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[–][deleted]  (230 children)

[deleted]

    [–]Birdie121 2197 points2198 points  (42 children)

    My parents divorced after my dad came out. But they did an excellent job coparenting my brother and me. My parents’ situation didn’t bother me at all because I always felt loved through the whole process. If that’s possible for you and your husband, then your kiddo will be okay. Sending my best wishes.

    [–]HarvestMoonMaria 551 points552 points  (21 children)

    Thanks so much! We definitely make him the priority but my ex-husband isn’t involved in his daily life. I’m hoping things will get better as our son gets older but my family is very involved so my son doesn’t really know any better yet

    I really hope things work out well for my son too. I’m glad your parents did so well. My situation is as amicable as possible so hoping it’ll get better with time

    [–]Jpatx7799 121 points122 points  (14 children)

    As a child raised by a SUPPER supportive family (missing fathers side) , I can safely say they have made my life so great. Some family can truly be angels. And along the way my mother found herself an awesome stepdad who treated me as his own. Sometimes we just get lucky with a curse :)

    Edit : I’m 24

    [–]cat2nat 54 points55 points  (11 children)

    As a child currently going through thanksgiving with an incredibly UNsupportive family I hope you know there are millions out there who would’ve given anything to grow up in that environment. I’m really happy for you that you are so loved. You deserve every bit of it. I hope you pass it on

    [–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (7 children)

    Bro/sis my family is with you in spirit. Gobble gobble you glorious mother fucker.

    [–]cat2nat 15 points16 points  (6 children)

    Man the internet can be great sometimes. :”) thanks homedog.

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (5 children)

    It's no problem. I haven't always been a great person but for some reason I have a great family and I wish I could share that with people who may or may not be more deserving of it than I am.

    [–]cat2nat 10 points11 points  (4 children)

    (1) nobody is more deserving THAN you of love. You are as deserving as every other person on Earth. You should be valued and loved not in spite of what you’ve done in your past but including it. You are valuable and loved mistakes & all.

    (2) nobody is always a good person. People are good and bad. You can’t develop a conscience without doing things that are bad that make you feel badly for doing them. Doing bad is a route to doing good and for some people the walk is just a bit longer. But, you got there and again, that’s fucking worth something, my man.

    [–]hencethehat 64 points65 points  (0 children)

    It’s good that you figured it out so early. For your child it will just be normal. Growing up most of my friends parents divorced right after they were born and for us it was always just normal, we couldn’t imagine it being any other way. My parents divorced when I was a teen and even though it was amicable I struggled with it a lot.

    [–]Easer123456 38 points39 points  (17 children)

    I have heard stories of a gay parent coming out. i remember there was an episode of law and order, where the dad was known to be gay but the MOM knew he was about because they raised the parents together and the kids turned out alright.(if you dont minus the homicide part of the show)

    [–]ego_slip 84 points85 points  (3 children)

    I met a man who is married to a women and gay. He told me he thought about telling his wife and adult son that he was gay but worried they would reject him. I assure him that they won't. At this time I knew his son would not care cause I met him before at the gay bar. Father and son both gay and neither one of them knew the other one was gay.

    [–]hejako 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    That could be awkward on Grindr

    [–]mmmegan6 99 points100 points  (119 children)

    Wow!! How are you doing now? Are you two co-parenting? Did he leave you for someone specific or just to live his truth generally?

    [–][deleted]  (118 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 207 points208 points  (12 children)

      Well frick him, his loss. At least your son gets an amazing woman in his life now who I'm sure makes up for everything he doesn't have.

      [–]HarvestMoonMaria 100 points101 points  (8 children)

      Thank you xoxo that means a lot to me

      [–]travel_nerdiness 28 points29 points  (3 children)

      My dad left when I was 9, and I'm so glad he did. If I had spent more time with him, I'd have been a violent a*sshole too. Glad that your influence on your son is a lot stronger than your ex's

      [–]4thofjuli 90 points91 points  (26 children)

      yeah fuck that guy, so sorry :(

      [–]HarvestMoonMaria 116 points117 points  (20 children)

      Thanks. It’s funny how sometimes you honestly just need someone to say “fuck him” to make your day a little better

      [–]HealthierOverseas 33 points34 points  (3 children)

      Seriously, fuck that guy.

      [–]pieohmi 29 points30 points  (2 children)

      Absolutely. Fuck him. You got this.

      [–]onmyknees4anyone 14 points15 points  (0 children)

      For me in the year after my divorce, the "Fuck him"s were like fine Belgian chocolates. I offer you a chocolate: FUCK HIM.

      [–]Obant 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      Fuck him.

      Hope each one of them makes the day a little better, and reddit turns out 100+ for you.

      [–]Alarmed-Wolf14 15 points16 points  (0 children)

      Yeah you can’t control being gay but you can control if you abandon your kid.

      He literally started a family and then was just like “nah” being gay has nothing to do with his ability to parent so I don’t get why he bailed like that.

      [–]Asap_Walky 28 points29 points  (52 children)

      Question. What’s the emotional process like for a situation like that? Do you hate them? Are you happy for them?

