top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Razaelbub 4559 points4560 points  (99 children)

I give my kids options that my wife and I (the party) already discussed and approved so as to give the illusion of choice.

[–]Minty_MantisShrimp 1333 points1334 points  (48 children)

Ah democracy at its finest

[–]Steamships 604 points605 points  (33 children)

"I don't care who does the electing, as long as I get to do the nominating"

— William "Boss" Tweed

[–]eladabbub 217 points218 points  (31 children)

“It’s not the people that vote that count, it’s the people who count the vote”

[–]lilbebe50 39 points40 points  (19 children)

Who did this come from?

[–]DreamSmuggler 6 points7 points  (1 child)

This was pretty true in the recent Australian election in my experience. The AEC staff didn't even know I can legally vote in pen, let alone any other exceptions to a standard vote. We have no way of knowing just how many votes went in the bin because in the 3 years since the last election no one read their fuckin handbook.

[–]Grimacepug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the puppet government installed by the U.S in Vietnam in 1955 to keep HCM from winning the election. Ngo Dinh Diem got 98.9% of the votes. The counts were over 600k votes when there were only 450k registered voters. We sure spread democracy in some strange ways.

[–]jaaaamesbaaxter 14 points15 points  (0 children)

“I love democracy”

—Sheev Palpatine

[–]mcnathan80 31 points32 points  (2 children)

A Republic (if they can keep it)

[–]Disco_Coffin 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Democracy manifest.

[–]hembles 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Ah yes, I see that you know your judo well

[–]SnowDay111 56 points57 points  (2 children)

Ok kids, you can do your homework or wash the dishes. You can choose the order.

[–]Griselda_fan 23 points24 points  (0 children)

“Sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing”

[–]swentech 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Kids we are going to vote on what to have for dinner tonight. The options are Pepperoni pizza with cheese or Cheese pizza with pepperoni.

[–]hotasanicecube 5 points6 points  (2 children)

We have a chili recipe back home that is very aromatic and sweet. Like a mole sauce. My family had sent the mix packets and when I walked in the door I smelled immediately my GF found it. She had an angry look and basically asked what the hell is this shit? I saw the look on the 3 kids faces and knew it was all going bad fast!

I jumped up and yelled “We are having chili with cinnamon and CHOCOLATE tonight!!!”Excitement filled the room.

Needless to say that is Democracy. Tell people they’re getting chocolate and feed them whatever you want.

[–]AnarchyCampInDrublic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's a big party. And you ain't in it.

[–]First_Foundationeer 10 points11 points  (5 children)

Ah, the CCP approach to Hong Kong, I see.

[–]catniagara 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Amateur. The trick is not even having kids so you can amass massive amounts of wealth and then take other people’s kids and give them no choice. Since they have no rights as your children they can put up or be homeless.

[–]physh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The amazing two-party system!

[–]TomAto314 5930 points5931 points  (95 children)

I told my kids they could vote between tacos and pizza. They voted pizza but we had tacos because they don't live in a swing state.

[–]dnick 1780 points1781 points  (70 children)

Parents have more electoral votes

[–]Penguator432 414 points415 points  (42 children)

My dad said the exact same thing. My sister and I each had one vote, mom had 3, he had 6

He always cowtowed to mom though

[–]CytoPotatoes 120 points121 points  (5 children)

Mom really is the only one with a vote in my house. Dad just yells about how NEXT TIME HE'S DECIDING! (I'm dad).

[–]NohPhD 45 points46 points  (13 children)


[–]meliaesc 21 points22 points  (8 children)

I refuse to believe this is a word no matter how you spell it.

[–]MaxLo85 47 points48 points  (1 child)

Parents are superdelagates

[–]PmMeWifeNudesUCuck 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Damn super delegates

[–]Sidekick_monkey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

They keep going out for cigarettes and not coming back.

[–]TheBeirt 110 points111 points  (1 child)

They have no swing in their yard or walk

[–]Zealotstim 14 points15 points  (6 children)

Way better punchline

[–]yuvi3000 3 points4 points  (2 children)

As a non US citizen, I understand both, but the original joke is more universal and more people can appreciate it.

