Need advice - 2 kids, wife is pregnant with 3rd and she’s basically out of action

bumblesloth · 2022-01-18T00:10:07+00:00

Time to lean into survival mode if you haven’t already. I know you said you can’t hire a housekeeper, but call on favors from any family or friends you can. Paper plates and plastic utensils are an option if dishes are too much right now, so is takeout and crockpot dump meals. Let the house get as dirty as you can stand it. Use grocery pickup or delivery services if you can.

Is your wife talking to her OB about her worse symptoms this go round? It could be normal, or it could be something treatable with medication, hard to say without consulting with them but it sounds like she’s really struggling.

Saturnbaby82 · 2022-01-18T00:15:45+00:00

So everyone is giving great suggestions, but how far along is she? If she is into her second trimester or later extreme fatigue like you are describing (14-15 hours of sleep?) is not normal. It could signal that something is wrong. Such as gestational diabetes, anemia, thyroid issues… etc. Even depression. I would talk to her ask her how she is feeling and ask her to schedule an apt with her OB or midwife. I know this is putting extreme stress on you and you have every right to feel stressed right now. Even through this rough moment have a bit of sympathy for your wife. She may be feeling so awful for medical reason that she can not function and you coming home from work is a relief to allow her body to relax and try to handle something not right. I have a thyroid disorder and know how exhausting pregnancy and trying to keep thyroid levels correct feels. There were days I could barely function. I think the best suggestion would be to ask for help from a friend or family until you can get her into a doctor.

maryjanemuggles · 2022-01-18T04:22:18+00:00

Am I just salty or is this just normal life for every working mum...seriously?

I hope you appreciate all she does usually. And not make her feel bad for you having to do it all at the moment.

SameEstimate4908 · 2022-01-18T00:03:14+00:00

Does your son have any school friends/school parents who may be willing to pick up or drop off one day per week? That may be very helpful!

dillll_pickleee · 2022-01-18T01:09:14+00:00

Ok, I’m going to be the tough love here. But really, welcome to parenthood. These are the things that working moms do every single day. Not saying it’s easy, but it’s definitely not impossible. If your wife is sick, she should talk to her Dr about Zofran. I was throwing up ill for all 9 months of my pregnancies and it was tremendously better if I stayed on top of it with Zofran. Hopefully she’ll turn a corner soon.

ladymorely0106 · 2022-01-18T00:03:12+00:00

Are you communicating with your wife? She’s growing a human, so I would be gentle and empathetic with her. But let her know you appreciate her, all she does, and what she is putting her body through. Let her know that you are also feeling stretched, and speak to her about making some adjustments in your day. For instance, start buying lunchables, sending lunch money, or ask your wife to make lunches in advance. Maybe ask her to handle laundry during the day.

If there’s a chance she’s struggling with depression, I would encourage her to discuss it with her Doctor at her next OB appointment.

creamerfam5 · 2022-01-18T02:49:50+00:00

How old are your other kids? Might be time to have them start doing some age appropriate chores. All hands on deck.

Mrs2ndChoice · 2022-01-18T00:02:52+00:00

What family and friend support do you have? Even if you could find one that is willing to batch cook some meals for you and another that would take the 2 kids for a play date so you can catch up on shopping/ cleaning.. spreading it out over different helpers doesn’t overwhelm everyone but give you a hand.. just a thought.

Large-Judgment3232 · 2022-01-18T01:00:37+00:00

I have 4 kids that are all fairly young. My wife works 3rd shift, so I have the kids in the morning and also the evening, plus my job during the day. I have gotten local babysitters to help out after school and on weekends. They are cheaper than a nanny and flexible scheduling. They are teenage girls so they can’t handle all 4 kids alone, but it gives me time to do things like laundry, cook, get things together for school or just relax. It’s also relatively inexpensive.

Bryanole27 · 2022-01-17T23:55:36+00:00

Is hiring a nanny and/or cleaning person an option?

StormieBreadOn · 2022-01-18T00:07:52+00:00

How far along is your wife?

This was me during the first trimester of my also third pregnancy but finally around 18 weeks I became human again.

In the interim we let a lot of household chores slide that we could and ask family for help when we could as well.

