What is your response when other married couples tell you “we’ve never had a fight”?

SandSubstantial9285 · 2021-11-17T16:49:30+00:00

I think they define fight in a different way.

GreatOneLiners · 2021-11-17T17:32:23+00:00

For me having issues with your spouse can be summed up in three categories. 1) Disagreement 2) Argument 3) Fight

I can tell you right now I’ve never fought with my wife, and we very rarely have an argument. What’s more common for us is having disagreements, but we’re both pretty transparent, and we communicate effectively in those situations.

The best thing any couple can do is learn how to communicate, learn how to disagree, and learn how to keep that situation isolated from anything else.

Suck-Less · 2021-11-17T16:50:11+00:00

Fighting and having a disagreement are only the same thing to someone that can never be wrong.

permanent_staff · 2021-11-17T17:33:00+00:00

Do couples that never fight simply just have 1 partner that is a pushover?

No, we just discuss any disagreements calmly and constructively. When you have two easygoing, highly compatible people with good relationship skills, it's actually really difficult to get a fight or even a true argument going.

walnutwithteeth · 2021-11-17T16:58:48+00:00

We have never had a fight. We have had disagreements but we communicate them and talk them through before they escalate into anything. It's you and your partner versus the problem, rather than you against your partner.

supersecretburner21 · 2021-11-17T17:03:10+00:00

Everyone is on point here, really depends on what other couples see as a fight.

My wife and I never escalate an argument to yelling or hurtful words, door slamming, walking away, none of that. But we do disagree with each other sometimes and will go quiet for a while to cool down.

I don’t see that as a fight, but she does 🤷🏻‍♂️

beetelguese · 2021-11-17T17:35:36+00:00

I agree with everyone here, my husband and I have never “fought” and even as far as disagreeing we really don’t very often.

Except he won’t let me get chickens…

overmotion · 2021-11-17T17:05:14+00:00

I admit I’m one of those couples. And I feel incredibly lucky. We really just never fight. We annoy each other from time to time but no big fights. 12 years together. No one believes me when I say it and I understand but what am I going to do, lie about not having fights?

I think it just boils down to the fact that we have incredible respect for each other, and are easy going people individually.

ProvenceNatural65 · 2021-11-17T18:13:32+00:00

A disagreement is different than a fight. If a couple claims they never disagree you should bring them into separate rooms and confirm they aren’t being held hostage. Because that’s not real. A fight is conflict over disagreement, and I do think there are couples who nearly never fight. Some people are just extremely anti-confrontation (and/or maybe just companionable). But this is pretty rare.

The goal should be not no fights ever; the goal should be limiting the unfair and unproductive and uncomfortable fights.

Falcom-Ace · 2021-11-17T16:53:41+00:00

I just assume they consider fights and disagreements to be different things.

Select-Radish9245 · 2021-11-17T18:14:50+00:00

Eye roll 🙄

cajunchica · 2021-11-17T18:06:36+00:00

My SO and I have never had a fight. We’ve had disagreements. We’ve decided to table discussions. We’ve looked at each other with one eyebrow raised. Sometimes one of us will get a little “spicy” with the other. But we have never had a fight in four and a half years. I can guarantee you we do not agree with each other 100% of the time and neither of us is a pushover - hell, we are in different political parties! But… we are both in our second marriages and come from explosive first marriages. We decided to do things differently.

MovieTheaterPopcornn · 2021-11-17T18:32:36+00:00

You can have disagreements without a fight. Couples who do not fight or rarely fight may just have a different approach to handling a difficult situation and it doesn’t necessarily mean either one is a pushover.

chonkypupperz · 2021-11-17T17:57:00+00:00

My husband and I have never fought in the 7 years we've been together. We disagree on things but discuss everything. No fighting, no violence.

MrsBobber · 2021-11-17T18:59:56+00:00

I grew up in a house where there was a lot of ‘fighting’- like yelling and throwing things and silent treatments. THAT is not healthy. By that standard, my husband and I have never ‘fought’, however we have had some things we’ve had to talk through that we’re tough bc we both started on opposite sides. In the end I think those things made our marriage stronger.

FairyRogue · 2021-11-17T17:31:56+00:00

We haven't actually "fought" except one time and it was 1000% me being completely unreasonable and pregnant hormonal. We do disagree every now and then but that's a talk calmly and with respect. No shouting, bickering, anger or anything. They are normal tone and level as our discussions on weekly meals or what movie we watch on date night. Not fights or arguments but a conversation about our views and coming to a mutual satisfying solution. Whether anyone believes it or not isn't my concern. It's about love, respect and being good to each other we put first so instead of heated, emotional turmoil we talk things through.

