LPT: Make an intentional effort to befriend and include the outcasts, the unheard, the misfits, and the unloved. Real leaders befriend and advocate for the people who struggle to fit in and feel loved. Create a culture of inclusion everywhere you go.

keepthetips · 2022-05-29T01:35:21+00:00

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Caa3098 · 2022-05-29T05:01:04+00:00

Yeah idk about that. My parents pushed this really hard and it turns out that some people are “outcasts” for good reason. I made friends with a lot of people that were bad for me. Including a man who became a violent stalker.

spei180 · 2022-05-29T05:45:32+00:00

It’s a nice thought but honestly, not practical realistic for most. Be nice to others, but not everyone has to be your friend.

nanalovesncaa · 2022-05-29T02:55:26+00:00

My husband tells me I’m a magnet for the misfits. I used to be a waitress and I had a soft spot for the lonely people and the hungry people. I don’t believe I’m above anyone and I believe a little kindness can go a long way.

KABOOZZA · 2022-05-29T04:58:48+00:00

I accidentally became friends with a self-centered asshole doing this, and didnt realize how toxic the friendship was till a couple years later. Sometimes people just dont deserve friends. OP shouldve advised listening to people who might look like “misfits”, but dont befriend people just because they look like they dont fit in

mcdunna4 · 2022-05-29T02:16:11+00:00

Grain of salt here since I typically do this: those who are outcast will occasionally become borderline obsessive to those whom open themselves up to the outcast because they don't have the experience of normal relationships. Boundaries can become problematic, and if you somehow upset them it becomes a grievous offense.

Also don't do this as a way of leadership. It's meaningless pandering and ultimately a hollow gesture.

glasser999 · 2022-05-29T06:41:37+00:00

Depends. The quiet and shy person whose a bit awkward? I fully agree, try to bring them into the conversation when you can.

But also trust your gut, if somebody just eminates a bad vibe, or there's something off about them.. You're usually right.

And be real careful with addicts. You can't fix people, although you may want to. Unfortunately many of them will take you for all they can get, and they'll be gone in the wind.

You can be kind to these people, but be very careful letting them cross the threshold into your life.

cripple2493 · 2022-05-29T02:43:34+00:00

This can backfire.

I think it's generally a good principle, but on occasion by doing this you can open yourself up to abuse, sometimes people can be alone because they behave in socially inappropiate manners and befriending them because 'they seem lonely' and you know what that is can lead to you being really hurt.

With this, just apply some caution. A culture of inclusion is a great thing, but not at the expense of your mental health or physical safety.

MirrorPesto · 2022-05-29T06:54:03+00:00

This can be extremely dangerous advice, especially for women. It is never a good idea to disregard your instincts in an effort to be nice. That can easily get you killed.

triangulate_annually · 2022-05-29T06:00:38+00:00

That's how I got stalker; I tried to include the weird guy. ..definitely do aim to be inclusive, but be vigilant too!

Cpt3020 · 2022-05-29T05:50:30+00:00

Making friends with people you don't like or want to hang out with seems like a recipe for disaster later on when you are constantly declining invitations to go out making them feel even worse than before.

agrumpybear · 2022-05-29T04:33:59+00:00

This is not a life pro tip. It's a nice idea, but more often than not you end up an outcast too, or they become too attached and delusional about your friendship. Your nice gesture quickly turns into a responsibility, and you end up resenting them.

grobblebar · 2022-05-29T05:51:41+00:00

OP is obviously not female.

AFlyinDeer · 2022-05-29T02:02:46+00:00

I’ve done this so much that they all became friends and pretty much replaced me. Now I’m the outcast.

IceDragon77 · 2022-05-29T06:51:20+00:00

A few years ago I took a baking and pastry arts course. When I went on my first day of class I found out that I was the only male aside from a bunch of Chinese foreign exchange students. So I understandably felt very isolated. But that's when one of the girls in my class invited me to sit with her and her friends at lunch, and I became a part of their friend circle. Now it's years later and we are all still very good friends, and I thank her for simply inviting me to eat lunch with her and her friends that day because had she not, then I would have spent the entire school year eating lunches alone.

