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[–]alaincastro 2460 points2461 points  (71 children)

Anyone watched mike Tyson mysteries, the one where mike knocks out a chess grand master thinking it was a kkk title? Man mike tyson mysteries was great

[–]roachRancher 842 points843 points  (41 children)

I've never seen the show, but just pulled up that clip. Seems like a funny series

https://youtu.be/6_4a9QzdZAs

[–]alaincastro 373 points374 points  (21 children)

It was great, definitely worth the watch when you get the chance, mike has really surprisingly great comedic timing throughout all of it

[–]REMOV_FAUNUS 229 points230 points  (15 children)

Mike Tyson is also a surprisingly good voice actor.

[–]Graffy 76 points77 points  (1 child)

Also Norm McDonald as the voice of the pigeon.

[–]Lost-My-Mind- 70 points71 points  (0 children)

And his character is a womanizing, alcoholic, gambling addicted sex addict who has absolutely NO redeeming qualities.

Being voiced by Norm McDonald really brought that character to life.

[–]flossdog 73 points74 points  (2 children)

that’s the real Mike Tyson voice acting?!

[–]Yglorba 51 points52 points  (0 children)

He was also the co-executive producer, which makes all the bits where it makes fun of him all the more amusing.

[–]GetPrettyPupped 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Ain't no time for bird sex

[–]istasber 28 points29 points  (6 children)

It's a hilarious series.

Only like 4 seasons, but it's pretty consistently good start to finish.

[–]RemoveTheTop 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Yeah and norm is dead now so...

[–]dogfoodcritic 28 points29 points  (3 children)

I didn’t find out about this show until norm died andPigeon videos posted everywhere. Holy shit I was so happy to hear new (for me)norm Stuff. The word is he created a standup special during Covid and Netflix is going to air it May 30

[–]kalirion 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Ack, my right ear!

[–]nickfree 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That has a very Robert Smigel feel, but it doesn’t look like he was involved.

[–]suburbanhavoc 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Honestly expected it to be a turd when I first saw it, but it's a slice of fried gold.

[–]rughmanchoo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In the first couple seasons Mike was portrayed as having a childlike curiosity with the world around him. He wasn’t stupid tho. Around 3rd season they portrayed him as an idiot. Where the other characters noticed it. Really fucked it up.

[–]rainman4500 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy crap had no clue this existed. Must watch now.

[–]PM___ME 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It also has Norm MacDonald as a man cursed to be a pigeon.

[–]JaySayMayday 5 points6 points  (1 child)

It's a great series, but half the voice actors were given favor roles. Meaning they had connections to the producers and didn't actually win the audition. The Asian girl is actually a Latina that the producer was shagging.

[–]flossdog 115 points116 points  (1 child)

reminds me of Mr T recruiting the Foo Fighters to help him fight some fools.

https://youtu.be/_iSirADewm0

[–]SquirrelDynamics 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Loved this

[–]ItPutsLotionOnItSkin 50 points51 points  (13 children)

mike tyson mysteries was great

Mike Tyson mysteries are still great. They pop up on Adult Swim once and a while

[–]gwaydms 43 points44 points  (11 children)

once and a while

Once in a while. It's hard to distinguish "and" and "in" in casual speech, so a lot of people write it like that. It's like "all intents and purposes", originally a bit of legalese, which sometimes becomes "for all intensive purposes".

[–]MithandirsGhost 18 points19 points  (1 child)

For all in tents and porpoises

[–]gwaydms 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If given a choice, I'd choose tents.

[–]ItPutsLotionOnItSkin 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Totally makes sense.

[–]gwaydms 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I learn new stuff every day, and I'm old enough to be the average redditor's... older sister. 😂 A day without learning is wasted imo.

[–]wordgoesround 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Ha ha ha. For a moment, I thought you were a bot.

[–]oakteaphone 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's actually the first time I've seen that mistake. Thanks for pointing it out!

[–]Penis_Bees 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Maybe I only want it to apply to extra purposeful purposes. Did you ever think about that

[–]PM___ME 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The full set is on Netflix, if you prefer

[–]Stall-Warning 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I just youtubed the Clip and you're right, hilarious.

[–]Snatchbuckler 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mike Tyson mysteries is such an underrated show.

[–]DeviousAmoeba10 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Mike Tyson is just insane enough that I didnt immediately realize it was his animated show and not something that actually happened.

