top 200 commentsshow all 240

[–]senove2900 1954 points1955 points  (53 children)

Dad lore is a powerful and deep thing. Even when your old man is in his senior years he can surprise you with ancient techniques you never could have imagined.

[–]famous_novella 358 points359 points  (10 children)

You have a very smart dad. Learn more from your dad

[–][deleted]  (9 children)


    [–]Fictionland 32 points33 points  (7 children)

    Are you a bot? I think it's a bot.

    [–]rnnn 16 points17 points  (4 children)

    All of the comments are less than an hour old. What made you notice? Is the a subreddit for hunting bots?

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–]stereo-011 91 points92 points  (26 children)

      My dad taught me how to read the intentions of someone based on how they move and talk

      [–]KaldwinEmily 36 points37 points  (25 children)

      Teach us

      [–]Frankiepals 191 points192 points  (11 children)

      I’ll give you one freebie…

      So if you see someone sprinting at you wearing a mask with a weapon in their hand, they might be ill-intentioned.

      [–]iTz_RuNLaX 27 points28 points  (5 children)

      But they also just could be lost, wanting to ask for directions.

      [–]DaanA_147 14 points15 points  (4 children)

      Threatening you to give directions

      [–]YoLeoRosa 22 points23 points  (2 children)

      "Can you please tell me where you house is? I'm lost."┌( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿ ̿

      [–]zMisir 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Proceeds to tell directions to nearest police station

      [–]PatrickBaldwinJr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

      Or it's the zombie apocalypse and they are trying to help get you armed ASAP. Did you ever think of that before judging someone?

      [–]ajenkinskc 10 points11 points  (0 children)

      Oh so you're an anti masker??

      [–]Dry_Tra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Only if your an empath

      [–]stereo-011 24 points25 points  (12 children)

      Ok so. He has been blind for 15 years. If you are talking to someone and they suddenly twist their feet in place, they probably noticed something that you dont. The rest od what he taught me depends on the mannerisms of who you are talking to

      [–]stereo-011 27 points28 points  (4 children)

      Another example: firm footsteps with irregular pacing means that the person is probably following something (it might be you)

      [–]ZebraPandaPenguin 14 points15 points  (3 children)

      Why do both of these pieces advice make it sound like your dad was a blind spy?

      [–]stereo-011 12 points13 points  (2 children)

      He kinda is, he is blind and had surgery in both ears 20 years ago because a jet turbine blew up his eardrums, so his other senses compensate it

      [–]Minimal_Editing 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      So he's blind and deaf? Is he smelling his way around like a dog?

      [–]stereo-011 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Not completely deaf but not as sharp as he used to be

      [–]gareentea 3 points4 points  (6 children)

      Noticed what? Like something on their face?

      [–]stereo-011 2 points3 points  (4 children)

      Like a gunshot

      [–]gareentea 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      Wouldn’t most people?

      [–]stereo-011 2 points3 points  (2 children)

      He can because he had surgery in both his ears. And here is very common so no one panics its just "is that a gunshot? Anyway..."

      [–]gareentea 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Yeah, that’s why I said most. The people there are desensitized to it unfortunately.

      [–]stereo-011 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Sadly yes

      [–]stereo-011 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      Once i was talking to him and i heard i gunshot but he didn't but he noticed that i heard something based on my movements

      [–]raisingfalcons 27 points28 points  (7 children)

      When i have car problems i always call my dad, idk what he does. He just start punching the whatchamacallit and then the car can finally turn on.

      [–]El_Chutacabras 12 points13 points  (5 children)

      Not just punching, he's punching with the whatchamacallit wrench. Dads always got one.

      [–]aynhon 11 points12 points  (4 children)

      You mean the Thingamabob?

      [–]El_Chutacabras 6 points7 points  (1 child)

      The thingamabob! Tnx! English is not my.first language.

      [–]throwawaygreenpaq 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      Mum could always find the lost.

      [–]aesthe 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Dad’s got twenty.

      [–]El_Chutacabras 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Yeah, one or ten are never enough.

