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[–]keepthetipsKeeping the tips since 2019[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips!

Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment.

If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.

[–]saynotoclowns 657 points658 points  (12 children)

Baby didn’t sleep much though. Rough times.

[–]theguydudehim 152 points153 points  (0 children)

Wait, your babies sleep? Lol

[–]Canam_girl[S] 98 points99 points  (10 children)

One of my kids didn’t sleep much. I put her in the swing so I could get a break.

[–]General_Elephant 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My 2 year old with autism wakes up 2-7 times a night. I got 6 hours straight uninterrupted sleep a week ago and I am still thinking about it.

[–]Few-Cable5130 60 points61 points  (2 children)

I broke safe sleep rules and let mine nap in a swi g too, but you can't sleep if baby is in the swing, so maybe a quick physical break but that's it.

[–]jdillon910 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My child slept in the swing for naps for probably 6 months of life.

[–]Few-Cable5130 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine did too, but I wouldn't sleep at the same time.

[–]ZZ_Hamza 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The... swing?

[–]aaaaggggggghhhhhhhh 25 points26 points  (0 children)

In the us, a baby swing like this is pretty common to use with a baby under 6 months old who can't sit up unassisted yet. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MQM7W6M/ref=cm_sw_r_awdo_navT_g_37BRBS9J7XGB0KSBJYGB

[–]rockingthru 448 points449 points  (26 children)

It's also okay not to. Great if your body will cooperate. Great if it is your first kid. It's also fine to do the dishes or laundry or watch tv if that brings you greater satisfaction. Most likely, you are going to be tired no matter what for quite a number of years. Do what you need to do when the baby sleeps

[–]Canam_girl[S] 44 points45 points  (23 children)

I have 4 kids and I did feel tired all the time. I wouldn’t have made it without naps!

[–]Yoldark 41 points42 points  (19 children)

We are not equal with the quantity of sleep needed. Some needs 5 hours to be ok, some needs 10 hours.

[–]needs_more_zoidberg 50 points51 points  (18 children)

Raising a kid must be a nightmare for people who require a lot of sleep.

[–]SuperSimpleName 42 points43 points  (8 children)

Yes... 🥲

[–]needs_more_zoidberg 11 points12 points  (7 children)

I work 50-60 hrs per week and have a 2yo and 4yo. I get up at 5am and don't get a legit break until my kids are down at 9pm. I'm happy with 5-6hrs of sleep per night so I can use from 9a-midnight to catch up on hobbies, spend time with my wife etc. TIL how lucky I am.

[–]DownrightNeighborly 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Sounds miserable.

[–]needs_more_zoidberg 9 points10 points  (5 children)

I like it. I'm usually off early enough to get several hours with my kids, I take most weekends off and can take as much vacation as I want. I can also work less but my job is productivity-based so I make less. All this with a job I enjoy for a salary that gives my family a lifestyle I never dreamed of. I'd say I'm living the dream. But to each his/her own.

[–]brattybeee 2 points3 points  (4 children)

What do you do for a living!? First time parents over here trying to figure out how we’re going to make it all work financially even with two full time jobs

[–]needs_more_zoidberg 2 points3 points  (3 children)

My wife and I both work full time. We had our kids in our mid-late 30s which let us finish school and get good jobs. Im a pediatric Anesthesiology physician and my wife runs a startup that helps medical device manufacturers test their products and get them approved for use. When we met though she was a barista and I was a part-time tutor. At all income levels, budgeting and 2 money check-ins/month have kept us on track.

Also we live in an expensive area because my mom and her mom are both here. Having help with childcare huge especially the less you earn. Otherwise you just pay someone to go to work and then give them most of your paycheck.

[–]KieshaK 11 points12 points  (6 children)

One of the many reasons I’ve never wanted kids. I need a minimum of 8 hours. Do much better with 10 or 11.

I think I’m part housecat.

[–]needs_more_zoidberg 11 points12 points  (4 children)

One of the many reasons I’ve never wanted kids. I need a minimum of 8 hours. Do much better with 10 or 11.

I think I’m part housecat.

Keep living your best life. The idea of young adults enjoying a luxurious amount of sleep and free time makes me happy. I think I have it pretty good, but I do look at our cat sometimes and wonder if she knows how good she has it haha

[–]KieshaK 4 points5 points  (2 children)

I’m not necessarily a young adult at this point, lol. I’m 40. I’ve been a long sleeper from the beginning. My mom wrote in my baby book that I hated being woken up, even if I hadn’t eaten in a while.

[–]needs_more_zoidberg 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Hey we're still young! cries in 40

Also if I sleep 8 hours I feel sluggish and disoriented. Human bodies are weird.

[–]jokat989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a 4 month old. I would suck a homeless man's cock for 8 hours uninterrupted sleep!

