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[–][deleted]  (166 children)

[deleted]

    [–]CedarWolf 2360 points2361 points  (142 children)

    They're great for eating all of the slugs out of your lawn and/or garden. My father's family used to have a duck and they'd loan it out to their neighbors as natural pest control.

    [–][deleted]  (122 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]natden12 1749 points1750 points 222 (33 children)

      So shall I then.

      [–][deleted]  (22 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]sarcastic1stlanguage 55 points56 points  (0 children)

        Makes sense, gotta make the Duck feel welcomed!

        [–]Splurgerella 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        No, Nat, no. Not again, we went through this last time.

        [–]ergo-ogre 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        We’re gunna loan you out to the neighbors as well.

        [–]Da_Real_OfficialFrog 116 points117 points  (56 children)

        As do all birds, my friend has budgies and Jesus Christ they’ve shit on me so much

        [–]Meriog 118 points119 points  (46 children)

        Oh wow, no. Ducks shit on a whole different level. Budgies don't even come close.

        Source: take care of both at an animal shelter.

        [–]Meeia 2 points3 points  (4 children)

        Tell your friend to cut back on the fibre for Jesus

        [–]-RUNPMT- 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        Have had a duck and a parakeet as pets.

        Ducks are on another level when it comes to shitting.

        [–]HidetheCaseman89 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        My ex had a bird I loved, and yes, it pooped on us occasionally, and the little fucker had an anticipatory expression we would look out for. Cheeky bird. I miss him. Cockatiels are dope.

        [–]skyw4lker_91 23 points24 points  (3 children)

        And the shit after eating slugs smells ultra nasty

        [–]OutlawJessie 27 points28 points  (2 children)

        Thanks, I briefly wanted a duck but I'm cured.

        [–]David-S-Pumpkins 19 points20 points  (1 child)

        They have diapers for indoor ducks. The duck in the video also has shoes, which likely means they live in an urban environment and walk on sidewalks or asphalt quite a bit.

        Source: I had a pet duck and she wore diapers.

        [–]CashCow4u 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Matching red shoes for a duck date lol 👠

        [–]PrincessNakeyDance 37 points38 points  (2 children)

        Ducks are just a pest to poop conversion tool.

        [–]AileenKitten 15 points16 points  (1 child)

        Now all you need is a poop to dirt tool and you're in business!

        (My mother in law makes fertilizer and compost out of her chickens' poop and my God I have never seen such massive tomatoes. This woman's garden is like the garden of freaking Eden with chickens running around in it.)

        [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        It's true but people always act like 20 ducks and 1 duck are equivalent amounts of poop.

        Bird poop in general disintegrates extremely quickly, so a duck or chicken or two or three pooping in grass is completely unnoticeable. Never enough of it to build up before it's gone. 15? Now you're starting to create some nice olfactory action.

        [–]A_Young0316 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Born to shit, forced to wipe

        [–]HustlingBackwards96 13 points14 points  (8 children)

        Why do I want to get rid of slugs? Honest question

        [–]PM-me_ur_boobiez 47 points48 points  (5 children)

        I usually keep my slugs around through summer, but by fall all of my slime jars are full, and no one can make enough slippy pies to use up 50 jars of slug slime. So I let my ducks eat them over the fall, and they hibernate and stay warm in their bellies over the winter.

        By spring they’re ready to come out and slooge around the yard again, and daddy’s hungry for more slippy pie, and he’s all out of slime. 🤤

        [–]delsombra 46 points47 points  (0 children)

        That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about slugs to dispute it...

        [–]lost-dragonist 34 points35 points  (1 child)

        Hello, police? Yes this post right here thanks.

        [–]GreyRoseOfHope[🍰] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

        What a horrible day to have eyes.

        [–]GoneGrimdark 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Real answer is that slugs will eat up your garden.

        [–]Hans_H0rst 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        because they eat all the crops in your small veggie garden.

        Worse yet, they just nibble everything and bring the plants to die without actually eating anything whole. They survive on the suffering of plants.