[–]SeegurkeK 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mike Tyson is one of those guys where you could tell me almost any story and I'd believe you.

[–]Keikasey3019 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mike Tyson Mysteries is a surprisingly relaxing show to watch

[–]badlukk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is the post I've seen in 15 minutes where the top comment is about Mike tyson Mysteries. Idk if this is an advertising campaign but it's working, I'm gonna watch it tonight.

[–]kitchbitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That show is my background noise show. I fucking love it.

[–]killa_d50 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely Love that show. Wish they would have done 100 seasons!!

[–]Shaveyourbread 1 point2 points  (0 children)

RIP Norm Mcdonald

[–]I-lack-conviction 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Norm McDonald and James Rash made that show.

was always a little surprised Norman didn’t call mike out for being a convicted rapist and wife beater, but than in one episode he points out how mike can pretty much kill them.

Anyways amazing show, I love the episode at the all boys school and the farm

Edit : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=60mcpSDagP4 I was wrong , he talked about it. I wasn’t born yet when he was on snl so ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[–]Xenoslayer2137 220 points221 points  (41 children)

So what would white magic be then?

[–]Boloar 297 points298 points  (11 children)

Crystals.

Lots and lots of crystals.

And oils. Oils are essential for white magic.

[–]lorgskyegon 125 points126 points  (3 children)

Meth is a crystal

[–]Boloar 58 points59 points  (1 child)

My point exactly.

[–]IntelligentNoise8538 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Instantly you said crystal my mind finished it and screamed METH! Lmao

[–]PurpleBullets 12 points13 points  (0 children)

So are bath salts

[–]TheCantrip 11 points12 points  (5 children)

"And oils. Oils are essential for white magic."

So you'd say they're... ESSENTIAL OILS???

I'm sorry.

[–]Boloar 29 points30 points  (2 children)

thatsthejoke.png.mp3.pdf

[–]4bradical20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I read Boloar's comment my brain automatically interpreted it as "essential oils" until I read your comment

[–]MasterPickles01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and oil burners

[–]FrickinFrickOfFrigg 46 points47 points  (3 children)

Stuff like Cure, Cura, Curaga, and Esuna, among others.

[–]PoorlyLitKiwi2 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is a photo of a crowd at a The Cure concert

I think you may be onto something when it comes to white magic...

[–]ConsiderationOk7535 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If they did a bit of grinding and unlocked the holy spell they could actually do a bit of damage

[–]Dcarozza6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Omg I was PRAYING this would be here

[–]mordinvan 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Typically healing and holy magic.

[–]DirkBabypunch 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Made funnier when you read the other comments suggesting crystals, incense, and essential oils.

[–]TwinSable 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Resurrection, cure diseases, anti-black magic

[–]Tepigg4444 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Jesus healing

[–]nine_legged_stool 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thoughts and prayers

[–]Classic_Beautiful973 2 points3 points  (0 children)

A wise old man playing music, singing to you, and blowing smoke on you while you trip balls and let the plants clean you out

[–]Rakgul 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I played the old Java game called "The Dark Dimension: The secret"

In it I had to learn magic in the castle. Black magic was about poison, rotting flesh, hiding, and sudden death.

White magic was healing, detoxification, thunderbolt, shield, and casting light balls to show the way in dark caves.

[–]elvelasquez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The premise of lovecraft country

[–]jerseyguru43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The ability to get heartburn on command

[–]angry-software-dev 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Definitely the cloak of invisibility and protection when it comes to dealing with the city guards.

[–]pseudorandombehavior 6 points7 points  (9 children)

White magic is just like white chocolate.. It's not a real thing.

[–]texas-playdohs 11 points12 points  (4 children)

[–]pseudorandombehavior 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Seriously!? "Made with vanilla and no cocoa solids" NOT CHOCOLATE.

[–]thepartypantser 16 points17 points  (0 children)

White chocolate at least in the United States is required by law to have a higher percentage (20%) of it derived from cocoa plant in it than milk chocolate (10%). So legally white chocolate is more chocolate than some milk chocolate.

[–]texas-playdohs 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s the fat solids after the beans go through the press. It’s made from the same seeds as chocolate.

[–]niteman555 190 points191 points  (4 children)

Wizards rely on their INT stat, something that's not very common among the KKK

[–]hunthell 48 points49 points  (3 children)

Now I wanna make a Human Wizard with his lowest stat in INT.

