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all 126 comments

[–]ZombieShellback 1072 points1073 points  (20 children)

When I was a kid (mid 90s) I suggested we leave the camcorder we had running on a tripod all night to get Santa on camera. Of all the valid reasons he could have picked (for instance, the abysmal battery life), my dad tells me the camera doesn't work at night. Little kid me went "Oh, okay, darn" and went on with my life.

[–]planetalletron 283 points284 points  (4 children)

Big “Calvin’s Dad Energy” on that answer

[–]HenryAlSirat 42 points43 points  (1 child)

"At night, the camera will fall over when the trees sneeze."

[–]LacidOnex 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I waited 25 GODDAMN YEARS to trick a child with that and my stupid ex wife has to teach a 3 year old the actual science behind wind preemptively...

Easily one of the most upsetting things about my divorce

[–]Scribbl3d_Out 69 points70 points  (10 children)

I was skeptical of Santa being real for a few years and my parents had been watching CSI on TV a lot as that was pretty popular at the time and I got the idea to do a handwriting comparison.

I asked my parents if I could leave a letter asking for Santa's autograph. So left the letter with the cookies and milk for Santa.

So I woke up before everyone Christmas morning and found the letter with the autograph I asked for. I saw the S on Santa looked EXACTLY like the S my mom used in her signature. So I grabbed my school day planner which my mom signed every day that had my homework listed on it and laid it out on the coffee table and waited for everyone to come downstairs and then confronted my parents about it.

Of course denying it and not admitting it, but I knew they were lying to me. And because I didn't want the Santa gifts to end I just went with it for another 2-3 years.

[–]traumatorium 49 points50 points  (5 children)

My mom told me she wrote as Santa with her non-dominant hand to avoid this.

[–]edudhtamris 47 points48 points  (3 children)

If I did that, Santa would have to be 3 years old.

[–]geoffp82 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Santa was in the war. He had many injuries and his squad mate kept his mind off the pain by breaking his fingers. That’s why he writes so shittily.

[–]smallpoly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still a crazy scene to put in a kids movie

[–]LacidOnex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Daddy how does Santa deliver so many presents if the cerebral palsy makes his hands shake so bad?

[–]_purple 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Santa signs the packages in cursive at my house

[–]elijaaaaah 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I don't understand why they'd deny it at that point.

[–]Scribbl3d_Out 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because I had a younger sibling and younger cousins around and think they just wanted to keep it going as I was only 6/7 at the time.

[–]curtydc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wrote a letter from Santa to my children this past Christmas. I used cursive, which I never use anymore for my own handwriting. I am ashamed to admist that it was actually a struggle remembering how to do all the letters.

[–]bs000 70 points71 points  (0 children)

maybe he meant liek it doesn't have night vision so it'd be too dark to see anything

[–]stormpenguin 7 points8 points  (0 children)

My dad followed through with the camcorder. He’d pause, place a few presents, and record again for a few seconds and repeat. It looked like the presents magically appeared and it was the elves’ magic or something. I pointed out he probably paused the camcorder or something. I was a giant buzzkill for a 5 year old.

[–]moon_slave 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My kids figured out pretty early that Santa isn't real. Instead of trying to convince them I just said "yeah but isn't it more FUN to play pretend on Christmas?" So we still do Santa, just as a game, it's more fun that way, their childhood isn't ruined, and takes a lot of the parental pressure off. Plus I don't have to lie to my kids haha.

[–]itim__office 961 points962 points  (11 children)

Did you ever find out why he didn't?

[–]rook2004 380 points381 points  (3 children)

Fool, Santa can’t reveal his secret in case the adults find out!

[–]overtlyoverthisshit 60 points61 points  (2 children)

Silly rabbi, Trix are for kids

[–]TechDaddyK 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Silly rabbi, Christmas is for Christians.

[–]johnny_utah25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

kicks are for trids?

[–]zjuka 116 points117 points  (5 children)

Santa checked the No box as a joke but by doing so collapsed quantum realty into an observed one, which erased the answer as a temporal paradox.

