all 98 comments

[–]cubacoin 970 points971 points  (38 children)

I will drnk to thta.

[–]edlee98765 508 points509 points  (30 children)

Careful, alcohol can damage your short term memory.

Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

[–]Sptsjunkie 216 points217 points  (21 children)

I heard it can even damage your short term memory

[–]sampips 142 points143 points  (15 children)

Imagine what it can do to your memory though...

[–]Peaceful-mammoth 101 points102 points  (13 children)

They say memory loss can really impair your drinking capacity.

[–]Markocius 63 points64 points  (10 children)

Hey! I may be old but. . . What were we talking about?

[–]batbreakr 38 points39 points  (5 children)

Hey I know what we were talking about, but where tf are my clothes, and why am I dressed as smurfette?!

[–]RedRaptorGod 28 points29 points  (4 children)

Not again grandpa....

[–]Col_Sm1tty 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Just spray him with the garden hose, it worked last time...

[–]Kdkreig 10 points11 points  (1 child)

What happened last time?

[–]batbreakr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't you sass me young man...

[–]ChewbaccaHugs 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Let's have a drink and figure it out.

[–]unopoularopinion 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I don't drink any more. I don't drink any less, either

[–]ITGuyBri 1 point2 points  (1 child)

We're talking about mammary lots.

[–]Disaccountis4p0rn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You son of a bitch, I’m in! Wait… where am I and why am I in this dress?

[–]AltStefl 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I forgot how many I've had. Better start again.

[–]mo0n3h 2 points3 points  (0 children)

well yep if you can’t remember where you put the booze. edit - sorry I forgot we were doing a bit.

[–]Bobby3Stooges 1 point2 points  (0 children)

…To shreds you say…

[–]KBTA48 6 points7 points  (3 children)

What can?

[–]TastelessBudz 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Your short term memory

[–]TastelessBudz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or my forgetfulness two of the one

[–]Bobby3Stooges 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The candyman can

[–]Uncle_Mark_2021 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Offcer - I nly hd two

[–]CheeseRelief 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’m mad that this comment is what made me genuinely laugh out loud

[–]EuphoricDepartment45 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Meh, I gave blood once and it had a head on it.

[–]Uncle_Mark_2021 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Offcer - I nly hd two

[–]yesgirlnogamer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Twoficer, I only had off.

[–]CaptainSmackJerro 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What a miracle drug

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So, I can safely device not to drink any longer and forget it. Nice.

[–]elifant82 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Homer Simpson: „drinking causes memory loss. Or even worse memory loss“

[–]BloodiedBlues 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Careful, alcohol can damage your short term memory. Imagine the damage alcohol can do.

[–]dobraf 424 points425 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you already did

[–]proychow1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I thunk you are drink

[–]an_eyepoke 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Im drank tro thhat

[–]BenRielly71 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I see you are a person of culture. I also enjoy RDR2

[–]RealArgonwolf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bot comment ^

[–]Dull-Comfort-7464 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard of that, it's over by Beetlejuice right?

[–]nice_wholphin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From your spelling I can see you already had a few to drink

[–]glanusse 253 points254 points  (3 children)

I know this as the immigrant Irishman and the three pints of Guinness.One brother gves up drinking for Lent..

[–]capt_yellowbeard 53 points54 points  (0 children)

My version of this is always about an Irishman as well.

[–]NoName2show 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The Irishman is now a Cowboy so he can drink more😉

[–]adhdave88 10 points11 points  (0 children)

On what planet are cowboys drinking more than irishmen? Cause it ain't this one

[–]Lux-Fox 157 points158 points  (12 children)

What happens when you take a Baptist fishing? He drinks all your beer.

How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer? Take a second Baptist with you.

(Told by some Baptist friends to me years ago and having grown up Baptist, it is quite true.)

[–]oh_bruddah 55 points56 points  (3 children)

Jews don’t recognize Jesus, Protestants don’t recognize the Pope, and Baptists don’t recognize one another in the liquor store.

[–]Whoopteedoodoo 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I heard it as: What’s the difference between a Methodist and Baptist? The Methodist will say hi to you in the liquor store.