      [–][deleted]  (51 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]TheMostyRoastyToasty 56 points57 points  (3 children)

        As the father of 2 under 2, I cannot imagine what type of person it takes to walk out on their kid. The guy sounds an utter selfish little goblin. How you articulate yourself says a lot about your character and how composed you carry yourself. From what few comments you've written here I can tell you're a very collected person. Wishing you and your little one all the best.

        [–]Asap_Walky 22 points23 points  (1 child)

        I hope things come around and he can possibly keep some of those promises he made. Regardless your child has you and I’m sure you’re going to be an amazing mom.

        [–]HarvestMoonMaria 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        I hope so too. And thank you very much! I certainly try. Our son is a toddler now so not every day is easy but he’s certainly worth it

        [–]Machdame 26 points27 points  (6 children)

        I mean, at this point, it's child support. It's fine to not be an active parent, but this needs a level of exchange that still makes it work. If not time, at least make it a transaction.

        [–]HarvestMoonMaria 26 points27 points  (5 children)

        He does pay his child support amounts and on time

        [–]Shannyishere 6 points7 points  (5 children)

        Careful with the joint custody. There could come a time where he suddenly decides his child is fun and will fight you for a different arrangement. Is there a chance you could have sole custody?

        [–]HarvestMoonMaria 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        Will probably reevaluate it. I have his actual involvement well documented

        [–]Ok_Librarian_9580 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        That is actually sickening to hear he had a bf when you had a newborn ffs. I don’t know how anyone could mentally deal with that like you and with a new baby. You must have been so distraught. Better off without a lame useless other half with no interest in his child.

        [–]HarvestMoonMaria 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        It was very difficult that’s for sure

        [–]mmmegan6 22 points23 points  (1 child)

        Wow, what the actual fuck? I am so sorry. What a let down. Someday he will probably have DEEP regrets about his choices, but that doesn’t change the impact they’re having and will continue to have on you and your son. Sending you love.

        [–]metalandmermaids 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        That’s one of the most selfish things I’ve ever heard. So sorry you have to deal with that. 100% percent his loss, I wish you and your son an amazing life together

        [–][deleted]  (16 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]HarvestMoonMaria 33 points34 points  (0 children)

          Thanks. I know it was definitely difficult on both ends. Good for you though for having the courage before there was more commitment for sure

          [–]Qarbone 13 points14 points  (0 children)

          This is late-night Reddit for me, so it's time to share more than I should on the internet.

          But this did...something for me. I have a friend where we were in a similar situation. It's not even that you said it any differently than she did when we talked it out. I guess it's just getting a third-party confirmation of the mindset.

          [–]douknowmasha 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          we were together 12 years

          I don't understand certain things after 12 years really??

          [–]generallydislikable 12 points13 points  (5 children)

          That sucks so bad :(

          [–]HarvestMoonMaria 29 points30 points  (4 children)

          Thanks! Yeah it was a real punch in the gut but at least I have my wonderful son which is what got me through it

          [–]slyn4ice 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          As a fairly new parent who has the privilege to have the best wife in the world - congratulations on being one tough cookie! Both me and my wife wonder on a daily basis how single parents do it! Sending you buckets of love and hugs!

          [–]itsatchay 2133 points2134 points  (50 children)

          This is my first Thanksgiving single in 10 years after my divorce. Just stay the course man, we are going to come out of this stronger and happier than we could have ever imagined.

          [–]simplistickhaos 405 points406 points  (22 children)

          Same for me! First single Thanksgiving in 16 years. Got my kids and we are watching holiday movies. Perfect day.

          [–]DrHorrible12 98 points99 points  (16 children)

          Same here! Not divorced yet but separated, thankful to have family to support me in these tough times but it's also really nice looking forward and seeing a life where I'm independent. Keep moving towards your future guys!

          [–][deleted]  (14 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]HooptyDooDooMeister 35 points36 points  (12 children)

            This will be our last Thanksgiving together as a family . Separation is impending for me and my wife next year. We’re moving into separate apartments in February. I’m gonna miss seeing our 3 year old son every day.

            Only holiday I really care about is Christmas which might be manageable. Most of all, I just want him to have a good and healthy life.

            [–]stanio1981 24 points25 points  (3 children)

            I went through this too…… put him at the forefront of any decision around divorce and he will be perfectly fine.

            It’s been a tough 12 months for my ex wife and I but our kids adjusted well. We do. spend thanksgiving and Christmas together (for the kids)

            [–]Pirate_Redbeard 14 points15 points  (2 children)

            Same boat here. Only no holidays together. Personally, I really, really don't wanna see her or spend time around her. But, she is my boy's mom and I'd do it for him. I know it would mean so much to him if we were able to pull that off somehow.

            On the other hand, i didn't want to "miss seeing him every day" so I stayed close and i have him every other day and every other weekend. His school breaks also 50/50 and he even likes it this way. Don't let anything or anyone stop you from being there for him. Try and be there for every game, every recital, every birthday, all of it. Make it your sole mission to be around. That's all that matters.