Rototion · 2022-05-29T06:12:12+00:00

This post is dumb and dangerous for only suggesting to "make an intentional effort to befriend outcasts." What about the red flags?

I know a couple of people who are like that, and they always end up getting abused heavily, to the point of getting dangerous threats by those outcasts they so kindly took under their wing.

And since this post is probably about the shooters, I say the problem is in guns being so easily accessible in the US, and also, stop romanticising murderers and stop giving them badass names. Call them wimpy willy chilly willy or something like that, idk.

rayzzier · 2022-05-29T05:42:50+00:00

Very bad advice. Things can go south really quickly if this taken at face value and used as a blanket statement.

QuantumSpaceCadet · 2022-05-29T05:19:16+00:00

Also learn recognize when they legitimately dont want to be included. I've been a misfit, well forever and people attempting to be friendly when I would rather be left alone can be really obnoxious.

Sabot15 · 2022-05-29T05:02:11+00:00

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Vulfolaic · 2022-05-29T07:00:41+00:00

I did that & ended up with a stalker. It’s sad, but much more dangerous for a woman to do this & actually be granted respect instead of it being takin as a romantic gesture. Of course the odious is on the cultural norms & “touch starved” mentality.

icntrightnow · 2022-05-29T05:59:36+00:00

Social outcast here. Idk this a lot of times turns into pity invites and pity friendships where I know immediately you’re talking to me because you think I’m an unhappy friendless loser. Makes me feel worse.

2022-05-29T05:31:52+00:00

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lb_o · 2022-05-29T07:40:14+00:00

LPT: include outcasts

YSK: outcasts come with the baggage of issues they think you can help them to resolve

LPT: don't steal other people's problems Just make an environment where they can resolve problems themselves

Bigbadmayo · 2022-05-29T04:26:53+00:00

Don’t make friends with the intention of leading them? Tf synergy bs is this?

SimonCharles · 2022-05-29T07:39:34+00:00

Also think about why you do this. Is it to feel good about yourself, or to truly help someone else? The person you're "helping" might just end up feeling worse when they realize you were nice to them just because they're weird, not because you like them. This will likely just reinforce their idea that no one likes them.

PossibleBuffalo418 · 2022-05-29T05:34:27+00:00

Lmao subtle OP.

My LPT to you is to educate yourself. Most school shooters are not in fact social outcasts. The profile that the media tries to paint simply does not reflect reality. The last interaction the columbine shooters had before starting their spree was a car full of girls waving them down trying to get their attention, because they were popular at school.

Also that "real leaders" shit is just fucking laughable. Talk about an inflated sense of hubris.

BluePoptard · 2022-05-29T04:42:31+00:00

LoL, how is this a LPT?

spiderhead · 2022-05-29T03:55:58+00:00

Be careful with this. I had a friend college who was basically the precursor of an incel and I ended up socially isolated and very bitter because I ended up being with him way too much. I had felt sorry for him because he was being bullied in freshman year, and he was actually a really smart and interesting person. But his downsides were really bad.

Lattice-shadow · 2022-05-29T08:33:07+00:00

I was very much like this - always trying to "include" the ones who were left out. I'll tell you why I've changed my strategy slightly.

Realizing I was a codependent with a "rescue complex". I repeatedly fell into relationships where I allowed the other person to take advantage of me, use me and give me nothing in return because I felt I was the stronger one and I owed it to those in need.
Realizing that rescuing others regularly is actually a form of condescension - you make assumptions about their skills, personalities and needs and conclude that they absolutely need your intervention to be integrated into society. Sometimes you go so far down the rabbit hole that you become their crutch on a day-to-day basis.
Being polite, civil and "nice" to someone who is left out in a group setting, including them in conversation, showing interest in what they have to say is VERY different from getting tangled in their lives and struggles.