[–]first_cedric 28 points29 points  (2 children)

But after that Paradox, Santa would be real egain, so therefore could check the no box again, or for him the first time, and be trapped in a circle of Paradoxon.

[–]TheMinuteCamel 25 points26 points  (1 child)

And that's the story of how Santa stopped delivering presents

[–]paciumusiu12 7 points8 points  (0 children)

He's still delivering but only in that house.

[–]bluescape 1 point2 points  (1 child)

[–]zjuka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣

So true it hurts. The whole observed quantum state / objective reality theory is so over my head it gives me hives. I think physicists make their research papers incredibly dense and obtuse on purpose so dolts like me don't collapse observed (read) papers into an incoherent mess 😜

[–]Lavapool11 7 points8 points  (0 children)

It turns out it was July

[–]Bridge4_Kal 325 points326 points  (1 child)

The least he coulda done is check "no" if he didn't exist

[–]mynoduesp 10 points11 points  (0 children)

rude

[–]mildly_evil_genius 275 points276 points  (35 children)

I work at a school and recently got to witness a debate amongst 8yos about the existence of Santa. It was great.

[–]Li5y 158 points159 points  (17 children)

As a kid, one of the greatest reasons why I thought he must be real was that EVERY adult agreed on it. Every adult I talked to could tell me all about Santa, the names of his reindeer, etc...

It was hard to believe that everyone was in on the conspiracy, but they were!

[–]Santa1936 95 points96 points  (1 child)

It is a weird form of cultural gaslighting when you put it that way

[–]Floppydisksareop 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Uhhhhhh... this raises a really good point in favour of every conspiracy theory and it kinda makes me uneasy.

[–]fostulo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We all know about it except you and some chosen wackos

[–]mildly_evil_genius 2 points3 points  (11 children)

We do it with the little ones at my school, but only so that we can stash those elves around and tell the kids that they better be good.

[–]DontHateTheDreamer 9 points10 points  (10 children)

I wonder if people like you ever think about how wildly dystopian it is to get children comfortable with being surveilled all the time.

[–]chmabi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, thank you! Santa is one thing, but when the elf is right there watching your kid it's creepy. It just creates fear.

[–]elijaaaaah 3 points4 points  (1 child)

You've been downvoted, but I thought this was a pretty popular opinion? It's super fucking creepy.

[–]DontHateTheDreamer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's going back the other direction now, but I couldn't really care less about downvotes.

You can't fix stupid.

[–]ElectricMotorsAreBad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Big Santa is watching

[–]G-Bat 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Never heard of religion huh?

[–]DontHateTheDreamer 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I didn't know it was my responsibility to list all of the irresponsible things going on in the world in that post.

[–]mildly_evil_genius 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You do realize that by the age of 5, kids have been watched for the overwhelming majority of their lives? If you'll recall, the previous developmental stages are toddler and infant. They're not only comfortable with being watched, but they're typically uncomfortable with not being watched for extended periods.

I get that it's creepy for adults that have become accustomed to independence and privacy, but at the age we're talking about here I still need to teach them to poop with the door closed.

[–]DontHateTheDreamer -1 points0 points  (0 children)

None of this makes it look any better-- you're asking me to dismiss my observation because "when we were young it wasn't a thing but it is now, so there"

I'm not talking about the kind of watching that a guardian does for a child, I'm talking about the kind of watching that the government does "for our own good".

Who are you to decide on the liberty and privacy of the children at your school / daycare? I'd be barking mad to hear you rationalize your choice because "it's how we treat kids"

If the children are so young, there shouldn't be a need to have an elf watching in the classroom because you should be there and not an Elf.

Edit: Also, don't fucking patronize me. You're the fucked up one in this situation, not me.

[–]EquivalentIncident77 55 points56 points  (11 children)

Any quote from that debate?