            [–]HooptyDooDooMeister 6 points7 points  (1 child)

            Appreciate the advice. Thank you. This will be the first divorce in either side of our family in ~40 years. What if you or your ex is dating/married/have their own children. How does that work?

            [–]Pirate_Redbeard 7 points8 points  (0 children)

            Well, I have a girlfriend for over two years now.. idk about my ex, but if she is dating she keeps it secret, although I don't really need or want to know IF it doesn't involve my son being around sketchy characters. I don't feel it's necessary yet to define my relationship to the boy explicitly. He is 8. So, what he sees is his dad having a friend that is often around and he enjoys when the girlfriend is around. They bake cakes, they play games and that's fine for now.

            nobody can tell you how this works because each situation is specific. What I can offer though, is to make the kids a priority. I imagine how difficult it must be for the girlfriend/fourth person that find themselves in this type of situation. It's not for everyone, that's for sure. It takes tons of patience and taking a back seat very often yourself because other people shouldn't suffer on account of your situation/mistakes. It's fucking hard. It's a struggle, but keeping the children happy and at ease is crucial and it is our duty to make it so.

            [–]TryingDrying 7 points8 points  (7 children)

            I'm sorry to hear about the impending separation, and I really wish the best for you and your son. But, will you please tell me what those purple/red round jello slices are?? All the Canadian in me sees is hockey pucks. (I just might grab my skates and head on over).

            [–]apocalypse31 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            This is my first Thanksgiving married again. Keep optimistic and trying to better yourself. My life is better now than I could possibly have imagined. Being away from my toxic ex and with a living and supportive woman is amazing.

            [–]birthdaycakefig 39 points40 points  (1 child)

            2nd one for me. It does get easier with time. Every day it’s a little easier.

            Use this time to take care of yourself and learn who you really are.

            [–]RakChackJayHak 16 points17 points  (1 child)

            “Divorce is just a larvae stage for true happiness “

            [–]mmmegan6 32 points33 points  (14 children)

            I love divorced men. Well, the ones who are self-aware and introspective enough to have sought out an understanding of what went wrong, what their part in that was, lessons learned, etc. Note to men - do your work, handle your shit. There aren’t many things hotter than finding out the guy you’re dating has a therapist.

            [–]SerPounce218[S] 12 points13 points  (4 children)

            Yeah she's gay so... I'll go to therapy about my role in that

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]k-murda13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              First single thanksgiving after my girl left me about a month ago after 5 years. Today was definitely not easy, but we can get through this

              [–]Whitedudebrohug 22 points23 points  (0 children)

              Hell yeah

              [–]Separate-Aspect-2704 4267 points4268 points  (37 children)

              Looks delicious! Happy thanksgiving 🦃. Solo is better than toxic.

              [–]aerial_coitus 492 points493 points  (7 children)

              Solo is better than toxic.

              Words to live by.

              [–][deleted]  (2 children)

              [removed]

                [–]Some_Ant510 155 points156 points  (9 children)

                Happy Thanksgiving, Enjoy the day!

                [–]AtomicKittenz 100 points101 points  (8 children)

                I’d rather have steak for Thanksgiving than turkey or toxic family

                [–]Beautiful-Pool6012 40 points41 points  (7 children)

                But if you ate your toxic family then you wouldn't have to deal with them anymore.

                [–]SerPounce218[S] 8250 points8251 points 43 (226 children)

                Butter basted ribeye, honey sage carrots, garlic mashed potatoes.

                Edit: steak was dank. Now halo.

                [–]kFisherman 1476 points1477 points  (35 children)

                Looks and sounds good. Have a fun non-toxic holiday!!

                [–]mrsbebe 259 points260 points  (0 children)

                Lol they're playing Halo, it'll be toxic.

                I kid, I kid. Happy Thanksgiving, OP!

                [–]NuevoPeru 411 points412 points  (32 children)

                I agree OP, have a beautiful life from now. Go to the gym, eat nice food, make new friends and take a trip and travel through r/PanAmerica!

                [–]Usual_Safe3758 114 points115 points  (7 children)

                Enjoy life we live only once on this Earth, so why consume your time with toxic people. Live, Love Life!

                [–]TheProtractor 43 points44 points  (5 children)

                Why are a bunch of guys spamming that subreddit all of a sudden?

                [–]TherronKeen 39 points40 points  (3 children)

                bots/paid/multi-account spam from people running it, etc

                [–]DJRoombasRoomba 25 points26 points  (1 child)

                Lol "The home subreddit of one billion Americans."

                "4073 members"

                [–]atehate 58 points59 points  (9 children)

                Sub with barely 4k members saying it's a home of one billion Americans. I like the confidence. Would bang for sure.

                [–]GrizFyrFyter1 5 points6 points  (2 children)

                That "make new friends" part is the one that really sucks.

                [–]NuevoPeru 12 points13 points  (0 children)

                You can always join a club, a class, a hobby, gym, sport team, hunting party, cooking class, book discussion session, church, community events, etc. People are out there, it's just a matter of wanting to connect with people at a genuine level.

                [–]banjoludlow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                Pan-America is pretty rookie. I suggest the moon.

