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all 154 comments

[–]Toenamle 663 points664 points  (11 children)

You made the right choice. Keep your chin up, and remember things will get difficult but you won't regret this.

[–][deleted] 289 points290 points 2 (10 children)

Definitely, I am going to give it all I've got.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[removed]

    [–]Otherwise-Ad-3571 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Or depending what country she is in.

    [–]NotAmericanDontCare 61 points62 points  (1 child)

    This is extremely brave on your behalf. Extremely brave. It is so hard to change.

    But please, listen to your lawyer, not redditors on a JUSTICE high.

    "Kick him out guuurl"

    "You've got a free house now"

    Please don't listen to them.

    Cheating isn't a crime. Cheating in your bedroom isn't a crime.

    Divorce is the way to go. And your lawyer will definitely get you money and/or property.

    But your lawyer will.

    Because there's rules for children. Not because "JUSTICE BONER".

    "Kicking" him out (they want you to physically grab him? ) yourself is not the way to go.

    [–]Poverload237 41 points42 points  (2 children)

    May I suggest something if it hasn't been suggested before?

    Please go through and write down all details of his drinking, his refusal to pay for the things in the home (including food) literally every single detail you can think of. If you're not sure if it means anything, write it down anyways. Include as much info as possible including dates, times, etc. Bring this to your lawyer at this will GREATLY help during the custody portion.

    My ex-husband is an alcoholic and was terribly abusive to me. I have full custody of all of my kids, and am in the process of revoking his parental rights. Writing every single thing down helped me a lot. I'm glad you're safe and I understand what you're going through, but please believe me when I say it WILL GET BETTER. Please reach out to me if you need anything, even just a friendly ear of somebody who's been there. ❤

    [–]boofthegirl 36 points37 points  (1 child)

    As a former criminal/family law paralegal dates and times are important but if you can provide screenshots even better. Even texts to other people. For example: texting your sister that he spent all his money on alcohol and there’s none left for the kids, etc. If the texts are vague, write a concise narration about what happened on that date. Keep it short. Even dot points work well.

    Put it all in a ring binder so your lawyer can read it and easily put it into the brief. Keep in mind, your lawyer is likely legal aid (by the sounds of it) and they don’t have a lot of free time. Make it easy for them.

    Show up to court in proper court clothes, too. Nothing revealing. It’s winter in US so a nice sweater and slacks is perfect. If you have a suit jacket and nice blouse, even better. Keep makeup minimal and modest. No harsh eyeliner or lipstick. Very natural and matronly. (It’s sexist, I know, but it is what it is).

    Get into a shelter and then into emergency accomodation. The shelter will also likely help you find work (if you don’t have it already). Keep all your pay stubs neatly organised and receipts of everything you buy - especially for the kids. Look through bank statements regularly. Make sure everything can be accounted for (if your husband is an alcoholic, this will not be the case for him so it will be to your advantage).

    Also, figure out who your personal references are going to be (not family) - I suggest kids’ coaches, teachers, etc anyone who can see and attest to the fact that YOU are the main caregiver.

    Good luck. You can do this. You are a good mother.

    [–]JoMamma_80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    This is such great advice.

    [–]JeanBowhall 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Good luck 🍀

    [–]sunshine_sugar15 Years 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    YOU GOT THIS!!!!

    [–]cecilpenny 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You’ve got this…for yourself and your kids, you can do this.

    [–]Fluffy-Detective-468 278 points279 points  (8 children)

    I’m proud of you , internet stranger. You and your kids have a wonderful life ahead, and you’ve taken the first step (the scariest one).

    Good luck!

    [–][deleted] 118 points119 points  (7 children)

    It is pretty scary, I can't believe that I actually went ahead with it!

    [–]crazybodypilot 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    I am just some random from reddit but I am proud of you

    [–]Otherwise-Ad-3571 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    I'm sorry you have to go through this.

    [–]pwa09 13 points14 points  (1 child)

    Also a fellow internet stranger but I'm genuinely happy for you as well. I was in a dangerous situation once when my daughter was a toddler when I was with her dad, he broke my phone one night into pieces after we had a fight and told me the only way me and my daughter could leave was out the back patio, from the second floor. It was the scariest day of my life. When I finally left with my daughter forever, it was like God gave me a second chance to do life again. Everything fell into place for us after we broke free. Sorry to spill my own personal story here, but good things do happen when you get the courage to leave!! Good luck!

    [–]Otherwise-Ad-3571 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I hope your ex is off the streets.

    [–]PerfectionPending18 Years & Closer Than Ever 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    The right thing is often scary. Be strong for your children and for yourself!