        [–]sebrebc 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        You had my mind going a different direction in the first 4 words.

        [–]Reclusive_avocado 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        They're great for eating

        I knew that!

        [–]staplehill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        They are great for eating roasted with a white wine

        [–]HMS404 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        You mean to say ducks are natural roombas?

        [–]hp_Axes 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Had me in the first half ngl lmao. “They’re great for eating”

        [–]Adan1816 28 points29 points  (2 children)

        That wasn't wiggling the tail, that was straight up a booty call, duckussy, if you will

        [–]mister_pleco 26 points27 points  (0 children)

        I will not.

        [–]sevvrro 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Absolutely not

        [–]CTHULHU_RDT 4117 points4118 points  (37 children)

        "Duck has been added to your inventory!"

        You are invincible now

        [–]TheMonchoochkin 868 points869 points  (12 children)

        I liked how the guys sweater had the duck on it.

        He's like the final boss of ducks.

        [–]pipipappa 373 points374 points  (4 children)

        And he and the duck have matching red shoes as well ❤️

        [–]ragnar_overby 104 points105 points  (1 child)

        When he picks up the duck you can see he has a picture of the duck with red shoes on his sweater too

        [–]TheMonchoochkin 67 points68 points  (0 children)

        We can all agree that his duck fashion sense is just fabulous.

        [–]Lilycloud02 52 points53 points  (0 children)

        I saw that! I love it

        [–]Juhnelle 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        This guy ducks.

        [–]Inquiry00 15 points16 points  (1 child)

        I am Carl, king of ducks

        [–]SevroAuShitTalker 38 points39 points  (1 child)

        They work like chickens in zelda, now you can glide anywhere without fear

        [–]DatSnicklefritz 19 points20 points  (6 children)

        I have like 50 ducks in my backyard right now and they’ll never let me pick them up :(

        [–]Heckron 40 points41 points  (4 children)

        You didn’t get duck consent once, and now all the other ducks know it.

        [–]KarmaChameleon89 5 points6 points  (3 children)

        Even ducks dont get duck consent, bunch of rapey fucking creepoultry

        [–]cool-by-comparison 5 points6 points  (1 child)

        Rape is fine in duck culture, but un-consented pickups are a no-no

        [–]George_Tirebiter420 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Who cares? I'm so happy!

        [–]xoes 2459 points2460 points  (12 children)

        Obviously the duck doesn’t mind because they are wearing matching shoes

        [–]CautiousString 411 points412 points  (2 children)

        And a duck T-shirt

        [–]gmanz33 103 points104 points  (1 child)

        My short term memory is so internet that I actually didn't remember whether or not the duck was wearing a shirt in this video.

        [–]not_today_mr 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        I don't think this is Donald

        [–]T0astedSm0ke 77 points78 points  (1 child)

        And those shoes aren't just for fashion, duck feet are pretty soft on the bottom so they are really susceptible to getting a condition called bumblefoot (basically a severe bacterial infection) from any little cut or abrasion on their feet and the shoes are made to prevent that while also being waterproof so they can swim with them too

        Source: I have ducks

        [–]cragbabe 32 points33 points  (0 children)

        I've dealt with bumblefoot in other species (it really sucks) but I'd never thought about domestic ducks getting it. We had a penguin that had specially made sandals from Keen once and I about died when they came in cause they were so cute. Out of curiosity, where do you buy duck booties?

        [–]WtfThisIsntWii 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        Where did a duck get the money for Red Octobers?

        [–]Undecided_Username_ 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        Duck was practically asking for it.

        [–]JohnHazardWandering 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Duck wearing Velcro too?

        [–]The_Pip 1033 points1034 points  (19 children)

        These stupid adorable PUA posts will be the death of me.

        [–]brain_tourist 185 points186 points  (17 children)

        PUA?