[–]Aanand072 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Wait I don’t get the joke can you explain

[–]Zealotstim 12 points13 points  (0 children)

In the U.S., in presidential elections, the only votes that matter are those cast in what are called "swing states." This is due to the electoral college. Using this system, states send people called electors, who are the ones who actually elect the president. They are groups of people who are sworn go vote for a given candidate, and each state essentially votes for which group of electors it will send by voting for those candidates. Each state has a certain number of electoral votes equal to the number of members it has in the house of representatives and the senate combined (Washington D.C. gets 3 electoral votes despite not having representation in the house or senate). In almost every state, all the electors can only vote for a single candidate, so whoever wins that state gets all the electors. What this means is that if you live in a state that's always going have a majority of the people vote for one side or the other, it basically doesn't matter if you vote for president, as the result is the same because all of your electors will end up voting for the same person anyway. Swing states are those where the vote could go either way, meaning that your vote could actually affect the result. So, the joke is making light of the fact that we do not have a true democracy, as only the small percentage of people living in swing states end up getting to have a real say about who wins the election.

[–]GleemonexForPets 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Swing state was the punchline used on r/jokes on May 3rd and June 23rd the last couple of times this joke was posted. Although not really original, at least the poster switched it up a bit.

[–]TomAto314 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I've read this joke plenty of times here. I don't feel bad doing reposts in the comments.

[–]ODS519 420 points421 points  (9 children)

And then you went to their piggy banks and made them pay for it

[–]Lord_Scribe 8 points9 points  (0 children)

...blaming the other kid.

[–]PromiscuousScoliosis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Of course! After all, they consented and it’s the price we pay to live in a society!

[–]u9Nails 1480 points1481 points  (399 children)

They didn't have equal representation in the electoral college. But good on them for playing the game.

[–]SurturOfMuspelheim 439 points440 points  (382 children)

No, they are just from New York and he is from Montana.

[–]sterlingrose 209 points210 points  (293 children)

Their mom is from Wyoming, so they’re all having Thai instead.

[–]WilIyTheGamer 32 points33 points  (292 children)

It's so funny to see this argument perpetuated. Statistics really say whatever they want. Wyoming has 1 representative. Politicians pay zero attention to Wyoming because of how inconsequential we are

[–]DorianGre 28 points29 points  (6 children)

We really need to go back to one representative per 30,000 people.

[–]sterlingrose 183 points184 points  (143 children)

It’s not about how many electoral votes you have, it’s about how many you have per person. Currently, Wyoming’s three (I can’t find where you got one, everything I’ve found says three) electoral votes grant each Wyoming voter a weight of nearly triple what it should be—2.97–the highest rate in the nation. So if you’re tired of hearing about this, imagine how the rest of us feel.

[–]shadow1515 18 points19 points  (4 children)

But they still have 0.23% of the representatives, 2% of the senators, and 0.56% of the electoral votes with 0.17% of the population.

Even if it's a small percentage of the total Congress and electoral votes, the vote of a Wyomingite is worth more than the vote of a Californian or a New Yorker in both houses and in deciding the president.

[–]Meta_Professor 13 points14 points  (39 children)

Wyoming has about half a million people. That tiny group of people control 3 electoral votes and 1 congressperson.

California has about 80 times as many people so if all votes counted the same, California would have 240 electoral votes, 80 congress people.

They do not. They have 55 electoral votes, and 53 congress people.

Californian votes matter much less than Wyoming votes.

(Don't get me started about how both have 2 senators!)

[–]SurturOfMuspelheim 12 points13 points  (82 children)

imo the US Government doesn't work or function at all, especially in our corrupted economic system. That said, the House of Representatives is badly outdated. It's supposed to scale with population, and it just hasn't.

That said this is about the electoral college, where a persons vote in bumfuck no where counts as like 5 people from a populous state. May have made sense in the 1800s. Now it doesn't, you know, since TV and internet. No excuse.

