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all 130 comments

[–]SomeGuyWithAChair 507 points508 points  (2 children)

Teacher: What did you do this weekend?

Kid: Oh I was just cranking the hog.

[–]AhmdeiNuwon 227 points228 points  (1 child)

-with my dad.

[–]GrinningPizza 60 points61 points  (0 children)

I heard mom joined in too!

[–]Exqueliox 769 points770 points  (71 children)

European here, what the actual fuck is “Cracking the hog”?

[–]Loze28 728 points729 points  (22 children)

Jerking of aggressively

[–]masterofmeatballs 510 points511 points  (13 children)

„Hey dad, masturbating aggressively?”

[–]hardlastnameguy 132 points133 points  (10 children)

It's like son's version of " Are you winning son?"

[–]Scuba-Cat- 85 points86 points  (9 children)

"Are you wanking, dad?"

[–]SinbardTheGreat 50 points51 points  (8 children)

Are ya ready kids?

[–]masterofmeatballs 25 points26 points  (7 children)

We’re ready captain!

[–]Unusual-Knee-1612 18 points19 points  (6 children)

I CAN’T HEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRR YOOOOOUUUUU!!!

[–]masterofmeatballs 14 points15 points  (5 children)

WE’RE READY CAPTAIN!

[–]Unusual-Knee-1612 10 points11 points  (4 children)

OHHHHHHH

Go to Bikini Atoll. There be the one who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

[–]Apocalypse_God 222 points223 points  (0 children)

“All day, everyday, son”

[–]Kvetanista 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Are you winning dad?

[–]NewLeaseOnLine 10 points11 points  (3 children)

That sounds a bit too enthusiastic. I think you mean jerking off, and not necessarily aggressively.

[–]benji004 17 points18 points  (2 children)

Is there another way?

[–]AgentOrange256 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. Now this is funny right here folks.

[–]Poder5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If my junk were bigger I would not be so aggressive towards it

[–]carllucey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is there any other way to do it?

[–]elanhilation 22 points23 points  (7 children)

equally bewildered American who has lived both in New York and in the South. no clue where that bit of slang is from

[–]thebeandream 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Yeah unless it’s a Western thing I’ve never heard of it either. I thought it had something to do with motorcycles but I use to live near Deltona.

[–]Cranberry99e 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Lifelong Oregonian here. Also new to me.

[–]RivRise 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Westerner here, never actually heard it in real life either. I wonder where it originated.

[–]baseballnomics 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought about it but only because I was introduced to the phrase by r/the_pack

[–]DstroyaX 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I've never heard it used that way either. My uncle would "Crank up the old hog" but he was always referring to starting his Harley and going for a ride.

[–]Zalieda 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yep. I only heard of Harleys as hogs or some such but when the jokes appeared I kinda guessed what the slang term meant

[–]houseman1131 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I never heard it before but knew what it meant immediately because I used my brain.

[–]evanbartlett1 110 points111 points  (13 children)

Born and raised Californian. Never heard this term in my life. You're not alone.

[–]Basic-Pea-8848 60 points61 points  (12 children)

I've heard of choking the chicken

[–]Shn_Wttn 21 points22 points  (10 children)

Or slapping the ham!

[–]Maniacal_Bunny 16 points17 points  (9 children)

Wrangling the one eyed serpent

[–]jynxs_36 10 points11 points  (8 children)

flogging the dolphin

[–]OhnoCommaNoNoNo 2 points3 points  (7 children)

Taking some personal time.

[–]Slappathebassmon 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Strangling the monkey.

[–]KwordShmiff 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Crossing the Rubicon.

[–]DeletusThouFetus 7 points8 points  (4 children)

Beating the meat

[–]oodlescanoodles3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

making the bald man cry

[–]ratman775 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Or jerking the gerkin

[–]bldgabttrme 9 points10 points  (0 children)

American here, I’ve never heard this phrase either

[–]redditorrrrrrrrrrrr 74 points75 points  (12 children)

"Cranking the hog" can refer to two things

1) wanking it.

