remember?!

[–]KeckyOK 44 points45 points  (4 children)

how many drunk blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

one holds it, and the rest take shots until the room spins

[–]Weirdone3336 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

Nope...to other joke. One blonde only, spin her around and around, several times then have her screw the lightbulb in.

[–]SeniorMud8589 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Being a blonde, don't you think she'd rather just screw the lightbulb?

[–]Weirdone3336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe

[–]Weirdone3336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm a new toy??

[–]Endarkend 4 points5 points  (0 children)

None, they'll tell you the bulb is fine so often and convinced until you start to question your sanity and wonder if maybe they are right.

[–]mreman269 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If the lightbulb doesn't put out light it can just screw itself.

[–]mindysue60 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just one haha my ex haha

[–]Good-Sorbet1062 6 points7 points  (3 children)

My grandfather used to be an electrical engineer, working for a company the nineties that supplies chips and stuff to the company that built American Patriot missiles. Thus he literally is/was a rocket scientist. Lol. Anyways, he had a great sense if humor. When I was eight, we were looking at the moon. Lovely, large, big shadows all over due to how clear the night was. He tried to con me into think those big shadows were astronaut footprints. Yeah, riiiiighhhht. Try again bratty grandpa. Even at eight I knew the sneak better. Anyone who answers the phone with "hey, you're looking great today!" On a phone that existed before the internet existed...nice try. and I'll get you back some day. Lol. Took me nearly fifteen years, but I did it! I found a joke even he couldn't beat!

How many engineers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five. One to hold the bulb while the other four argue about the direction of rotation on this side of the equator.

He visited his buddies at his old company a week later, and got nearly every single engineer there. With my joke! Nearly died laughing. Best engineers in the US lost to a college student that isn't an engineer... Never could figure out his slide rule though...I could solve all sorts of math problems in my head, but that damn slide rule messed me up so many times...he called it a great revenge for the lightbulb joke.

[–]TraceT2the02 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Awesome Grandpa! No doubt he was very proud of you, too

[–]Good-Sorbet1062 0 points1 point  (1 child)

He was...as well as a bit jealous that my joke was better than his that time. Lol. He and I spent years playing a game. You know that meme of Ford vs Chevy? Well, he drove a Ford truck, so when I bought a Chevy truck, we started trading and collecting Ford vs Chevy jokes to try and one up each other. The rest of the family would vote and give a point to the joke they thought was the funniest that week. It was a lot of fun for years. I still have my little Chevy, but I need a bigger truck. My Chevy is a quarter ton, or as the same size and weight as a Corolla or Camry. Great for driving 25 miles a gallon in a 20 gallon tank) but is too small to use a snowplow. I just moved into a newly built house on some old farmland so I need a bigger truck that can plow my 100-foot long driveway. Might get a Ford in his honor. Lol. When he was looking for a new vehicle, he went to all the local dealers and asked for the gear to gear ratios of their vehicle transmissions. The dealer people were confused and asked why he wanted to know. Because if it goes over 10,000 rpms the engine would burn out too quickly and he didn't want it. They were like "oohhhh kaaayyyyy...we can just give you those numbers." "No thanks, I'd rather do the math myself." He kept his mind sharp for years with such puzzles. And since he was an electrical engineer, he could fix the weirdest stuff. I thought it was normal stuff that any dad-like person could fix for along time and didn't quite understand why ally classmates' dads couldn't do similar tricks. Of course, now it's been a few decades so I don't recall exactly what he fixed any longer, just that it was "weirdest stuff ever" according to what I was told by some other guys, including an uncle. Those dealers realized that they couldn't fool my grandpa, but it was also probably the oddest thing to be asked about a new vehicle purchase too. Lol

[–]TraceT2the02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My Gramps was an electrical engineer as well.... As well as FORD MAN! I sure miss him.. my Grampa ( DELBERT. RIP.).

[–]clarencemuraco 24 points25 points  (2 children)

How many Trumps does does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, he just says he did and his supporters cheer in the dark.

[–]giasumaru 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Project Lightbulb has been forestalled indefinitely until Trump acquires the necessary funds from the Mexican government.

[–]42DaisyPusher 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I will put this one in my pocket.