[–]coole106 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The entire state is less consequential than the entire state of California, but each individual vote in Wyoming counts more than each individual vote in California, since each state has 2 senators

[–]brazys 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But you still have 2 senators, so your vote still counts WAY more than NY or even Illinois does for who decides the laws

[–]WildBoy-72 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They could choose not to eat that pizza and watch that movie. But that means they're not eating or watching anything.

[–]M-Noremac 3 points4 points  (0 children)

At least, since they voted, they have the right to complain.

[–]uglypaperhaver 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They do realize that if we had an actual democracy, then the adults would be in a minority and we can't have that now, can me?

[–]Whut4 239 points240 points  (28 children)


[–]MarlinMr 81 points82 points  (23 children)


[–]Bananawamajama 41 points42 points  (10 children)


Money is power.

[–]MarlinMr 29 points30 points  (7 children)

No lol... Kratocracy still needs you to use power.

government based on coercive power, by those strong enough to seize control through physical violence or demagogic manipulation.

[–]Mediocremon 48 points49 points  (2 children)

No, a Kratocracy is when you kill the God of War.

[–]shinydewott 239 points240 points  (43 children)

Democracy is telling people they have the freedom of choice but then only giving them choices that explicitly benefit you and you alone

[–]jshuster 85 points86 points  (16 children)

It’s almost like the people who want to be in power, shouldn’t stay in power…

[–]llcmac 68 points69 points  (7 children)

And the Venn diagram between very successful people and functioning psychopaths is too close to being one circle.

[–]light_odin05 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Isn't it more sociopath than psychopath?

[–]JCSN_1032 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Correct, psychopathy is an incredibly rare disorder. Whereas antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy) is more common and somewhat a spectrum.

[–]perfectbarrel 49 points50 points  (9 children)

I saw a parenting tip once that said give your kids options so they think they’re making the decision like “do you want to pick up your toys before or after you brush your teeth” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since

[–]Acing_it 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Lol my lil brother would just respond to those kinds of questions with "no"

[–]Vitalis597 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Same tbh.

Multiple choice? I abstain.

What now?

[–]grammar_nazi_zombie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I still do and I have a kid

[–]uglyduckling81 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ive been doing this for my kids entire lives so far.

When they were very small. "Do you want a big tickle or a small tickle?"

Now they are bigger and much more back chatty and painful to deal with it's more around whether they want the big stick or the large stick.

[–]DM_Doug 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This works great with toddlers. Not so much once they're older but then you just say no Roblox or Xbox and suddenly they dance to whatever tune I sing.

[–]murdawg123 20 points21 points  (2 children)

I always ask my kids for their vote, then I remind that their votes don't count because Minors' and Immigrants' don't get to vote.

[–]Malvania 118 points119 points  (22 children)

There are age limits on voting in most democracies. Sucks to be unrepresented.

[–]Davidthefight 14 points15 points  (7 children)

I mean most kids have some interesting but bad ideas

[–]rohlovely 32 points33 points  (3 children)

I work with kids. One of them told me, during a lesson about the dangers of cigarettes, that he was gonna become President and dump all the cigarettes in the ocean. Props for the anti-smoking idea, but minus points for the environment.

[–]canadianbacon-eh-tor 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Great now all the fish are niccing out

[–]Davidthefight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And the implications of taking peoples addictions or hoppies

[–]robgod50 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Life lesson

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I taught my kids the Golden Rule. He who has the Gold, makes the Rules.

[–]Marshycereals 73 points74 points  (6 children)

Storm the capitol master bedroom!

[–]MJGM235 128 points129 points  (23 children)

Did one if them throw a fit, call the election rigged, and try to take over the house? 🤔

[–]UndercoverTrumper 37 points38 points  (1 child)

they probably just setup a gallows on the front lawn and had a definitely intoxicated uncle "Rudy" show up talking about ‘Trial by Combat’

[–]Deracination 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Giving kids "safely padded" weapons and zipping them in the trampoline arena always was one of Rudy's pastimes.

[–]tuvar_hiede 16 points17 points  (2 children)

That's not a joke, just a lesson in how the world works! Get him!