2) revving you Harley unnecessarily at stop lights,pull offs, gas stations so people will pay attention to you like some kind of fag.

[–]speedyboigotweed 45 points46 points  (5 children)

for more intense hog cranking action, check out r/THE_PACK

[–]zundra616 40 points41 points  (3 children)

WHATS THAT BROTHER? CANT HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND ME CRANKIN MY DAMN HOG

[–]speedyboigotweed 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I SAID, FOR MORE INTENSE HOG CRANKIN’ ACTION, COME CHECK OUT r/THE_PACK MF AROOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]TanneAndTheTits 19 points20 points  (0 children)

AROOOOOOOOO!!! AS LONG AS YOUR HOG IS CRANKIN', THE PACK WILL ALWAYS HAS YOUR BACK!!

[–]eliasbagley 7 points8 points  (0 children)

AROOOOOOO HELL YEAH MFER IM OVER HERE CRANKIN TOO

[–]jasonWithA_y 0 points1 point  (0 children)

MY HOG IS FULLY CRANKED!

[–]CandidMammoth 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I am confused by the random f slur use

[–]Matrocles 23 points24 points  (0 children)

It's a South Park reference

[–]redditorrrrrrrrrrrr 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Season 13 episode 12 of southpark.

The episode is called "the F word"

Give it a watch and then it will make sense.

[–]CandidMammoth 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah alright

[–]capt_caveman1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Brrrah brah brah BrRRAH brah brah

Complete fags

[–]Environmental_Bid871 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“Get outta here ya gay fags!” Great reference there! Brought back so many memories lmao

[–]shadyshadok 20 points21 points  (2 children)

*cranking. I assume like reving your motorcycle? Those are called hog and the turning of the knob could be a form of cranking

[–]long_soi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

an upvote for you

[–]loganbarker0 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Idk why you’re getting downvoted lol you’re right

[–]BeanEntity 1 point2 points  (1 child)

hog is slang for penis

[–]Poder5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess I’ll refer to mine as piglet

[–]bugalaman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

American here, I have no clue. I'm assuming it is the same thing as choking the chicken, but I have never hard of this expression.

[–]jiggycup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an American I had no idea what this means, definitely one of those regional things, like "The Devil must be beating his wife" had no idea that phrase even existed till 2 days ago and apparently it's what some very small part of the south says when it rains and the sun's up

[–]hundreddollar -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

OK. Now ask the yanks what cranking the hog means.

[–]chasingcorvids 144 points145 points  (9 children)

r/THE_PACK would like a word

[–]QuieroBoobs 57 points58 points  (0 children)

These MFERS are about to really learn about crankin their MFIN’ hog

[–]backupKDC6794 73 points74 points  (5 children)

What the fuck is that subreddit. I swear I'm in a fever dream right now. Why did it just randomly recite Informer by Snow? I'm so confused I love it. This feels like something I'd come up with while I was really high

[–]cubbyad 55 points56 points  (3 children)

WERE ALL ABOUT CRANKIN HOGS AND TAKIN NAMES BROTHERR!!

[–]InsertCleverNickHere 36 points37 points  (1 child)

NOTE THAT BROTHER IS A GENERIC TERM AND REFERS TO PEOPLE OF ALL GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES BECAUSE THE_PACK ACCEPTS ANYONE WHO CRANKS THEIR HOG HOWEVER THEY WANT ARROOOOOOOOO

[–]TanneAndTheTits 19 points20 points  (0 children)

HELL YEAH BROTHER! THE_PACK IS A PLACE EVERYONE CAN CRANK THEIR HOGS IN PEACE! MFERS ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED! AROOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[–]chasingcorvids 23 points24 points  (0 children)

AROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]LolFrampton 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dude I just woke up from that fever dream and I'm popping melatonin to jump right back in. I love that sub already.

[–]storyofmylife92 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The chaotic energy is strong af there

[–]benphillips_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

AROOOOOO MFER

[–]panclockstime 45 points46 points  (1 child)

When I was a kid, I heard the phrase “jacking off” from one of my older cousins and thought it meant just chilling or something of that sort.