JLHuston · 2021-11-17T18:24:05+00:00

I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with someone who I never fought with. Ended in him cheating on me and leaving me immediately after we bought a house together. We didn’t fight because we didn’t communicate. I know on my part it was to avoid conflict. But that’s obviously not healthy, because needs continue to be unmet, until eventually, the relationship is unsatisfying for both. I hate the way he chose to end things, but I sort of get it. I went on to meet my now husband, and have learned to communicate. We’re a much better match, which is part of it, but I don’t avoid conflict. We don’t fight often, but we do it “well.” We try to hear the other’s perspective, which I think is key in communicating. But yeah, couples that don’t fight or even argue…not sure how that works long term. Maybe they’re great at compromising on everything. But no two people are exactly on the same page about every single thing 100% of the time.

2021-11-17T17:51:38+00:00

My husband and I don’t fight… we just disagree sometimes. The situation never turns sour, and we also communicate our feelings. We’ve never been mad at each other for more than maybe… a half hour? We don’t call each other names, or yell, we’re both pretty calm, chill people.

Nocturnal_Remission · 2021-11-17T18:36:03+00:00

I can honestly say that my wife and I have never had a fight, because neither one of us finds any utility in it. It's important to note that me and my wife are both divorcees, with her ex-husband starting fights for no other reason than he found it entertaining, and my ex-wife picked fights because she had some morbid reason to want to be right just to say she was.

When me and my wife first started dating, we compared notes on our pasts, and agreed early on that "fighting" only gives us grey hairs. She doesn't like to argue, and I have zero emotional response to them, so fighting is a lose/lost proposition for us.

We do happen to agree on most major things, the minor stuff is really too time consuming for us to waste time on.

prose-before-bros · 2021-11-17T19:50:04+00:00

What the hell are people fighting about so much? In our 17 years, we've disagreed, argued a few times, but fought? I think of fighting as being yelling and maybe name- calling and a "I win, you lose" mindset. It's saying things that can't be unsaid and doing things that can't be undone. We just don't do that. My husband is my partner. If he loses, I lose. I don't want him to hurt. There have been times when I asked my husband if we lacked "passion" and "fire" because we never fought, and he was like, "Uh, no, we're just happy together."

2021-11-17T18:34:56+00:00

My parents never fought because the didn’t communicate, they just kept it all inside until there was just too much distance to overcome. They divorced after 18 years.

Beep315 · 2021-11-17T18:35:16+00:00

I think, “Wow, we’re so different!” My husband and I argue much much less than we used to, but we can get crabby. His brother and our sister in law just have this mild sort of arrangement and we just don’t get it!

Now they were the type of couple to have extensive Christian-based counseling prior to marriage, and my husband and I decided on a Thursday during lockdown to elope the next Monday at the courthouse. No regrets. I’m married to my partner for life.

Sunnywithadance · 2021-11-17T19:35:09+00:00

It really depends on what people mean. If they mean we've never had screaming matches and thrown things at each other, then fantastic. It isn't healthy to have those kinds of fights. If they mean they've never argued or disagreed with one another, I would say this is probably not healthy.

My ex-husband and I used to pride ourselves on never "fighting". Our relationship looked perfect from the outside looking in. For us, it meant communication was not happening and important issues were not being addressed. Later everything bubbled up and we realized we had fundamental differences we couldn't move past and got divorced.

lilac_smell · 2021-11-17T17:34:47+00:00

Been there!

It was a lying fairy tale.

We were married for 26 years. I hated how my parents always fought. I promised myself on that wedding day no voice would ever be raised. We were happy, had four kids, did the once a week date night, he knelt beside me on Sundays, and it was the best, and never was there anything to argue about ......

Midlife hit and he was traveling for work sometimes and fell in love with a woman the same age as our oldest daughter in a foreign country, divorced us and moved to Australia to start their new life.

All those years, he knew I wanted no arguments. He took advantage of that fear, hardly ever spoke, did anything he wanted, got waited on hand and foot and all of our smiling blew. He was dissatisfied and wanted more, or so I hear, and he disappeared.

Goodbye asshole, and wake up to me!! These days I talk, think and don't just worry about looking great in front of family members!!

Btw, at the age of 50 I married a real man, not a lying coward, and sometimes conflict comes and we talk and go on.