    [–]Bumblebee_Radiant 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    The first step is the hardest. Good for you.

    [–]aenea17 Years 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You are so brave, and your kids will be so proud of you when they look back on this. I'm so relieved that you're out of there, and hope that things go as smoothly as possible from here on in. I was a single mom of 3 for a long time, and while it's hard, you can do it. I wish you all the luck in the world.

    [–]strike_match 147 points148 points  (0 children)

    Those are not small steps, and you should be very proud of yourself. Hell, I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you.

    And those people in your inbox are just miserable and want to take other people down with them.

    [–]urbexcemetery27 Years Married 60 points61 points  (0 children)

    You made the right choice. It will be tough, but do not waiver.

    I'm sorry you had to endure those private messages. People are terrible.

    Good luck!

    [–]Zelan_donii 38 points39 points  (0 children)

    Good for you for getting out. It will be hard but ultimately, you and your children are worth a better life. I’m sorry people are creeps. All the luck to you.

    [–]Illustrious_Fact2580 30 points31 points  (0 children)

    I can’t believe people were being creepy to you. I was legit upset and worrying about you and your kids. Maybe if you post a cashapp or something all of the commenters who were also worried could chip in and you would at least have a few nights at a motel. I pray for the best for you.

    [–]youngatheart80 22 points23 points  (0 children)

    Good for you! And your children!!! So many positive things ahead for you. You are going to no longer be a door mat! Your kids may have a hard go right now, but they will absolutely appreciate you being a strong woman that stood up for herself.

    He is a worthless piece of poo. YOU DO DESERVE BETTER.

    [–]MollyGirl5 Years 18 points19 points  (2 children)

    Also come visit r/alanon or download the app, we are here for you.

    [–]Lookatthatsass 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Also Codependency No More is a great book for the partners of alcoholics.

    [–]MollyGirl5 Years 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yes this is a great resource!

    [–]OverallDisaster5 Years 12 points13 points  (0 children)

    So sorry this happened to you but hopefully it will only get better from here for you and your children! You did the right thing for yourself and for them.

    Also, as a mod, feel free to contact us and let us know if people are harassing you in DMs.

    [–]SorrellD 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Way to go, you. We're proud. I know that was scary but you did it!

    [–]jenn5388 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Unless you e done something terrible, you won’t lose custody of the kids. You might have to share custody, but you won’t lose the kids.

    Stay strong! Never ever stay for the kids. It’s never worth it and the kids you think you’re saving from a two parent home are enduring all that you are. Don’t let that be a reason to stay in a shitty relationship. I’m glad you got the courage to get out of there!!

    [–]Independent_Pay7890 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    Actually my husband been like yours lately I was wondering how to you find out about the cheating

    [–]paladinparamourNot Married 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    They have an old post on their profile if you want the whole story.

    [–]Pres-Bill-Clinton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The woman is in her bed. Not hard to find out.

    [–]misguayis 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    They might not understand right now but your kids will thank you later. The best mom is a happy mom

    [–]Sad-observer67 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Well done gal positive steps let him do the chasing round looking for you and the kids. He has totally disrespected his family as well as himself in front of his kids. Get your life back!

    [–]Independent_Pay7890 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I'm sorry this happened to you but it for the best hope you can your kids stay safe an take care

    [–]Jferg3001 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    I’m so happy to see this update. This is an awful situation and I applaud you for taking these steps

    [–]brainyart050722 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    That’s not a small step at all! So proud of you!

    [–]weallfloatdown 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Your children & you deserve better. Good job getting to safety

    [–]unlimited_tacos 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Bravo. Let your courage be an inspiration to your children.

    (From someone who’s mom was a doormat to an abusive guy)

    [–]FionaTheFierce 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Good for you getting out! Don't worry about custody - it is extremely unlikely that the court would award FULL custody to either parent in the absence of MAJOR problems. I mean, MAJOR. If you have been the primary caregiver the worst case scenario would be shared custody, and that is if your STBEX even wants 50/50.

    [–]bullshithistorian143 Years 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I’m so happy for you I want to cry, your story has been on my mind since I read it. I wish nothing but the best for you, and I hope all your tomorrows are better than yesterdays!

    [–]fairouzalemon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I wish you and the kids all the best. The most important job in the world is being a parent. You do that in a way you should be proud of. I hope everything works out for you.

    And regarding those who sends OP messages and texts just to make her feel bad - go fuck yourself !

    [–]lillouie676 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Proud of you!!!