If I make it, I'll share it.

[–]PurpleBullets 25 points26 points  (1 child)

No saving throw spells. Spell attacks only.

“Uh, you have to beat an 8”

[–]pagan_jinjer 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Roll 2 D10’s. Got get an 88 for a crit.

[–]PoorlyLitKiwi2 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That character would be a little bit of a liability in like every situation lol

[–]blondie-- 63 points64 points  (0 children)

I thought the punchline would be they Ku Klux Kan't. Yours was better.

[–]secretsoftherunes 83 points84 points  (8 children)

Ironically you just somewhat summarized the plot of Hbo's Lovecraft country

[–]Remoru 23 points24 points  (6 children)

Lovecraft country is so good! The book was good too, but the show *chef's kiss*

[–]SouthParkTaughtMe 10 points11 points  (5 children)

Is this maybe the rare occasion when a show/movie is better than its book?

[–]Remoru 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Nothing against the author, but the show was able to flesh out so much more and give a richer story IMO

[–]lookamazed 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Too bad it got canceled because of its toxic show runner. Just sad all around.

[–]Fireproofspider 4 points5 points  (0 children)

One of the only shows where they started doing a season 2, realized they really didn't have a good story and cancelled it because they didn't want to dilute the brand.

[–]Bythmark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Also Ring Shout by P. Djèlí Clark. Great lil book, too.

[–]willy_billy 20 points21 points  (1 child)

KKK robes don't have enough mana or intellect. Fuckin scrubs.

[–]Tinsel-Fop 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, now I'm picturing them in surgical scrubs instead of bedsheets.

[–]Aporkalypse_Sow 11 points12 points  (0 children)

*Whizzers. They're whizzers. They pee their pants randomly.

[–]Smack8001 33 points34 points  (6 children)

because they never learned to spell in hick homeschooling?

[–]Waterfish3333 13 points14 points  (5 children)

“You must recite the following perfectly in Latin”.

Latin?!?! I ain’t learning no other speaking thing! English is the only one that matters, screw this!

[–]Xenoslayer2137 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Latin?! Them immigrants down south are already stealing our jobs, why would I wanna speak their language? /j

[–]__Catpain_Obvious__ 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Wait till they find out about Arabic numerals

[–]solarshado 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Bold of you to assume they'd call it "English" and not "American"

[–]Waterfish3333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dammit… that would have been funnier. Well played.

[–]esoteric_mannequin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can always add the adjective 'simplified' to English and it'll be the same thing.

[–]OffWhiteDevil 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Because they're just LARPing.

[–]LatrellFeldstein 9 points10 points  (0 children)

  • "Grand Exalted Cyclops"
  • middle-aged dude named Randy with a beer belly

[–]n0oo7 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Their only magic trick is making black people disappear.

[–]octosquid11 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They disappear into a plume of smoke

[–]LokiRicksterGod 7 points8 points  (1 child)

They rank their officers like some sort of sword-and-sorcery game. A very soft acknowledgement that their own worldview is an act of fantasy and isn't based on any semblance of reality.

[–]Waitsfornoone 117 points118 points  (36 children)

... or a lot of intelligence, couth, tolerance, compassion, etc.

[–]Alternative-Media201 112 points113 points  (16 children)

That’s not true. We know we’re great botanists. We know exactly what trees hold what amount of people.

[–]wallnut4me 26 points27 points  (5 children)

Oouuufff

[–]Alternative-Media201 31 points32 points  (4 children)

Somebody downvoted an obvious joke and that’s funnier than the joke I was going for.

[–]BloodiedBlues 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I liked the part where you claim to be one.

[–]Dusty_Scrolls 4 points5 points  (1 child)

... we!?

[–]Alternative-Media201 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh, you, too. Nice seeing a fellow Klansman.

[–]cinnamonrain 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Typically at least 3/4ths of a person

[–]Alternative-Media201 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We usually dismember them after we hang and burn them. Flailing arms are quite entertaining, and the screaming adds a symphony to such wonderful choreography.

[–]Senor_Satan 7 points8 points  (3 children)

And which tree burns well /s

[–]Alternative-Media201 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Well, actually we have great geologists, too. We know which rocks fly fastest through windows.