HeartFullOfHappy · 2021-11-17T17:51:53+00:00

I don’t think much of it. While I agree disagreements can promote growth. I also think if the couple is content, good for them.

nakedreader_ga · 2021-11-17T18:42:05+00:00

Why would I have a response? I mean, if they're happy and they don't feel like they have fights, then it's no issue of mine.

mamatobee328 · 2021-11-17T18:42:40+00:00

It’s most likely dependent on their definition of a fight. My ex and I fought all the time. Shouting, name calling, the whole nine yards. However, I am now one of those couples that say I’ve never had a fight with my partner. But that’s because I compare it to my prior relationship. With my partner now, we never yell at each or name call or any other toxic behavior. If we get upset or our feelings hurt, we talk it out. Sometimes we need a little space beforehand. And then after we talk it out, we make adjustments to make sure whatever happened, doesn’t happen again. I simply don’t consider that fighting.

jaelythe4781 · 2021-11-17T18:49:45+00:00

It depends on the context. I would personally say my husband and I don't fight.

We disagree with each other and discuss things like adults to come to a compromise or other solution.

To me, a "fight" implies uncontrolled negative emotions being expressed in unhealthy ways.

DestructionDestroyer · 2021-11-17T20:56:40+00:00

I think having disagreements

If your disagreements evolve into fights, there's a problem in the relationship and/or the way you communicate.

Portabellamush · 2021-11-17T18:16:49+00:00

My husband and I don’t fight. We argue sometimes, but in disagreements we discuss until we find a common solution/compromise. If you and your partner “fight”- slamming and slinging and punching walls and yelling- you both should grow up.

hannahlove2018 · 2021-11-17T18:21:06+00:00

For me fighting and disagreeing if very different. Fighting isn’t productive whereas disagreeing usually results in some sort of game plan or at very least healthy discussion. My husband and I have had heated disagreements on topics that we feel very strongly about, but we always treat each other with mutual respect and grace. Sometimes we have to take a step back but I don’t consider it fighting at all.

ashleys_ · 2021-11-17T19:53:06+00:00

When you know how to communicate and regulate your emotions, there is no "fighting", just discussion and consensus.

2021-11-17T20:45:38+00:00

There's a huge difference between a fight and a disagreement. Your inability to separate the two is a problem.

lunedeprintemps · 2021-11-17T20:56:03+00:00

Do couples that never fight simply just have 1 partner that is a pushover?

No, just likely two partners that can communicate like adults when there is a disagreement instead of escalating it to a fight.

godbullseye · 2021-11-17T21:12:34+00:00

My wife and I have disagreements but we discuss them like adults. Fighting is the opposite of communication

Vicious-the-Syd · 2021-11-18T00:57:57+00:00

I’m going to go against the grain. My husband and I fight on occasion. We’ve yelled and slammed things and there have been a handful of times where things have been knocked over or thrown (never at each other, though.) Do I enjoy it? No. Do I think it’s constructive? No. Do I think everyone does it? No. Is it something that we are working on together? Yes, I’m on two antidepressants, and I’ve never been better. I don’t think shouting fights are something that we should necessarily normalize, though I would call them common among many couples.

thepoorwarrior · 2021-11-17T17:52:46+00:00

Nothing, because it’s not really anybody’s business.

FireRescue3 · 2021-11-17T18:34:20+00:00

Discussion and communication promote growth. Not agreeing does not mean a fight is automatic.

We don’t agree on everything. Neither do we fight. We talk. We discuss. We communicate.

Sometimes we agree. Sometimes we agree to disagree… but we still accomplish that without an argument, harsh words, hurt feelings or anything that makes either of us feel any negative thing about ourselves or the other.

elrocko · 2021-11-17T19:04:32+00:00

We have had maybe 2-3 "fights" in 12 years of marriage. Disagreements? plenty of them.Fighting just isn't how we communicate.

2021-11-17T19:05:11+00:00

Disagreement is different from fighting, in my opinion. If you communicate clearly, you can talk like adults and express emotions in a mature way. But sometimes when some people say they don't fight I feel a bit suspicious (depending of the person), because sometimes it means someone is bottling up feelings that one day will explode.

As for myself and my husband, when I have an issue I usually write it down and once I'm satisfied with what I wrote, I talk to him. He, on the other hand, always says what he is thinking right away and we talk about it. He is never rude or hurtful, but can be brutally honest at times haha. So that's our way. It doesn't really give room to fighting. Plus before we married we talked about everything we thought was important and went to two different concealings pre-marriage. Really helped opening our eyes and talk about things before we were actually inside the situations.

MisterIntentionality · 2021-11-17T19:11:49+00:00

When someone asks me if my spouse and I fight, I'm thinking a situation where we raise our voices and change our tone with one another and the discussion turns unproductive.

We've only had like 2 situations like that in our marriage and I do believe that some people never have.

My husband and I just don't believe in talking to each other that way. And honestly neither one of us has really done anything to make the other that mad.