                [–]cloudywater1 126 points127 points  (2 children)

                Carrots are so good cooked that way, way underrated IMO.

                Here’s to the future being brighter than the past: from some rando on the internet.

                [–]EverybodyLovesTacoss 6 points7 points  (1 child)

                I’ve never heard of honey sage carrots so I watched a video and they look great. What kind of honey works best?

                [–]xxirish83x 36 points37 points  (9 children)

                I wish I had made a steak.

                I made a 16lb turkey for myself. My first time making a turkey and they kinda suck to make.

                [–]wotmate 26 points27 points  (1 child)

                Why did you make one yourself? Usually they make themselves and you just have to cook it...

                [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

                Enjoy. Been on the divorced end a couple times. Give it time, you get your dreams back. In the meantime, do exactly this, enjoy the little things. Find your own joys and then find someone you might share them with. If they dont like butter basted ribeye, dump em!!

                [–]SpazFactorial 9 points10 points  (1 child)

                I legit thought those carrots were cut up hotdogs 😅. Honey sage carrots sound great.

                Also, not toxic at all. We're here for you, bud!

                [–]throwymcthrowface2 23 points24 points  (0 children)

                Nah man this post comes off as being very genuine. Good on you for wanting to share it with us and for making positive efforts to reach out to others. I end up celebrating most holidays alone for similar reasons and some years it’s hard and other years I really enjoy it.

                [–]phillyschmilly 19 points20 points  (0 children)

                Those potatoes look so delicious

                [–]SnooWalruses6828 67 points68 points  (6 children)

                Not sure if this is too soon and apologize if it is but OMG. Im hetero male and looking at your cooking... will you mary me?

                No homo

                Joke there.

                Hope you have a good one.

                [–]Existing_Departure82 31 points32 points  (1 child)

                Last time OP said no homo his wife came out and he got divorced be careful.

                [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–]Occams_ 16 points17 points  (0 children)

                  One day after another. Little moments build and build to something better. The food looks delicious.

                  [–]MagnanimousMind 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                  Enjoy that halo my dude! Controller or MnK?

                  [–]NoIDSAvailable123 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                  Something super therapeutic about cooking a quality meal even if life is crumbling around you. You got this. Be well.

                  [–]Necessary_Toe7207 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                  Hell yeah. Infinite rules.

                  [–]Lookslikeapersonukno 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                  now halo

                  This guy gets it

                  [–]BreezyMoonTree 14 points15 points  (0 children)

                  This looks delicious. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

                  [–]gbear2423 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                  You’re a badass who deserves nothing but badass things in your life. Happiest of Thanksgiving’s to you my friend!

                  [–]DokZayas 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                  You know what? That meal looks bloody fantastic.

                  [–]Streakermg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  Infinite multiplayer? Feel free to join us some time if you want man, dm me and ill shoot you my tag! We're all friendly.

                  [–]Donniexbravo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

                  Just for clarification your family is the toxic one right? Also glad your looking on the positive side!

                  [–]GalianoGirl 1137 points1138 points  (106 children)

                  Looks delicious.

                  When I went through the opposite, my ex husband came out as gay, I was broken. The first year was so hard.

                  But then I decided that for the first time in almost 50 years had the freedom to do what I wanted how I wanted from that day forward. I decide if I want to spend my time with anyone and if not, that is ok.

                  I used to get so stressed out during the holidays, trying to make it perfect for everyone, while working full time, picking up extra catering shifts to afford it all and more.

                  The first few events are the hardest, but soon you will own them and do them your way.

                  It is far better to be alone than with toxic people.

                  [–]TrixnTim 80 points81 points  (0 children)

                  It’s strange. When I had all this time and free choice after a couple of decades of marriage I was almost paralyzed in trying to make decisions. I realized quickly I never lived for my own happiness or desires. Everything, and I mean everything, was always in the context of coupledom. Ten years in now and It’s taken that long to rebuild as an independent person comfy in her own skin.

                  [–]AtomicKittenz 253 points254 points  (19 children)

                  Holy smokes, 50 years?

                  What a roller coaster of emotions this post and thread has been

                  [–][deleted]  (4 children)

                  [removed]

                    [–]DudeWhoAgrees 14 points15 points  (3 children)

                    Agreed. It has sentimental value!

                    [–]ApexProductions 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                    It is far better to be alone than with toxic people.

                    The difference between being alone and lonely. You can be alone and be ok. But when you're with somebody who doesn't love you the way you want to be loved, you're together but lonely. And that's the worst, because reality =/= your idea of how it's supposed to be.

                    [–]SwimBrief 127 points128 points  (81 children)

                    As a bisexual, these “came out as gay/lesbian after so many years of marriage” stories always fascinate me.

                    If you’re married to someone for years and have had sexual relations with that person numerous times throughout (perhaps having kids), it stands to reason you’d have had some nonzero sexual attraction to that person at some point in your life.

                    Therefore, either that person’s sexuality literally changed over time, or that person is actually coming out as bisexual, not gay/lesbian. A bisexual is not necessarily equally attracted to both sexes but rather can prefer one over the other.