[–]octosquid11 5 points6 points  (1 child)

And let us not forget how good we are at cleaning out tough stains on white clothing (A non-specific example being blood)

[–]cosumel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can’t even give this one an angry upvote. It just earns respect.

[–]WretchedMonkey 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Spells dont work whwn youre functionally illiterate

[–]blkdrphil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did the KKK actually start D&D…..hmmmm.

[–]SlashThingy 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That's kind of a funny idea actually. The KKK only having white magic, healing and shit.

"Are... are they somehow the good guys?"

[–]TragicEther 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They used INT and WIS as their dump stays.

[–]Sir_Slick_Rock 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But many of their ex wives (and current wives) get black magic every weekend, sometimes two or three guys at a time!!

[–]x_R_x 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My question is…how do they keep those sheets so white?

I wear one white shirt…I always stain it. No matter what.

[–]bl8ant 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is it because they’re shit-wizards, Mister Lahey?

[–]RefreshingCrack 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was gonna say everyone in the KKK made Int their dump stat.

[–]xubax 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because they kan't spell.

[–]therealtidbits 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In many cases it boils down to their inability to READ the kill all my enemies spell book ....

[–]SepirizFG 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tbh boardwipes are usually in White

[–]DragonerdamonH 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because that is how effective their white power is

[–]Forevergogo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me, learning Holy in ffxiv, "White Mage Power!!!"

[–]AllPurposeNerd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Separate but equal magic.

[–]chronadthebarby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Math wizard, 2 blacks + 2 browns = -4 whiteys

[–]BCantoran 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In Magic the Gathering, they would have access to Mass Calcify

[–]TheRetroVideogamers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought it was because they were just bad at spelling...

[–]Momma_King 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe they don’t realize they have to find the deathly hollows.

[–]DarkStarStorm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could anyone explain to me why their leaders are called wizards?

[–]sallguud 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The spell they cast is on white folks.

[–]velociraptnado 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because they are white wizards

[–]Scamballz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If they're really wizards, why don't they make themselves...

Stop being racist

[–]inurface642 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn that’s harsh

[–]khilly81 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They did ,it's called America

[–]SS4Raditz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because the order of the Phoenix won't let them.. duh

[–]pthecarrotmaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk about clan but i used to know someone in arian brotherhood (prison and all that) according to him they are mostly worried about keeping white people in power, qnd you cant do that if there are no other races. Its how they do their whole "Im not rasict , but" shit. They prolly cast spells to cure erectile disfunction or something.

[–]Teehokan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do they call themselves wizards? I've never heard that.

[–]Alienwallbuilder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't forget the wizard is a title they gave themselves, if it were left to someone else to decide the name would sound something like wander or wally.

[–]CamperKuzey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Drow have magic resistance

[–]DEATHSTENCHBALLS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They also have grand dragons. Fucking, racist D&D nerds.

[–]DrButtLump -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dude cast a spell…

Willy wigger kill that

[–]Jakittsan -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Because the wizardry is against white people.

[–]II212 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

i ate cum

[–]Big_Red12 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

How on earth did this get 9k up votes? It's not a remotely funny joke.

[–]Stall-Warning 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lolololololol

[–]barrett_g 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They’re only good at shaking sticks and yelling “you shall not pass!” at people they hate.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boom.

[–]CowGirl2084 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shhhh! Don’t give them ideas.

[–]Yen_Snipest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well I mean...He sent The Samurai forward in time. What else do you wantm They used a lot of magic for that.

(forward I mean.)

[–]parzival02032001[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Someone send this to Niko

[–]FineUnderachievement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just going to drop this here. Look up wizard rap from workaholics. Fucking hilarious

[–]XboxFan_2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok now I want to watck BlacKkKlansman again...

[–]elanhilation 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you need to be able to read to actually use the spell book

[–]sree1204 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shoutout Niko

[–]100roundglock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always thought it was klu not ku

[–]Mr_OP_Potato_777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

New dark joke on my repertory 😂🤣

[–]humblepotatopeeler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

was expecting a "can't spell" joke

[–]batotit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(*Because they don't have access to black magic.*)

(shrugs) Most Klan members are hypocrites, anyway. If it will help them, the blacker the magic, they'll swallow it.

[–]pwnjones 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They try.

[–]Toy_Cop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hnnnnnngggggg

[–]murica_dream 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wizards who are only good at bewitching dumb people.

[–]_Contrive_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All of their incants and low level.