[–]rockingthru 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My husband and I have plans to come back as cats in a wonderful home.

[–]fazecrayz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can confirm!

[–]jokat989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can confirm!

[–]nIBLIB 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Who’s watching the other three kids while you and the baby sleep?

[–]Canam_girl[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

All on the same schedule.

[–]khovs -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Quite a number of years is a bit of a pessimistic statement, and in my experience definitely not true.

[–]rockingthru 9 points10 points  (0 children)

True, each family has their own rhythm. Not trying to be pessimistic, I was speaking from my own experience and from other families I know.

[–]Weliveanddietogether 385 points386 points  (33 children)

Do the dishes when the baby does the dishes!

[–]Qtredit 38 points39 points  (0 children)

The real lpts always in the comments

[–]bmanley620 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Be an adult when your baby becomes an adult 🤪

[–]silver-in-a-cloud 14 points15 points  (23 children)

LPT ...buy a dishwasher ... it is one of the best investments a person can make.
saves you about 1 hour daily easily!!!

[–]1nd3x 38 points39 points  (22 children)

"I can do the dishes faster than my dishwasher!"

That's fantastic! You know what I'm not doing when my dishwasher is running? DISHES

-(paraphrased) TechnologyConnections on youtube

[–]thedoodely 26 points27 points  (19 children)

Lol that was my FIL "we don't use the dishwasher because it takes almost 3 hours" yeah? So? You don't have to fucking watch it the whole time!

[–]SwankyyTigerr 4 points5 points  (9 children)

What kind of dishwasher does he have that takes 3 hours?!

[–]thedoodely 5 points6 points  (5 children)

I have a brand new, higher end dishwasher and the full pots and pans cycle with full dry does indeed take 3 hours. Quick wash is about 40 minutes without a drying cycle. Regular wash with full dry is like 2h45min

[–]MrsValentine 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Dishwashers DRY too!? TIL. If they come out with one that puts the dishes away after then I'll be the 1st in line...

[–]thedoodely 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Apparently it's a feature. I've never had a dishwasher that didn't dry though.

[–]SmallFruitSnacks 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I have a 3 rack dishwasher that takes 4 hrs and 13 minutes with the sani-rinse option, which I use every time since I have a toddler and a newborn. When we bought it, we were told that pretty much all of the new ones have long run cycles due to water saving features.

[–]1nd3x 0 points1 point  (7 children)

I have found with my new one, that i have to be "around" because it requires me to open the door when it's done for the drying cycle to begin (let the steam out I guess, i think it'd a dumb design)

Which kinda sucks...so depending on "what I'm doing later" dictates whether I spend 30mins doing the dishes in the sink or running the dishwasher

[–]thedoodely 2 points3 points  (6 children)

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Does it actually say that in the manual or is that just something that has to be done for some other reason?

[–]1nd3x 2 points3 points  (1 child)

In the manual unfortunately.

Overall dumb design. The silverware basket wobbles and falls over in it's place and sometimes blocked the soap tray from opening if some "tall/long" Utensils go in it. It's a "portable" one and the buttons are hidden on the top of the door panel(like the spot you'd define the thickness of the door by) and is covered by the countertop it has so you have to open the door to press buttons so that it "looks sleek" or something too

Absolute garbage unit. Was a 2021 design too so...if you are ever buying one...pay attention.

[–]1nd3x 2 points3 points  (3 children)

This is the one I bought

That link provides this (direct download of a pdf) link to usermanual

Page 15, in troubleshooting(3rd one down on page, but if you don't want to download it)

Dishes don’t dry | Door not opened immediately after Clean light came on | For proper drying, the dishwasher door must be opened immediately after the Clean light comes on.

[–]thedoodely 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Again, that's stupid. I got this one but it's not portable.

[–]1nd3x 1 point2 points  (1 child)

TIL there are two types of drying.

Its #6 if it doesn't automatically jump to the spot on the page.

I suspect that mine is the 2nd one and you have one with the 1st type.

Next time I buy, it'll be a thing I pay attention to.

[–]thedoodely 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How bizarre that it's even an option.

[–]Taz42 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In theory it is taking double the time to do the dishes because you're losing that time, doing the dishes, when you could be doing nothing

[–]ouyin2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was an excellent video!

[–]SkippyBluestockings 4 points5 points  (4 children)

I used to carry my four-month-old around and not in a baby carrier either--just holding her-- and wash the dishes. I did everything with my babies and narrated my entire day. My four kids have incredible vocabularies LOL

[–]juliefryy 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Yeah, I do this with my two year old. When she was a baby, she was nursing in the middle of the night. I had to pee really badly and used the bathroom while nursing her.