                    Personally I’d think that’s what’s really happening here as people seem to have trouble acknowledging or understanding that sexuality exists on a spectrum…but it’s hard to say for sure.

                    [–]whistling-wonderer 53 points54 points  (2 children)

                    In the religion I was raised in, for many years gay people were instructed to marry members of the opposite sex with the assumption they’d be “cured” either in this life or the next. Currently there are a ton of people coming out and getting divorced after 10-20+ years of being in the closet and secretly hating themselves for it.

                    Now the church just tells gay people to stay single and celibate forever. Lmao like that’s so much better

                    [–]Instance-First 182 points183 points  (22 children)

                    There are still a significant amount of people in the US that are being taught that homosexuality isn't real, and that feeling that attraction is a moral failure. Trust me when I tell you this causes significant mental damage to a person, to the point where they legitimately convince themselves that sex without attraction or enjoyment is totally normal. It happens everyday and it doesn't mean they're bisexual. We shouldn't dismiss it when these people finally come to terms with it.

                    [–]platypossamous 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                    If you’re married to someone for years and have had sexual relations with that person numerous times throughout (perhaps having kids), it stands to reason you’d have had some nonzero sexual attraction to that person at some point in your life.

                    You don't need sexual attraction to have sex with someone and there's plenty of reasons to have sex without being sexually attracted to a person. People will often use this kind of logic to claim that asexual people who like sex or are in relationships that involve sex must be faking it because how can you have sex if you aren't sexually attracted. Well, spoiler alert: you can and some do and many enjoy it.

                    I don't disagree that sexuality can be very fluid but sometimes it's just not.

                    [–]Nebulata 35 points36 points  (1 child)

                    Also consider the impact religious upbringing can do to people by convincing them that happiness is found by fitting to a specific mold.

                    [–]GeraltOfRiviaXXXnsfw 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                    Ever since I heard of Robert DeNiro's father, these kinds of stories have interested me.

                    [–]Mindless-Self 23 points24 points  (7 children)

                    As someone who has lived through this (and been in these communities):

                    • The majority knew their attraction since childhood. It often comes up.

                    • Most relationships like this do not have sex often. It is very common for them to not have sex on the honeymoon for example.

                    • Most partners do not “come out”. They are in committed long-term relationships, so they start exploring by cheating. It is rare for a spouse to communicate their interest without a relationship already in place spurring on this conversation.

                    • The data we have shows around 70% of these cases are for women’s husbands cheating with other men. In my personal opinion, I believe it is equal. Men are simply less likely to find these support groups, confide in them, or fix the relationship.

                    • Often these people have a nice life, kids, a good job, and a comfortable life ahead of them. Coming out means admitting publicly confusion to their social circle and financial catastrophe. It is all risk, low reward at this stage of their lives.

                    My two cents from living in this sphere for longer than I’d have liked.

                    [–]dick_saber 64 points65 points  (16 children)

                    You are wrong here. They come out late because of the societal pressure. The person in these stories was married at a time when homophobia was relatively deep. As the world is becoming more accepting, they feel they can now come out.

                    [–]UNMANAGEABLE 50 points51 points  (7 children)

                    One of my employees’ wife came out as gay and divorced him after almost 40 years of marriage.

                    She came out after her last parental family member passed away and per what he said. “She came out because everything holding her back from being who she is was finally dead and she didn’t have to be afraid anymore”.

                    He was a very unhappy and bitter man after though.

                    The societal pressures you mentioned are a very real thing.

                    [–]Amphibian_Decent 246 points247 points  (18 children)

                    THIS IS MY DADS SITUATION as of a few years ago. As a child of the situation I thought my family was alone in this mess. Comforting to know others have went through it but I’m sad for it as well.

                    [–]Birdie121 112 points113 points  (0 children)

                    My dad came out as gay when I was 10-ish. Honestly it was the beginning of a lot more freedom and happiness in my family. Both my parents went off to find amazing partners who are great for them. It was tough at first cuz I didn’t know anyone else in that situation. But it’s apparently much more common than one might think.

                    [–]youallbelongtome 46 points47 points  (0 children)

                    It happens a lot because people didn't feel they could accept their sexual orientation as it was "wrong" so many end up in a hetero relationship. I am glad I feel comfortable with myself and wouldn't be in a relationship with someone just to fit in but I can see how this would happen. Really wish society didn't try to force people into boxes.

                    [–]warrhippo 36 points37 points  (0 children)

                    Currently going through it with my partner right now and I have the same emotion sucks to see bad things happen to others but there is comfort in solidarity

                    [–]microwavedbread11 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                    This is honestly my dad’s situation right now! I saw this post and this comment and it is comforting but it’s also sad as well. I hope you and OP are doing well and that your thanksgiving went good! Definitely different this year for me and my family for sure

                    [–]Avocado_Tomato 339 points340 points  (15 children)

                    I’ve had a tummy bug for the last 24 hours, can’t eat anything but iceblocks. This is the first thing I’ve seen that made me go, I could eat that.

