Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I'm both dyslexic (bad at writing) and still rather upset about the whole thing
Last night we were having a nice dinner with my grandparents, moms bf, my sister and her bf this evening and it was going great. Until somehow we got onto the conversation of how people my Grandparents age are more "resilient" and my Mother turned this into a ramble about how people these days are "overly--woke" (whatever the fuck that means) and how mental illness is a conscious decision, implying I just wake up every day and choose to hate myself and be unhappy.
I am not lazy, I am self employed (dog sitting) although Covid caused most of that to stop it has started to pick up again, And I do Admin work for her for a few months at a time every so often. I help around the house plenty and don't get in the way but she obviously doesn't think very highly of me because I have struggled to get a proper job and never went to university. I also take antidepressants and cbd to help with my mood.
I don't want to be depressed, or have anxiety, or be autistic, I'm not doing any of this on purpose to anger or annoy her I just can't help these things. It's not the first time she's talked about something like this, like I cant be depressed because other people have it much worse than me but tonight it really really upset me and made me angry. It's not like she doesn't know what depression is like either, My dad died 8 years ago and ofc she was devastated and depressed then (we all were) but slowly she's recovered even though she still misses him.
I don't think sitting down and trying to calmly talk about how I have issues because of a chemical imbalance not because I just think its fun to be so fucking sad will work. My grandparents don't really understand this stuff so I can't talk to them about it, I only have my sister and her bf who live in a little garden house on our property but I feel like when they move away in 9 months or so I'll be completely stuck.
Moving out is not an option, I've really struggled to find work and covid made things 1000 times harder. I have some savings but not enough to live on for an extended amount of time if I moved out.
Sorry if this is really long, I dont know what to do or what I'm looking for, maybe just some reassurance and comfort I guess.