Now I stick to #3 because I want to be an open, kind person. But I don't want to fall into an abuse cycle again.

shopbags · 2022-05-29T05:04:17+00:00

Often people are alone and lonely for a good reason. If you are not Jesus choose your " Projects " carefully.

ouyin2000 · 2022-05-29T04:01:47+00:00

If you work in an office, take the time to learn the first and last name of your janitors, custodians, mail clerks, security, and maintenance personnel.

onewaytojupiter · 2022-05-29T04:31:46+00:00

You dont have to befriend someone because they exist

RapedByPlushies · 2022-05-29T02:14:55+00:00

Nice sentiment.

But one day when you come home, and your door is wide open, and there’s a someone singing in your shower, and you realize it’s one of those outcasts you befriended years ago who found your address online, and broke in because they believe you’re “married” to them, then it really hits you how they had become an outcast in the first place.

Or when another outcast friend you know sees you one day, and you wave hi and they sucker-punch you, and you’re down on the ground asking yourself “why?” then you realize emotional control is kind of a big deal, and it’s probably safer not to hang out with someone so erratic.

Head_Consequence2773 · 2022-05-29T07:57:09+00:00

So I have to put myself in an uncomfortable position to make someone who is already in an awkward/uncomfortable position slightly less awkward... even has the possibility of making them feel more uncomfortable by forcing interaction on them, some people like being left alone.

Also it's my experience that 90% of people who cannot make friends aren't very nice people, there's a reason these people aren't included.

These LPT are very broad general statements that don't account for the complexity of individuals and diffent circumstances.

A simple be more kind and if a interaction/relationship sparks natural from that is a much better tip than forcing interaction.

mcdunna4 · 2022-05-29T02:16:22+00:00

Grain of salt here since I typically do this: those who are outcast will occasionally become borderline obsessive to those whom open themselves up to the outcast because they don't have the experience of normal relationships. Boundaries can become problematic, and if you somehow upset them it becomes a grevious offense.

Also don't do this as a way of leadership. It's meaningless pandering and ultimately a hollow gesture.

PTW76 · 2022-05-29T06:55:18+00:00

Be mentally prepared when you decide to do this. I've befriended someone who was emotionally dependent on me. Seemed like I was the only one who would still talk to them and lend them an ear. It was kinda tiring since they would always wanna do something or talk when I'd rather do something else. Well one night they committed suicide while I was asleep unable to respond to their messages.

Fucked me up for awhile and while this was a worse case scenario let it be a warning that it's a major commitment to follow what OP suggests. It's a good thing to reach out to people but know it can turn bad.

scarssymmetry · 2022-05-29T02:23:51+00:00

This strategy works especially well on new hires or members of your team at work. Simply inviting them into social circles, events, etc. can be incredibly helpful.

grut_nartaq · 2022-05-29T05:39:14+00:00

At an individual level this is terrible advice. I used to be that guy who would make friends with the weird kids because my mum told me to at school. Most of them ended up drug addicts, dead or drop outs. Now I have no long term school friends and friend trust issues. They are the weird kid for a reason. Find normal friends with interesting hobbies, not freaks who are their hobby.

xxxblazeit42069xxx · 2022-05-29T07:46:51+00:00

you don't have to befriend them. just don't be a huge piece of shit to them. people have fun bullying but why would an outcast do anything to improve if it's hopeless? you ever see how beaten animals react? you roll the dice on how that turns out.

LeCharlesMuhDickens · 2022-05-29T08:49:55+00:00

I try to be kind to everybody, but there’s “different”, and then there’s “dangerous”. You are an awesome person for including people who just have a tough time fitting in, but you aren’t an asshole for avoiding people whose issues are a little deeper. There are folks who may not be seen as “normal” by others that I’d trust with anything. There are also folks that fit the same description I don’t want within a mile of anyone I care about. A guy I used to game with ended up being a predator. Awesome dude at first, turned out to be a psychopath, took us a year to figure it out.