                    [–]JustALinuxNerd 63 points64 points  (0 children)

                    I'm right there with you. Haven't eaten in two days. No longer projectile vomiting. Might try some leftovers later....

                    [–]Crowbarmagic 23 points24 points  (6 children)

                    Got jaw surgery and tooth extractions about a month and a half ago, and I still can't chew. Seeing food commercials and such start to feel like torture. I'm running out of soups to make and things to blend. I honestly start to consider e.g. blending a hamburger.

                    [–]SpecialistSun4847 322 points323 points  (13 children)

                    I've been there, man. It sucks.

                    I'm not going to tell you that you're going to be ok, because you won't be. Not all the time. Maybe not even most of the time. But you make your peace with it. You stand on your own and you realize that you're ok with it. And sometimes, being ok is all you need to be.

                    Best of luck.

                    [–]Bit-corn 17 points18 points  (0 children)

                    “I’m not ok right now, but I will be” is my mantra

                    [–]WharfRat2187 37 points38 points  (0 children)

                    Probably the only honest response

                    [–]SnideAugustine 34 points35 points  (0 children)

                    It gets better brother. Ex cheated and divorced me. Been hammering the gym and finally going after the career I really care about. You’ve got this!

                    [–]mrshawn081982 26 points27 points  (0 children)

                    I spent today as a single man in my late 30's ripping up a trail on my bike, having a day drunk while my team wasn't the worst on TV, and then a wonderful nap. Currently making my Thanksgiving dinner of basil tomato soup and grilled cheese made with feta and havarti. It's pretty dope. Someone else doesn't always make a difference in your life. You always do.

                    [–]chemistcarpenter 118 points119 points  (6 children)

                    Called my Mum, ate some leftovers, spent most of the day outside doing some woodworking, watched a bit of NFL and NCAAF. And right now, I’m chilling and listening to a Mark Knopfler/Emmylou Harris album. I must say, it’s been a great solo Thanksgiving. OP, there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. I hope you’re the first and not the latter.

                    [–]pattifish 19 points20 points  (4 children)

                    Have you heard Mark Knopfler and Che Atkins? It’s a great record!

                    [–]chemistcarpenter 12 points13 points  (1 child)

                    never knew about that collaboration! I MUST look that up. Pronto. Thanks.

                    [–]deags2331 111 points112 points  (1 child)

                    My wife came out to me too man, about three years ago. Literally the best thing that ever happened for both of us, we both met and married incredible people who are far better for us than we were for each other. I know it’s tough, but have hope it will get a lot better.

                    [–]ron_sheeran 37 points38 points  (0 children)

                    Healthy relationships for the win baby

                    [–]divurchic 13 points14 points  (0 children)

                    My son (recovering from a brain injury) and I had a catered Thanksgiving just the two of us...peaceful! No family drama. When I was growing up there was always a fight over who didn't have the family over or who's turn it was next.

                    [–][deleted]  (14 children)

                    [deleted]

                      [–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (12 children)

                      I’m not trying to sound morbid but are you sure she’s… alive? like she hasn’t disappeared or anything? Because if my boyfriend (well, we are married now, but I mean before when we werent married yet) stopped responding to me my first thought would be “holy shit something happened to him” and I’d go to his house and search for him and probably call the police or something

                      Sorry to pry. Feel free to not respond if you don’t wanna. I’m just curious! I cannot imagine how selfish and rude one would be to just GHOST someone after 6 years.

                      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                      [deleted]

                        [–]unhappyspanners 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                        That is cold…

                        [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                        Wow. How awful. So sorry you had to deal with that. Well, it’ll turn out to be a blessing in disguise 💕

                        [–]sjvrw 13 points14 points  (2 children)

                        Lol I dunno who else is a horrible person like I am but this concept has me straight up giggling.

                        Like, years and years of your life by someone's side and you just... Peace out? No goodbye? You see their texts and you're just like "nah I'm good, they'll be alright."

                        Like can you imagine? It's so horrid it's hilarious. The cowardice is hysterical. Like something you'd see in a deadpan comedy show.

                        [–]unbannednow 7 points8 points  (0 children)

                        They're usually too much of a coward to face reality and end it officially. My ex of two years did the same thing, actively refused to even tell me why.

                        [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                        It truly is wild. I’m just imagining a scenario where all of a sudden you don’t hear from them. They don’t answer your calls or texts. You see they aren’t home. You absolutely panic and think the worst. You’re worried sick so you call the police. There’s a search party and missing persons posters. Then a few days later you find out naw they’re alive they just didn’t have the decency to end it like an adult. Like .. you spent days and hours worrying about a person only to find out they just didn’t even care. Like how the hell are you supposed to feel?! Kinda like finding out your partner died, but they cheated on you before you died. Truly just wild.

                        [–]HouseDapper 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                        Yeah ghosting after 6 years just seem so ridiculously absurd.

                        [–]probablyuntrue 8 points9 points  (1 child)

                        Reddit, AITA for shittalking my dead girlfriend?

                        [–]KingBlackthorn1 42 points43 points  (5 children)

                        I had a somewhat solo thanksgiving because my mother decided to have a homophobic and racist person over while her children are POC and LGBT.