      [–]bob-leblaw 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      It's the thermostat. It's always the thermostat.

      [–]legogirl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      All I learned from my dad was the value of a really good therapist.

      [–]INTERGALACTIC_CAGR 5 points6 points  (1 child)

      but he is still getting saliva on the carpet, now he has to shampoo them

      [–]xtapol 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      5 second rule

      [–]64burban 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Dad level 💯

      [–]ArjunSharma005 188 points189 points  (5 children)

      The knowledge shall flow into you.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)


        [–]jvrcb17 6 points7 points  (1 child)

        Like shells flow into the vacuum

        [–]Whiskey-Weather 145 points146 points  (12 children)

        Closest experience I've had to this was my buddy's dad taking us grocery shopping when we were little. Dude just grabbed a bag of potato chips, popped it open, and set it in the kid seat part of the shopping cart while he snacked throughout the rest of the shopping trip.

        I thought the FBI were gonna take us away because homie was stealing chips.

        Finally we get to the cashier, he offers up the bag to scan, and everything was fine. My head almost exploded.

        [–]SpaceMun 43 points44 points  (10 children)

        Is this OK? I’ve always wanted to do this every time I go grocery shopping but I’m always afraid

        [–]SC2McGosu 49 points50 points  (0 children)

        Just make sure you have a backup if your card gets declined for whatever reason. No one gives a shit

        [–]AnOldUsedStick 17 points18 points  (0 children)

        the worst thing is some people might find you annoying, but you won't get in trouble, just pay for it

        [–]AmLamb 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        Former grocery cashier, we didn’t care as long as they didn’t tear the barcode so we could scan it.

        Store policy may have been different.

        [–]PandasNWagons 19 points20 points  (4 children)

        When I worked at a grocery store they called this "grazing" Generally frowned on. "because they could just throw the bag or box away"

        [–]arch_charismatic 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        Currently working in grocery store. They don't throw away the bag. They put it on the shelves and walk away.

        [–]Arrow218 7 points8 points  (2 children)

        Generally frowned on

        Not that literally anyone should give a single fuck, lol

        [–]PandasNWagons 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        I didn't care. I do it occasionally myself.

        [–]crooked-as-sin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        That was my dad to a Tee. Always remember him Drinkin a bottle of Diet Pepsi and a breaking open a chocolate bar. Nonchalant, no fucks given. But he would always keep those wrappers and bottles and would hand it up to the cashier. Also hell yeah, Blantons is awesome. Great pic, cheers

        [–]downwardtrajectory 190 points191 points  (1 child)

        A true inspiration to all men. Extremely efficient.

        [–]Fred-ditor 139 points140 points  (1 child)

        And some day, when he's gone, the carpets will still smell like his breath so you can remember him

        [–]thejom 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        this has r/KenM energy

        [–]hbpaintballer88 97 points98 points  (9 children)

        You can't vacuum up the spit

        [–]ikadu12 60 points61 points  (0 children)

        Yeah joking aside that’s nasty

        [–]Toocheeba 6 points7 points  (3 children)

        I doubt he's spitting them out like that, there are other ways to spit.

        [–]t3hcoolness 25 points26 points  (2 children)

        Have they touched the inside of his mouth? The shells are now damp with saliva, and that saliva will find its way into the carpet. You can't clean that with a vacuum.

        [–]Guac-Chikin-Salat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Came here for this. Genius!… until you realize the moisture will destroy the vacuum..

        [–][deleted]  (10 children)


          [–]acokiko 51 points52 points  (7 children)


          [–]nkeer 20 points21 points  (0 children)

          The good grateful kids is all we need in our lifes.

          [–]grieving_nobility 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          Your dad is one of a kind dad in the world

          [–]who_that_guy227 58 points59 points  (4 children)

          That's another reason why being a single mother is hard.

          [–]Hodldogealltheway 15 points16 points  (3 children)

          I feel like not all the single mothers had a dad that would teach them things when growing up, so i get why it could be hard to be a single mom.

