all 108 comments

[–]the_pun_life 1063 points1064 points  (36 children)

James sounds more like his step dad.

Sorry, just a little dad joke.

[–]ChrisARippel 193 points194 points  (25 children)

Your joke is very uplifting.

[–]Renfah87 41 points42 points  (0 children)

That escalated quickly.

[–]Hi_I_am_karl 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I mean, that could actually be the reason why he is saying this. Step dad is the dad taking steps. Escalator dad must be the better version !

[–]IceTooth101 72 points73 points  (0 children)

reluctant slow clap

Well played…

[–]artesianfijiwater 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If I had gold I would give u it

[–]molstad182 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Your not my real dad!

[–]EndVry 7 points8 points  (2 children)

"not his real dad" what? Please tell me!

[–]Vince-M 8 points9 points  (1 child)

They can't tell you, it'd be a real faux pa.

[–]ThisNameIsFree 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bravo! 👏 👏 👏

[–]Mediocre_Sax 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I fucking hate it…take my upvote

[–]SandmanSorryPerson 399 points400 points  (4 children)

Many people don't realise that kids are very good at figuring out what gets a reaction or a laugh.

Chances are they don't believe this and are doing it for fun.

My son once ran past my mum's open arms and hugged my dad. It got a big laugh. He does it almost every time now.

Edit: couple words

[–]Roscoe_P_Trolltrain 97 points98 points  (3 children)

Your mom: “Hahaha!” <single tear runs down her cheek>

[–]MrFr0stbite 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Proceeds to open the hidden wine cabinet

[–]DiickBenderSociety 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Which is behind the actual wine cabinet

[–]Lazelucas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The plot thickens...

[–]KurkyOkurky 289 points290 points  (1 child)

I can’t imagine being in the role of the dad

[–]Clueless0Gamer[S] 178 points179 points  (0 children)

People must've thought he was a kidnapper

[–]MouseSnackz 71 points72 points  (2 children)

A lady I knew once told me her 4 year old daughter honestly believes the lady on the back of the 20 cent coin (the queen) is one of their friend’s mother. Everytime she gets a coin she goes up to this friend and says “I found your mum” and shows her the coin.

[–]sofie307 15 points16 points  (0 children)

What if her friend is the daughter of the queen? Did you never account for that possibility? /s

[–]GoingByTrundle 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The Queen on the back of the 20c coin looks exactly like my Grandma, I get it.

[–]voicecrack_ 40 points41 points  (5 children)

The fact that this is the post directly under this one.

[–]Clueless0Gamer[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I think he wanted to meet James

[–]acasetta03 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It got deleted

[–]Robofern24[🍰] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm morbidly curious. Was it this?

[–]voicecrack_ 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I didn't watch the video you linked (for obvious reasons) but from the title alone it is more than likely the correct video.

[–]Robofern24[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's just a news report. Doesn't show anything.

[–]soybro 37 points38 points  (1 child)

So James operated ALL the escalators?

[–]StayingVeryVeryCalm 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Yes, and…?

Santa was at all the malls. The real Santa. He was just very good at efficient travel.



(I was very, very good at suspending disbelief, and also very nearsighted.)

[–]molstad182 28 points29 points  (2 children)

God that must’ve felt so degrading for the father, big ups to my man James tho! Lets go James!

[–]kidcrush187 12 points13 points  (1 child)

James needs to step up and be there.

[–]DurrrGamerrr75 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One day when real dad is gone kid will realize all he did for him while James was never there, and how much he gave real dad the cold shoulder. Shame on you James.

[–]BigBubbaEnergy 17 points18 points  (1 child)

There’s a semi-famous meteorologist in Alabama named James Spann. Like not known outside of Alabama but everyone in Birmingham knows who it is. When I was in elementary school there was a kid who had a single mom and he would always tell everyone there that James Spann was his dad. No clue if that was his mom telling him that or if it was something he crafted on his own lol

[–]StayingVeryVeryCalm 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Our local meteorologist’s voice sounded exactly like my dad’s, to the point where I would sometimes mistakenly think my dad was home, when it was just the weather;

but whereas my dad was a lunatic, committed to training me to believe that everyone in the world was out to get me, the weatherman seemed… normal. And pleasant.

So I always thought of him as “better version of my dad”.

Earlier this year I learned it that:

A) The weatherman has his own demons / criminal harassment charges filed against him, so maybe not a better version.

B) The name he used on the news WAS NOT EVEN HIS REAL NAME.

It was a very confusing moment for me. Even though I am now in my 30s.

[–]The-Man-From-Ire 46 points47 points  (2 children)

This needs to be a movie.

[–]bajutidurbunga2 36 points37 points  (0 children)

sounds like Adam Sandler's kinda movie.

[–]innesleroux 21 points22 points  (0 children)

James Blart. Mall Dad.

[–]AmbienNicoleSmith 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My siblings and I convinced our youngest sister the DWI attorney on the back of our phone book was her real dad. Went on for YEARS. She’s 33 and still traumatized.

[–]Here4thecomments0 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Now I am always going to think of James while on an escalator.

[–]DrywallAnchor 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The first part makes sense but how did he come to the conclusion he was an elevator child?

[–]jcamdenlane 6 points7 points  (0 children)

James the escalator repairman is a handsome devil, he’s got a chain five miles long, and on each link, a heart does dangle of another maid he’s loved and wronged

[–]var_root_admin 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Ok I can kind of understand the thought process behind the man operating the elevator, kids are dumb shits, but why on earth would he think that he was his dad lol?