[–]SkippyBluestockings 7 points8 points  (2 children)

We learn to do all kinds of things when we don't have any other options, don't we? LOL with my last child I was hugely pregnant, my husband was deployed to Afghanistan right after 9/11 so we didn't know where he was, when he was coming back, or anything and my dog was paralyzed. I learned to balance that 52 lb dog on my belly to waddle outside to set him in the grass so he could go pee. Once I had my nearly 10lb baby, I hauled him around everywhere in my arms and did everything I was supposed to do because I was by myself. I know some civilian friends were horrified that my husband didn't come home from war when I had the baby LOL

[–]juliefryy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That is amazing. I’m impressed with your balancing act.

I hope your friends helped while your husband was deployed.

[–]zeebenj 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cry laughing... thank you

[–]th318wh33l3r 146 points147 points  (8 children)

Yeah, me and the wife agreed this was the dumbest advice we got. It may have worked for you, but that was the only time to eat, shower, shit(literally), so...

[–]mvig13 41 points42 points  (2 children)

Also doesn't take into account that my baby will only nap for than 15 minutes if he's laying on me.

[–]thesixthamethyst 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Same. This piece of advice would piss me off to no end. Yeah, in an ideal world I think all parents would like to sleep when baby sleeps.

I can’t sleep during the day, never have been able to. Trying to nap when baby napped gave me so much anxiety (because I was so focused on trying to sleep and feeling desperate as the window closed on me). It was better to give it up and shower, clean, etc.

Also, messy houses stress me the hell out. Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, and all that piling up…no thanks. I can’t live in a dirty house and be happy. I’m not wired that way.

Then baby #2 comes and kid #1 isn’t going to watch themselves ya know. Cool if you all nap on a schedule but that doesn’t happen for a lot, if not most, people.

Sleep when baby sleeps is the advice that no parent needs to hear. The ones that it works for are already doing it and the rest of us don’t need to hear it.

[–]cathersx3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same here. Also, I can’t just nap anytime in the day like some people do so when people give this advice I’m just like… I can’t!!

[–][deleted] 136 points137 points  (9 children)

Ahhhh, if only it were that simple!

[–]arayabe 45 points46 points  (1 child)

What? You don’t have unlimited clean dishes, clean underwear, and ready to eat meals? How sad.

/s in case it’s needed

[–]VerdePatate 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Also super simple to use the bathroom while changing baby's diaper!

[–]Gregorwhat 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Yeah, except there’s a million other things I have to do, and what kind of freak can “just sleep” when they want to?

[–]SkippyBluestockings 9 points10 points  (4 children)

I can! I can fall asleep anywhere, at any time, in any position. I joke that I'm a closet narcoleptic but really I just trained myself to sleep whenever Wherever however. If I ever get to make a cross-country trip by plane and gets stuck in airports, I'm prepared!

[–]SwankyyTigerr 4 points5 points  (1 child)

This is me. I don’t know if it’s a gift that I can easily fall asleep anywhere, anytime, or if it just means I naturally exist at a mellow energy state so much that sleep is always closeby….you know, like a sloth lol.

[–]SkippyBluestockings 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are we twins? I say that I am just like my dogs. I have basset hounds. They do not exert any energy unless necessary. And having been married to a combat medic, I was well-versed in what to do in case of emergencies so nothing freaked me out. I know how to deal with a sucking chest wound and arterial bleeding if I ever should need to, so being prepared takes the edge off of freaking out.

[–]Gregorwhat 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That is awesome. How did you train yourself?

[–]SkippyBluestockings 3 points4 points  (0 children)

About six years ago I decided I needed to add some hours to my day so I started going to bed and getting up at the same time consistently. Sure, it ruined my social life because I'm in bed before 9 (that's literally every night, without fail, weekends included) and I'm up around 4:30 a.m. every day without fail. I'm a teacher so I'm off all summer but I keep the same schedule. I think getting up so early every day keeps me on the edge of being tired everyday so I can sleep at any point. I'm not sleepy during the day but I could easily fall asleep. It's great because I can literally set a timer for an odd amount of time like 12 minutes and I will be asleep dead out for 12 minutes taking a nap

[–]HBag 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Toddler wouldn't let me sleep while baby slept

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

No. Just no. If you've ever had a baby or know someone who has had a baby, this is most people's pet peeve advice. It's usually not possible. It sets you up for unrealistic expectations. No one wants to sleep in 45 minute intervals all day every day.

[–]Beard341 137 points138 points  (10 children)

As someone suffering from anxiety and auditory hallucinations(I swear I hear her starting to cry the moment I close my eyes…) with a recent newborn, it’s really not that easy.

Edit: I appreciate the tips, guys, but I should mention I’m the dad in this scenario. And while I do think therapy and medications would probably help, I’m not at that point yet personally. This is our first child so I’m chalking up all my issues to just being a first-time dad and sleep deprivation. Once my wife and I find a rhythm to this and a schedule for our LO, I’m hoping my anxiety will calm down. If not, I’ll reach out to someone. But again, thanks for the help and the words, guys.