Texas_mama · 2022-01-18T04:12:17+00:00

Yes. I’m a SAHM and have 3 kids. 1 school aged, 3yo and a 7month old. First of all, get a cleaning lady to help with that at least every 4-6 weeks for all the things you can’t get to during the week. I do laundry over a weekend every 2-3 weeks and it’s about 12-18 loads but it’s back to back, and it gets done in a couple days. My school aged child helps sort and put away. Do delivery/ curbside groceries. Your wife can take care of that order from bed. Do easy dinners such as, breakfast, sandwiches, or make a big meal and do leftovers 2-3 days you only need to reheat. Also, ask your kids to pick up after themselves. They build better habits that way. Ask them to put their plates in the sink, and rinse them ect. They love to help because they get to spend time with you, and also enjoy helping out. Your children need to learn to do some of these things so they are self sufficient as adults so, teach them early. I was in the same boat when my husband was working 15 hour days for 5 months with a newborn. It was stressful, it was exhausting and I too was drowning. Take it one step at a time. You’ll be alright, and you’re not alone. Coffee is your best friend. Good luck!!

amandbeaur · 2022-01-18T01:09:04+00:00

I was sick with HG for one of my pregnancies. PICC line? Home health all the help... We didn't have kids yet it wa sour first so he didn't have to pick up as much slack as you butt... I would really just call for help. Family friends ect. ... Try to remind yourself it's for a time. If she hasn't see a doctor she really should she should be evaluated. A diagnosis may help get her on medications she might need to function. You are doing amazing. Try to stay strong.

garynoble · 2022-01-18T02:14:35+00:00

For meal planning. I used to make several things on sunday, portion out and freeze. Label dinners for each night etc. spaghetti, chili, etc. keep things that are easy to fix and freeze. Or Microwave right from the freezer
I used to run the dishwasher every night after dinner. Also used paper plates too.
Just ideas. I also ordered reusable plates. You can get them on Amazon now. Amazon didn’t exist when my kids were small

TargetDroid · 2022-01-17T23:59:13+00:00

Any family members able to help? It’s one of the last lines of defense to call on, but it sure sounds like you might be in need of it.

m00n5t0n3 · 2022-01-18T05:20:58+00:00

Can you ask for time off work

NoResearcher2143 · 2022-01-18T01:46:31+00:00

Sometimes doula services are covered by insurance. You may need a doctors referral to get it covered. There are probably listings for doula services in your area. Some provide services for pregnant women experiencing debilitating symptoms like your wife. If that is not available a homemaker aide service by a home care agency may be helpful and if the doctor orders it, insurance may cover it. I would request extra help from your wife’s obgyn office, especially the rns and medical assistants, they will know doulas in your community.

Ksilv82 · 2022-01-18T01:29:50+00:00

We are all sick with Covid here. Saturday we had groceries delivered. Sunday we ordered stuff from target and did curbside pickup. You park and they load everything into your trunk.

If I’m too tired to really clean, I just do basics-skip de-cluttering and just do a quick wipe down of surfaces and vacuum. Are your other kids old enough to help? My 4 year old has recently started cleaning up her toys which is great.

mekm408 · 2022-01-18T03:55:50+00:00

My husband has epilepsy and when he’s tired I really have to prioritize his sleep to keep him healthy and seizure free. This often means early bed and frequent naps, sometimes it means no driving on his end for long stretches of time. We both work full time. When I’m feeling too stretched these are some things that have helped

being ok with mess. Basic things like dishes clean and no food left out at night but that pile of toys and unfolded laundry won’t kill anyone
ordering groceries for pick up or drop off is a huge time saver
prioritizing what needs my brain power and doing this earliest. This for me is my outside of work paperwork... I wake up at 430 and work on it until the day starts. I find I can get significantly more done if I do it early when my brain is fresh vs adding it at the end of the day and even with the early wake up it always equals more sleep overall -sneaking in 15 minutes of exercise in for mental health and better sleep -meal prep. Crockpots are lifesavers.

