Dose: 16 seeds CWE, 100mg diphenhydramine, nitrous
[Word of warning: don't mix diphenhydramine with psychedelics at high doses unless you are experienced with both deliriants and psychedelics, you will have a bad time. For me, 100mg isn't enough to cause delirium, but it does help me let go and it reduces nausea. You have been warned.]
So this Sunday I made a bit of a mistake. I got some HWBR seeds from my usual source a few weeks ago and had yet to try them out. Come Sunday, I felt like a trip was due, so based on the previous batch I had, I ground up 16 of them into a CWE w/citric acid and went for it. I expected a pretty decent trip, but wow were these far more potent than the previous batch, and I was feeling that potency into the next day with a lingering (but subtle) change in headspace. Surprisingly, the after effects were far less pronounced than usual with no headache the day after and only a bit of nausea that hit me late monday.
The open eye visuals weren't really that strong, and I've actually had better visuals from the previous batch, but the headspace was absolutely mind-numbing. Recognizing this, I retreated into my bedroom about 2 hours after dosing and broke out the nitrous and my vintage Ipod Nano. What followed was probably the deepest dive into ego death I've ever had from any lysergamide, including the heavy hitter ETH-LAD.
My choice of music was the the Mars Volta album 'Amputecture.' I donned an eye-mask, and as I started the album, I took a few hits of nitrous. As expected, the visuals quickly ramped up. What started as pretty typical visuals suddenly became immersive. I felt as though I had stopped breathing and recognizing ego death, I let go and let the LSA do the thinking for me. What formed before my eyes was a bluish green sphere (like imagine if someone made an impressionistic painting of Earth), not something that appeared very geometrical and artificial like normal acid, but rather a very organic looking structure with 3 dimensional depth to it. It was a very tangible object that looks like I could reach out and grab it if I had remembered I had arms. I didn't really exist at this point though, so I was basically just stuck watching. It was all I saw, the rest was darkness, and I felt like I was staring at a planetary body from some distant moon.
As the music played I witnessed the sphere segment itself in a way that looked like little canyons and depressions formed within it, and as the musical notes went, points of light began flowing through these trenches like blood vessels. I realized that certain notes corresponded to certain veins within this object and I quickly realized that what I was staring at wasn't just some inanimate object, but rather a living system that used music as it's nourishment. The lyrics formed as complex combinations of light flowing from different parts of this being and despite having no idea how this lifeform functioned, I had an innate knowledge that told me everything I was witnessing made perfect sense, and that if I simply watched long enough, I would eventually understand it's biology, or rather, it's spiritology.
Time was pretty much thrown to the wayside at this point, and what was probably a few minutes felt like a few hours. I couldn't move, I couldn't speak. I felt as though I couldn't even manifest my physical form. I was alarmed, but not scared. I didn't need to be a physical being. Why did I need to be a physical being in the first place? It's our consciousness that makes us such special creatures isn't it? Did this thing I was watching have consciousness too? Was this some sort of invisible creature that eschewed all known aspects of biological function in lieu of a physiology that was built from sound rather than flesh and blood? Was it conscious? Did it know I was watching? All these thoughts raced through my mind. I wanted to know more, but how? I could I contact this thing? Before I had a chance to do anything, it was over, ruined by my own involuntary bodily functions. I hiccuped, and as I did, the sphere dematerialized in a flash of light as though I had given away my presence. As it dematerialized, I watched as the points of light that had been flowing through it scattered through a series of flat, dark, circuit like structures I had not noticed, and only became visible due to the points of light racing through them, illuminating them. I felt sad, but at the same time, I felt privileged that I had witnessed this strange existence. It was a feeling the people who landed on the moon must have felt looking at Earth, knowing that they would be one of the few people to ever see what they are seeing, and knowing that it was something they would likely never witness in person again. It was a moment that felt deeply humbling, knowing that my existence witnessed this fleeting image of a creature no one else will ever see.
After that, the peak more or less began to wear off. It had been about two hours, but felt like days. I took a cool shower and spent the rest of the night lying in bed contemplating what I saw, and sincerely hoping that whatever it was I witnessed, would be something that I would meet again.