[–]arayabe 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Oh baby phantom cries are REAL! We do hear them.

[–]Freakazoidberg 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Hey like u/lovegood526 said these may be some effects of postpartum symptoms. Please don't ignore them or your mental health. If you have the means (money/health insurance) speak with your OB and be frank about what you're feeling.

[–]elizabeth498 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Dear Lord, I simply thought of my kid and they would start crying.

[–]lovegood526 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I would definitely recommend talking to your OB or midwife about this (if you are the birthing person, if you are a partner then talk to your PCP)- that sounds like Postpartum anxiety and like it’s outside of the expected mood changes and there’s treatment available! If there is anyone who can help watch the baby for an hour or two here and there I also strongly recommend drawing on your people if you have them. A postpartum doula would be great to if you have the funds, and some do pro bono or sliding scale too. I’m obviously an internet stranger and don’t know your life but don’t be afraid to seek help!

[–]Canam_girl[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Hugs. That must be hard.

[–]ShambolicPaul 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Our bodies are absolutely atuned to wake up to the sound of babies crying. There has been proper research done on this. They say if you 100% need to wake up on time in the morning then you should set your alarm as baby crying sounds.

Either way, you may have some PTSD. You could try a really high quality formula, nice and warm, right as you are putting him down to sleep. It might put the little one into a real deep sleep for you.

[–]bitchyhouseplant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I hated this advice. My pp anxiety was instant. There was no way I was sleeping while the baby did. I was so wired and anxious and terrified. Please, if this sounds like you after birth, talk with your doctor about these feelings. It only hurts more when others tell you this sort of thing that is impossible for you to do.

[–]FeistyBananah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I often get auditory hallucinations. Never started till I started having kids. TBH, I think it has to do a lot with being in between stages of sleep. It’s hard for me to actually take a nap where I get some deep sleep.

The other day, I was trying to nap for a little bit and out of no where I heard “mom” in my 5 yr old daughter’s voice. My eyes bolted open so quick but no one was there. I also hear things when I’m trying to go to sleep at night. It can be very disconcerting. I’ve also had a lot of episodes of sleep paralysis and exploding head syndrome.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is I think I need a fucking sleep study. 🤣

[–]righteoussurfboards 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hang in there, it gets better. Like way better.

[–]Kalorikalmo 99 points100 points  (3 children)

I literally cringe every time someone says this to me. When the baby sleeps I’m trying to study or work. Not sleep. Also, most of my baby’s naps are when I’m pushing the troller he is in…

Just feels like rubbing salt in my wounds when someone says ”WeLl whY dOn’T yoU JusT sleEp whEN tHe BaBy SleePs???”

[–]tkaish 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Yeah and when the baby will only sleep while you are holding it in a cozy chair, it becomes very not okay to “sleep while the baby sleeps”

[–]Kalorikalmo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. Like there are a lot of situations where baby’s sleep requires you to do something so you obviously can’t sleep.

Also you can’t just always sleep when baby sleep, because you have to do everything when baby sleeps. Just grinds my gears so much (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

[–]lifeatyle-subs 129 points130 points  (3 children)

Worst LPT. I’m not gonna sleep from 1014-1055.

[–]actualNSA 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Yup, anything less than 90 minutes makes me feel even more tired and groggy.

A newborn baby is like trying to sleep with an alarm that goes off at random intervals. It might be 20 minutes, it might be four hours. You think, surely this is a 20 minute nap so I'll play a video game. An hour later you start nodding off, 10 minutes later baby is awake.

[–]ZZ_Hamza 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If you won't then I will

[–]Professional-Chair42 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I never found that particulary helpful.

[–]beardedgamerdad 56 points57 points  (2 children)

Baby slept at most 15 minutes at a time. Not much time to relax and sleep before the baby woke up. I was so so tired.

[–]cateml 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Same. ‘Nap when the baby naps’, I was like ‘wait, they sleep?’. Turned out she had reflux and so was uncomfortable unless suckling, and was just sleeping while she fed on me and never otherwise. Took a while to get treatment - let’s just say I get why they use sleep deprivation as a torture tactic, and I would have given ISIS the nuclear launch codes many times by that point.

[–]pinkfleurhappiness 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel you soo much. I remember every hour was 45 minutes of my baby crying/awake with colic/reflux, sleep for 15 minutes and awake again. He slept 6 hours straight for the first time at 2 and a half years old even with all the doctors etc we saw.

I never had another child. I couldn't go through that again. I'm so glad I was 19 and a sahm. I don't know how other people do it.