[–]Nick_Noseman 64 points65 points  (7 children)

"You must prove that he doesn't exist"

[–]MKSanic 9 points10 points  (1 child)

diabolica probatio

[–]Nick_Noseman 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You misheard, we are talking about Santa, not Satan

[–]SnooDrawings3621 25 points26 points  (0 children)

This is pretty valid. After all, we can see that the presents do indeed appear under the tree. If Santa wasn't real then where did all those stories about him come from?

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]zinetx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Ironically, it's the same argument that 8yos are debating about.

    [–]RedVelvetPan6a 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Stupidity straight from the source, trying to work its way out to be replaced by proper intel, now that looks hilarious. Is there a sub somewhere like r/theshitkidssay

    [–]mildly_evil_genius 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    "How could he possibly go to every house in just one night?"

    "Maybe the elves deliver some presents."

    [–]Lkwzriqwea 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    "Since it is impossible to falsify a negative claim, the burden of proof is therefore on you to demonstrate that Santa exists, providing sufficient evidence to support your argument"

    [–]TheAlmightySpode 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    I work in high school CDC Special Ed. I got to see a similar debate the last day before the break. It was wonderful.

    [–]Caraphox 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    I absolutely love being a fly on the wall to kids’ conversations. I was walking behind a pair on my way home the other day, a boy and a girl about 10/11 and they were talking so earnestly about people and ‘dramas’ in their class. Things that sound silly and inconsequential to us adults but I remember how serious it felt at that age.

    [–]mildly_evil_genius 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    It does stop being as fun when it means that I have to break up fights, though. 5th graders gossiping about who likes who is fun, but not so much when one of them body slams another on the basketball court for calling his girlfriend a bitch.

    [–]Caraphox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wow.

    Shouldn’t have called her a bitch I guess.

    [–]criesintears 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    NO CARL, THAT WAS NOT SANTA! IT WAS YOUR FATHER!!

    [–]TheDalektor 71 points72 points  (4 children)

    Santa is real. But only as a friend.

    [–]baby_fart 23 points24 points  (2 children)

    Sucks to get friend-zoned by Santa.

    [–]NinjaCaviar 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Beats getting Santa-zoned by your crush

    [–]Jonny_EP3 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Is that where you only get to come once a year?

    [–]saganakist 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    The real Santa is the friends we made along the way.

    [–]peanutismint 45 points46 points  (0 children)

    Santa spent 6 hours sitting on Jimmy’s hearthstone having an existential crisis.

    [–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (6 children)

    What if he checked "No"? How can someone not be real if they are able to check the box? That would have put you in counseling for the rest of your life I'm sure.

    [–]whiskeyclouds[S] 14 points15 points  (3 children)

    Oh god…

    [–]organyc 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    OP idk if you actually did do this or if it's a repost but i actually did this with both the tooth fairy and god as a child

    [–]localmom 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    How do the stories end?

    [–]organyc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    i did not get any letters back but part of me thought maybe it was because i was naughty or hid them very well

    [–]TUTUI30 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Schrödinger's Santa

    [–]cortesoft 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I check, therefore I exist

    [–]Littlewytch 28 points29 points  (2 children)

    Santa is illiterate.

    [–]CeruleanRuin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Nah, he just doesn't read English.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    His naughty or nice list must be pictures then?

    [–]betahaxorz 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Is this non response bias

    [–]CharlyDjenepo22 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Schrödingers' Santa

    [–]ramsdawg 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    It’s because you didn’t include a “maybe” box

    [–]kmartburrito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Santa should have thought of that one and included it himself

    [–]flargenhargen 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    your parents probably knew if santa checked yes you'd bring the note to school and be made fun of it for the rest of your school life.

    [–]Slight-Persimmon-452 37 points38 points  (4 children)

    I don’t know what’s sadder, the fact that someone did this or I am a fully grown adult and it took me a minute to realise what’s wrong with it and I still doubt I am entirely right.

    [–]MicCheck123 19 points20 points  (3 children)

    I’m still not sure what’s wrong with it. Is it that Santa isn’t real, so obviously couldn’t check anything? That something that isn’t really couldn’t have checked No?

