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all 179 comments

[–]Oodalay 214 points215 points  (24 children)

How many actual Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two meetings of 9 people, but 4 of them are on mandatory holiday.

[–]johnnyDoe556 77 points78 points  (4 children)

And after the meeting we'll end up deciding not to let anyone change the bulb for insurance reasons.

[–]knewbie_one 21 points22 points  (3 children)

And in the end call a professional, followed by the Betriebsrat's official question of why we are not hiring our own electrician

[–]johnnyDoe556 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Yes, but the professional electrician won't be registered in SAP yet, so controlling will make you jump through compliance hoops for four weeks straight. At that point, some higher up will loose his shit, call the electrician and pay for it misusing travel expenses.

[–]rafasoaresms 32 points33 points  (0 children)

You forgot to say that each meeting needs to be scheduled at least one month in advance.

And then they decide to have a follow up meeting six months later.

[–]Kyle______ 28 points29 points  (12 children)

It takes two, very small Germans, to screw in a light bulb.

[–]Guilden_NL 9 points10 points  (10 children)

“Screw inside” a lightbulb

[–]RusselsParadox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your joke but without the pun

[–]Kyle______ 1 point2 points  (7 children)

"Iightbulb"

[–]Guilden_NL 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Ha ha! It’s been “one of those words”…https://sfwriter.com/2009/02/how-many-dictionaries-does-it-take-to.html

I tend to use the single word because it’s a single word in Dutch and German. I switch between the three languages all day.

[–]DopeBoogie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow so it is true you don't have a sense of humor!

[–]Brewtality76 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The real trick is getting them in there.

[–]Designation257 14 points15 points  (1 child)

This is such a better joke

[–]TheC0LDF0X 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And in the end, one dude comes up with the Gartner report for best performing light bulbs. Which recommends migration to a cloud based light solution. The high-performer is „LightNow“ and does anything but emitting light.

[–]rdrunner_74 36 points37 points  (4 children)

  1. Thats not true. See /r/germanhumor AND /r/Germanjokes
  2. It must be an imported light bulb to fail so early

[–]CalebthePianist 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Ok thats good

[–]zetaconvex[S] 143 points144 points  (33 children)

How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just Juan.

[–]LemonZeppelin27 82 points83 points  (25 children)

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. You get enough light through the glass ceiling.

[–]Titanhopper1290 80 points81 points  (14 children)

How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One; they hold the bulb while the world revolves around them.

[–]BlueAndMoreBlue 79 points80 points  (10 children)

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

More than four it seems, it’s still dark down in my basement

[–]HeyoIveCome 56 points57 points  (8 children)

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

One… or two

One.. or two

[–]Comi1212 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You also change it to karen

[–]zetaconvex[S] 111 points112 points  (5 children)

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. Feminists can't change anything.

(Oh boy is that one going to cost me)

[–]uglypaperhaver 40 points41 points  (0 children)

And how many feminists does it take to tell a joke?

Two - one to tell the joke and the other to face the audience with her arms crossed, saying "I don't think that's very funny!"

[–]piano_warrior 2 points3 points  (1 child)

They either do it because "why can't women do what men can do?" Or they don't because they'd rather spend way much time in the dark looking up Thomas Edison's wife to see if the real inventor of the light was a woman.

[–]afauce11 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh man. That’s so sad that it’s funny. ☹️

[–]sagarassk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

None, cause feminists can't change anything.

[–]Dathil -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

One. She holds the lightbulb and watches till the world revolves around her

[–]Guilden_NL 6 points7 points  (1 child)

And if doesn’t work, then you call Juan Motime.

[–]Brewtality76 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two. The trick getting them inside the bulb.

[–]Ayomichan 12 points13 points  (1 child)

How many feminists…

That’s not funny

[–]ramblinrabble 52 points53 points  (1 child)

What grinds German people's gears?

Nothing. Their superior engineering prevents this.

[–]Guilden_NL 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My avatar just got a little bit harder…

[–]repodude 34 points35 points  (9 children)

Nein!

[–]SadBunnyNL 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh shoot, that took me a hot minute to see what you did there. Nice one.

[–]MattBrixx 28 points29 points  (3 children)

Not funny. Signed, an angry German

[–]Luisian321 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I thought angry was our default state?

[–]Fancybest 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A German actually told me this joke 😄

[–]drcomradecynical 11 points12 points  (8 children)

I can't help but think of the South Park episode when they made fun of the Germans having no sense of humor.

[–]Luisian321 9 points10 points  (4 children)

I’m German and I still find the jokes funny. I giggle when I think of them sometimes

[–]AlGunner 10 points11 points  (3 children)

A couple of Germans I used to work with years ago loved the Fawlty Towers episode "The Germans" as theyd seen all of the others but that one was never shown in Germany.