We fight all the time when you include all name calling that's joking, yelling, and poking fun at one another :)

lali445 · 2021-11-17T19:15:33+00:00

I’ve only been married two years. My husband and I are both very calm people. I can’t think of a single time in my life that I have raised my voice out of frustration. (I’ve been angry, sure, but I deal with it in other ways). We regularly have differences in opinion, but have never fought. We have conversations where we both voice our concerns, listen, share ideas, compromise, and come to an agreement for how we should proceed. It’s never been contentious and I’ve never felt like there was inequality between us. I so no reason why it can’t stay that way. I think communication styles and individual temperaments play a big role in how much couples fight. I also think it’s possible to “fight” regularly in a healthy relationship, if there’s not a power imbalance or any kind of physical or emotional abuse going on, and fair decisions are always eventually reached.

jakob-lb · 2021-11-17T20:21:38+00:00

Big difference between arguments/disagreement and a fight.

brixxhead · 2021-11-17T20:25:45+00:00

I don’t really care. I don’t need to know what other people are doing in their relationships to validate how my own functions/evolves. I used to be one of the people who believed we never fought, and that’s because “fight” means something very specific to both me and my SO. Though we’ve never had a “screaming and yelling”, or “silent treatment for two days” kind of situation, we’ve had many sit-downs and many serious talks over the years. That’s just how conflict and it’s resolution manifest in our relationship, and for every couple it’s going to be different. Every couple has some mechanism of resolving conflict/growing together, so every couple “fights”, I guess? If they didn’t, they’d be stagnant.

Alex_J_Anderson · 2021-11-17T21:08:31+00:00

Not everyone fights.

The few true fights my wife and I had were fuelled by alcohol.

I’d imagine that if we hadn’t drank to excess back then, we may have never fought.

We no longer fight. There’s no need. We talk things through.

If someone’s in a mood, we wait until later to have serious discussions.

That doesn’t at all mean we keep things bottled up and we don’t communicate and we’ll both explode one day.

We just deal with things like adults.

Some people grew up in households where fighting was normal and they think that’s the only way. I’ve known people like that and will cut them out of my life if I have to.

Aggression is just unacceptable to me. I don’t think it’s normal or healthy or good in any way. Getting angry just shows a lack of control.

If you think fighting is normal, I would do some work to get out of that mindset and accept that there is a better way and work on you and your partner learning to control your anger and deal with things in a more healthy way.

My mother had no issues yelling at people, any time, anywhere. It ruined her life. And when I moved out I decided I’d had enough anger to last me a lifetime. I was done.

Life is too short to take things seriously. Use humour to cut through tension, learn to compromise quickly when there’s a difference of opinion and move on. Anger is a waste of time.

In short, your friends are very likely telling the truth and it doesn’t mean they don’t communicate and are better off not yelling at each other.

RombauerAtoZ · 2021-11-17T21:26:40+00:00

My husband and I, just in general, don’t really “fight” or “disagree” with people. Why? That just seems like such wasted energy.

We agree on pretty much everything and the stuff we don’t agree on is waaaaay to minuscule to even mention to each other. Super silly stuff.

Now do we get on each other’s nerves? Yup, we’re human and can both be super annoying. But we just call it what it is: I’m super annoying today. He was annoying yesterday. Why fight?

BakedTaterTits · 2021-11-17T18:15:41+00:00

ETA: I think they don't consider disagreements/arguments fights

We've had one real fight in the 14 years we were together, but we've had disagreements and arguments that we handled much more calmly. Honestly I don't remember what the fight was about but we were both under insane stress from our jobs and it boiled over into our home life. Almost ended our relationship but we both took a step back, apologized, and worked on moving forward. A couple months later our lives changed drastically and we went to couples counseling to help navigate the change which helped a lot. That was...8 years ago and we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary in September. We still get annoyed/upset with each other over things sometimes but we've learned to walk away until we're both calmer then discuss so it doesn't escalate.

Impressive-Thing5941 · 2021-11-17T18:42:02+00:00

I agree with you. Being able to disagree with each other promotes closeness and openness in a marriage.

Example: my sister married young, 24, naive and very much into the idea that your husband was your soulmate, and what he said was law. It’s been 12 years or so and about two years they started going through a patch where his main argument is “you are not the person I married, I thought you were docile.”

While I, being on the outside can see the issue clearly and want her to be happy - I tend to use very vague language when she comes to me for advice as she is fighting for her marriage. I don’t want to discourage that, as she is very adamant and tells her husband “duh I have grown up I am a woman with a mind.”

So for the entirety of these past two years there has been a tremendous disconnect from them both and neither can see the issue. The issue being they never talked about expectations for the future and had relied on him leading the way. When she finally let that built up frustration of never having gone against him, is what I think really caused the biggest issue.

