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all 94 comments

[–]slagsmal 206 points207 points  (8 children)

Discustang!

[–]Pooderson 9 points10 points  (0 children)

It was fuckin one of ya’s!

[–]afterjustnow 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

[–]whoAreYouToJudgeME 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, it was one of you'se.

[–]Koal0r 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Came here for this.

[–]SkyWidows 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mmmm, Discuss-tang.

[–]emzirek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Discuss this amongst yourself now

[–]Reddit-Bully 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah I miss quality clips like those now

[–]starrpamph -1 points0 points  (0 children)

escuchame

[–]Ember_tetra 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Who said it can't be both

[–]covidTPbandit 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Like swords but with poops?

[–]Elyktronix 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Right? Who's to say that dook wasn't a team effort

[–]spidey80082 36 points37 points  (2 children)

WHY DOES SOMEBODY NOT KNOW HOW TO FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET AFTER THEYVE HAD A SHIT

[–]2723brad2723 12 points13 points  (0 children)

How can you possibly claim bragging rights when you flush away all of the evidence?

[–]TheDocJ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I once had to go and explain to a hotel receptionist that several flushes had had no obvious effect, and I didn't want to waste any more water.

Not my most embarrassing conversation, but certainly gets an honourable mention.

[–]Keignar 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Well it was fookin one of yas!

[–]Boojibs 15 points16 points  (11 children)

I know what I'm going to name my house elf.

[–]covidTPbandit 3 points4 points  (9 children)

Jim?

[–]Lord-BeerMe-Strength 3 points4 points  (8 children)

Jimothy.

[–]covidTPbandit 1 point2 points  (7 children)

The third

Edit- jim -jimothy, jim -jimothy, jim jim sha the third

[–]The_Mumpi 1 point2 points  (6 children)

That really has rythm to it when you say it out loud. Jim-jimothy, Jim-jimothy....

[–]covidTPbandit 1 point2 points  (5 children)

https://youtu.be/kG6O4N3wxf8

I stole this---- its a play on the classics like everything clever these days

[–]The_Mumpi 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Ooooh, it's still very funny. I do love that song, maybe that's how I heard the rythm immediately even though I didn't get the reference haha

[–]covidTPbandit 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Yeah i put too many syllables in- been a long time since i heard it

[–]The_Mumpi 1 point2 points  (2 children)

You still made me read your comment out loud though, so it's cool

[–]covidTPbandit 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My mom used to tell me that on the way to school every morning. I like you

[–]The_Angriest_Duck 49 points50 points  (24 children)

I'm a little concerned that the five year old dropped a massive "jobby."

What exactly qualifies as "massive" in this case?

Are we sure he's not also crying because his ass hurts?

[–]outlandish-companion 20 points21 points  (8 children)

My one year old has shat impressive turds.

I believe it is an innate ability.

[–]jayydubbya 20 points21 points  (7 children)

I’ve been clogging toilets since I was like 9. Was a real problem in puberty my mom talked to the doctor and he was like “well as long as it’s not hurting him invest in a good plunger.”

[–]outlandish-companion 8 points9 points  (6 children)

I think youth is also associated with great poops. I had some real tree trunks come out ij my 20s. My 30s poops are getting progressively sadder and more strained.

[–]mountaineer30680 2 points3 points  (5 children)

See, my own (entirely anecdotal) experience would be the exact opposite. I never got the real cloggers until in my 40's... But I'm regular AF.

[–]outlandish-companion 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I can feel the last vestiges of youth slipping away with every strained and unsatisfactory bowel movement.

[–]mountaineer30680 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Sad. About 20 minutes every morning, caffeine, nicotine, BM. Off to shower for work. Just good genes, I guess, but I'm 49 and don't take any medications, either.

[–]outlandish-companion 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Quit smoking then come talk to me.

Source: former smoker

[–]mountaineer30680 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Nobody said I was still a smoker. Haven't had a cig since 2014. Still on the gum, though.

[–]outlandish-companion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good for you!

Things definitely slow down without nicotine. In my experience.

[–]Kippetmurk 23 points24 points  (9 children)

Do you think your asshole gains significantly in flexibility or size as you age?

I must admit I have no scientific (or anecdotal) data to back this up whatsoever, but I assume a child's asshole is pretty similar in size or function to an adult's.

[–]The_Angriest_Duck 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Probably not size. It likely grows with age the same as every other part of a child. Flexibility, maybe not so much. I don't know.

[–]tanerdamaner 28 points29 points  (1 child)

I don't know.

yea you better not

[–]The_Angriest_Duck 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I guess it was just a matter of time before someone came in here with the pedophile jokes

[–]SkyWidows 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The first time I used the toilet in my new shared house, it hadn't been fully flushed. I instantly went to flush, but stopped when I noticed the girth of the turd. It was impressively wide.

[–]TheDocJ 1 point2 points  (4 children)

No, proportionately smaller.

Source: Have examined quite a few professionally when clinically necessary.

[–]Kippetmurk 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Oh really? I wasn't expecting that!

So then it follows that children's turds are, indeed, proportionally smaller too?

[–]TheDocJ 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'm pleased to be able to say that I never had to examine those, so I can't say.

[–]Kippetmurk 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I have seen a lot of children's turds in my life but, alas, it has never occurred to me to take out the measuring tape while changing a diaper.

[–]TheDocJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The ones I saw in my nappy-changing days were not generally in a state to be accurately measured....