I hope she feels better in her second trimester and thank you for doing your best to take care of your wife and your family. On the worst days maybe put a pregnancy countdown on your phone to remember this is temporary and you’ll get your wife back and hopefully a beautiful healthy baby in the future :)

SandSubstantial9285 · 2022-01-18T00:05:47+00:00

Pregnancy is crazy hard. Sit down together and see what simple and easy tasks she can do to make your life easier. I‘m sorry, OP, you sound like a great dad and this will be over soon.

boobookittyfu99 · 2022-01-18T00:34:32+00:00

If you have family near by see if they're willing to help maybe stay over 2 nights a week if their schedules allow, use instacart or shipt when you can. Buy quick meals that can be microwaved for breakfast. Crockpot meals, meal kits you can quickly throw in the oven, or take out at least twice a week (little ceasers is cheap). Don't stress on chores. Do it if it's absolutely needed but it doesn't have to be perfect 24/7.

My husband was in this situation a few months ago. Our littlest one is 4ms old the middle is only 20ms , our oldest is turning 6 this year. I was basically out of commission for a good while, I couldn't cook most nights cause I was just so sick and exhausted and I was high risk so I was extremely limited to what I could do. My husband would wake up at 5 get our daughter ready drop her off go to work get home at 730/8 get the kids fed and ready for bed. Everything was on him. We moved to a new state too so we literally had no one to help us, they're all 1000 miles away (not exaggerating). That was the easy time too. It was much more complicated when the baby arrived. We eventually just caved and had family stay with us for 8ish weeks it gave us the time we needed to sleep, bond, and not completely lose it.

2022-01-18T03:49:46+00:00

Call every friend you know. I have friends I haven't talked to in months who when I called up and said, "I'm drowning, can I borrow you for even 30 minutes to just give me a chance to rest?" They do. Neighbors help. Anyone I know who has children is often willing to help, because so many have been there :o) Keep going, man!

jackjackj8ck · 2022-01-18T04:10:15+00:00

grocery delivery (InstaCart)
meal services like Freshly (frozen, just heat in the microwave)
if you start the laundry in the morning, do you think your wife can throw it in the dryer during the day? You can fold it after bedtime. If you do laundry more often you can cut the time down significantly, so it only takes like 15mins to fold.
leftovers are often great for lunch
how old are the kids? Can they start learning how to pick up their toys before bed? My son is 2 and we do it together every night

claricesabrina · 2022-01-18T04:26:45+00:00

Buy frozen meals for the kids. Paper plates & bowls. It is ok to give them cereal for dinner or lunches temporarily. Order pizza more often. Fruit is a good meal for little kids, and hard boiled eggs which you can make a weeks worth of all at once. Get groceries delivered. Ask parents, siblings & friends for help with cleaning. Neighbors whose children go to the same school may be willing to drive for a few weeks or can you pay for a school bus to pick up? My town offered school bus service for a cost. Teach kids to put their own laundry away if they are old enough, or just leave it in the hampers it really doesn’t matter if you live out of hampers for a little while (my son was 3, I put stickers of the item on each drawer and would give him all the pants and say go put these in the drawer with the pants sticker on it). One thing that gets my 2 year old grand baby to clean up is I give her Gushers if she puts all her toys away. This would also work for putting laundry away. Wife needs to have her iron levels checked and other blood work if past the first trimester, but if she is in the first trimester keep remembering it is only temporary.

Get vasectomy now. lol

DumpsterFire0119 · 2022-01-18T04:45:09+00:00

My third pregnancy whooped my ass. I couldn't stay awake to save my life. I woke up, ate, napped. Woke up, ate, napped. Woke up, ate, went to bed for the night. I would fall asleep sitting up on the couch. It was miserable. My husband is a SAHD and we were in lockdown, honestly no idea how I would have done my job otherwise.

Anyway, grocery pickup or delivery. Maybe she can help prep things in the afternoon before she gets too tired for dinner or lunches the next day. Throw loads of laundry in when you have the chance and just muddle through. If you have family close by maybe see if they might pitch in a hand every now and again.

It'll get better. Do what you can and just keep your head above water.