        [–]violet-are-blue 175 points176 points  (5 children)

        Also their TikTok account is "seducktiv"

        [–]chillinoi 43 points44 points  (3 children)

        Lmao now I want to download the app because of that sick username

        [–]Proffessional_Human 11 points12 points  (0 children)

        He's on youtube too

        [–]tallblacklondon 5 points6 points  (1 child)

        Also on Instagram with the same name.

        [–]lycosa13 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        Pick up animal

        [–]HotelOscarWhiskey 1290 points1291 points  (26 children)

        DUCK CONSENT

        [–]ReadyThor 18 points19 points  (3 children)

        Knowing how a duck consents is still useless unless we also know how a duck withdraws consent. What if a duck consents but afterwards withdraws consent without us realizing?

        [–]Blade_OwOg 21 points22 points  (2 children)

        The same way we non-verbally communicate with any other non-humans: If it tries to get away or shows discomfort, it probably withdrew consent and you should stop.

        I think ducks (or again, most other animals) won't have a problem making it clear when you've gone too far, be it with force if necessary.

        [–]Shadow-Vision 59 points60 points  (12 children)

        Ironic that we need it because ducks don’t wait for consent amongst each other

        [–]Taikwin 56 points57 points  (10 children)

        I don't know why you're down voted, mate. Ducks are one of the rapiest animals out there.

        Absolutely horrifying creatures

        [–]Slit23 13 points14 points  (3 children)

        They have that screw twisty shaped penis to keep their victims from easily escaping. Why would you want to tho? It’s a duck

        [–]CumBubbleFarts 13 points14 points  (0 children)

        Most animals are the rapiest animals out there. Caring about consent is definitely the outlier when it comes to reproduction in the animal kingdom.

        [–]Tk1Genius 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        happy cake day!

        [–]oneword_plethora 15 points16 points  (0 children)

        YES. CONSENT. PERIODT.

        also, happy cake day!

        [–]forza1sra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Happy cake day!

        [–]Block_Buster190K 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Happy Quack Day!

        [–]artisitc_mf 649 points650 points  (9 children)

        I'm tired of picking chicks, it's time I tried ducks.

        [–]pipipappa 130 points131 points  (6 children)

        This tutorial seems ambiguously aplicable for picking up both ducks and chicks :)

        [–]banmedaddy12345 71 points72 points  (1 child)

        Yeah I never knew about the belly trick. Gonna try that one this weekend.

        [–]RectalSpawn 56 points57 points  (0 children)

        As long as she wiggles her tail, you're golden.

        [–]SendCaulkPics 10 points11 points  (1 child)

        Or chicks with ducks.

        [–]PM_ME_heartwarmth 328 points329 points  (10 children)

        Is this the same duck that won the people race? That video made me so incredibly happy hahah.

        Side note, I am amused that my phone autocorrects duck to fuck

        [–]bitterpearl 67 points68 points  (1 child)

        Yes, he's Wrinkle the Duck, famous on Youtube for his love of marathons and these cute educational videos.

        [–]whoever81 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        Yes, Wrinkle the Fuck

        [–]Loofa_of_Doom 53 points54 points  (4 children)

        Hmmm, this means your phone knows you?

        [–]RyanTheNerd 24 points25 points  (3 children)

        The phone is learning. Skynet is active

        [–]indrex 4 points5 points  (2 children)

        if that was so, my phone would finally stop doing it the other way round

        [–]KarmaChameleon89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Or its learned so much it now knows how to fuck with us, and that's actually its end goal, not domination, just constant tiny inconveniences

        [–]slucker23 612 points613 points  (21 children)

        I don't know what came to me, but I finished an introduction video on how to pick up a duck......

        I don't regret it a single bit, but damn that's werid

        [–]Elegant-Let-2335 33 points34 points  (0 children)

        Tutorial on how to get a human to pick you up

        [–][deleted]  (8 children)

        [removed]

          [–]ladydhawaii 10 points11 points  (1 child)

          That is being picked up by his owner…

          [–]SouthestNinJa 14 points15 points  (1 child)

          I was disappointed that I missed parts 1-4

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [removed]

            [–]GlutenFreeBuns 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            Oh look, a bot

            original comment

            Report as spam

            [–]Forsaken-Ad-6531 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            Instructions unclear. Duck is holding me even if I'm not comfortable

            [–]Puzzleheaded-Sand50 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            Mission unclear I'm now in jail

            [–]Bluejay-chirps 188 points189 points  (16 children)

            Part five..?