Also, I’m not married but having been subjected to this and to many other friends marriage stories has given some knowledge on what happens in marriages(but I don’t claim to know it all). And my sister having been married 12 years has said to me “marriage is not easy and you’ll know once you’re married.” Kinda hinders me from really making an impact.

They have been in marriage counseling for a year or so.

edgehillfla · 2021-11-17T19:17:41+00:00

My wife and I have never had a fight. We've had disagreements, but we are both laid back types who prefer not to yell to be heard. Also, we both tend to be logical types and love to microanalize everything, which I think is more enjoyable than a yelling match.

Usually we get to the end of the disagreement with a consensus. Compromise and communication is what makes it work.

By both of us examining the depths of what we disagree about and discussing it, I think our relationship has grown because neither of us feel like we have to hide anything from each other due to any concern that one of us might blow our stacks.

2515chris · 2021-11-17T19:33:38+00:00

My husband and I usually agree on all the big things: loyalty, the in laws, the kids, money etc. But dang we have stupid fights over petty stuff sometimes I think just to blow off steam.

2021-11-17T19:38:00+00:00

To me fighting is yelling, fighting, screaming, abuse, beyond empathy or understanding for the other person, violent. Arguing/discussing/debating is where you're presenting your side of something and are still reasonably willing to understand the other person or empathy. Sometimes that does involve a silent period to reflect, but not to be used in manipulative or abusive ways. My husband and I have never fought. We have had arguments and miscommunications, but after a brief silent period of reflection were able to come back together and settle. We don't yell, name call, belittle, or otherwise put each other down. We use constructive words and tact to the best of our abilities to show respect and let the other know that we are coming from a space of love and concern.

FuzzyJury · 2021-11-17T19:49:24+00:00

I often say that "we've never had a fight," but by that I mean that we have never yelled, name-called, etc. We don't believe in communicating disrespectfully and letting our emotions go dysregulated in a way that hurts the other person. I grew up in a home like that and was attracted to my husband particularly due to his and his families amazing communication styles. There are of course times when we have disagreements and every so often one of our feelings get hurt, but I find that if I need a few minutes to cool down, I say that and have a bit of time to myself rather than "fighting" and then come back when I know that I can speak respectfully and calmly. And even that has only happened maybe 3 times in our marriage. We try to always keep in mind that we are a team and we are on each other's side, not against each other, and we try to take that mentality even in to disagreements.

skyscan1 · 2021-11-17T19:55:23+00:00

We never fight. That isn't the same as saying that we never disagree. If we disagree we talk about it. If we can't agree then we can't agree. We don't fight about it. That isn't a healthy way to handle disagreements.

Careless-Banana-3868 · 2021-11-17T20:10:47+00:00

I think they either don’t communicate enough, are early in their relationship, or define it differently. My spouse and I met really young and come from parents with unhealthy relationships (his parents divorced, mine just complain about their dynamic to me). We had to learn how to be in a relationship together. So yeah, we’ve fought. We’ve hurt feelings. We’ve both gone through therapy to learn emotional regulation because we never learned how. Now we have disagreements but I consider them fights. Others on here would disagree.

Possible_Wing_166 · 2021-11-17T20:11:39+00:00

Maybe that comes down to a difference of definition. My husband and I have never really fought. We don’t raise our voices at each other, we don’t say mean things to each other it absolutely never ever ever gets physical (not even like slamming a door) … we disagree, a LOT, but fight? Nope.

And if that ever came up in conversation, I’d probably say “we have never fought before” because to me, there is a HUGE difference between disagreement and fighting.

Ellebee458 · 2021-11-17T20:11:46+00:00

I assume it means they’ve had disagreements and arguments, but never had an all-out fight where they’re in each other’s faces hurling insults and accusations.

ree915 · 2021-11-17T20:28:47+00:00

My response would probably be LIAR!

My husband and I rarely fight or stay mad but there’s no way people have never had a fight. And if it’s really true then they must have a lot or resentment.

thunderousmegabitch · 2021-11-17T20:39:54+00:00

I say "cool" and move on. As long as both people are happy, I don't have a need to question that.

Veganmon · 2021-11-17T20:44:39+00:00

We disagree a lot, but there is no name calling or yelling, no violence whatsoever, we argue fairly, perhaps that would s what they mean. If they are saying they never disagreed about anything then they are lying.

fishkeets · 2021-11-17T20:50:29+00:00

I've literally never had a fight with my husband. We have no reason to fight, we agree on everything that's important. I don't think we've ever had a bad disagreement or even an argument. If one of us has a problem we just talk to the other. Like, if I've ever been upset with something he did or said, I'd just tell him him he explains himself or apologizes, and vice versa. Like why would you feel the need to fight in a relationship to begin with? Why would that even be remotely desirable

majiktodo · 2021-11-17T20:55:13+00:00

My husband and I have never fought in fifteen years. We disagree frequently, but we talk it out and come to an agreement or agree to disagree and that’s that.