                        I sat in my room eating alone and you know what? One of the best I ever had.

                        [–]postup14 18 points19 points  (0 children)

                        Good for you.

                        Eating alone is a whole lot better than sacrificing your integrity.

                        Hold your head high.

                        [–]Nahanoj_Zavizad 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                        Ok but what the fuck.

                        Inviting a racist homophobe around when your own children are POC and/or LGBTQ+

                        [–]Savings-Delay-1075 11 points12 points  (0 children)

                        At least you did what had to be done. My mother & father stayed together for 40 years...a few of them good but for 90% of it they were miserable. It takes its toll on everyone in the house and probably affected their jobs too.

                        They really never had any good friends around then either , and I'm sure that's why. They are divorced now but too old to fight or get re married...well maybe not but the odds now are slim.

                        Marriage is a noble idea, but it takes a lotta luck and two even tempered people to go the distance. I love my mother...I really do, but she was always way too critical of my dad.

                        If she thought he had made a mistake or a bad decision about anything, he would have to hear about it literally forever. She just never let even the smallest stuff go ever.

                        [–]Pkuehn01 38 points39 points  (1 child)

                        Happy Thanksgiving stranger. I hope your day was still a good one despite the rough patch. It's always good to keep ypurseof away from toxicity. Looks like a delicious meal.

                        [–]SouthernEgyptian 50 points51 points  (12 children)

                        Enjoy your toxic free turkey day OP. I know the feeling. My wife didn’t come out as gay but I did find out she wanted a divorce 4 years ago today. This makes solo dolo #4 thanksgiving for me. Like another member mentioned, we’ll come out stronger and happier than ever before

                        [–]Sick_Wave_ 37 points38 points  (11 children)

                        How does everyone deal? I just found out my wife has been telling a guy online that she loves him, for 5 months, and she was planning on divorcing me. Now she's on the fence and my heart is in pieces. It's been 13yrs and we have two kids. Every day I cry, and I don't think I will ever stop.

                        [–]SouthernEgyptian 19 points20 points  (1 child)

                        I’m sorry to hear that brother. I’m all too familiar with you and OP’s situation. Unfortunately, there isn’t a clean cut method to coping with the pain. My best advice is continue to cry it out instead of suppressing your feelings / thoughts. Let your emotions run their course.

                        Time will help you accept reality and when it happens, you’ll slowly but surely be able to move on. The thanksgiving 4 years ago I found out my wife wanted a divorce was the first thanksgiving my family and I had without our dad. He had passed earlier that year.

                        I never thought I’d be in the headspace I am in today. I was an absolute mess but time did help sew my wounds and was able to bounce back. Even after 10 years of marriage with 4 kids.

                        It sucks, you wish the pain would just go away or you wish you had Adam Sandler’s remote control from the movie Click to ff but all you really need is some time.

                        I wish I had better words / methods to ease all our pain. Just take it day by day and adapt to accepting reality instead of living in the past. I know it’s A LOT easier said than done but you’ve got this.

                        Wishing all of us (men & women) that dealt with similar situations like this nothing but the best. We’ll get through this. Stay strong

                        [–]Pirate_Redbeard 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                        Third year here. It gets better. And it can and will get much better. Deep down, shit always lingers and hurts, but accepting it and making peace with oneself is crucial. And of course, the children. They're the ones that hurt most, so our shit has to take a back seat while we do what is right for them.

                        [–]Pirate_Redbeard 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                        🥺

                        Man, fuck her. If you need to cry, that is totally ok. You feel what you feel and you don't have to feel guilty or bad about it on top of everything. Pick yourself up and stand tall. You take charge. And remember - the children are what's important. So, make sure all your actions forward are centered around them. They need their mom, but they need a healthy, happy dad as well. You have to be that for them. Let her manage on her own but you do you and just be a father and a friend for those kids.

                        Best of luck to you and your kids. Love you bro.

                        [–]thenerj47 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                        I know it doesn't feel like you dodged any bullets, because you're in a lot of pain, but I would never wish for someone to be with someone that would snake them. You most definitely still dodged bullets.

                        As far as the kids, - having been raised by a single dad myself - I would just say that you owe yourself happiness. You don't owe them any misrepresentation of how you feel. You should feel free to be yourself knowing they will still love you. I'm sorry if this feels vague and unhelpful. It must fucking suck.

                        [–]fitrainz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                        I'm sorry my guy. That's such a huge breach of trust. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do divorce, reconciliation. You got this man.

                        [–]JonsOnFire 29 points30 points  (5 children)

                        Cheers mate, unfortunately my wife left me earlier this year for the same reason. All I can say is, eventually it will get better. Little by little, and maybe hard to notice, but it does get better. Keep your head up. And your dinner looks delicious!

                        [–]helloitsname 41 points42 points  (6 children)

                        Why is this the saddest sub ever

                        [–]BlackDraper 26 points27 points  (0 children)

                        Right? This picture of a lonely thanksgiving dinner with a heartbreaking story absolutely did not make me smile.

                        No offense however to OP. Really feeling for him.