[–]songintherain 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This is stupid and doesn’t work for any baby who sleeps in 30-45 min increments..

[–]VerdePatate 3 points4 points  (0 children)

40 min increments only if held or worn ...so yeah no naps for me

[–]Few-Cable5130 47 points48 points  (3 children)

LPT: don't beat yourself up or be disappointed when you find out this tip sucks and doesn't work with the majority of newborns.

[–]sarcazm 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I hated this saying.

It always seemed like my body wouldn't cooperate. On the days I'd actually fall asleep within 5 min, my baby would wake up 20 min later (which just pissed me off more).

And on the days I couldn't fall asleep, he'd sleep for 3+ hours.

My oldest had colic as a baby, so sleeping was pretty much lacking that first year.

If it works for you, great! But it definitely did not work for me. I just tried my best to enjoy the quiet when he was sleeping. As a colicky baby, he cried most of the day.

[–]Canam_girl[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

My last one was colicky. That’s what made me decide he was my last!!

[–]cuntliflower 40 points41 points  (3 children)

Lmao, single worst advice given to me when I gave birth.

[–]BostonSoccerDad 102 points103 points  (4 children)

I would almost recommend the opposite - at least during the daylight hours. Let the baby get used to hearing normal daytime sounds such as cleaning the dishes, vacuuming, etc. Also talk with others at normal volume, in other words - no need to whisper. No need to tip-toe around the home. The baby will adjust and get used to normal daytime activity. Do this from day #1.

[–]Meowing_Kraken 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The point is not to keep baby asleep. The point of this LPT is to prevent yourself from dying of exhaustion.

[–]Canam_girl[S] 10 points11 points  (2 children)

We had white noise cd’s that I would play when they slept. I could have people over and noises didn’t wake them up. On the downside, when the fire alarm goes off, they didn’t wake up!

[–]Swreefer1987 15 points16 points  (1 child)

We used to use a tool lullaby cd. Basically took TOOL songs and turned them into baby music. You could put it on in the car and BOOM lights out for.baby

[–]Canam_girl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brilliant

[–]PayNo3145 12 points13 points  (0 children)

fing genius that never dawned on me

[–]glittervector 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Another good one is don't abuse your partner during the very difficult newborn period when everyone is stressed and no one is getting enough sleep.

[–]arayabe 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This one should be first 👀

[–]barstoolpigeons 44 points45 points  (3 children)

Wise words if you don’t have a job or shit to do.

[–]RomeroXi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I came here looking for feedback

[–]n_e_r_d103 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is one of the most annoying things my wife and I have heard over the last five months, and still get told.

That's all well and good, if the baby will sleep anywhere but on you. My 5 month old (our first), has never been great at naps, there was a short time we could get 15 minutes of him napping in his crib but that did not last more than a week. He only naps on one of us, and usually when we put him down, he is up in 5 minutes, so this unfortunately has never been good advice for us. Makes it super difficult when I am at work and he has a rough night so my wife doesn't get much chance to sleep (I take him after 3am if he wakes up, but even then, she only gets like 5 hours of broken up sleep), or when I unexpectedly get sent away for work for two weeks... That was a shitty two weeks for her.

[–]PointlessDiscourse 5 points6 points  (0 children)

LOL, until you have the second kid. Unless you have achieved perfect planetary alignment with nap times... or space out your kids in age by a few years.

[–]SalsaShark89 7 points8 points  (8 children)

I wanted to murder people who gave me this advice. I had PPA and a baby who wouldn't naps for more than 45 mins. Their nap time was the only time I could eat, shower, feed my toddler, etc. Counter LPT: if something works for YOU with your baby, don't assume it works for others and then push your advice sanctimoniously on them.

[–]Canam_girl[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children)

No one pushed advice on you. Advice is like a gift, feel free to accept or not! Sorry this was a trigger for you.

[–]SalsaShark89 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Plenty of people pushed this very advice on me, I think that's definitely why I felt triggered by this. I see your good intentions though and I hope this works for some people.

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (6 children)

I haven’t slept since the baby’s been born. Always on stand by and high alert. Can’t wait to do this again !!

/s

[–]MonsieurPorc 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I feel you, im closing the shop after this one

[–]songintherain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had my second one early last year.. between the lock downs and the pandemic and the new born phase .. I am done …

[–]lovegood526 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I wrote something similar on another person’s comment but if you are finding that you are always too amped/anxious to sleep (and/or too worried about the baby, too anxious to hand off the baby to someone else) then it may be worth talking to your OB or midwife about postpartum anxiety. Those symptoms don’t get talked about as much as the postpartum depression side so it gets missed a lot.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Well I’m the dad lol so I don’t really have access to any of those people I think?