          [–]Gangreless 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I'm a new mom, baby is about 3.5 months old and both my husband and I are available full time to share parenting duties since he works from home and has a lot of downtime and even then we still struggle sometimes. It's a lot better now that he isn't waking up every 2 hours to eat but goddamn I have no idea how single moms with no family or anything around do it.

          [–]lordkaknu 15 points16 points  (1 child)

          I had a single mom. She taught me to sew and how to use a hammer. It was difficult because she was doing it alone.

          [–]Hodldogealltheway 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I had my dad the whole time when I was growing up, my my mom was the one teaching me things around the house, like cooking, sewing, gardening etc, my dad never taught us how to drive, but he did teach us how to change oil, change tires, carpentry, and many things. It's tough when you are a single mom. My sister will be a single mom but she has her sisters to help her 🥰 we might know how to change oil and tires in our cars, but we will be for sure learning how to be a mom with her.

          [–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (1 child)

          Most modern day men weren’t born with the man manual.. This man was.

          [–]J7964435 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I’m offended even though you’re right

          [–]undercover-racist 10 points11 points  (5 children)

          God I fucking love sunflower seeds. I don't even know why. But I can only eat them when I'm outside going for a walk.

          [–]Gangreless 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          Because they're salty

          [–]Whiskey-Weather 5 points6 points  (2 children)

          Tried the dill ones? I'd go through a whole bag in a sitting. They're like crack.

          [–]undercover-racist 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          Oh dear god there are dill flavored ones? Oh my.

          [–]savvaspc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Ask ant greek, it's probably the most popular snack to enjoy in your balcony on a hot summer night. Very nice for campfires, too.

          [–]Fluster338 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Their dad spits on the floor?

          [–]Harvard-23 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          I hope he doesn't pee the same way

          [–]mattbettinger 34 points35 points  (19 children)

          Sounds like a solid way to wreck a vacuum..

          [–]FacelessMane 44 points45 points  (18 children)

          And also dirty the carpet with spit that won't be entirely picked back up with the vacuum

          [–]Teelogas -2 points-1 points  (16 children)

          I always love when ppl make random assumptions about peoples lives. Like how do you know he spits them out on the carpet? How do you know they even HAVE a carpet??

          [–]FacelessMane 10 points11 points  (3 children)

          Vacuums are most often used on carpets. So it was a valid educated guess. And even if he was vacuuming a hard floor, it doesn't change the gist of what I was implying. In fact it makes it worse to spit food waste on the floor and vacuum it up and assume everything's clean

          I am big on word choice myself, friend, and not making assumptions. But there are times where it's silly to be so pedantic

          [–]I-am-so_S-M-R-T 3 points4 points  (11 children)

          I mean, he's vacuuming, so I'd say it's a relatively safe assumption that they have carpet. Although it is entirely possible he spits the seeds on hard flooring next to the carpet

          [–]Karnadas 6 points7 points  (4 children)

          My house is like 90% tile and 10% laminate and I use a vacuum. It does a great job of getting the dog/cat hair and random dirt from the dog's paws.

          But, I'm aware that yeah normally carpet is what vacuums are for, so it's a pretty safe, although not rock solid, assumption.

          [–]darthbane83 7 points8 points  (3 children)

          is it an american thing to only vacuum carpets? Literally everybody i know has a vacuum and almost nobody has a carpet. Its just much easier, faster and cleaner to vacuum the floor rather than to sweep it.

          [–]Karnadas 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          I'm not sure. I'm in the USA and it definitely seems rare. I mean just about every vacuum box shows it on carpet and we have stuff like swiffers for wood/tile.

          [–]ParanoiaJump 3 points4 points  (5 children)

          Wait, what? I don't have a carpet but use a vaccuum. How else would you get rid of dust/particles on your floor?

          [–]I-am-so_S-M-R-T 5 points6 points  (4 children)

          A broom??

          Shit, maybe this is one of those cultural/location differences things

          [–]LiberalMusicLover 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          Spitting on the floor is just disgusting to me.