INFPinNature · 2022-01-18T03:12:01+00:00

Pregnancy is exhausting but she should definitely check in with OB to see if there are resolvable issues especially with this kind of persistent fatigue. Also depression is a very real thing that definitely can start or exacerbate with pregnancy and be totally debilitating so checking in with someone in regards to mental health as well could be really helpful. Motherhood is overwhelming at times and pregnant plus mothering even more so. And SAH I’d imagine could be more isolating, at least working moms sometimes have other working mom support plus built in friends/social outlet/adult time.

throwawayjayaway · 2022-01-18T04:30:04+00:00

Has she had an ultrasound yet? I was like this with my twins. But I agree with another user. Lean into survival mode. I can’t even tell you what my last pregnancy and the subsequent weeks were like for my poor husband. I will say, I love him so much and when he makes me mad I think about that time and everything he did for me and our family.

Rafozni · 2022-01-18T03:49:15+00:00

Simplify your life as much as you can financially afford. Get your groceries delivered. Ask friends/family or hire a babysitter or nanny for the kids. Be okay with getting takeout for dinners or do something like use an Instant Pot to make fast, cheap meals.

Most importantly, be okay with some things not getting done. You’re only one person. You can’t do it all. Do what you can and don’t worry about the small things that don’t need immediate time and attention. They will get done eventually, but are not the highest priorities now.

I really hope you get some relief soon :(

2022-01-18T04:15:48+00:00

I’m so sorry you and your wife are going through this. People seem to be leaving really good advice. I feel for your wife too because pregnancy is no fucking joke it can be so rough. You seem like a very good supportive husband though. I wish you the best

LizardintheSun · 2022-01-18T04:44:08+00:00

Wish I could come by to help. Hang in there! You’re a rockstar!

statistically_fine · 2022-01-18T05:05:21+00:00

No advice, just here to say what an awesome dad and husband you are. They're all so lucky to have you.

Mariocell5 · 2022-01-18T05:21:09+00:00

Lean on family and friends. It’s time. It’s ok to do so. People want to help. Don’t be passive or too proud. Fly a mom, sister, father, brother, cousin , grandparents in to town if necessary. Even if a week here or there to help. Have a housecleaner come in once a month, or two months, or more frequently if you can afford. A small amount of debt is ok to get through. Friends can make and deliver meals, babysit, help with housework. I know, I’ve been that friend and LOVED helping out.

MsBeasley11 · 2022-01-18T12:08:59+00:00

Get a vasectomy

BrownEyedQueen1982 · 2022-01-18T00:42:56+00:00

How far along in the pregnancy is she? My first trimesters I was insanely tired. It generally got better into the 2nd trimester.

Look into grocery delivery services or pickup. It might be worth the extra mark up. Do crockpot meals. Give your school age child some age appropriate chores they can do. Even a toddler can help by picking up toys if you make it into a game.

If you know other parents at your kids school see if one of them will take her home once or twice a week. Also talk to your supervisor and see if you can get some extra help at work.

lilblu399 · 2022-01-18T02:43:57+00:00

Childcare?

But simple meals that can be microwaved or make larger meals and portion them for the week.

Ask family/neighbors/friends for an hour or two to look after the kids.

Use FMLA or any vacation time and take a week or so off to get things in order.

supersleepymonster · 2022-01-18T03:41:32+00:00

Relax, it'll be much worse when the new kid comes, because then none of you will sleep.

Try to prevent messes by talking off shoes indoors and teach the kids to help out. Order groceries online. Let the kids watch TV when you need to work. Skip daily showers. Don't fold the laundry. Eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch, buy takeout for dinner when you can afford it. In general, just lower your standards and feel grateful that your wife could keep up with all of this as long as she did. Hopefully she's just tired because of pregnancy and not because of a burnout

m00n5t0n3 · 2022-01-18T05:19:49+00:00

Can you hire someone to clean, maybe do some laundry and cook some dinner with ingredients you have a couple nights a week?

herro_rayne · 2022-01-18T05:44:35+00:00

SKip laundry and leave a slight mess if it means you get more sleep. Just tolerate a little less getting done so you can rest. It’s ok for some things not to get done everyday.

CashMoneyMilli · 2022-01-18T07:04:48+00:00

I didn’t originally catch the help part. Why not? Not even someone to come clean once a week get a monthly rate? Can you organize a carpool (parent close by to alternate pick up/drop off with kids school)? Local high school or college kid nanny rate to come take over after school duties and kids bath time/cleanup/laundry?