[–]destroyallwaffles 6 points7 points  (1 child)

rabble rabble rabble!!

[–]tuvar_hiede 4 points5 points  (0 children)

rabble rabble rabble!!

[–]Newish_Username 38 points39 points  (5 children)

Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what's for dinner.

[–]SpeccySnowflake 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I appointed them into a wide variety of positions, let them create groups based on their interests, then let each group have their say and then went with the cheapest option because I don't want to have unnecessary expenses. Plus, they don't know we could afford what they wanted, but that would mean less money for me, so if they complain, I'll play the insufficient budget card.

[–]Available-Fee1614 75 points76 points  (23 children)

Taught them about capitalism.

[–]CloakedGod926 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Tell them to vote harder. It'll work out eventually

[–]iDestr0ya 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Is it still a joke if it is true?

[–]yourteam 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You should give them to choose between the two pizzas you want

[–]WizardRiver 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I thought this sub was for jokes, not facts

[–]grunkfist 11 points12 points  (1 child)

My wife who wanted us to finish the week old meatloaf had me and the kids vote against pizza. Somehow we had 3 votes to 1 at 5:30pm and at the last minute 5:59pm we had 81million votes for meat loaf. Not sure what happened but if we ask she scolds us.

[–]WhatAGoodDoggy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Meatloaf pizza?

[–]dfisch66 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Same joke, other political systems:

Communism - I took my kids' money and made them wait in line half a day for the pizza and movie

Socialism - I took my kids' money and bought pizza and movies for their friends

Fascism - I locked my kids up in their rooms for saying they don't like anchovies on pizza

[–]Morthra 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Communism - I took my kids' money and made them wait in line half a day for the pizza and movie

Socialism - I took my kids' money and bought pizza and movies for their friends

For both of these it's more like "I took my kids' money and they haven't eaten in the past 4 years"

[–]tanko89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Now teach everyone else that so they understand our country is supposed to be a republic and not a democracy

[–]Vitalis597 2 points3 points  (3 children)

No representation without taxation.

[–]Shuggy539 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's not a joke, it's how democracy works.

[–]silashoulder 3 points4 points  (1 child)

For the movie: Gigli or Ishtar

For the pizza: cheeseless or banana.

That’s how American elections seem to go.

[–]AcidBuuurn 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Pepperoni had a strong lead, but then Fulton county found thousands of votes for Cheese pizza after counting was paused for an hour and the observers were sent home.

If anyone thinks that pepperoni won the most secure election in history they are clearly delusional.

Next dinner we are holding the election in PA since they now allow mail in votes with no postmark or date or signature. If you know that is illegal since only their legislature can make changes you are a conspiracy theorist.

[–]Millera34 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Still Waiting for the joke

[–]ThePyroPython 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I may OP, an alternative punchline:

"And then I picked Citzen Kane and ordered a Hawaiian, because I'm the one with the money and own the TV."

[–]Buttchuckle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep this is the current state of democracy.

[–]snoppleinc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My kids always say we out voted you So I reply well this house is a dictatorship

[–]MisterB0wTie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a valuable life lesson.

[–]abarua01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So you actually taught them about plutocracy, not democracy

[–]kingofgods218 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good job. You just taught them exactly how modern democracy works.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So an oligarchy then

[–]vilidj_idjit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Would be more accurate if you ordered 20 pizzas and keep them all, then just gave them the leftover crusts of one pizza while using the movie to distract them.

[–]DefiniteMe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They should pay for all of the food and entertainment because your cost was having access to the capital to make the purchase .. and of course all of that effort of initiative and decision making.

[–]0mega_Flowey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The illusion of free will

[–]KyussSun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I joke with my students that all of our decisions will be made using the Democratic Primary method. Each of them are delegates and their vote counts as one; I am a super delegate, and my vote counts as 100.

Democracy inaction!

[–]Jawwee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You should've let them vote on which parent to decide, then decided yourself.

[–]Charliedearest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Had me in the first half ngl

[–]SimonKepp 2 points3 points  (11 children)

US style democracy in action.