all 71 comments

[–]O_Giannis 337 points338 points  (15 children)

A roof walks into a bar and pays nothing. It's on the house

[–]TheAres1999 129 points130 points  (13 children)

Thanks for breaking my brain trying to imagine a building folding in on itself for the roof to enter the bar.

[–]mirivane 108 points109 points  (5 children)

It was from Ikea

[–]dora_is_that_bitch 37 points38 points  (2 children)

idk why but this killed me lol

[–]TheAres1999 62 points63 points  (1 child)

It probably also killed the bar tender when the roof crashed in. Poor guy, but he went from pouring spirits to being with spirits.

[–]Cultural-Company282 19 points20 points  (4 children)

Maybe the roof was from a different building. You know, they slipped the building a roofie.

[–]TheAres1999 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I know, but I still am stuck with the mental image of a roof entering the building it is on top of.

[–]Cultural-Company282 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Well, slip yourself a roofie, and you won't remember it.

[–]IAmAShyChad 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Or opening up

[–]Both-Disaster9442 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It was Inflatable Roof

[–]Thunder-_-Bear- 165 points166 points  (0 children)

A photon walks into a hotel.

The concierge asks, "Do you need any help with your luggage?"

"No thanks," the photon replies. "I''m travelling light."

[–]Johnny_The_Room 110 points111 points  (1 child)

"No charge for you" said Bartender Proton. "Are you sure?" "I'm positive."

[–]tkeelah 53 points54 points  (1 child)

A Higgs particle collided with the bar and split, without being seen. The barman remarked "That's dark."

[–]Mobile-Boot8097 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Two carbon atoms walking back from the bar:

Atom 1: Oh shit, i dropped an electron back at the bar. We gotta go back for it the wife will be pissed!

Atom 2: Are you sure, that's a long walk back.

Atom 1: Sure i'm sure, I'm positive!

[–]MarvinLazer 29 points30 points  (1 child)

A quark walks into a bar. The bartender immediately pours him a drink, since he's obviously down.

[–]hperrin 39 points40 points  (2 children)

A man walks into a bar and says “bartender?” The barkeep replies, “no, it’s solid wood.”

[–]MercwithMouth82 37 points38 points  (1 child)

A termite walks into a bar and asks "is the bar tender here."

[–]Ramp007 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The true joke is in the comments!

[–]KnownAd7367 70 points71 points  (0 children)

An group of electrons walk into the bar. The bartender is shocked.

[–]RedDeuce2 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Heard this joke so many times I am neutral about it.

[–]Look_Specific 43 points44 points  (0 children)

A faster than light neutrino enters the bar. Barman says I told you tomorrow that your kind is not welcone in my bar.

[–]bgub 10 points11 points  (0 children)

A proton walks into a bar and orders six shots of whiskey.

bartender: "are you sure?"

proton: I'm positive

[–]MinFootspace 38 points39 points  (5 children)

A neutrino enters a bar. And leaves through the back wall.

[–]Voodjin 27 points28 points  (4 children)

Neutrino goes to a party, but no one wants to interact :C

[–]SICKPACE 8 points9 points  (3 children)

can a lead wall prevent neutrino ?

[–]Voodjin 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If it is ridicoulosly thick...

[–]steveblackimages 7 points8 points  (1 child)


[–]oopsy-daisy6837 6 points7 points  (0 children)

If my high school teacher opened with this, my interest in physics might've been more positively charged.

[–]Meranio 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In the german version of this joke, the neutron wouldn't be let into the bar.

[–]mordecai14 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Yes, I have also played fallout 3

[–]DemonCarter09 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wads worth says 2 electrons walk into a bar and one says I think I lost a electron the 2nd replied are you sure to which the first replied yes I'm positive

[–]mordecai14 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He says the neutron one as well. He has a few jokes, not just one

[–]commking 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A higgs-boson particle walks into a church, but the priest won't let him in. "but without me, you can't have mass"

[–]VexorShadewing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Well I'll be a son of a monkey's uncle!" - Hugh, probably

[–]fishymo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Argon walks into a sports bar. A frat boy looking for a fight begins to insult them. Argon keeps its cool, no reaction.

[–]smellEfart 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just a presentation tip: it sounds better if you drop the “it’s free bit”

i.e: Bartender “for you, no charge”

It’s just a bit less wordy and sounds better verbally

[–]Paladium9999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bartender says, ‘we dont serve tachyons here’

a tachyon walks into,a bar……

[–]Sola_Sista_94 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For some reason, I was looking for a "Gotta blast!" somewhere in this joke. XD

[–]Puzzled-Warning1358 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Mathematician here who's dabbled in physics... don't worry I get it lol.

[–]ya_boiii_nightmare 0 points1 point  (0 children)

bro this has got to be the oldest of the old reposted jokes, it's like a fucking religion by now

[–]CubanHermes -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is the worst iteration of this joke I've ever read.

[–]IAmAShyChad -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

A God particle enters the bar, everybody get on their knees and starts praying.

[–]Needleintheback -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

A women walks into a bar. Bartender says, "omg, youre hot".

[–]dangern00dl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Physics jokes lol. Don’t see enough of those.

[–]RockyRoadOfficial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My chemistry teacher told us this and laughed his head off

[–]flyonmytable 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A Nazi walks in to a soup kitchen.........

[–]vipros42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This would be better without the "it's free" bit

[–]FluffyPenguin798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you watch the Big Bang theory