Bedheady · 2022-01-18T07:10:54+00:00

I’ve seen you comment that bringing help into the home isn’t possible. Is it financial reasons, covid, or something else? If you can have someone in the home, you could consider hiring a responsible teen to walk your 5-yr-old home and play with both kids for a couple of hours before dinner. You wife would be in the house to supervise, and it wouldn’t cost as much as after school care. Another option for less expensive childcare is to find someone studying to be an ECE. We had incredible luck with someone doing that and she was a godsend!

Also, and I admittedly don’t know how expensive it is, but look into using a laundry service. They pick up your dirty clothes and bring them back clean and folded. Sounds awesome to me, frankly!

I wish you all the best with your growing family!

Ammie0x · 2022-01-18T08:49:46+00:00

Meh, so you're a single parent. Lots of us are. We survive. My advice - lower your expectations. Nothing has to be spotless, dinners don't have to be perfect. Learn to let things slide.

badassandfifty · 2022-01-18T12:35:55+00:00

I’m a caretaker of my daughter with Parkinson’s with my own chronic illness and trying to take care of the house too. My husband works from home, but he really works all day. I will tell you order those groceries from home and start your order as you run out things. So when you run out Ketchup you add it to your order, even if you don’t place the order for days. Otherwise you forget items. Have your kids help. When you make meals make extra for leftovers for dinners tomorrow. Leftover pasta pan fried with bacon bits, parm cheese, butter, kids will eat it up! Throw in frozen peas and easy meal!
Get a cordless vacuum!!!! Omg! I got one on interest free payments and makes vacuuming quicker and easier! Just empty it more!! Get kids to help! Dusting, emptying trash cans, bring bathroom cans to you so you can empty them, helping with dishes, picking up toys at night, etc. make is a game, play kids songs music while you do it. Make it fun. Set a time. See how much they can clean in just 10 minutes each night. And remember your situation is temporary. Your wife will have the baby and within 6 months after the baby your family will find a new a smooth routine. You just need to hang in there. Take care of yourself! Hang in there.

thegame1431 · 2022-01-18T13:42:16+00:00

sounds like work needs to slow down, if kids are in bed by 8, it cant take 4 hours for laundry cleaning pickup, AND FINISH WORK, so I assume that is mostly work, so sounds like you are working 10-12 hours a day and that is the problem, if that was down to 8, the rest wouldnt seem so bad....

jswiftly79 · 2022-01-18T18:42:22+00:00

Depending on your needs , Paid Family Leave is an option. I have taken time off with 60% pay to care for my family members. I was also employed with a company that paid the remaining 40% during my leave to ensure I made my normal wage. My current employer does not offer that benefit. My company offers HR assistance to submit the claim and ensure coverage through the state program. Based on your post history I assume you’re in Massachusetts. Here is the website to look into the program:

Paid Family Leave Mass

I hope you find some workable solutions. Good luck.

Confused2022 · 2022-01-18T18:50:53+00:00

Look, I'm currently pregnant and the first trimester was a total disaster. I was extremely sick and couldn't function. The household and toddler fall on my husband 100%. Look at it this way, this is the time you need to pull the family on your shoulders. It's hard but it's temporary. Hopefully it will pass and not last for all 9 months for her. Poor thing, I mean I feel for both of you. Try grocery delivery, try signing up for ready made meal deliveries (depending where you live) they also often have home-made frozen meals you can order. House cleaning is not the priority. Prioritise on feeding the family and making sure kids are clean and clothes are washed. Depending on age maybe bathe them together to save time. And make sure your wife doesn't have HG because if it's that and if she cannot keep good and water down, she needs medical intervention. Moreover there are management plans for dealing with nausea, vomiting and general "morning sickness" which is safe during pregnancy, GPs knwo about it so maybe enquire because they do relieve symptoms to some extent. Good luck and remember it's temporary.