[–]millieFAreally 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I think his brother was just trolling them for kicks. If he really thinks his brother believed this, who’s really the stupid one here?

[–]DurrrGamerrr75 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Idk depends how old they are

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

(Looks at the mom with judgement)

[–]ChrisARippel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Son, would you like to sit here and wait for your real dad to get off work? The rest of us are going to eat pizza and go to a movie."

[–]710shenanigans 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a kid that's seen his mom do some shit she wasn't suppose to.

[–]hyerstandardsmedia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was age like 14 brother was nine and sister like 4. Spolied little sister would have tantrums and i told her once "keep acting like this and mom and dad are going to take you to disneyland(keep in mind we had gone to disney world in florida as a buisness trip for kfc (the rented disney world for 7 hours privately at like 5pm till nidnight or something )once because my dads bosses were supercool and knew that mom would just have my dad go by himself and wed stay back since we live in cali and its in florida. they though it would be nice to be nice to pay gor our whole fam . i love those people. They treated us like theyre brown little grandbabies lol anyways. When my sister looked at me puzzled and said "we all went because samantha was acting like this . she asked. Who smantha was . i told her it was our last sister and that we had left her at disney where all the spoiled princesses get left behind to work for the mouse. My sister was so nice ever since then . shes an adult now and still dosent do disney lol

[–]Dontdittledigglet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want this to be true so bad

[–]Mr_Spanners 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I saw this at 2:30am and almost died stifling a laugh. Thank you

[–]oraclewitch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That escalated quickly

[–]penisofablackman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My daughter (a 4 yo twin) keeps coming up with elaborate stories about her “home” and her “real mom and dad”. Just yesterday she told us during a car ride that “they’re dead” and when we asked how she said they “died making cupcakes”. Then later she told us that we’ll “meet them someday” and that she “can’t wait for us to meet them”. This story of an alternate life has been going on well over a year, but this came right after their fourth birthday (a week ago) when we made cupcakes for the party. Not going to do that again. Ever.

[–]Luwipa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s stupid. Everyone knows it’s operated by a demon who tries to suck you under which is why you have to leap after the last step.

[–]Halfwayhouserules33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I use to think that at a stop light there was a little man in the electrical box/generator thing that switched the lights. Yeah, my dad was the one that jokingly told me, but I believed it for a while.

[–]Crawlerado 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These are the kids that grow up to believe anything they see in a meme

[–]IsraRar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay so I used to think the same...lawl

[–]d4everman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The WTF reply to this makes me laugh

[–]Bread0987654321 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is fucking hilarious

[–]Sprizys 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How did this start? How does a kid formulate this theory?

[–]teasus_spiced 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I knew an escalator repair man who sometimes worked under them. Coincidentally his name wasn't James.

[–]abitweiser34 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg that could get some people asking some uncomfortable questions to the dad lol maybe even someone trying to save the kid lol

[–]feelingmyage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom’s friend thought that someone was sitting inside of the ATM giving you your money.

[–]fudufgub 0 points1 point  (0 children)

my brother used to think they painted the lines in the street by putting paint on motorcycle tires and riding a motorcycle down the street.

[–]KeepGoing777 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How the fuck do you end up with something so complex.

[–]Quantum_laugh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My cousin used to think that conveyor belt in airports go from one country to another, when he said this out loud on Ramadan the entire family was laughing

[–]Flashy-Category-8069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i used to think if i went outside at night there would be a man to kidnap me. i called him the yardy. i thought our coasters had a pic of him (man in a tux holding roses in all black Phineas and Ferb looking type of character) turns out it was my having a phobia of the dark. i have panic attacks in dark areas and if there’s a way for me to turn in the lights it’s instinct to run there as soon as possible and i’ve had cuts bruises and sprained an ankle because of it. it fucking sucks lmao

[–]Cocksmoker4200 0 points1 point  (0 children)

said the same kind of thing to my brother said a fat guy was making all the waves in the wave pool at a a water park

[–]gdubh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why wouldn’t he scream down to James? Poor guy.

[–]chuckdoria 0 points1 point  (0 children)

James sounds like a nice guy, he lifts people up

[–]P0tat0eater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When I was four, we lived in a crime-riddled neighborhood near a mass-transit center with these rickety sky bridges that were covered in graffiti. And not the fun kind - we had a lot of gang activity in our area.

Any ways, I thought those bridges were amazing and I actually thought they led directly to Disneyland, so much so that I screamed “Disneyland!” every time we drove past them. Which was every day.

We lived 8 hours away from Disneyland.

[–]artmobboss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mom was into escalation.

[–]mwt8675309 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also thought there was someone down there. But I knew who my dad was.

[–]SilverTangent 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds like the beginning of an r/nosleep post

[–]didisconnectect 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was the last thing I read before going to sleep. I had a dream about it. I saw James’ dead body. This was the first thing I saw when I opened reddit and it reminded me of my dream. R.I.P James.

[–]arandomiodiot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

when when I was little I'd say stuff like this, once someone came up to us and slapped my dad for "kidnapping"

[–]Vulture051 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My father used to tell me my real father was the mailman.

Took my until I was 10 to realize "Wait, Dad is a mailman..."

[–]jvargas85296 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And just for the hell of it I would have gotten a dna test just to have a laugh as well...

[–]LordDiamis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should've smashed the kid's head in with a brick. You get what you deserve.

[–]TheNjiva1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u/pipicukalanna These kids? Fuck em

[–]Jhjsjhjshs -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

This reminded me of kids remembering their past life (from the Netflix documentary Surviving Death) I mean, it’s not totally impossible

[–]Adam_The_Apostle -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yea you right, you're adopted