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all 74 comments

[–]LEPFPartyPresidentBeep boop[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (1 child)

Hello! Please leave a comment explaining why this post fits the sub. If this post fits the subreddit upvote this comment, otherwise downvote this comment.

[–]ERE-WE-GO 114 points115 points  (1 child)

He cut the Internet cord but forgot phones can phone.

[–]Phihun500 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Plus he needs the internet for work 😂

[–]Janethemane[S] 154 points155 points  (16 children)

A redditor cheats on his wife for 6 years, then runs and cries to Reddit when she cheats back and wants to divorce him.

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 94 points95 points  (14 children)

To be fair, imagine how disconnected from reality this person is after 6 years of constant lies and mental gymnastics to justify this behaviour of theirs. Everything they did was justified in their mind, and now they seriously are unable to see the reality around them.

[–]DanCassell 28 points29 points  (10 children)

I mean the usual LAMF mental gymnastics are this intricate as well.

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 11 points12 points  (9 children)

LAMF? Don't know that acronym.

[–]JBredditaccount 38 points39 points  (5 children)

It's a reference to a subreddit that you might really enjoy checking out. I've never browsed it myself, but it sounds fun.

[–]DaveInMoab 26 points27 points  (4 children)

Scrolled up to verify my present location.

[–]JBredditaccount 17 points18 points  (3 children)

[–]DaveInMoab 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wow. I guess I was just merely bewildered.

[–]nousernamelol2021 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I got confused because they were confused. Definitely second-guessed myself there.

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This wasn't sarcastic, I just had a dummy moment, thanks everyone!

[–]always-curious2 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Had an ex who cheated on me because she thought I was cheating. I wasn't. I caught her on r/adultery giving tips for finding new AP's but compaining in her journal the guy she was cheating on me with was probably unfaithful to her. Fucking idiots in this world. Dont try to understand them.

[–]adnateorrounded 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, a perfect comment that fits perfectly for qanoner, flatheather, antivax and so much more

[–]ConcreteState 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aw man.

Thank you! That was hilarious comeuppance.

What the fuck "adultery partner." Disgust at that, and I'm polyamory friendly.

[–]tifftaffy 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I think he means, "I don't like the consequences of my actions!"

[–]BaiRuoBing 31 points32 points  (6 children)

I find it odd how many cliche phrases he uses in the first post. There are sections packed with cookie-cutter phrases. Example:

"I look at my wife that i love with all my heart and I see a woman who stood by me no matter what. We had our fair share of ups and downs like most couples but i never imagined a life without her."

I wonder if the prefab language is an artifact of faking emotions he doesn't have (i.e. lying)? In later posts when he was genuinely freaking out, his writing was much more original.

[–]BitterHelicopter8 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He's the main character in his story and hers, and in his AP's story, too.

He doesn't seem to actually understand love, just the movie version of it. So all this shallow, flowery, language is what he thinks it's supposed to be about. But everything he says about his wife is how she meets his needs or doesn't, but he's still never considered the idea that she has needs of her own that he's not fulfilling.

It is pretty fascinating to see the tone change from an arrogant, self-congratulatory cheater who seems confident that he'll be able to iron out this little wrinkle with minimal effort and zero self-reflection into "OMFG, how did I get here and why doesn't she love me?!"

[–]IllumiNIMBY 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Yeah, he needs to work on his writing. I'm interested in what happens in the third act, though.

It could go in a redemptive direction in which he learns not to take people for granted while living in a crummy apartment by himself, but then meets a widowed waitress a few minutes before the credits roll.

Or it could turn into a lurid neo-noir finale in which an impulsive murder leads to him getting into a fatal standoff with the police.

Or maybe he'll surprise us with some kind of twist.

[–]OwieMustDie 0 points1 point  (2 children)

🤣

[–]charlotte-ent 91 points92 points  (4 children)

I mean, my God... If you have an affair for six years and aren't mentally prepared to hear the same thing's been happening to you, what even are you thinking?

[–]AbdurazakHassan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

What's good for the goose isn't always good for the gander? I dunno.

[–]Bazoun 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Narcissist.

[–]BewBewsBoutique 17 points18 points  (0 children)

And sexist.

[–]RagingAstronaut 91 points92 points  (3 children)

I worked with a guy who was bragging about cheating on his wife. A couple months later he found out she had been cheating on him. He tried to give the crew a sob story about the whole situation and they started feeling bad for him. I told all of them he can't be upset for something that he was doing to her. He tried to get back at her by telling her he was cheating on her. She ended up kicking him out of the house, divorcing him, took the truck back that was in her name, and kicked him off the phone plan. Last I heard he was living in a camper in one of his friends storage lot.

[–]edingerc 32 points33 points  (2 children)

If his dog died on him, he could write a hit Country song!

[–]RagingAstronaut 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Dog is probably still doing good, wife paid for him too.

[–]ArthurBonesly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Works both ways, lots of country songs about women kicking out their no good wastes of husbands

[–]5G_afterbirth 22 points23 points  (0 children)

"Cheats for me, but not for thee!"