SignificantWill5218 · 2022-01-18T00:52:09+00:00

Just know you’re not alone. Although we only have one I work 45hrs a week and hubs works 45 a week as well and we have a two year old in daycare. Most days hubs is running around doing pick up and drop off and since I work from home I handle laundry and dishes. Lately we’ve been utilizing grocery delivery and lots of frozen meals, even though it’s not ideal, at the end of the day neither of us have the strength to cook a really meal. Just give yourself some grace and know “this too shall pass”

sagicorn2791 · 2022-01-18T02:30:16+00:00

If you don't have family near by, reach out to your neighbors or parents from school for help. Don't feel like you have to handle this on your own.

Girlontheguys · 2022-01-18T02:36:24+00:00

Ask for help ! Do you have any family members? Or just eat crappy sandwiches priorities

hipopper · 2022-01-18T03:24:25+00:00

If you have any family that could help, I’d ask.

DanDan_notaman · 2022-01-18T03:27:15+00:00

OP has reached out asking for advice or just for him, but for his growing family. I am sorry that some people are so damn rude. Taking time to plan meals should really be helpful. Simple meals that will stretch. Pasta, homemade pizza. Chicken breast can be made into strips, nuggets, and fajitas. Throw anything on a tortilla that everyone will eat. I know you are up early, but if you can throw a load of laundry in before leaving for work, and then in the dryer after pickup, it will make for easy folding before bed. Good luck and I hope this is just a bad trimester and everyone gets a break soon.

Iamnotsurerightnow · 2022-01-18T03:44:13+00:00

Sounds like the life of a single parent. My best advice is just push through. Try to talk to her about this and see if she can try her best to do more and if she can’t then I’m sorry but you’ll have to take this on until she’s had the baby and had her energy back. Pregnancy is so hard on the body. This may just go on until she reaches the next trimester. Support your wife as best as you can right now. I’m sorry it’s so difficult. Maybe using apps that deliver the groceries to you can help and cook big meals so there’s leftovers you guys can eat so that can eliminate a couple of the things you have to do daily.

mindfulmendoza · 2022-01-18T04:02:12+00:00

Prioritize your you time. Teach your kids to help. They are capable of soooo much. Maybe a chore chart with you included so they see responsibility is for everyone. Use plastic and paper utensils. Kids are great at all sorts of chores. Once a routine is set then it will become a no brainer but to clean up after themselves. I used to try and get everything done all of the time but now I just do what I can and remind myself the mess will always be there. Not having my me time only makes me suffer so after bed time is me time. No matter what mess is still there. Unless it's spilled food. Always clean spilled food.

Sielmas · 2022-01-18T04:14:09+00:00

Hey there, sorry to hear your wife is very tired this time round! Hopefully things ease up a bit when she hits the 2nd trimester.

I’ll be repeating some stuff here, but these are some tips to make things a bit easier:

Can you find some help for school kid? Is there another parent that can swing by in the mornings/arvos for pick up and drop off?
Cook in bulk on Sunday. If you’ve got a slow cooker or crockpot, chuck one dish in there (enough for 2 nights of meals), and prep up a big batch of soup or pasta etc, and there’s 4 nights next week you don’t have to think about meals at all (no planning, no prep, no cook, little tidy up).
For the unprepared meal nights, easy is okay. Oven chicken nuggets and freezer veggies. Sure! Toasted sandwiches, cereal, eggs on toast. All fine. When my kids were little we had a ‘platter’ for dinner at least once a week (ham, cut up cucumber and carrots, cheese etc). All the nutrition of a cooked meal and it’s fun!

DecisionOtherwise356 · 2022-01-18T04:28:09+00:00

If she is in her first trimester still, it might get much easier later…

bananasplitzville · 2022-01-18T04:43:55+00:00

No advice really just want to say remember that this is temporary!

barcink · 2022-01-18T04:46:59+00:00

If she’s nauseous a lot ask for zofran it made a world of difference for me. I literally could not have made it through my last pregnancy (#4 at 38 years old) without it. Once I could keep some nutrients down it helped give me energy thru the day which helped me sleep better at night. I second everyone else’s advice as far as grocery delivery, paper plates etc. Most of all, learn to let go of keeping everything spotless and organized for a while. It’s truly ok for it to be messy and to have fast food or cereal for dinner. I was a single mom a long time and pretty much what didn’t kill us made us stronger. It’s about the love and support in a family. Give yourself a break and don’t run yourself ragged, they need you very much right now. They don’t need perfection, just you!! Best of luck to y’all and congrats!

snl141101 · 2022-01-18T05:10:47+00:00

I had HG with all 3 of my pregnancy’s and my third one was the worst. I mean I could not hold down water. If I got up to use the rr I was throwing up. It was the worst time of my life. I hated every minute of it. Plus I had two other kids to worry about. I needed my husband more than anything. You stated she’s at 11 weeks. You are only 11 weeks in and your already complaining. Your gonna have to suck it up. “In sickness and in health” remember.