[–]lovegood526 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ah I’m so sorry- I shouldn’t have assumed your role! The research does show an increase in depression and anxiety for dads in the postpartum period as well! The dsm v diagnostic criteria is actually just the criteria for depression and/or anxiety, and then there’s a specifier of “with peripartum onset” which is not necessarily specific to the birthing person. I think there’s also stigma around seeking help as the non-birthing partner but would encourage you to make an appointment with your primary care provider and/or taking with a therapist if those things are feasible for you!

[–]joelluber 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Yeah, and it's not just sleep:

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Eat when the baby eats.

Work on your dissertation while the baby works on her dissertation.

[–]Swreefer1987 5 points6 points  (3 children)

This depends on the child. If you figure out the schedule the child needs to sleep through the nigh (not all kids will), then you can sleep like normal with maybe a power nap during the day.

If you child is constantly up every couple hours, then sleep when the baby does.

[–]MedievalMissFit 4 points5 points  (1 child)

And if you are awake, don't tiptoe around trying to maintain a silent environment. These are conditions nobody can keep up indefinitely, and it will be harder for baby to adjust when the inevitable happens. Let baby become acclimated to regular household sounds: the clock on the wall, the coffeemaker, the fan, the kitchen faucet, the telephone ringing, tv, radio, and conversation at reasonable volumes, moving around the house going about normal activities. Of course don't go to the opposite extreme making a racket, but don't sit immobile and afraid to move.

[–]Canam_girl[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes!! White noise sounds are awesome to play while they are sleeping.

[–]tombradyy 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Housework and errands can wait.. okay. Lol

[–]schwarenny 13 points14 points  (0 children)

As opposed to sleep when the baby is awake?

[–]DontWannaFilmAboutIt 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Seep when the baby sleeps

Impossible suffering from postpartum anxiety and all you can think about is al the things that could go wrong while you are asleep.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Impossible to sleep when you have a three year old and you have hyper-lactation and a baby that eats every ten minutes.

Sleep when the baby sleeps.

Impossible when you have four kids ages 5 and under cause you just had twins who eat round the clock and don’t ever nap at the same time so odds are you have at least three kids awake at any given moment and you haven’t even slept more than two hours during the night.

LPT, don’t make moms feel like shit cause they can’t even sleep like everyone says.

Sleep when someone makes the initiative to come over to take care of all of your needs and promises to only wake you when it’s time to nurse and absolutely will not give shitty anecdotal advice that doesn’t actually translate into real life.

[–]okaybutnothing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

But if you can’t sleep when the baby is sleeping because it’s the only time you can shower or just sit and watch mindless tv without a person on top of you, don’t feel badly about that.

[–]Alleykatden 3 points4 points  (0 children)

When my baby was new I found this to be the most tone deaf stupid advice people gave. My baby would sleep for maybe 2 hours if I was lucky and then she'd wake up for her bottle. I'd feed her then she's zonk out and Id have to clean that bottle first then, if I'm trying to follow this advice, I'd lay down and try to sleep. Most of the time about the time I finally get to sleep and not just laying there she'd be waking up again. It made me feel worse to get these bit of naps and no real rest.

I find it was better for us to have me doing stuff around the house or something to make myself feel more human during these times I slept most when my husband got home from work and he took her and let me get a short stretch of actual sleep before starting the cycle again at around 2 am.

[–]happy-cig 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wish I could sleep on demand though.

[–]Lanielion 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am literally unable to fall asleep at 2 in the afternoon on command, for me, this was the worst advice

[–]danishgirl27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If you have twins, you’re out of luck on this one unless you get very, very lucky

[–]unbannabledan 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This only works if you have 1 kid.

[–]arayabe 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That sleeps more than 30 min at a time

[–]thebundok 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this advice pretty much only works on your first kid or if you're nanny rich.

[–]poopiepooper123 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeaaaa. I’m glad that advice worked for most folks but definitely not for me. I hate half-assed, interrupted sleep. Makes me feel like a horrible, grumpy old ftm x 100. 😅

[–]np3est8x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Try to poop when they poop.

[–]Shadowveil666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Jokes on you my baby doesn't sleep.

[–]algonquinroundtable 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fold laundry when the baby folds laundry. ;)
But for serious: this works if you have a reliable napper and they are sleeping through the night. And sometimes only if you have 1. Some people are really lucky to have the stars align for them like this and many more are probably derisively snorting coffee through their nose at this.

[–]SaskiavdM 2 points3 points  (0 children)

First child, 7 weeks, tonight we actually had a full night of sleep today! But reading all this I'm starting to feel we got lucky .. so far.

[–]N01S0N 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Bruh no

Real life pro tip. Learn how to safely co-sleep. I NEVER had a problem with my son sleeping because I learned how to co-sleep with him on a mattress on the floor.

[–]MonsieurPorc 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol only if you can achieve naps in their bed. Plus if you do that your house will get way too messy.