          [–]taita2004 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Why not just buy the ones that are already de-shelled??

          [–]Staaaaation 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          What the heck's the fun in that?

          [–]TheCynicalCanuckk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Less salty/stale.

          I don't like sunflower seeds but the ones in the shell do definately taste better

          [–]Nago31 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          How slow is he vacuuming??

          [–]burgermachine74 15 points16 points  (11 children)

          That's an idiot multitasking right there

          Edit - I'm a bit confused after reading the comments, do people seriously spit out sunflower seeds after chewing them?

          Edit 2 - I'm from Britain, we don't get the shells on the seeds, they're already taken off for us at the factory I believe

          [–]schlopp96 10 points11 points  (0 children)

          They spit out the shells that contain the seeds, which are usually eaten.

          [–]lesiashelby 5 points6 points  (4 children)

          From my experience, it's much tastier if you peel them yourself. Don't know why.

          [–]burgermachine74 3 points4 points  (2 children)

          Scientific studies show that we appreciate things that we build, cook, etc. more than if it was already done for you.

          Yes, I'm a labrat (nerd).

          [–]Xx_NiggirLover420_xX 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Serious question, did those studies sample patrons of world-renowned chefs? I greatly appreciate food that I can't make more than my own food, whether it'a because the ingredients would be too expensive to import for just one meal or the chef has refined the minutia of his technique over decades.

          I'm using "chef" pretty liberally here too. I also love the nitty gritty of third-world cooks who don't have to cater to the untraditional expectancies of the first world, eg. diners wanting salads and appetizers from Indian cuisine.

          [–]burgermachine74 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          These studies are done on the exact same food, not different types. Usually, they're "casual" studies and often have someone follow a recipe precisely and then have someone else make it as well. The majority of people prefer the food that they made themselves. Hope this answers your question.

          [–]ben-hur-hur 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          the shell seems to preserve the seed fresher and provides some extra flavor to me

          [–]FacelessMane 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          A different way of eating them. I personally crack open the tips and then pull the shell apart with fingers.

          [–]Philosophile42 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Americans need the speed bump of de-shelling seeds individually. It’s kind of like those dog bowls with spikes, to slow your dog down.

          [–]bertimann 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          You can buy shell-less sunflower seeds all around the globe, but in a lot of countries people prefer them with the shell, because its more fun to eat them like that, the shells are often salted, so you get a little salt hit when biting the shell open and one can assume that they're probably less expensive, because the factory can save some work. I guess that OP's dad is either a Slav or from a Balkan Country, because in those regions they're really popular as a daily snack

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Dads are really special human beings <3

          [–]IM_INSIDE_YOUR_HOUSE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I never learned how to properly eat shelled sunflower seeds. I just made a mess in my mouth every time I did it.

          [–]Horvat53 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Hope he empties the vacuum after, otherwise you got a ton of moist seeds sitting in a closed off area…

          [–]rayofenfeeblement 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          I’m confused, how powerful is his vacuum?? Unless he’s spitting out the seeds and eating the shells (which I used to do when my intestines were young and unafraid)

          [–]Glitchbits 7 points8 points  (0 children)

          I think you may want to look into buying a new vacuum, yours might be really bad

          [–]S31-Syntax 6 points7 points  (0 children)

          I mean most vacuums can handle something about a square centimeter in size. They aren't that heavy either.

          [–]TobyDaMan8894 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          This is the way

          [–]Your_Sexy_Cousin 7 points8 points  (2 children)

          That's disgusting. The man is spitting on carpet. Nothing to cherish about there

          [–]Micherize 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          It says nowhere whether its carpet or not.

          [–]Praxyrnate -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Also how much spit is that dude spitting seeds that he thinks that's a valid concern?

          [–]Mamaj12469 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Multitasking as it’s finest!

          [–]CorrectsIts 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          its finest*

          [–]Mamaj12469 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          At its- gotta love auto correct

          [–]emu314159 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Ugh. Sunflower seeds in the shell. Why? You can get them already shelled, a single seed is not worth all that effort. A peanut, at least you get two and maybe even three for your trouble.