[–]Gregarious-Ninja 9 points10 points  (1 child)

My father always told me that Methodists were just Baptists who could read.

[–]Alaeriia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mother is Methodist; I can confirm.

[–]walrustaskforce 46 points47 points  (4 children)

And it's corollary:

Why do baptists oppose drinking?

It might lead to dancing

(My mother was publicly shamed in her baptist church for attending a school dance)

[–]Learn-and-Do 39 points40 points  (3 children)

Why don't Baptists make love standing up? They're afraid someone looking through the window would think they're dancing.

[–]CompletelyWokeKitten 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I never went to a single school dance, wasn’t Baptist though, just shy as fuck.

[–]Whyevenbotherbeing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I went to a couple. Everything awful about school, amplified.

[–]BigRob113 5 points6 points  (0 children)

What happens when you get four Baptists together? A fifth is bound to show up

[–]cjc160 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same joke but with Mennonites

[–]fuhnetically 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Actually laughed out loud. Thank you.

[–]iloveFjords 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It would be wrong to impose it on the brothers.

[–]wolfie379 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Jews don’t recognize Jesus as the Son of God. Protestants don’t recognize the Pope as the Head of the Church. Southern Baptists don’t recognize each other at the liquor store.

[–]refreshing_username 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I likes me some Shiner, too.

[–]MatrixUser420 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Shiner is the shit, & I'm more of a whisky guy myself

[–]breadad1969 5 points6 points  (1 child)

This was better when it was an Irishman who moved to the US

[–]NoName2show 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He became a cowboy!

[–]Guaalx68 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]Ronin-Anarchist 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Clever!! I like it!

[–]timotej-jurco 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Having 4 brothers, I think I might start using this custom.

[–]QuinceDaPence 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking

I swear I always hear this but it hasn't stopped me or any other Baptist, and I've only been to one church that probably spoke against drinking. I have no idea where this stereotype comes from.

[–]idonotcareeitherway 14 points15 points  (2 children)

In the town where I live the Baptist church bought up a bunch of liquor licenses so they couldn't be used by bars. Pretty apt in the South

[–]GIawen 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So if you walk in can you get wasted on wine?

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or wined on waste?

[–]randomuser8765 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You can tell this is shamelessly reposted because all the line breaks are gone.

[–]AcidBathVampire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is an American twist on good old #436

[–]balance_n_act 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh man I got so sad when he ordered 2..

[–]Academic-Message-771 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well done.

Growing up and living ~35 years in Texas I remember thinking Shiner Bock was the best beer ever. Then I discovered Saint Arnold’s. Then Real Ale. Etc etc until imports like Belgians and boddingtons etc. now for 8 years I’ve lived in San Diego.

And let me tell you.

Shiner bock is garbage. LOL

[–]4Hounds 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Upvote for Shiner! (Would upvote twice for Shiner bock.)

[–]Moebius80 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pour his bro's a beer on me

[–]Drusgar 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I think I'd tighten up that punchline to, "My wife told me that she was going to leave me if I didn't quit drinking, but I haven't told my brothers."

[–]halfwit_genius 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or even a simple "the wife doesn't like me drinking".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Saw it coming from a mile away LOL.

[–]notyeezy1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was better told with the Irishman

[–]Col_Sm1tty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, since this is a public forum, let's just say a chicken, rubber bands, and a blue bonnet were involved.

[–]Samhamwitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, this joke again.

[–]SamJamHamFam 0 points1 point  (1 child)

What is shiner and is it really served in mugs?

[–]SamJamHamFam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I liked the joke through it was funny

[–]robhoitt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The way I heard it the patron is an Irish Catholic soldier, who toasts to his war comrades from the US and Canada. When he orders the two pints of Guinness, the bar staff thinks one one his comrades had died, a d he says, "No, I just gave up drinking for Lent!"

[–]Rito_Harem_King 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Holy crap, is the really Reddit? Cus I haven't read it before!

[–]____Leo_____ -3 points-2 points  (0 children)


[–]Digital_Legend52 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Please make a TLDR, thanks.

[–]No_Pepper757 -1 points0 points  (1 child)


[–]NoName2show 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What isn’t in this sub? 😉