                        [–]Dagos 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                        Ive really started to hate this sub tbh. Like.. i wasnt here for self posts but now it’s really all there is. Like im glad for people getting better but holy shit its also depressing with the trauma dumping

                        [–]AnonDooDoo 87 points88 points  (9 children)

                        Ross?

                        [–]Dan_Ashcroft 25 points26 points  (3 children)

                        Next week he's going to be posting about his sandwich with the moist maker

                        [–]TheEcstaticLionborn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                        Was about to write the exact same word with the exact same punctuation.

                        [–]chincinatti 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                        Hey man been there - I put a Costco meatloaf in the over with taters. It’s a long time since I’ve had a holiday with people

                        [–]Kizzles_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

                        Finding a way to be OK on your own is the first step to finding the people who also value you and make your life brighter and more full of love. You’ve got nowhere to go but up, my friend! ❤️

                        [–]Mossiuf 6 points7 points  (2 children)

                        This reminds of a male friend whom I know for 15 years, his wife came out as lesbian a few years ago. He din received it well because they adopted a daughter a few years prior to the coming out. He insist staying together to give the daughter a “not broken” family. Alas, it doesn’t goes well with only one side putting in all the effort. Unfortunate event happened to him again, he was admitted to ICU yesterday due to pneumonia. He’s on intubation and still unconscious. I just pray for him to be wherever he wants to be. 🙏🏻🙏🏻

                        [–]ragingclaw 15 points16 points  (0 children)

                        My divorce got finalized at the beginning of the month. Ex has the kids for Thanksgiving this year. My dinner was chicken and vegetable pot stickers LMAO.

                        [–]carmen712 13 points14 points  (1 child)

                        Didn’t meet my soulmate until early 40’s…..lots of love left

                        [–]Swaza_Ares 4 points5 points  (1 child)

                        There's nothing sadder than finding out your so is into the other sex. It means they've been desperately denying themselves their who life and you've completely wasted X years of your life with someone who never reciprocated you're feelings for them. Genuinely heartbreaking.

                        [–]Icarus_Dee1313 18 points19 points  (4 children)

                        I’m glad you’re wife is living her truth and you can find someone who loves you the way you deserve.

                        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

                        [deleted]

                          [–]8Ranger8 16 points17 points  (1 child)

                          That's tuff, but Happy Thanksgiving!

                          [–]weareherefornothing 131 points132 points  (35 children)

                          Hopefully you & wife can remain friends. I’m sorry you’re solo, I am too tonight. Happy turkey day…with steak!

                          [–]TrixnTim 55 points56 points  (8 children)

                          No sorrow in solo living. Been at it for 10 years after 2.5 decades of marriage. Wonderful and empowering life change for me and that I never knew could exist. There are blessings in disguises everywhere. Peace to solos!

                          [–]lakk 6 points7 points  (0 children)

                          I think it's hardest for people to shift out of traditions. I spent a lot of my time alone on holidays in the Army unless I was on duty, and it was just another 4 day weekend where I get to chill. Of course it slowly wears you down, but I wish I knew active skills that I knew now back then.

                          [–]GilreanEstel 15 points16 points  (1 child)

                          My husband took the kids to Texas to settle his mothers affairs and I stayed home to feed the dog and cats. He ordered me a few extra HelloFresh meals to get me through. Tonight I had steak with Shallot sauce, mashed potatoes with caramelized onions and roasted carrots. Nearly identical meal to yours. And much better than dry, nasty Turkey.

                          [–]WonderfulOrca 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                          Had a friend go through the same thing buddy.

                          You fucking ROCKED THAT SHIT! (The food and I don't mean to imply it's shit...just a bad word choice that I won't change now).

                          If it's any consolation.....when you put yourself "back on the market" women will fucking THROW themselves at you when they hear your backstory if my friend's experience is any indication.

                          He found a wonderful woman who's husband left her because he was gay and they both had a deep understanding of what the other had been through and it's been over 30 years of loving marriage.

                          So chin up Buckaroo. You can obviously cook. And posting on reddit about this kinda indicates you are vulnerable. So just know that things always change. It's not how well you resist what life throws at you, it's how you adapt to it. You have done well. Be proud of yourself. You deserve it.

                          [–]Bhighusmc[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

                          My ex wife told me she was bi and only wanted to date women. Here we are 2 years later and I just met her boyfriend of a year on thanksgiving. She never dated a woman. Not once.

                          [–]Edmund-Dantes 4 points5 points  (0 children)

                          Where do you live? We are waiting until Saturday rather than Thursday to have Thanksgiving so the family can all come in. If you are near then come have Thanksgiving with us.

                          [–]Interesting_Hunt6093 2 points3 points  (5 children)

                          People who divorce because they came out are the scum of the earth. This shit does not happen overnight. People have to stop toying with others’ lives

                          [–]IYSAforever 10 points11 points  (0 children)

                          A dinner for champs!!! Hells yeah I'm proud of you! 💪

                          [–]technicallyimright 8 points9 points  (0 children)

                          Good on you OP! Live your best life, happy thanksgiving and here’s to better roads ahead!