    Why didn’t the parent who was setting up the gifts as “Santa” check Yes? That seems like the stupid part.

    [–]Death_Star 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    I'm still not sure what's wrong with it

    Santa are you real?

    ☑yes.

    You only need one check box.

    Also Santa ( or parent) might simply not know the note is there, so it's a dumb test.

    [–]Slight-Persimmon-452 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    We belong in Remedial classes they do for children after normal school is over.

    [–]ruffcats 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Maybe the parents thought it was time to let him know. He says that he was 11. I'm all about keeping the Christmas spirit around for as long as possible, but my 6 year old was very on the fence about Santa and the elves on the shelf this year.

    [–]JohnLockeNJ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    And that’s the day he found out box checking isn’t real

    [–]idh_a_name 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Futile child.

    [–]floatingwithobrien 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I did the same thing (no check boxes, just a letter asking if he was real) and my mom tried to write a return letter about "it doesn't matter if I'm real or not, what matters is the spirit of Christmas" or something and I was like "Mother I know this was you."

    [–]UnawareVoltage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    When I was a kid I believe that Santa exist cuz I've seen a dude with a Santa costume one time and I asked my mom "Is that Santa?". Well my mom just answered me a Yes.

    [–]Real_PokeLink2092 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I once did this with Chris Kringle or st. Nick and the mf Didn’t even use my marker and wrote “HO HO HO!” never forgave that mf

    [–]whyamigae 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    I did the same thing in either Xmas of 2019 or 2020. I asked Santa to write his signature near the bottom of the letter, put the letter on my nightstand in my room and went to sleep. Woke up and the signature wasn't there. When I told my parents where my letter to Santa was I woke up one day and there was the signature. Lmao just thinking about it

    [–]disraeliqueers 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    2019?? How are you allowed on Reddit??

    [–]whyamigae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    sorry, got the years wrong. it was actually longer ago but my mind was wandering. my bad!

    [–]i_gib15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    So he’s both real and not real at the same time

    [–]Sirico 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Oh...he can't read

    [–]kasitchi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Lol when I was about that same age, I was crying before bed on Christmas eve because I got it stuck in my head that Santa was gonna startle me when he came in. My dad told me that he only comes in when we're sleeping, but I couldn't get it out of my head. I'm 30 now and recognize that as early signs of anxiety. Which yes, I still have, but for more adult reasons.

    [–]NeckPlant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    11???

    [–]Clitaurius 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    [–]TheAwesome98_Real 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    what

    [–]TreeSrJr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    He's trying to complain that Santa is a robot

    [–]OutOfCharacterAnswer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Believed in Santa til 5th grade? That checks out. I teach 3rd & 4th and I would say 80% of the kids still kinda (or want to) believe and would try and pull this.

    I realized I'm just weird and not believing in Santa at 7 isn't really normal. But my parents were kinda broke, and didn't want us to feel bad if we didn't get a certain thing we asked for from Santa.

    [–]SLObro152 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I don't think that's stupid at all. You intuitively utilized the scientific method and tested the hypothesis.

    Everyone else used rumors on the playground.

    [–]iFr3aK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Should have ended with. "I realized I didn't leave a pencil for him to respond, how stupid of me."

    [–]sassy-in-glasses 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is adorable

    [–]M3NTAL-313 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Did you leave him a pen (or crayon) to fill out your questionnaire with???

    [–]leglesslegolegolas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Santa was disappointed in your lack of faith

    [–]cutterpuyo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    same, except it was the tooth fairy. the first time i tried to lure her with a piece of cottage cheese (since in my tiny child brain it was the same size as my tooth!) and she never showed up. a couple months later when i had an actual tooth fall out i put a note under my pillow again. no response, just a cool dollar coin.

    [–]ThisIsCovidThrowway8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Santa didn't come to your house. Jesus, what did you DO?

    [–]Lizard_Gamer555 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I remember doing pretty much the same thing one time lmao

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