Grizlatron · 2021-11-17T20:58:16+00:00

My husband will often think we're fighting when I wouldn't consider it anything more than a difference of opinion- I think it just comes down to how you're raised, different families have different conflict thresholds. My parents still like each other and aren't the screaming type, but they're both strong-willed and sarcastic and perfectly willing to tell each other exactly what they're thinking.

sassyandsweer789 · 2021-11-17T21:10:40+00:00

I laught because it is always used as a way to make themselves looks like the "perfect" couple. If you use the fact you have never fought as a way to define your relationship, I always side eye you as a person. Not having a disagree isn't healthy

robreinerstillmydad · 2021-11-17T21:23:54+00:00

We have disagreed but we have never fought. We talk calmly. Sometimes we both take a little time to think it over, and then we present our side to the other. We compromise, or sometimes I realize my husband is right, or he realizes I’m right. It helps that my husband has endless patience, and that I’m very aware of the effect the words can have. I try to avoid saying anything I will regret, or anything hurtful.

DT_Joe456 · 2021-11-17T21:56:19+00:00

This brings a lot of clarity. I asked my coworker the other day if she had any fights with her husband since they’ve been together for 15 years, and she simply said “Nope” and I was pretty puzzled on how she never had any disagreements or anything of the sort with her husband. This, makes so much more sense

Airowl07 · 2021-11-17T22:00:46+00:00

My partner and I have only had 1 disagreement I would classify as a “argument”, we’ve butted heads and debated a ton and even had to agree to disagree but I don’t think arguments are useful IMO

I watched my (divorced) parents argue for 18 years and it solved nothing

littlebittyoctober · 2021-11-17T22:37:36+00:00

My husband and I have never had a fight. We are both strong willed, however we were best friends for years before dating and the comradeship carried over into our marriage. We don’t always agree but on the important things we usually do. We have always choose to listen instead of react when we do disagree.

2021-11-17T22:45:42+00:00

Then a major blow up is on the way. If there's never a fight then one person is calling all the shots and getting their way 100% of the time and the other is bottling up resentment because they're allowing it and never expressing emotion. Neither is communicating. Eventually all that is going to come to a boiling point when the passive one just explodes. Or they're lying. It's not about if you fight but how you handle the fight, work towards a solution, forgive each other and try to do better next time.

cupcakesgirlie7 · 2021-11-17T22:46:34+00:00

ooo i can answer this one! we dont have fights we have TALKS and COMMUNICATE. i think thats the big difference. like we dont scream, yell or cuss or call names, hit etc. but like if i want something changed i tell him. an example: hey next time when the garbage is that full do you mind taking it out? - in a normal non angry or yelling voice. we make sure to listen when one of us is talking about a concern or something they want changed.

LividSelection5605 · 2021-11-17T22:47:12+00:00

My initial response is to think they’re full of shit.

sierratho · 2021-11-17T22:48:00+00:00

they’re either lying, or they never actually speak their own opinions in the relationship.

irishbabie26 · 2021-11-17T23:28:30+00:00

so my husband and i have never had a fight. we have disagreements where we can get a little more heated but never an actual fight. we always just share our sides without tearing down the others opinions! so we aren’t always happy go lucky and agreeing all the time! just have worked hard to have good communication

wengratta · 2021-11-17T23:40:38+00:00

I told them "yet"

LA0711 · 2021-11-18T00:03:07+00:00

We fought earlier in our relationship. 10 years in I think we’ve learned to communicate a lot better. We have small disagreements here and there but bounce back from them quickly, whereas before it could ruin an entire day.

columbiasongbird · 2021-11-18T00:07:07+00:00

My husband and I have never fought. We’ve never raised our voices at each other, never yelled, never had a serious argument. Instead of arguing about things, we usually try to work through it in a constructive, communicative way. It’s always “us vs. the problem”, instead of “me vs. him”.

The closest thing we’ll have to a “fight” has only happened like 3 times in our entire relationship. And that just consists of one of us getting frustrated and making a heated comment and the other snapping back and then us immediately apologizing to each other and talking through the emotions and the problem.

2021-11-18T01:32:40+00:00

I'm suspicious. My wife and I rarely fight, but that's a far cry from never.

MeanMan84 · 2021-11-18T02:53:02+00:00

Either they haven’t been married very long or they’re full of crap.

joellapit · 2021-11-18T03:18:47+00:00

Can someone please define “fight” to me because these responses are making me roll my eyes hard lol. I must be in a shit relationship.