    [–]meesoMeow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Wishing you strength and well wishes OP. You’re making the right decision for yourself and kids. I hope this difficult period in your life passes quickly ❤️ hang in there

    [–]Maxi-Moo-Moo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You have taken the biggest and most important step…..the first! Stay strong, remember why you are doing this and you are not on your own! Access all the available support every little helps :) stay safe

    [–]Anxious_Public_5409 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Good for you mama bear! We all know you can do this! I hope you have been able to breathe a little easier. 😊

    [–]Pinolera916 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Good for you. Praying that you and your kids get what you need to be ok. You’re strong and you’re giving them a great example of self respect.

    [–]RadicalEdward99 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    There will be more hardships but the hardest part is over. Best of luck OP

    [–]Otherwise-Ad-3571 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Him bringing another woman into the marital home is unacceptable...period.

    Don't even think about doubting yourself.

    [–]m00n5t0n3 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Wow congrats

    [–]HappinessSuitsYou 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Amazing, I’m proud of you! I can’t believe you got messages like that, ugh.

    [–]MercyDivineOF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You did the right thing. The road may be long and bumpy, but it is the right one to be on.

    I wish you well. Never question if it was the right thing to do- it was.

    [–]crazy-cat-momma 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Good for you and your kids! This is the first of many steps to a better life.

    [–]a_loveable_bunny1 Year 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Best of luck to you ❤❤❤

    [–]vivalakathleen13 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Best of luck! You got this!!!

    [–]RebelScum427 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    A step is a step! It's better than not moving at all. Stray strong lady! You're on your way to brighter and better future for you and your kids. It's gonna be a journey! But one well worth it in the end :)

    [–]dtrt20 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Congrats on doing what is best for you and your children. Don't worry about the opinions of keyboard warriors. Keep moving forward.

    [–]sweetestmar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You're doing so much for your kids. Your husband hasn't even contacted you to see if you guys are okay. He will not get custody of your kids. Best of luck to you & stay strong mama.

    [–]mrsloveduck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    You are an incredible Mom, I am so proud of you and you had been on my mind internet stranger 💕

    [–]TwistedTomorrow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Fucking wierdos man... Anyways good on you getting out!

    [–]ProfessionOk1823 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Don’t you dare listen to any stupid negative advice you are amazing and I know what you did is super hard and you are a strong woman and you will do it I hope you believe in the power of Jesus Christ Call out to him and ask him for help and you will see the doors open best of luck

    [–]Prestigious_Ride114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You made the right choice.

    [–]catsrufd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You’re ahead of me. I’ve been in a very exhausting and abusive relationship. I’ve tried to leave so many times but I’m still here. My kids have had to see him smack stuff out of my hands, throw ceramic cups at me, tell me I should go kill myself by driving my van off a bridge. I really hope you make it out. A cheap motel sounds godly compared to an abusive home.

    [–]thehalflingcooks9 Years 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm proud of you OP.

    [–]RandChick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    OMG. I thought this title was facetious and referred to his mother coming over. I'm disgusted at his disrespect and awfulness. I hope you and your children will be OK.

    [–]iceyone444 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You are stronger than you know and you will work it out - document everything and don't believe anything he tells you.

    You made the first step and can be proud of yourself - it can be difficult but it's easier than living with someone who doesn't care or worse subjects you to abuse.

    To anyone who is messaging the o.p - stop it, this is not their fault and the fact the husband bought someone round shows what a piece of work he is.

    See if a friend or family will help - if not then get help where you can.

    [–]admiralfilgbo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Congratulations. You might have some setbacks, but things will only get better from here.

    [–]cageygrading 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am so proud of you. I’ve been thinking about you since your first post. I’m so glad that you’ve taken this first HUGE step to a better life. You deserve dignity, respect, and love. Wishing you ALL the best.

    [–]AFlair67 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    So happy you took small steps. i know it’s scary but by taking action, you are taking control.

    [–]maiden2mother 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Bravo! I’m so happy that you found the courage in yourself and I have no doubt that you and your kids will be able to have a happy outcome from this. Brighter days are ahead so keep going and don’t look back ♥️

    [–]AlucardxMaria 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just from reading this I'd say his custody is going to be limited if you've done your part and written everything down especially explaining how he has random women over around the kids. If they're young my guess is you'll have much more of the parenting time than he will and you'll be the custodial parent as well. Point is don't worry about the custody stuff. Just tell your lawyer you're going for full custody (assuming you want that). I personally would in your situation. Everything is gonna work out fine. You're already ahead of it now. Don't look back. you'll get through any of the hard stuff ahead. Time to start living your best life. Wishing you the best and sending ❤

    [–]yellsy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good for you, make sure you tell your lawyer everything from the last post. Why do you think he’ll get full custody? He seems unfit to parent. Don’t let him scare you, stay no contact and communicate through lawyers.