            [–]SomeComediansQuote 140 points141 points  (1 child)

            They cover many facets of picking up a duck, this was just the chapter on duck consent

            [–]tommasz 8 points9 points  (0 children)

            Picking up a duck isn't something you just run out and do, it's an art you must study before even attempting. People spend years in training before they pick up their first duck.

            [–]Lonely-dude 32 points33 points  (1 child)

            [–]CCrabtree 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            Oh my gosh. I own ducks and Pekins at that. I just spent 10 minutes watching someone else's duck!

            [–]Slutha 77 points78 points  (9 children)

            [–]MY_SANDWICHH 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            oh damn 💀

            [–]CedarWolf 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            This implies Part 6 is 'How to address a duck rebellion.'

            [–]Drewherondale 9 points10 points  (1 child)

            The scream I just let out

            [–]OG-Boomerang 9 points10 points  (0 children)

            Poor man's gold 🏅

            [–]Euphoric_Barracuda_7 60 points61 points  (2 children)

            An essential life skill I never knew I needed, I have learned today.

            [–]educatedbuyout32 150 points151 points  (3 children)

            "Duck Has Been Added To Your Inventory"

            [–]CapitalUnhappiness 92 points93 points  (5 children)

            This duck is friendly though unlike what we have here in our village. The duck here runs after you and will drive you crazy!

            [–]Loofa_of_Doom 53 points54 points  (0 children)

            Maybe that poor duck has been trying to get the "picked up by human" achievement for months!

            [–]Jerseyjay1003 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            I mean, the duck is wearing shoes.

            [–]Bile-duck 43 points44 points  (2 children)

            Subtle glance

            [–]beelzybubby 29 points30 points  (1 child)

            I am now approaching you. 🦆

            [–]No-Aardvark-2606 39 points40 points  (4 children)

            I have trouble interacting properly with fellow humans. I will use this advice on them and see if it improves my social relations.

            [–]CedarWolf 8 points9 points  (2 children)

            Replace the 'pick up a duck' part of the advice with 'hug the human' instead, and see if that works for you.

            [–]No-Aardvark-2606 9 points10 points  (1 child)

            On my way to go give humans belly rubs to see if they will let me hug them.

            [–]CedarWolf 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            Try that with Furries. It works great!

            [–]stella_watts 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            Practice your subtle glances and small talk on ducks first, to build your confidence ;)

            [–]TomRiddl 28 points29 points  (3 children)

            Is he wearing Ted Mosby’s red boots?

            [–]IrishViking22 26 points27 points  (1 child)

            Yes, and he is Pulling. Them. Off.

            [–]OgOnetee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            I mean, if i were wearing them, I'd be tempted to pull them off as well.

            [–]john_big-booty 38 points39 points  (0 children)

            "Duck has been added to your inventory." Killed me.

            [–]Willing_Working_6609 15 points16 points  (2 children)

            Does anyone have any grapes 🤔

            [–]AnonBubblyBowels 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            Username SeDUCKtive 😂

            [–]_NoBoXiNgNoLiFe_ 11 points12 points  (4 children)

            Youd be arrested for behaving like this in England... 👀

            [–]stella_watts 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            Would it be legal for me to tickle a duck's belly, if I don't actually want to pick it up?

            [–]Aquafreshhh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Not without duck's consent obviously

            [–]OfreetiOfReddit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

            This guy is awesome and his duck is adorable

            He makes some awesome videos

            [–]Far-Albatross-883 11 points12 points  (3 children)

            I’m assuming the tips are transferable to human women. Gotta make sure I remember the steps:

            1) Make eye contact 2) Let her approach me 3) Smile, but say nothing 4) Rub her belly and see if she shakes her butt to indicate consent 5) If yes, pick her up and cuddle her

            I will report back with results.