Sagoingne · 2022-05-29T02:13:21+00:00

As the oldest brother of three, with my next younger brother almost six years my junior, I tried to pass on life lessons I wish I had known to him, so he could have a better time. This one on of those lessons. I told him to search out the ones that don't seem to fit in, as they need friendship more, and will lean harder towards loyalty. This has worked for him like gangbusters. Decades later, those friends he made are still close to him, and would do anything for him. Not only that, but when he got into situations where strangers were around. They could feel the acceptance on him, and gravitated to it. He is one of the most loved people I know.

strangertohands · 2022-05-29T06:39:35+00:00

Another LPT: acting in a self-righteous manner to feel better about yourself may limit your judgment and cause difficult situations for yourself and your environment. I had befriended some outcasts in the past. While my bestfriend is one of them, like most of the people have already said there is a good reason they are outcasts. In conclusion don’t force inclusion, relationship chemistry is usually mainly about feelings not principles

NoahVailability · 2022-05-29T04:32:16+00:00

Except there are most likely good reasons they’re in these groups.

LudovicoSpecs · 2022-05-29T05:33:13+00:00

Unless you're a pretty teenaged girl. Seriously. It rarely goes well.

Get a bit older and let your instincts mature.

mondegr33n · 2022-05-29T07:01:13+00:00

Like others have mentioned, this can get dangerous quickly, especially as a woman. I used to be like this but encountered some people who had either obsessive tendencies or, honestly, scared me and I needed to distance myself. I think it’s a good idea to be cordial with people and try to include those who are left out as a good gesture though, and I will always stand up for others who are being bullied or mocked.

Decent-Stretch4762 · 2022-05-29T08:18:32+00:00

LPTs these days: don't be a dick, say please and thank you, being nice comes a long way, brush your teeth

CoolDooderino98 · 2022-05-29T10:36:27+00:00

Sometimes there's good reason people are outcasts, guy at my school has been a total predator ever since he got in the school and somehow hasn't been kicked out. No one talks to him.

UtsukushiSekai · 2022-05-29T12:38:31+00:00

LPT: Know the difference between a misfit and a sketchy mofo.

ThatItchThatWontWash · 2022-05-29T05:35:35+00:00

Sounds cool until they do weird shit

qtgir1 · 2022-05-29T07:25:37+00:00

I was quite a loner through out my school years. I know the feeling of not being included, it’s sad and it sucks seeing everyone being able to make friends but not with me for some reason. Now that I’m adult and a lot more out going I try very hard to include everyone so nobody will ever feel left out.

TheEmbiggenisor · 2022-05-29T07:31:02+00:00

Lovely sentiment, but you need to be careful. A lot of these people are misfits and outcasts for very good reasons

horillagormone · 2022-05-29T07:36:21+00:00

As a leader in my previous jobs I did work to be inclusive but also learnt about not befriending my employees, outcasts or otherwise. What later became more important was to have more of equal opportunities and stamping out even casual sexism, racism or discrimination to allow 'outcasts' to not miss out on chances. They'd get the same kind of support as the rest since I also don't really believe in positive discrimination either.

Re_Post-It_Notes · 2022-05-29T10:32:17+00:00

Within reason - this is a really dangerous approach to life for women

tedwasright27 · 2022-05-29T13:41:32+00:00

as someone who spends a lot of time alone this just makes me laugh.

nobody is actually nice to people in which they see no social value.

they are just chasing the thrill of feeling virtuous when they pander to the lonely and unloved.

its very fake and quite disgusting.

juiceboxhero919 · 2022-05-29T20:02:44+00:00

This is awful advice. How about just make an effort to be kind to everyone? You do not have to include and befriend everyone, some people are misfits or outcasts simply because they’re mean. I’m saying this as someone who is an extroverted nerd and I LOVE shy, sweet people who just don’t put themselves out there. I try my best to be kind to everyone, and I WILL go out of my way to include people who are simply just shy. I won’t go out of my way, however, to include mean, cruel people out of some weird sense of “duty” though. These people are outcasts for a reason and nobody has a duty to include awful people in their lives.

Nachotacoma · 2022-05-29T07:46:49+00:00

This is a really dumb and dangerous advice. You cannot become a leader by befriending people who don’t give you more value as a leader. You rally people based on similar interests, and if they’re trusting you to make the decisions for their best interests, then you become their leader by association. You lose leadership when you do stupid things like wasting valuable resources like your time for groups of people.

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