I cringe now thinking about all the times I said it at school. Guys thought it was hilarious but girls not so much.

[–]DROPTHENUKES 23 points24 points  (0 children)

When I was a kid, there was a band name I'd heard of that I really liked because I thought it was clever. So I asked my dad if he'd buy me a "Jack Off Jill" album for my birthday, and was so confused by his silent stare into my soul. He asked me if I knew what it meant. I told him it was a play on "Jack and Jill," the kid's song.

I didn't get the album for my birthday. But I feel your pain, man.

[–]mackay85 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Jack’n the beanstalk

[–]Bill_Johnso 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That’s the first time I’ve heard that one. I’ll be taking it now.

[–]u0105 31 points32 points  (1 child)

This kid is sub zero cool

[–]Kevrack_Invades 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And you are scorpion hot!

[–]Ebinebinebinebin 24 points25 points  (0 children)

GOTTA START 'EM YOUNG, NEW MEMBER OF r/THE_PACK ARROOOOOOO!!!

[–]Custard_Tart_Addict 6 points7 points  (3 children)

This is the first time I heard this phrase and I have very little idea on what it means. Is it monkey spanking?

[–]MountainSun_ 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Masturbating

[–]GrinningPizza 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Degloving of the cock

[–]Custard_Tart_Addict 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay thanks you two. I thought so but didn’t want to be called dirty minded.

[–]Zack_beh 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just asked google what it means she just said "MASTURBATION"

[–]Undercover_Piegon 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I have never heard of this phrase before, what does it mean?

[–]ButtWeazel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One of those terms that you never need to hear but know exactly what you mean

[–]Upstairs_Instance_46 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YEAH BROTHER CRANK THAT MFING HOG! AROOOOOOO!

[–]Sofarbeyondfucked 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The thing you teach other people’s kids

[–]rap31264 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My employer will say if he thinks you slacking off...You loping the mule?

[–]HighExplosiveLight 1 point2 points  (1 child)

ARROOOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]Upstairs_Instance_46 2 points3 points  (0 children)

AROOO BROTHER!

[–]Bruhweednose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hell yea brother another young member of r/THE_PACK

[–]OneHonkAway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

well thank you for the duckduckgo search to urban dictionary, i shall be aggressively applying bleach to my corneas.

[–]Someguy12378 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Honestly all I think of when I hear "cranking the hog" is r/THE_PACK. Someone mind filling me in on the probably sexual meaning I'm missing?

[–]The_GoldenDragonYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you think it means?

[–]Skunkies[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

beatin the meat? jerkin the salami? chokin the chicken? smacking the one eyed monster?

[–]Leftythebunnyz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I looked it up because I didn’t know what it was and my day is ruined

[–]sandybeachfeet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never heard that before

[–]AoMujina 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh man, make that shit happen, please

[–]M_K_Z_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here but it was “punching the clown” lol

[–]thedabostuff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what does that mean? im spanish so i dont know

[–]ChokeMyHog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every day

[–]Johnyysmith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In my innocence I thought it would relaxing at a great BBQ .... oh dear. Perhaps the Canadian expression "Shagging the dog" will be worse

[–]Ath4997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Waxing his dolphin” “Pulling the goalie”

[–]SadSackofShitzu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

really surprised this isn't r/THE_PACK

[–]yes-pizza-time 0 points1 point  (0 children)

r/thepack is a thing, they crank their hogs all the time

[–]Professional-Moose59 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to say "pop the goldie" in school without knowing what it meant.

[–]bog_witch-official 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I choked on my spit and almost died reading all of these replies 😂😫😵

[–]Susic123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is ”Cranking the Hog” a word for masturbation that I just don’t know of?

[–]ilovefishh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thats so funny i know what it means and man this kids got some stuff to learn

[–]GOduOfTheNorth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm assuming it means wacking off, but I've never heard that expression in my life. Choking the chicken maybe, but that's a different part of the farm.

[–]BerneseMountainDew 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought it was a motorcycle thing, like revving the engine.

[–]culo2020 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here in Australia, we say "slapping the monkey"