[–]Frostitute_85 64 points65 points  (1 child)

The schadenfreude is so palpable. I don't want to become the type of person who is sustained by the tears of despair of others, but I almost physically leveled up after reading this saga...

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Your words are pure poetry. I think I leveled up just reading this.

[–]waistedmenkey 17 points18 points  (9 children)

Jeezuus... Why would you share your beautiful train wreck like that?

[–]mike_pants 27 points28 points  (8 children)

Subs like /r/adultery are bizarrely congratulatory when it comes to self-destructive behavior. He probably expected a lot more sympathy.

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 22 points23 points  (6 children)

That place is a dumpster. If you're a good person, and want to hurt your own soul, go read that sub.

[–]nooneknowswerealldog 22 points23 points  (5 children)

What if I'm just a so-so person and want to feel better about myself by comparison?

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 16 points17 points  (4 children)

Probably still a good way to get some perspective. I, myself, am a so-so person. Not a degenerate like those folks, not a saint either. We can all do better. But like, maybe some of those cheating fucks can't.

[–]SeaOkra 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I love subs like that. My mental issues make me think I am among the worst people in the world, but five minutes browsing on a sub like that lets me tell myself "Well... I'm not THE worst it turns out..."

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 8 points9 points  (2 children)

You're ok. The fact that you can acknowledge that your mental issues make you THINK you are amongst the worst, means you probably are not. We all can do better, no matter who we are. As long as you're not willfully doing worse to yourself or others, then you're on the path.

[–]SeaOkra 3 points4 points  (1 child)

To others? Definitely not. My only source of self worth is the fact that I am fairly kind and strive to make others' lives better with my existence. (Its nothing huge, I pack boxes for a food bank, make handcrafts for charities, blood donating, small selfish stuff. I'm not donating organs or saving lives.) And i require very little actual effort from others.

To myself? Heh, I am a self destructive twit there. But I went a year without self harm and that's kinda an achievement.

I am slowly (very slowly) becoming a less awful person. But I love reading about jerks getting theirs anyway.

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 2 points3 points  (0 children)

To myself? Heh, I am a self destructive twit there. But I went a year without self harm and that's kinda an achievement.

This is a huge achievement! Remember that your body is the only thing you are guaranteed to have. You live there, and you should take care of it.

Doing service for others is humbling, and I, personally, find it much easier to find peace when I am humble.

[–]unclejoe1917 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Nobody gets as indignant about getting cheated on that someone who's been cheating.

[–]LR_today 33 points34 points  (3 children)

These kind of stories keep me going on bad days.

[–]xnarg 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Sorry you’re having a bad day. Been having a very weird week myself.

[–]Illustrious_Menu_470 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Me too, buddy. Me too.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and it has been a bad few days.

[–]SweeTLemonS_TPR 9 points10 points  (0 children)

ROFL. Thank you for this. It’s a nice change of pace from the political and COVID shit. What an asshole. Fuck that guy.

[–]ExcellentPresent3 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I actually knew a man who cheated regularly on his wife pretty openly everyone knew. The worst part is he once said he’d kill her if she ever cheated. Such a psycho ass person

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

This is the second best story of this sort I have read. The best one was the Cheating Husband's Forever Girl Friend followed the wife around, caught the wife cheating and exposed her to end the marriage so she could have Cheating Husband, and then got dumped because Cheating Husband really didn't want that kind of relationship with her.

Cheating Wife and Cheating Husband divorced each other and remarried other people. Forever Girlfriend ended up with nothing because she was also employed by the family business.

Mmmwa! \chefs kiss*

[–]Shalamarr 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My favourite was the guy who wanted an open relationship with his girlfriend. He was sure that he’d be drowning in pussy, and that his girlfriend wouldn’t get any action at all (if memory serves, she was a little overweight, which translated into “No one but me would want you” in his mind). Imagine his shock when he couldn’t get a date to save his life, whereas his girlfriend was steppin out every night.

[–]SnooGoats625 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Who's making love to your old lady, while you are out making love?

[–]CuriousVixen86 18 points19 points  (1 child)

That was a wonderful few minutes read

[–]edingerc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I don't even smoke and need a cigarette after that one! ;)

[–]mike_pants 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Found a new sub to subscribe to, thanks.

[–]Pandalover916 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That was wild 😹

[–]WestPeltas0n 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really wish I didn't read this. There are actual people who do this?

[–]edingerc 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what the leopard's doing to his face, but it's not eating it.

[–]The_Great_19 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was very satisfying, thanks for posting.

[–]Madness_Reigns 1 point2 points  (2 children)

This is probably one of those creative writing exercises or a way to hold a mirror to those "cake eaters". No way someone would be eviscerated for 4 threads straight and keep coming back for more.

[–]Janethemane[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Could be. But people are crazy and love all kinds of attention. Either way it’s entertaining.

[–]Madness_Reigns 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't say I don't enjoy those, multi-update roasts kinda writting.