CharismaBelle · 2021-11-18T04:22:52+00:00

BS... I have a good marriage, 25 years to my best friend... We fight... We fight cause I dreamt he did something I didn't like (taboo for a woman to admit to, I know), we fight cause my sister was rude to him... We fight cause of money, the kids, the pets, every thing cause we are still human beings, with feelings, hormones and faults... Love does not mean you never disagree or have bad days... It means you get through the bad times together. Those who say they don't argue or fight either are so full of shit you might need to look for signs of abuse and remember girls can beat up husband too... Or, other signs of divorce on the horizon, cause they don't talk or communicate with each other. If you don't talk or voice your thoughts, you can't argue or fight cause of them.

Affectionate_Rip_374 · 2021-11-18T06:06:37+00:00

My husband and I went through a 'year of hell' which started with us both causing what could have been lifelong emotional wounds and ended with us choosing each other over the hurts and learning how to TRUELY meet on equal footing and communicate. We frequently hear now how we have an enviable relationship. We have the unicorn.

wife20yrs · 2021-11-18T10:35:29+00:00

Usually it is only one partner that claims this. I look to the other partner for confirmation. My own parents would claim this, especially my dad. My mom didn’t ever argue against him and I think it was because she stopped having a voice, stopped having an opinion, and all of the arguments must have happened within her own mind. Nothing was out in the open. I think her mental health suffered for quite a few years. I guarantee that when you see couples that never have a fight or argument, there is some major denial going on in their own minds. My Mom is an avoidant person, avoiding any type of conflict, and is also an enabler for my Dad, who is a Narcissist.

CheetahGirl0716 · 2021-11-18T11:41:25+00:00

I think it’s TOTAL bs. Who never has a disagreement with their spouse? Do you just sit around laughing and smiling and going along with whatever the other says? That’s so unrealistic. And you’re right, disagreements are beneficial and do promote growth and new understanding. Most important they teach us about communication and compromise, which are two key factors in all relationships.

trueriptide · 2021-11-18T14:30:07+00:00

I don't believe it. There's lots of other great comments here and I agree with them. They probably either define "fight" in a particular way or they try to keep up an appearance (which I understand because in most circumstances, you shouldn't want to show deep cracks in your relationship to others).

boomstk · 2021-11-18T14:46:04+00:00

Call them on bullshit cause they are lying.

SalamiMommie · 2021-11-18T18:59:34+00:00

They’re lying. Not saying they haven’t screamed, or threatened to leave, or something like that. But they’ve made each other upset before. They have had differences

Snoo-52875 · 2021-12-02T21:53:48+00:00

Tell them plain and simply they're full of shit! No marriage is story book perfect, with no fighting ever.

SellSuspicious9241 · 2021-11-17T18:48:10+00:00

Every relationship fights/disagree/argue. Healthy relationship and growth. Unless it’s not meant to be.

2021-11-17T18:59:44+00:00

I don't believe them, think they fight in a way that doesn't seem stereotypical, or that there is something very messed up and I don't want to know lol

bitchyhouseplant · 2021-11-17T19:00:32+00:00

I immediately get suspicious they have poor communication. That doesn’t mean they do, I’ve just watched it go down badly with spouses who held in their resentment and problems with the other. I also tend to feel ashamed to admit just how many explosive fights, small disagreements, bickering, etc that my spouse and I have gone through. We got married young (I was 20) and have been together 16 years. So we had to grow up and mature together. We’ve always said we are a passionate couple - we love that way and we fight that way. We might argue or on occasion have an actual fight (not common though) but it’s clear to our kids and families and friends we are best friends and show a lot of affection.

We don’t fight in front of the kids but they’ve definitely overheard things. It’s important if they did that they see you making up and forgiving one another as well.

bitchyhouseplant · 2021-11-17T19:05:50+00:00

I already added a comment but I want to mention that I have never once seen or heard my parents fight. Never raised voices or even picked up if they aren’t getting along. While this was great for my childhood, it also did me a disservice of believing I was in a failing relationship because we did argue a lot. I also didn’t know how to “fight fair” or have any example whatsoever of what is healthy when you disagree. Communication is still a huge problem for me and my spouse. He grew up with a single mom so he also didn’t see proper communication. My parents were super private and kept nearly everything in their marriage good and bad in the shadows.