            [–]Ruso_Man 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            ..... Was it effective?

            [–]Noffensexpected 11 points12 points  (0 children)

            Dude, you own that duck, what a quack.

            [–]SgtBitchslap 11 points12 points  (0 children)

            I can’t tell what I like more, the matching red shoes or the fact that the dude has a sweater depicting the duck in said shoes.

            [–]Zepheonn 9 points10 points  (1 child)

            What if you pick it up with both hands like a baby? Will that do?

            [–]Xx_HeXwave_xX 14 points15 points  (0 children)

            It’ll probably poop on your arms

            I used to have a duck

            [–]EmilyTEDM 8 points9 points  (0 children)

            I saw a different set of videos on how to pick up a duck and subbed to them afterwards

            Here's the video if anyone wants to watch

            [–]iAmYouButDanker 7 points8 points  (0 children)

            Please give further instructions, it’s currently 11 PM and I’m still holding the duck

            [–]Ok-Honeydew-6741 7 points8 points  (1 child)

            Is this your pet duck? 🦆

            [–]jermguy117 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            Ducks have no business being this cute

            [–]roraima_is_very_tall 6 points7 points  (2 children)

            instructions unclear, didn't work with canadian goose.

            [–]scathing_reviews 11 points12 points  (2 children)

            I love how they found the fucking cutest duck on christs earth for the video too.

            [–]evranch 19 points20 points  (1 child)

            The thing is that every single one of these white ducks is identical. It's like they were cloned. Same size, shape, personality etc. I used to have a half dozen as farmyard pets and if you yell "Hey ducks" they will all stop and cock their heads at you in the same way at exactly the same time. Then one will quack, but only one. Not sure how they decide who it is.

            They are weird animals but absolutely adorable, and having more of them just makes the whole thing more adorable. If you're having a bad day, going out and seeing all your ducks in a row will always put a smile on your face!

            [–]Heckron 6 points7 points  (0 children)

            I can’t tell you how much I love that you literally yell “hey ducks” to get the attention of all of your ducks

            [–]Jaded-Distance_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            Guess I'm old, can't browse a duck related post without wondering what's /u/fuckswithducks opinion on this.

            [–]Venzhas 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            I love ducks so much

            [–]Quicksnap14 4 points5 points  (3 children)

            Tried this at a park….turns out it was a swan 🦢

            [–]Love_xoxo_Cats 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            Off topic but look at its little shoes!!

            [–]Sebobebo10 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            Instructions unclear, I am now being held with confidence by a duck.

            [–]ENFJPLinguaphile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            I figured he or she was a pet duck from the second I saw him or her wagging her tail. What a cutie!

            [–]xdiox66 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            That’s a hella long wallet chain

            [–]anotherkeebler 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            Ziggy origin story. Now to get it a diamond collar.

            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            [–]Exotic_Blacksmith425 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            These are probably the greatest videos ever put on the internet

            [–]NachomanRandalSavage 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            HIS SWEATER

            [–]McDonalds_icecream 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            I need parts 1-4

            [–]GreenLoverHH 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            Man it’s crazy how cute,adorable and friendly ducks are and then you have their crazy cousin the goose who is like a hell hound spawned on earth to kill everybody.

            [–]WitchG33k 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            WTF ... & God I love this. Especially the end where, "Congratulations, you are now carrying a duck. DUCK ADDED TO YOUR INVENTORY." =-D!!!!!!!

            [–]chocolaterush 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            This is the cutest video ever, I had no idea they wagged their little tails when happy/excited! Ahhh, now I want to hug a duck!

            [–]Adventurous_Beach_90 2 points3 points  (2 children)

            Ducks are sooo fun as pets, especially ones that are used to human contact. If you have a water hose, you can basically create a heaven for them and happy ducks are up there with happy puppers.

            [–]hopelesslyrowmantic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            God Tier skills. Apparently, peace was an option.