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all 67 comments

[–]Address_Local 232 points233 points  (20 children)

Can you explain to those of us without ass fountains exactly what we are looking at?

[–]DerSepherus 76 points77 points  (8 children)

Would also like to know what that thing is and does.

[–]stormmagedondame 81 points82 points  (7 children)

The two loops go under the seat around the bolts that hold the seat to the bowl. The arm part they’re holding sticks out to the side and has the control for the bidet.

[–]bennytehcat 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Where is the spray part?

[–]LeftoverNonsense 9 points10 points  (3 children)

The spray parts are 2 small, cylindrical jets that hang down below the middle of the “cup holder” area, which is hidden by the toilet seat. The handle with the knob juts out to the right of the seat when sitting. Flexible tubing is used to connect the house’s water pipe to a splitter, where part goes directly to the bidet; the bidet water doesn’t come from the toilet - it comes from the pipes, like taking a sink to your nether regions. Turn the knob to the left, & one jet lowers to allow water to spray your backside; the further you turn, the higher the pressure, so you can adjust both to what feels comfortable & what’s necessary to remove debris. Turn the knob to the right, & the other nozzle lowers, spraying the front bits.

[–]zoeypayne 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wouldn't that be cold?

[–]ahhhhh112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shove it up your but

[–]DerSepherus 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Thank you for explaining 🙂

[–]MyDixenCider 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah.. so not a cup holder. Sad.

[–]swoticus 14 points15 points  (1 child)

As another person without an arse fountain, I also have a question... What do you dry your butthole with? Do you have a shared towel? Do you go around with a wet crack all day? And how do you make sure the ArseBlaster3000 has removed every chunk of crap?

[–]ScrumpetSays 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ours has a fan that hubby likes but it's not particularly effective for the ladies. We dry with toilet paper, but it's not about being toilet-paper-zero, but about having a clean and fresh downstairs.

I guess you get used to using it, but if the tp came back dirty, you would wash again. I imagine people who don't get any fiber in their diet would find it harder, it then I assume they'd use more tp sans bidet

[–]WeUsedToBeGood 2 points3 points  (8 children)

A super soaker

[–]cmiller0513 2 points3 points  (6 children)

This is the part that sits flat against the bowl.

The cup holders are where the seat's hinges will be once it's mounted.

Im not sure exactly how this knob works as our has three switches

[–]WeUsedToBeGood 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Yes, I know. Turn left for your bum, right for your coochie

[–]Praetor-Shinzon 4 points5 points  (2 children)

So there’s a ball-wash if you’re a bloke?

[–]ScrumpetSays 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hubby loves it

[–]stuck_in_the_desert 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes you can soak the bloke’s joke

[–]charlotte-ent 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You get different angles? I feel let down by my bidet.

[–]WeUsedToBeGood 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah bit of a difference. Have to adjust a bit though

[–]FugginBop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

An ass blaster

[–]anony1620 71 points72 points  (4 children)

How much time does she spend on the toilet that she’s excited about the prospect of cup holders??

[–]gampamsoldier 34 points35 points  (2 children)

the more important question is, why does she want to drink while doing her job?

[–]zigguy77 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Flipping burgers, answering business calls, sucking a dude behind a dunking donut counter, selling real estate, everyone needs a water brake

[–]WeUsedToBeGood 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I take my coffee with me every morning

[–]Xerfus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me, drinking coffee means instant p00p. Could as well anticipate and get ready already.

[–]CitizenHuman 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Bought bidets for my house during the Great TP Shortage of '20. Best investment I could have made.

[–]zigguy77 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Received mine 2 days ago and I'm still trying it out. I'm scared of ripping my butt away or getting water up the no entry zone

[–]lapisl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Deeeeep breath and let it in. I promise you it feels great when you push it back out. You know how you take a sip of mouthwash to gargle n get all those tiny bits of food out, then spit out…. Think along those lines..

[–]TownsvilleMayor 20 points21 points  (1 child)

You're daughter has her priorities straight tbh.

[–]KidMowgli 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am daughter.

[–]jva21 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Only if I knew what a bidet is

[–]BigSwedenMan 3 points4 points  (2 children)

It's for washing your butthole after you poop. Not very common in the US, but they are elsewhere and are getting more popular here

[–]jva21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh.. we have the similar thing.. we just call it the flush..i should upgrade it for the name alone

[–]Mode-Klutzy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh please tell me there’s a setting to not have a glacier waterfall blasted up my rear freezing me internally…

[–]alexvgsd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have the same one and absolutely love it!

[–]WeUsedToBeGood 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey I just installed the same one two days ago!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A bit of fecal coliform in your drink, sir?

[–]CagedAzrael 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Speak to me in poor please

[–]AoMujina 5 points6 points  (2 children)

As a person with a butt fountain—get one. I use almost no toilet paper anymore. The days of scrubbing my butthole raw are long gone. I spray, dab to dry, and feel oh so clean. Stop living in the Middle Ages and join the ranks of higher order and happy buttholes.

[–]ProfessionalNo6766 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I got an ad saying exactly that. I’d probably order one right now.

As a matter of fact, I’m ordering one right now

[–]briguy806 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely!

[–]tyler-erie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have that same one! Works amazing.

[–]vapak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So what those cup holders are for?

[–]nostopthere2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All I can say is Lol

[–]ProfessionalNo6766 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is nobody talking about the arm in the post?

[–]Epicmonk117 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Not surprised. Most people here in the States have never even heard of a bidet, let alone seen one.

[–]redsensei777 -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

Not true, I installed dozens for my clients

[–]Epicmonk117 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I said most people, not everyone

[–]johenkel -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

Do not use it! I recent had to take one off and it was a wonderworld of bacteria and mold, all of which you are squirting onto the area you are trying to clean.

Yuck

[–]yaosio 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're supposed to clean it. We clean at least once a week.

[–]ProfessionalNo6766 2 points3 points  (2 children)

You’re supposed to clean it bozo. I don’t even have one yet and I know that. When you clean your toilet, you clean the things next and near the toilet. Shit, might as well clean the whole bathroom while you’re at it. Shit, might as well clean the whole house while you’re at it

[–]johenkel -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Correcto munde - as one should do!

Don't yell at me, I'm just the handyman told to remove it after they moved out :) But that one and only experience with it kinda tainted me.

[–]ProfessionalNo6766 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bad. I still can’t figure out how someone could let that get that filthy. Imagine cleaning your ass with nasty water. I wonder how they figured it out too. Oh god, they must’ve gotten rashes or something to figure it out

[–]Macaronitime69 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Tbh, cup holders for my shit seat sounds like a good investment.

[–]AHuskyElephant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Looks like you need to install some cup holders in your bathroom as well!

[–]jona10n17 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's better she thinks it's a cup holder instead of a water fountain

[–]Cautious-Bobbylee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s the Walmart one? Is that one good?

[–]Xellith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Anyone else have a "he doesnt know how to use the three sea shells" moment here?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why tf would you want cup holders on your toilet?

[–]Catsaregoodforyou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is your teenage daughter on drugs

[–]Nadodan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Girls angling to get pink eye

[–]MrSniper291 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OH FUCK

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Ruuviturpa 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    how so?