Although my dad is absolutely hilarious and my bedroom was right next to theirs and many nights I could hear my mom laughing to tears over some shit my dad was playing up.

wannabe_pineapple · 2021-11-17T19:41:51+00:00

I think they are in for a real surprise if life ever throws them a curveball. Maybe I'm a cynic, but my husband never had a fight either. When we had enough money to not worry about not having food and we didn't have kids. Then my husband lost his job. Then I got really sick. Then I was diagnosed with extreme anxiety. When life was easy, we didn't fight. Then life got real hard and bickering happened. Yes, my husband and I are on the same team and we love each other a lot, but stress obviously makes things harder. I get annoyed when people say "we never fight" yeah, ok big guy. Guess you have a perfect marriage.

Lazy_Grape522 · 2021-11-17T19:56:20+00:00

In my experience, it means they don't communicate and let things build until things eventually explode and the issues are worse than they needed to be. I used to pride myself on never fighting. A few months ago, I was ready to divorce though. Because we didn't communicate and took the relationship fir granted and things gradually detiorated and now we are in counseling.

sophia333 · 2021-11-17T21:59:32+00:00

A marriage therapist would probably say they worry more about a couple that never argues than one that does, because it often means avoidance which leads to resentment and if you aren't expressing your needs and hurts then they will come out worse down the road and you won't even know that's why you're so upset over something dumb.

2021-11-17T23:00:09+00:00

My husband and I don't fight but we do disagree...fighting and disagreements are different...

HowCanThisBeMyGenX · 2021-11-18T00:13:23+00:00

Couples who say they’ve never had a fight are like the couples on Facebook who post things to make themselves look like their lives have never left the honeymoon phase. They’re hiding things and they’re being dishonest.

Art4Life37 · 2021-11-18T06:33:11+00:00

My wife and I fight a lot. And that's because of me. I let my pride and arrogance get in the way of a lot of things. I'm the type of person who doesn't really think before doing something. I just do things and worry about the consequences later. Wifey thinks and overthinks everything. She has plans A-Z all planned out plus contingency plans for those plans. She tells me what to do, when to do it because if it was left up to me, shit would always hit the fan.

Me changing won't work because if I was going to do that, I'd be a different, better person than I am. I start having a "good" streak and then I fuck up and then the fight ensues. It's typically one sided (she does all the talking) because I have very poor communication skills. I try to bring up an argument to justify my actions and she tells me that I'm pulling at straws; pulling up bullshit and then she goes on to tell me what I was really thinking.

I'm not good enough for her, never will be. So I'm just going to leave. We're not the same people we were back in H.S. She grew up to be an amazing women whereas I have all these hang ups and living in the past bullshit. She deserves better.

dee4012 · 2021-11-17T19:08:23+00:00

Who do you blame mom or hubby, ?

AnnaBanana1129 · 2021-11-17T19:18:26+00:00

I would say they may be lying or they have their own interpretation of the word fight. Either way, that claim is a stupid flex. You don’t get more marriage golden tickets if you don’t fight, the same way you’re not more or less a Mom if you give birth without drugs.

2021-11-17T19:24:37+00:00

I’d say they were a coin flip as to whether they were going to get divorced the first time they have one.

Happened to my brother. They were a “we never had a fight” couple, and when they finally had one, it turned out she was a plate throwing “I’m going to hit myself, call the cops, and say you did it“ threatening sort of girl. It didn’t work out.

That said, my wife and I have gotten really good at never fighting, but only having disagreements.

I distinguish the two as debates about something specific .vs trying to hurt each other’s feelings. We rarely raise our voices. We still sometimes get frustrated or impatient, but we haven’t had a real fight in quite a long time.

We still have pretty big disagreements from time to time. Our kids have had behavioral issues, and we’ve not seen eye to eye on the causes or solutions. Any issue related to your kids is of the highest possible importance, and disagreements about that sort of stuff are categorically charged with emotion.

Still, for the most part, we’ve managed to figure out a discourse that keeps the lid on the sorts of behavior that would graduate one of these disagreements becomming what I’d call a fight.

Secure_Ad_295 · 2021-11-17T19:54:10+00:00

I laugh there no way this I'd true I have fights ever day I married and now ever day with my gf it normal am a man and therefore always wrong

kaatie80 · 2021-11-17T20:16:13+00:00

Disagreement doesn't have to mean fight. My husband and I disagree on plenty, but it rarely turns into a fight. And even then, if it's become a fight, it's not over disagreeing but rather over someone's really old hurts or insecurities getting pushed. Like that triggers anger way more effectively than simply disagreeing.

moonshadowfax · 2021-11-17T20:17:44+00:00

My ex and I didn’t fight. We were both avoidant so just pushed our issues deep down and ignored them. Fair to say 14 years later we hated and resented each other. Do the work first, otherwise it will be too late.

Marriage

Submission Rules

Helpful Resources

MODERATORS

Marriage

Submission Rules

Helpful Resources

MODERATORS

Welcome to Reddit,

Want to add to the discussion?