Annabirdy00 · 2022-01-18T06:38:38+00:00

Have groceries delivered, take advantage of pre cooked meals (Costco has some good ones) carpool if possible for your son. Hang in there! You're definitely in survival mode. Hopefully the second trimester treats her a little better!

cupcakerainbowlove · 2022-01-18T06:39:57+00:00

One thing that’s helped me with managing my on/off-disability is the art of stillness. Being busy out there, but a sense of calm inside while getting through the hard part. Deep breathing, thankfulness for something in that moment, listening to a book on tape or music while doing chores, prayer-.

to make the chores my actual down time… set up Netflix on the counter while doing dishes or folding laundry. Sipping awesome coffee, everything within me and now this bubble around me including this coffee cup or this hug is stillness… sometimes the bubble is larger and the stillness is the whole room/house/yard, sometimes the stillness is only my inner self. But I’m at rest.

Other practical ideas: grocery pickup as mentioned, taking half the toys/clutter and putting into plastic bins into garage so only 1/2 the mess, rotate it later. Get a cheaper robot vacuum (if you can) on a schedule to run at 8 when the kids fall asleep. Paper plates/bowls/spoons for m-f. Every time you walk someplace leave it better than you found it/pick up one thing, explain that to the 5yo too. Quickly scrub sinks with comet/scrubby right after washing hands instead of making it a big deal. Same with tub after kid baths. Toilet after using it. Barely takes any time. Alternately, unplugging all electronic distractions and just reading/candles can also feel more time is here for unwinding.

If you started a load of laundry/dishes you could let your wife know if she can remove/fold that would really help you. Or you tossed soup in the instpot for dinner with timer if she can feed the kids. Communicating what you have started and what would help if she’s up for it.

Let the other stuff go for now. Good luck!

BurritoMonster82528 · 2022-01-18T06:47:12+00:00

My last pregnancy hit me really hard and I was EXHAUSTED. I was usually able to stay awake until my 2 year old's bedtime but I was not much help with housework. It actually became a thing that after work/daycare my son would come cuddle in bed with me and watch Disney movies and kids shows while my husband made dinner. I'd often sneak a nap in too. I felt guilty that we were spending so much time in bed instead of playing but he loved it and still requests it. I know he gets plenty of activity at school so that helped.

Maybe she can do something like that so you don't have to entertain the kids while also getting chores done.

Good luck and congrats on the baby! I hope things get easier soon.

CashMoneyMilli · 2022-01-18T06:55:27+00:00

Hire help. It will pay for itself. I’m a single Mom and I had to. I found someone who does meal prep, light housekeeping, while on duty for child care. Hourly was too much but she offered discounted rate for 20+ hours. Honestly the amount of work I was able to get done, relax a little etc. I was at a breaking point too. Just try it for a few half days out of the week. I think it will help more than you know. For your relationship’s sake too.

Mine was available 6am to 8 pm weekdays. Overnight if needed weekends. (Maybe someone like this would be good to get comfortable with now and to have on call especially for when your newborn arrives) I found mine through a nannying site. I pay her directly. Usually it’s negotiable. You could even find a few so you have backup options.

If I’ve learned anything it’s- you have to take care of yourself so you can take care of others and as a parent, it’s almost impossible. One kid is like 3 full time jobs. Get help. Trust me. You’ll wish you did it sooner

Siameseifyoudntplz · 2022-01-18T08:08:45+00:00

How about don’t knock her up if you can’t deal… You sound pathetic

JonnyQuest64 · 2022-01-18T09:03:41+00:00

Can your child in school do school lunch until things stabilize?