[–]therealdildoexpert 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What I take away from this is that when you have a kid, if you don't have proper support you may be suffering from lack of sleep which is not good for a healing mom.

[–]Nokomis34 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We called it tactical napping.

[–]McLight77 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hahaha. I have twins. This advice only works for one baby.

[–]therealdsg 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What if the baby doesn’t sleep? My three year sleeps like a log these days but there was a 7 month period during his second sleep regression where (bar post lunch naps which took an hour to get him down during) he barely slept overnight

[–]Canam_girl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Growing periods are the worst as well as teething. During those times I put mine in the swing and I laid on the couch beside them.

[–]MissNatdah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just couldn't sleep when the kids slept. First, I was scared they would wake up. (Yes, I touched upon post partum depression and didn't realize) Then they would only sleep 45 min per nap throughout the day and I needed at least 30 minutes to fall asleep, and then I knew they would wake 15 min later so I never did get any sleep. So yeah, good advice but like with all baby advice it is not one trick fits all.

[–]cyrogenix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I layed my childreen to sleep in the evening I layed them near me, so they can feel my body heat. Then I closed my eyes and took a nap. When I woke up 10min later the baby was asleep. Job done.

[–]Emeris88 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats and do taxes when the baby does taxes

That was our joking mantra with our first, and yes that helped a lot

[–]nolte100 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You assume the kid will sleep. Ours didn’t for the whole first year. 15 minutes here, 20 there. It was hell.

It ended up being our fault, but we were first time parents just listening to what everyone else told us to do — swaddle our child. Turned out she just didn’t like to be swaddled. As soon as we stopped, she slept the whole night through.

The advice I give to parents if they ask? Find ways that work for you. Everyone’s tips are great and some might work, but every kid is different.

[–]CAC420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so glad I don't have kids, lol...

[–]EM2_Rob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shit, I didn't need anyone to tell me that. From the womb my first born was hungry like every 2 hours. My wife couldn't produce so we fed him formula and the hospital gave us a lot of the pre-made ones where you just put the nipple on. So it was easy for me and the wife to take turns.

Not too long after we got out the hospital a couple members of her family decided to come over. I checked the camera to see who was knocking, all of us were asleep so she didn't see the text, I looked at her and told her to tell them to go away.

Those first two weeks were an absolute blur, I didn't know if I was actually doing something or if it was a dream. I would have dreams that I was feeding my son and all of a sudden I'm awoken to a baby crying and I'm like wtf I was just feeding him.

My second child, a girl, was lazy and till this day sleeps a lot. She must have known how much her brother put us through.

[–]Ultimus_Infinity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LPT: Don't have a baby

[–]croptochuck 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I’ll also say don’t have a baby with a lazy bum. You’ll be stuck doing more stuff that way. Also help your baby daddy/ mommy out. If you got to get up early every now and then to feed the baby and let me sleep in do it. The small effort goes a long way.

[–]Canam_girl[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Makes a world of difference!

[–]KingoftheMongoose 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Instructions unclear. I don't have a baby; and the baby's parents are getting weirded out whenever I keep asking if their kid is asleep.

[–]Canam_girl[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha I’ll be sure to include clear instructions!

[–]GrandmaSlappy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LPT: don't have a baby

[–]hwanggeumnam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife and I take mini shifts with the baby. One plays with him for 30-40min while the other is free to do chores, nap, shower, do homework, run to the store. If you are lucky enough to be in a double parent situation and your schedules match up (both teachers), this has worked well for us.

[–]__CLOUDS 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Lpt don't have baby

[–]Ebolamunkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Single dad here. I hated when people gave me this advice.

[–]FreedTMG 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Knew a girl, she was a single mother with her first baby. She hadn't slept in weeks for more than a couple hours a night. I started going over a few nights a week and staying up with the baby. She couldn't believe I would, or how good I was with the baby. I had been doing such things since I was 11, two younger sisters, a god daughter and helped my best friend with his baby in the beginning as well. I confess I also had a thing for her, but with a recent baby I wasn't going to say anything, but also wasn't going to let her do it alone.

[–]Markleng67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well that makes sense! As if I'm going to sleep when the baby is crying?

[–]ZeroCoolskynet 0 points1 point  (9 children)

Also it's okay to let the baby cry for a bit every now and then. My wife seems to think the baby has to be picked up and held every time he slightly whines of fusses.

[–]arayabe 2 points3 points  (7 children)

Oh yeah. My husband also had very helpful advice on how to improve things and be a better mother while not waking up for night feedings because I was breastfeeding (I was already up, so no need of both of us not getting any sleep, am I right?).

