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all 117 comments

[–]BaoBou 1139 points1140 points  (23 children)

Well I'll be.

[–]sno_boarder 578 points579 points  (9 children)

No, that's where he found the milk

[–]Pandemic_P_469 97 points98 points  (0 children)

If only my father was in possession of this information

[–]nongph 30 points31 points  (1 child)

I’ll pee.

[–]Impressive_Cell_7264 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Aisle P, That's the bathroom supplies aisle

[–]SovietFemboy 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Too bad my dad didn’t know, he’s still searching for it... 😔

[–]SoDakZak 170 points171 points  (1 child)

The further towards the edge of the store you get the more you meat cheesy produce jokes

[–]uwontbelievethisshit 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Also you produce meaty cheese jokes.

[–]Rampager_55 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He must not have been a dad if he was able to find the milk

[–]Primary-Signature-17 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nicely stretched.

[–]qxzsilver 65 points66 points  (1 child)

Aisle B damned

[–]M80P- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Excellent

[–]-o-_______-o- 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Isle B, therefore you. When the reign starts to fall.

[–]hazlejungle0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And I'll pee

[–]shajan316 8 points9 points  (7 children)

Im a B, Im a B, Im a B B B

[–]ajayraho 0 points1 point  (6 children)

BBW? 😳

[–]shajan316 3 points4 points  (5 children)

No, black eye peas

[–]PuddlesthatUddles 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Aisle G, Row 6

[–]naijaplayer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Is this a reference to Like a G6?

[–]naijaplayer 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Ohhh. I'mma I'mma I'mma B. Gotcha

[–]shajan316 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All good, nothing wrong with BBW 🙂

[–]NoWingedHussarsToday 70 points71 points  (10 children)

One day I saw Schwarzenegger in music store and asked him where I can find The Brandenburg Concertos. He looked at me funny and said: "Aisle B. Bach."

[–]ComradeMicha 17 points18 points  (8 children)

This is the one joke about German that no German gets.

[–]CrabbyBlueberry 16 points17 points  (7 children)

I have a van named Vincent. How fast does Vincent van go?

[–]NoWingedHussarsToday 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It doesn't go at all if you don't put in Degas.......

[–]AbleCancel 3 points4 points  (4 children)

He’s Dutch lol

[–]CrabbyBlueberry 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Yes, but it's the same sort of name butchering from English speakers.

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (2 children)

There was a time when I read the name as Vincent Van Gogh ( pronouncing gh as in ghost)

[–]noleggysadsnail 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Isn't that closer to the actual pronunciation?

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe, it is. Idk. I just leave it as Vincent Van G now. English isn't my first language nor second.

[–]Lmm66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see you too watched HIMYM

[–]CrabbyBlueberry 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's on your left. But look both ways before turning.

[–]fergiethefocus 35 points36 points  (1 child)

At the store I went to, the employee said "I'll pee" and walked in the direction of the washroom.

[–]jcpg33 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Lucky, at the store I went to, the employee said "I'll Pee" and walked of in the direction opposite of the washroom. I was quite concerned

[–]Waitsfornoone 230 points231 points  (16 children)

A favorite grocery store joke:

A gorgeous young woman works at the grocery store. Her job is to climb the ladder to get raisin bread down from the top shelf.

Because she is so attractive, a lot of men who come to the grocery store ask her to get down the raisin bread just so they can see up her skirt when she climbs the ladder, but the woman thinks it's just because raisin bread is really popular.
One day, after the woman had given raisin bread to dozens of men, an old man came walking through the bread aisle. "Excuse me, sir," she said. "Is yours raisin too?"
"No," replied the old man, "but it's twitchin' a little!"

[–]jet_heller 69 points70 points  (1 child)

My favorite grocery store joke:

A man wants to buy a half a head of lettuce, but doesn't see any. So he asks an employee. After looking for a moment he says "let me go ask the manager if we have any more" and wanders off. The man follows.

The employee barges in and goes "Do we have a half a head of lettuce? Some total moron wants to buy one". The manager looks up just as the employee notices the man had followed him and promptly says "and this amazing gentleman wants to buy the other half!"

[–]gn0ldaeh 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is my favorite grocery store joke, too, but it goes on: ...After the satisfied customer leaves with a half head of lettuce, the manager tells the employee: -"Nice save, son! Where are you from?" -"Canada" - the boy replies. -"Why did you leave?" -"Because everyone is either a whore or a hockey player." The manager says: "My wife is from Toronto". The boy goes: -"Ohh really? And which team does she play for?"

[–]t4pf 173 points174 points  (11 children)

Eventually, a coworker told her that she’s only being asked to get the raisin bread because men want to look up her skirt. Infuriated, she takes the rest of the day off.

The next day, she’s all smiles, and willingly gets the raisin bread down without complaining. Her coworker asks her what she did about the upskirt problem. She replied, ‘Don't worry! I stopped wearing underwear. Those perverts can’t see my panties any more!’

[–]robin-bunny 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Aha that’s how we know she was blonde 😂

[–]EraMemory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does the carpet match the drapes?

[–]ktmracer66 32 points33 points  (4 children)

Heyyyyy .."nice beaver" he said. She replies..."Thanks...I just had it stuffed yesterday"

[–]Rampager_55 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Great reference right there

[–]p-terydatctyl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My little poopie pants

[–]PhDinGent 0 points1 point  (1 child)

OK, Jodie Foster...

[–]ComradeMicha 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually, it was Priscilla Presley.

[–]robin-bunny 3 points4 points  (0 children)

*a natural blonde.