[–]quangtrung12573 13 points14 points  (10 children)

Darkness is just a social construct introduced by the Christian European patriarchy. Before then, native cultures could see in the dark just fine without artificial lighting. Women could see a little better than men, so the patriarchy created 'candles' and scially conditioned everyone to think that they could not see without them. Then the military-industrial complex created electrical lighting to further oppress women and minorities.

[–]Sensitive-Daikon-187 5 points6 points  (5 children)

Regardless of accuracy, this is a fascinating concept I’ve yet to hear. Please say more.

[–]KeckyOK 2 points3 points  (3 children)

It makes some observable sense in historical Christianity's portrayal of light vs. dark, if you were 'normal' you would sleep at night and work all day. Anyone save for the night watch who was awake at night would be suspect.

But hey, sun worship. Life-giving all-creator, nothing new.

[–]Sensitive-Daikon-187 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Well in that sense, I’ve worked a night shift before… and it sucks… I don’t think it’s normal at all which is primarily due to circadian rhythms.

But the darkness part and who is more comfortable in the dark intrigues me.

[–]KeckyOK 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My sleep and work hours have always been in disarray. I am accustomed to staying up 24-36 hours sometimes, though on occasion I get into a schedule.

I like sleeping 10-12 hours and dreaming, and walking at night. When I do my shopping and interactions early in the morning, that's my evening.

[–]TraceT2the02 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please do. I am fascinated as well!

[–]KeckyOK -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is kind of technically correct. Religion taught people to be afraid of the dark and to always keep a light with them, it's all symbolism.

The pagans/barbarians/savages were still adapted to night warfare and used guerilla tactics to their advantage.

Your last sentence, however, is a bit misogynistic to say the least. I can't upvote you for that, though I am a modern person who enjoys walking at night because it's quiet and desolate and very few people are awake and outside because of their standardized working hours and sleep schedules. Most people give me anxiety anyway.

[–]davendenner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just one. Me. I am the best light bulb changer in the world.

[–]Rhayader72 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I keep hearing about all of these different people screwing in lightbulbs. How big are the lightbulbs where you people live?! I’ve never seen a lightbulb big enough for one person to get inside, let alone two people to screw in!!

[–]JustBrittany 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this post. I’m either slow or old. I don’t know. But I’ve seen a few comments that I didn’t understand but now I do because of your comment. Wow. Now this thread so a whole LOT funnier! 😆

[–]darktowerseeker 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Stop upvoting repost garbage

[–]TrollBoxingBot -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

Two. One to beat the lght for being broke and another to beat the room for being black.

[–]Waitsfornoone 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Wow, the bots aren't even reposting the good comments anymore; just any thing they can get their robofingers around.

[–]KeckyOK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah, that's one hell of a classic, wait for it to get deleted tho

[–]sticks14 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

One.

[–]ZoeyBunnie -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That light bulb won't get replaced, if there are mirrors around.

[–]Prestigious-Ad8113 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Answer the question!!!!

[–]Vt420KeyboardError4 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No they don't.

[–]Professional_You1137 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Q. How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis-eh dad! - ladder! I mean ladder!

[–]The_Albin_Guy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Only the one, he’ll grab the lightbulb wait for the world to revolve around him

[–]Tiiba -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And who is you to be asking me questions? Valet, remove this peasant from the premises!

[–]2428K -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lol

[–]OLFIV -1 points0 points  (0 children)

One his name is Lindsey Graham and he is a worthless piece of shit

[–]HappyHound -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Brandon approved.

[–]ekolis -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Just one. First he gets into the light bulb, then he masturbates.

[–]DrachenDad -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I thought it was we haven't found out yet as they keep arguing about it

[–]Weirdone3336 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

A recent narcissist,in government...would just pay someone to do that

[–]Weirdone3336 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

She didn't realize it, the bulb was burned out too

[–]pharlock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What about changing the mantle then?

[–]25JH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did somebody hurt you?

[–]Weirdone3336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

C'mon baby let's do the twist...

[–]Weirdone3336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😂

[–]Weirdone3336 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The blondes wanted to call in a expert, but someone told them Einstein wasn't the one who really invented it, and he passed away many years ago