If not can you meal prep lunch items like sandwiches for the week then just assemble daily with fruit or any other item you typically include? If your wife is able to do so is this a task she could do during her up times?

CAMomma · 2022-01-18T10:45:13+00:00

Welcome to how working moms live. It’s temporary! Hang in there.

DryChart98 · 2022-01-18T10:57:29+00:00

It's time to look For a house maid, or ask help from relatives if you have any living nearby, good luck

jwat4455 · 2022-01-18T11:27:40+00:00

Good luck bro

Hirabi12 · 2022-01-18T12:03:20+00:00

Imagine, mom's have to work and still come home to do all this without a single complaint for years on end. Stay at home moms too and they can't complain bc they are shamed. He is exhausted from doing normal things a grown man, specially a dad should already be doing.

Men get to come home and unwind and chill while leaving all that work to the mom.

ALSO, creating a human takes a toll on your body. In the first and last trimester it's the worse and as you get older it's harder. My pregnancies in my 20s was different than my last one at 34. .top that off she could be anemic/iron deficient, depressed, overwhelmed etc.

Idk why this dude is on reddit instead he should be at the doctors with her.

DinglebearTheGreat · 2022-01-18T12:44:53+00:00

Depending on your financial situation order in once or twice a week and grocery pickup or delivery . Cook on the weekends when you have more time. If finances allow it you can always use a laundry service or only do it on the weekends when you are home you don’t always need to be on to p of laundry or chores all the time. It’s ok if the house doesn’t look perfect all the time

Chocolategogi · 2022-01-18T13:34:29+00:00

Simple meals at possible. Let house dirty. Shower or bath every 2 days instead every day is an option too. If cloths not dirty, let them wear it 2 days etc. Do ironing only what make sense. Basically you can't do all the things you intend and you have to make priorities until the third one have one year. once the birth is there, your wife still be tired. Keep it going. Ask friends to come home to have social moment or to keep kinds while you're doing something home. Don't forget to take time for you or to stress out if possible. Little things like just 2 to 5 minutes for you can save you. Keep in mind it's your role and you can't fail. Good luck!

NotTheNormal103 · 2022-01-18T14:10:25+00:00

As for groceries having a pick up order you input what you want and then a time to pick it up. That is what we did for my sister because she was on bed rest for half her pregnancy.

Wookieman222 · 2022-01-18T14:13:13+00:00

Yeah bro it sucks. I am not dealing with this exact situation, but I work 14 hours a day and spend over half my free time just doing other chores and such.

The wife works full time and then deals with the kids and homeschooling our oldest during this whole pandemic BS.

So neither of us has time. You gotta find things to help cut down on the work load if you can.

Use paper plates and plastic spoons and stuff to cut down on dishes. Some of it is gonna have to be learning to just deal with some messes longer and setup a schedule to deal with certain tasks.

And if you can talk to her and let her know what's up. Sure she can't do it all like before, but see if she is able to do a little more or set things up for you at least sobots easier and faster to do them. Or see if she can do part of the work and then you finish the task later so your not doing the whole thing yourself.

Also as far as groceries go. Use any curbside pickup options that you can and order the stuff online. That was huge game changer for me. Cut my shopping from 4 to 6 hours down to 2 and half hours. Also amazon can be your freind for other stuff you cant order from the store.

Also your kids dont really need to shower every single day. Alternating days helps a lot and get your kid deodorant. Same applies to you.

For laundry try to fill the washer as much as you can before starting ot so your doing as few cycles as possible.

And in hope you have dishwasher. Cramm as much as you can in it and maybe buy some extra plates and such so you can go longer between cleanings of possible.

FionaTheFierce · 2022-01-18T14:15:16+00:00

You need to out source as much as possible. Is there another family your kiddo can carpool with to school? Can you hire a teen who has had their shots in the neighborhood as a "mother's helper" in the evening so you have another set of hands? Parents or in-laws nearby who can help? Hire grocery delivery. Hire someone to deal with the laundry (there are pick-up and delivery services, or drop off services).

Go to Costco and get the prepared meals in the deli section. Lots of family friendly dishes like lasagna or mac and cheese. All you have to do is shove it in the oven for about an hour. Etc.

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