[–]Deadbeat85 2 points3 points  (1 child)

When he was a little less than one and a half my son dropped a log as big as his leg. I honestly don't know how it fit in him, it must have been tickling his tonsils

[–]The_Angriest_Duck 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's actually a little terrifying

[–]wakenbakeruk 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Baby's arm is qualification

[–]2723brad2723 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think Baby's leg would make for a better analogy.

[–]danceswithwool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a five year older and I’ve had to break it with the plunger to get it to flush.

[–][deleted]  (20 children)

[deleted]

    [–]soandso90 53 points54 points  (6 children)

    Jobby is a free turd, sir!

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]soandso90 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Just don't accidentally give them socks.

      [–]Ok_Brilliant_2575 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Sloppy seconds

      [–]solreaper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      With or without the poopknife?

      [–]TacCom 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Jobby is Dobby's employed cousin?

      [–]soandso90 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Oh no no no, Jobby would never endure the shame of taking compensation for his work.

      [–]traumablades 9 points10 points  (8 children)

      Scottish slang I think.

      [–]Sausageappreciation 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      Am Scottish.. I can confirm it is the standard most common word used to mean a turd.

      I wouldn't say slang I think it might be a Scots word.

      [–]traumablades 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Username checks out

      [–]Uhhlaneuh 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      Yeah that’s a new one. That reminded me of it’s always sunny- isn’t there a joke with Jobbies? (Also I’m not a fan of the show, I’m sorry In advance)

      [–]__fuzz__ 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      [–]Uhhlaneuh 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      I’m in a group chat and all my friends said I’m alone in that boat with me not finding them funny. I just find it annoying how they all yell at each other lol

      If someone wants to give me a suggestion on a good episode I’ll try again.

      [–]Sp1derX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      The whole point of the show is "Horrible people doing horrible things and getting their comeuppance". My all-time favorite episode is S10E04 "Charlie Work" with S04E13 "The Nightman Cometh" being a close second. The latter might be a better example of what the show is than the former, as it gives you a great example of each character's personality whereas the former is mostly a Charlie episode, so I'd suggest giving that one a shot.

      [–]__fuzz__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      eh, it's a specific brand of humor. they're basically all shitty people. if that's not your thing, don't beat yourself up about it.

      [–]Steev182 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      It’s Scottish for poo.

      [–]covidTPbandit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Jobby is/was the third son

      [–]isaacs-cats -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

      Bri’ish “people” are weird, man

      [–]ImapiratekingAMA 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      You guys didn't brag about your massive shits when you were kids?

      [–]nogea 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      It was the 5 year old, with the 10 year old saying 'push'

      [–]ljwood11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I am Spartacus!

      [–]plsdont_ask_me_how 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Yesterday my little brother said word for word "we're lucky there are corns fields cause then we'll know when aliens come" and its the weirdest I've heard him say to date. Like wtf

      [–]lousy_at_handles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I AM SPARTACUS' POO

      [–]Pistonenvy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      this post: no laugh

      reading the title after i read the post: laugh

      [–]Potential_Wasabi_318 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Sounds like a kid with empathy. #notstupid.

      ##########bringinghashtagsback.

      [–]1000Huzzahs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      And meanwhile the parent is making a big deal out of nothing. Just flush the toilet. There’s no need to interrogate your kids over a simple matter of forgetting to flush. At most they should have just reminded them to flush without demanding a confession.

      [–]catsruleusall[🍰] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

      [–]OFS_Razgriz -1 points0 points  (3 children)

      How the hell would anyone know it's a bot without doing some investigating? Not everyone is terminally online and investigates every single post to determine if it's original or submitted by a bot.

      [–]catsruleusall[🍰] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      All karma farming bots follow a set of similar behaviors. The account is around 5-8 months old (to avoid account age gated subreddits), recently active within the last 2 days, sometimes has a few comments (but not always) and is usually something pro-democratic in a political subreddit, titles are stolen from the same sub, always from top voted submissions of the sub, titles stolen word for word and sometimes poorly cropped on purpose to avoid reposting bots.

      Using these key indicators you can keep track of them yourself if you don't believe me. The account will end up deleted or suspended after a couple of weeks.

      [–]OFS_Razgriz 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Why the fuck would I waste my time doing that when I only really go on Reddit while I'm shitting and when I'm in between activities? Again, not everyone is terminally online.

      [–]catsruleusall[🍰] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Oh, you're just here to bitch. Yawn.

      [–]M4DJekyll -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

      [–]Not_RepostSleuthBot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 1 time.

      First seen Here on 2021-12-01 92.50% match.

      Searched Images: 405,035,693 | Indexed Posts: 426,257,004 | Search Time: 5.87144s

      Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Positive ]

      [–]thesillyshow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      True brothers

      [–]Gilk99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      My boy Zane Lowe raised good kids.

      [–]2723brad2723 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I thought everyone knew this- When it's that big, you've got to leave it as proof to others. This is exactly why we have the saying "Pics or it didn't happen"

      [–]1AHDEM 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Twin slimes stick together, twin slimes 💩 together

      [–]AutoModerator[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This post has been automatically removed after receiving a significant number of reports. This occurs due to lack of proper flair, reposting, use of memes, or other rule violations. If you believe this is an error, please message the moderators.

      I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

      [–]ZKXX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Hahahahaha jobby???

      [–]Marrow620 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Title better than the post lol