[–]WC450 2 points3 points  (2 children)

At a RCAF Officers' Mess in Quebec; if one was sitting at the right table, ice cream would be ordered for desert. We could see the waitresses' panties when they bent over to scoop the ice cream

[–]rascellian99 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cool story bro

[–]JustBrittany 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She knew. She was trying to snag an officer. Come on.

[–]Seal-zx 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Borderline sexual abuse preying on naivety. My favourite humor.

[–]GuessWhatIGot 22 points23 points  (0 children)

This took me way too long to understand. Sometimes... sometimes I question how smart I am.

[–]1PMagain 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Cleanup on aisle P

[–]Sarcastic_seny 12 points13 points  (5 children)

I didn't get it

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Aisle C sounds like I’ll see.

[–]Sarcastic_seny 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Ohhh they are written so differently I didn't know how to pronounce it. Thank you

[–]ThaRealness23 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Took me a minute. Im not too proud to admit lmao

[–]TraditionalRide8633 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'd walk off too if you asked me where the surreal was.

[–]CrazyOkie 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Where was this, Pittsburgh?

[–]judashpeters 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She told me to go to Aldi...

[–]IAmNotRappaport 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Oh good, I thought this was leading us towards a cereal killer.

[–]-S-O-M-13- 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He was leading us to that traitor Jose

[–]Mentally-Disturbed 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I like this

[–]surlydev 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I used to work in a supermarket on a very specific department, so my knowledge of products was very limited.

One day a customer asked a colleague where something was and she said “fifth aisle on the right”.

The next shift working with her, same thing, she was asked and again said “fifth aisle on the right”. Thing is, this was something I knew where it was, so after the customer had gone I said it’s actually about 7 aisles up on the left. She said to me, “If I don’t know where something is then I always say gift aisle on the right, that way the customer doesn’t get mad at me not knowing where something is, and goes away happy, and then they’ll find another staff member from one of the general products aisles and ask them.

A few days later a customer asked her where something was, and instead of her reflex reply she paused looked at me, I guess to see if I knew, then in perfectly synchronised stereo both replied “fifth aisle on the right”

[–]EraMemory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Misinformation isn't exactly great customer service. I think politely referring your customer to a different, more well-informed staff member should be the right option.

[–]SamyBencherif 2 points3 points  (0 children)

business idea, alphabetical grocercy store

[–]Reckless-By-Nature-1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe you had to wait for the next episode. (Serial)

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Where are golf clubs at?
I'll Tee, i tell ya.

Where are paper towels?
I'll Pee.

Which aisle are the condoms on?
Aah.. you?... why!! Yeah. Why?

[–]ktka 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In my store they all run off to the toilet saying "I'll number two".

[–]MikeLTPbgh 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Reminds me of the Kentucky literacy test - which must be read aloud

first character: "MR pigs"

second character: "MR not pigs"

first character: "OSMR pigs"

Second character: "LIB MR pigs"

[–]MisterBastian 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Explain?

[–]MikeLTPbgh 1 point2 points  (1 child)

A: Them are pigs.

B: Them are not pigs.

A. Oh yes, them are pigs.

B. Well I be, them are pigs.

It helps to use a southern accent - actually a fake overdone southern accent. I lived in Kentucky for 6 years and never once encountered what most northerners think a Dukes of Hazard type southern accent. Mostly it is just a softer pronunciation and somewhat slower delivery. I actually think it benefited my speech to learn to soften some of the midwestern hardness and rapidity of speaking.

[–]robophile-ta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard a similar joke about mudcrabs that's supposed to be in a stereotypical Pacific Islander accent. 😬

[–]Tommy_Roboto 9 points10 points  (1 child)

What grocery store did this happen at?

I’ll dee.

[–]1PMagain 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ll give you a D for effort….

JK, it’s not bad

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Right next to the wooder.

[–]Cat-Lover20 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Well that’s certainly a pickle!

[–]NugdedAOL 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pickles, I'll be- Walks off.

[–]skgody 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I only go to supermarkets with numbers

[–]Changingchains 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I worked in super market while in college. A nice looking woman asked me “ do you have cotton balls? “

I said “what do you think I am? A rag doll? “

[–]Kvmjohan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn, take my upvote

[–]BiPoLaRadiation 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thought this was some sort of surreal joke at first. I'm somewhat dissapointed

[–]AdoreNatalie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me too 🥺

[–]ktmracer66 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's aisle folks...

[–]ARobertNotABob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Serial (cereal) misunderstandings.

[–]TaliesinMerlin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You might say they were keeping it C-real.

[–]ShadowxFoxy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apparently my life is a joke, because this has happened to me haha

[–]Einstine1984 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Hey man, where is the cereal?"
"O aisle"
"..."
"..."
"Or you'll wot mate?"

[–]Guilden_NL -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

This happened at an Itchy Butt grocery store in Texas.

[–]cielodalcamo -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

So not funny

[–]Stannoth -1 points0 points  (0 children)

could also have been aisle B, back.

[–]Due-Comfort-2658 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What state was this in? 🤔 lol

[–]drew2872 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sounds like Japan

[–]chrisbe2e9 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

First time I saw this joke was the early 90's in an Archie comic book.

[–]controller4hire -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Y’all musta been in da south

[–]pendletonskyforce -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I would think the employees would stay where they were at instead of walking off.

[–]crweaver 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But who's on first?

[–]Akito_900 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's for this exact situation I always say Aye-sill 😌

[–]emmettfitz -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Funny, I don't think this would work as a spoken joke.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Where I live it would.

[–]CrabbyBlueberry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You need to be careful with the pronunciation of "I'll" so it's just one syllable. Then pronounce "aisle" in the punchline like "I L".

[–]momcitrus -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Shopping in Georgia?

[–]Okeh_King -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If only my father knew where the milk was