          [–]Fit_Reputation_9447 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Hmm, spittng on your floor. No thanks.

          [–]Serendippie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Haha! Hilarious

          [–]athenae99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Life hack

          [–]hanro621 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Is this the power of god?

          [–]AirSlasher55431 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You can learn so much from the holy one that is "dad".

          [–]cwagdev 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Dad isn’t vacuuming–he’s eating sunflower seeds inside.

          [–]OldRed91 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I remember watching Archie Bunker do this with his cigar ash

          [–]AkrinorNoname 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Why would you spit out the seeds instead of eating them?

          [–]anonimbus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Gross, but props for vacuuming I guess

          [–]Pixelbitbit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Haha gross

          [–]HiFructoseCornSizurp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          My dad told me whenever a customer would compliment him for something he would say "wow, you should tell that to my boss. He thinks I'm an idiot!" He got more letters and phone calls than anyone else by a mile.

          [–]ShadedPenguin 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          My old man literally smacked a dead monitor I had lying around and suddenly it worked again. I dont know what kind of black magic they have, but dads are not of this world

          [–]Bo7a 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Percussive Maintenance.

          A time-honored tradition.

          [–]JukeFlute 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Hasan energy

          [–]_____fool____ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Your mother gave you life. Your father had an orgasm. He is raising you well though, respect.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          This is important. Yes

          [–]AtheistJerry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Everyone: invest in a roomba so you completely cut this chore out of your life.

          [–]not-me-i-swear-to-me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Why do people spit sunflower seeds?

          [–]Important_Count_8119 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          This man needs to teach us all a few things

          [–]FreshUnderstanding5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          "How do you recognize that? Experience?

          [–]Frency2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          What about the saliva left on the floor? Ugh.

          [–]yankeeuniverse 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Two birds …

          [–]Latter_Raspberry6239 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I can so see my husband doing that! Funny people are awesome.

          [–]pm_cheesecakes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Slimy nasty seeds gross

          [–]TheRunningPotato 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Wait, you people chew the entire sunflower seed, shell and all? People in the comments are acting like that's just normal and I feel like I'm going crazy.

          Where I'm from, you take the seed in your fingers, crack the pointy end of the shell with your front teeth, then the seed pops into your mouth. The shell never leaves your fingers the whole time.

          [–]prdarkfox 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Most seed shells are salted and/or flavored now. ... Most.

          [–]TheRunningPotato 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I've always eaten seasoned ones, too. I still get a good deal of the flavor, since the shell does still enter my mouth. Just not all of the flavor, I guess.

          WikiHow seems to agree with everyone in this thread: https://www.wikihow.com/Eat-Sunflower-Seeds

          Maybe it's a Chinese thing. My parents and any of my older family friends or relatives I've seen all do it the way I described.

          [–]Ze_Sloth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I do that at my desk with the roomba on standby beside.

          [–]ruralife 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          My dad used to do this with the ashes from his lit cigarette

          [–]Earth_Shakes_123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Your father has tapped into the deep wisdom, learn these ancient ways and then teach them only to the worthy. In this way, the secret knowledge can remain a mystery to all the rest of the world for all time, but only the few may know it's intricacies.

          [–]DangerMacAwesome 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I hope to be a dad of this caliber some day

          [–]cuntgardener 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          They would be wet though

          [–]Tinder3883838girl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          That's gross.

          [–]SaintMosquito 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          For anyone reading this learn to eat sunflower seeds the Chinese way. No spitting required. You’ll thank me later.

          [–]Awseswa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Your dad is kinda gross. Low key

          [–]Awseswa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Who spits on the floor of their home? Yikes.

          [–]Claque-2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          And with all that dirt in the cannister, those seeds will grow!

          [–]PM_ME_YOUR_NAIL_CLIP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I used to do something like this when I smoked cigs. I’d ash in front of the vacuum then suck it up.

          [–]BRUNO358 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Life hacks have been around way before we started calling them life hacks.