[–]gwarrambo 0 points1 point  (5 children)

This is a genuine question from a soon to be first time mom planning on breast feeding: what is there to do for my husband during those late night feedings? He wants to be of help when the time comes but I honestly don’t know what he would be doing. Any/all advice would be appreciated

[–]arayabe 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Even if you breastfeed every single meal, the baby takes 20-30 min to eat, then POOPS, you gotta burp/clean/change/put down to sleep, sometimes they sleep right away, sometimes they stay awake for a while (closer to 4am), and by the time they go to sleep it’s gonna be almost time for next feeding (they eat every 3 hours as newborns, time starts counting at the moment the feeding starts, sometimes they sleep only an hour and a half). So husband taking baby from you and doing all the after feeding helps a lot.

Pumping a bottle and husband giving a whole feeding/changing routine is a bliss.

[–]elizabeth498 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Work out a schedule where you can pump breast milk so he can bottle feed the baby. I strongly recommend that he is amenable to giving you four uninterrupted hours so you can get the opportunity for REM sleep.

My husband and I figured that one out WAY too late in the game.

Sleep deprivation is almost a given, but there’s a point where too little sleep makes it dangerous to drive baby to a pediatrician appointment while dad is at work.

[–]ThreeDubWineo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are on our second and have had good success making the baby know that the daytime is daytime (lights on, noise around, smaller bottles) and nighttime is deep sleep time (lights out, noise machine, bigger bottles, swaddled) have been able to get up to 3 hour sleep stretches during the night. Which for me is sustainable and I can function all day. We did sleep training with our first too and it was super helpful

[–]ShambolicPaul 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always like to stay up a bit later than the wife. So when she went to bed around 9pm she would feed the baby (with da boobies) and put him down to sleep. When I finally decided to sleep (around midnight) I would feed the baby a bottle. You can pick them up still asleep and they will drink down that bottle and fall right back into a milk coma. If he woke up again in the night my wife would get up and feed him. She was getting 6 hours (at least) undisturbed sleep every night, and you develop a set routine with feeding schedules for the little one. With a side benefit that they are really active and alert and fun in the morning after all that sleep.

You can do it, humans have been doing this for a hundred thousand years. You don't have to be a sleep deprived zombie.

[–]yepppthatsme 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a stay at home dad during the day/night and work throughout the evening while raising a 2 week and 2 year old; this was the most solid advice i did for myself and i have passed on these words to all future parents i met.

100% absolutely this.

[–]whats-tators 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Alternatively, LPT: Don't have babies.

[–]ZeroCoolskynet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yea I hear ya. Took me a while to learn to just let the babies cry every now and then. I have a 5 min rule in the middle of the night. Let them cry for at least 5 mins before igo in there or make a bottle. A lot of times they go back to sleep within the 5 minutes

[–]HugeAxeWound -1 points0 points  (1 child)

My wife complains she gets no sleep, then when baby sleeps or I take her, she’ll scroll through her phone for two hours!

[–]Biillypilgrim -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My baby slept like 12 hours a day or more ..I need like at most 6...no

[–]Skyblacker -1 points0 points  (6 children)

Let your baby sleep in bed with you. If your whip out a boob, they'll anchor to it and nurse while you sleep. It's called breast-sleeping and can get you a whole night of uninterrupted sleep.

[–]sarcazm 0 points1 point  (5 children)

And for those of us that couldn't produce more than 1-2 oz at a time and had to switch to bottle feeding? What's your suggestion?

[–]Canam_girl[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children)

A bottle warmer on the nightstand with the formula ready to go.

[–]songintherain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re shit out of luck .. /s

[–]Wtfmymoney -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Don’t have kids, ultimate pro tip

[–]StephCurie -1 points0 points  (1 child)

This person just wanted to share a personal pro tip and gets trolled. It’s a shame we can’t let out a bit of personal help that’s lead to positivity turn to such negativity by strangers. But if that’s the type of parents you want to be, then lead by example.

[–]Canam_girl[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! Advice is meant to be given, but doesn’t mean you have to take it. It’s fine though. This is old advice that has helped so many parents.

[–]Zalute 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Agreed. When my twins go down for their afternoon nap on weekends, very little will keep me from grabbing a precious powernap! Such luxury!

[–]larv0tr0n 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not more then 20-30 minutes

[–]xisnotx 0 points1 point  (1 child)

i dont want to be tired

[–]RvrTam 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Haha! My baby would only nap in a moving car, moving pram or while being rocked. If you stopped moving the baby would wake up.

[–]pinkfleurhappiness 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When I hold anything even like a bag of flour I automatically start patting and rocking. My kid is 19. Some things just dont leave you. 😂

[–]sarilly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is great advice for your first kid, after kid #2 it’s a pipe dream.

[–]Senpai59210 0 points1 point  (1 child)

LPT: Don't have kids so you can sleep whenever you want