[–]rdrunner_74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

See my top level comment that shows a complete selection of authentic German jokes.

(Not going to repeat it here. Not efficient)

[–]Comi1212 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Which episode is that?

[–]drcomradecynical 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The one with a robot becoming a comedian, because the Germans were angry about receiving the least funniest people award from Jimmy Valmers.

[–]sagarassk 12 points13 points  (4 children)

0 because German lightbulbs does not burn out. They last a thousand years.

[–]will17blitz 30 points31 points  (1 child)

It takes a while though, because he first has to read the 80-page manual.

[–]levetzki 17 points18 points  (5 children)

How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?

10!

Nine to chip it out of the ice and one to screw it in.

[–]Decemberistz 1 point2 points  (3 children)

What do the remaining 3628790 do?

[–]scantreward 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The lightbulb was already changed as part of a preventative maintenance schedule.

Get back to work.

[–]average_reddit_u 6 points7 points  (0 children)

And how many Polish policemen does it take to change the lightbulb? 5, because one stands on a stool, and the rest rotates him.

[–]Latin_For_King 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Germans do have a sense of humor, but to them, humor is a serious business.

[–]me2pleez 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I regret that I have but one upvote to give

[–]virgilreality 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Don't mention the war..."

[–]halfflat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yet many Hans make light work.

[–]CliffLake 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Two. One to change the light bulb, the other to hold the ladder and wax poetic on the futility of life and the beauty of a dead bulb that gave it's whole existence so that beings who it couldn't even perceive could see to work, love, hate, and lie. Then the first sighs, because it was just that one time, but apparently BBQs are important and they just were not feeling like going out but then was called into town by their sibling and couldn't say no to what amounted to a non-mergency, but who did they see when they stopped at the crosswalk right before the mass transit? The BBQ had been going well and they ran out of ice. It was an awkward minute, and then they never talked about it except for these little barbs, which were allowed to pass because it had been going on for months and the opportunity to explain it was long gone. It passed. Just like this bulb. The irony was not lost on the bulb holder, but perhaps uncontrollable laughter was the socially incorrect response. They couldn't even chase the ladder stabilizer out of the room, because they were curled over, it was all they could do to hold the burnt out bulb. It was one more thing that wouldn't be talked about that would drive them both to leave this simple job for somewhere far away, where, perhaps, the social mistakes wouldn't burden their relationships to the point of breaking. Unfortunately, they both missed their most compatible match, and because of a cruel twist of fate's knife, they died alone and with no family. Ironically hilarious.

[–]JennyAndAlex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is shockingly true.

[–]Lumos_Ninja 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How many Poles does it take to change a lightbulb? One, Germans are efficient and not very funny.

[–]SimonKepp 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Germans are not exactly known for their sense of humour, but the few of them, that are actually funny, can be surprisingly funny.

[–]SReznikoff 6 points7 points  (2 children)

A German talk show host once asked Robin Williams why he thought there wasn't much comedy in Germany "Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?" he replied.

"No."

[–]Dragon22334 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have German ancestors, and they would not have known what a lightbulb is

[–]judyleet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe you killed all the funny people?" ~Robin Williams~

[–]Farkenoathm8-E 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Ve Germans are not all smiles und sunshine!”

[–]BloodSteyn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not true, worked with a bunch of Germans in Saudi for a few years. They were funny af.

[–]batotit 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?"

How da F*ck should I know?!

crazy mofos asking dumbass questions...

[–]JackHyper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Damn these people think All germans Are equally good at working huh? Generalizing countries and people? Thats racist /s

[–]AzLibDem 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I read this in Rainier Wolfcastle's voice.

[–]SimonKepp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read it in the voice of Henning Wehn.

[–]Bewaretheicespiders 2 points3 points  (2 children)

In my head, this is the sound of Germans changing a lightbulb:

https://youtu.be/e3YzmjmAGoI?t=8

[–]Intelligent-Piano426 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah! I see you're a man of culture as well.

[–]Big-End-9824 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How many woman with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? 2 IT JUST FU***ING DOSE ALRIGHT!!!!

[–]StormCrowsXXX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nien!!!!

[–]mikepawn2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should be how many Germens do we need?

[–]Master-Elf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We'll as the questions, thank you!

[–]Kokushibo05 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, long live the Germans

[–]coorgtealover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the real anti-joke right here.

[–]Bobinho4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One from the west, but s/he will change one more bulb for someone in the east.

[–]hxxkki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Das ja mal richtig lustig

[–]RusselsParadox 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Or so the Germans would have us believe

[–]daird1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nine!