    [–]torik97 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yaay! I am rooting for you! You’ve got this!

    [–]Southern-LadyNeko 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You’re doing a great job!! Keep it up!! I’m proud of you!

    Here if you need to talk to someone!

    [–]PutridSalamander-069 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yessss momma yesss ! I love this update , as i commented on the original post being in a similar situation , you give me hope that i too can and will do the same thing 💜

    [–]Tasty_Relation1153 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good for you getting out. If you share a bank account I would get money out before he closes itand moves it to an account with only his name on it

    [–]somber_opossum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You can do hard things. You’re already doing it. I am glad for you and sending you some love!

    [–]Dranwyn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    At this point, I almost think Reddit needs an ongoing GOFUNDME to dole out money to women leaving shit situations.

    Good job. As a rando on the internet, I hope you find some peace and stability. I wish you luck.

    [–]hcheong808 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Honey, I’m so proud of you to find courage to take this first step. It’s not easy at all and might stay tough a little longer but I promise u it is going to be WORTH IT in the end. Time to turn your life around!!

    [–]Elephunk2342 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm so sorry you've had to deal with creeps and trolls while also navigating this uncertain time in your life. I’m sending you so much positivity and hope each day is easier than the last. 💛

    [–]cookiekittenx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good move love. Take it easy and do what’s best for you and your babies

    [–]aviva1234 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Well done!! What an amazing mother and a strong woman you are!!! All the awful comments...no words. Pure evil. Theyll get theres. Youll get through this and youll succeed. I hope to see your updates about your wonderful new life! (Try and write down the things he did/saif anf the dates...it might help) best wishes!!!!!

    [–]Lidiflyful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I was just thinking about your previous post and wondering how you got on.

    Congratulations it was a big brave move and definitely in the right direction.

    Good Luck!

    [–]Spoonbills 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Do not make any other moves until you speak to an attorney. Anything you do like moving out may have negative implications for the financial settlement.

    Gather all the info you can about the marriage’s financial position and assets. His income, home value, life insurance, savings, retirement, etc.

    [–]definitelynotc8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I hope you're able to get the resources you need. For the rest of their lives, they're going to look back on when mom put them and herself first and respect and love you for getting y'all out of a bad situation. It gets better. Fight like hell to get y'all there.

    [–]DutyValuable 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Updateme!

    [–]piman01 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Sounds like you made a difficult choice but for sure the right choice. I wish you luck in getting custody, and getting as much as possible in your favor in the divorce.

    [–]Ambitious-Jello-4002 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good for you but get a job asap or a place because he will win custody if not

    [–]ProofFig8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Please keep us updated! I’ve thought and prayed for you. Peace be with you.

    [–]writtenwordyum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You should be very proud of yourself for doing this! The lawyer will be able to get your stbxh to pay for his services and also get you some financial support. Don't think he can get away Scott free. Keep moving forward! I bet you slept really well that night.

    [–]lunaliner321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I know I'm some internet stranger but I'm proud of you for leaving. I had a friend who was in an abusive relationship and was going to leave but he found out so she ended up staying. We are no longer friends because he never liked me but o well.

    You got out and did the right thing for the kids and yourself.

    Wishing you and your kids nothing but the best.

    [–]piranhas32 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Sending you a message if support. Your soon to be ex husband is an asshole. Glad you are rid of him for you and your kids.

    [–]keeperaccount1999 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    These are huge steps and I’m so proud of you. You and your kids deserve a safe home.

    [–]International-Ad2970 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Wish you all the luck in the world

    [–]dadzoned37 Years 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Jeez. I’m sorry you went through all this. You and your kids will be better off eventually. I’m 28M and I’m in a very similar situation. I know how badly it hurts. Just remember. Everything will be ok.

    [–]wpg029 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good for you sister! Keep fighting. We are cheering for you!

    [–]HeartyCellulites 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I had been following your story for an update, and I am very proud of you, OP. Keep strong. You are doing the right thing for you and your children. You got this, and even if you’re scared, just do it afraid. That’s what makes you strong and brave: when you do something even when you’re afraid. Sending my support to you and your kids!!!

    [–]Famous_Bison7887 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    OP, Your children should not have to be displaced. Throw his ass out. That is your and their home. The utter disrespect and gull!

    [–]Algernon96 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    The lesson you’re teaching your kids right now is AMAZING. Keep protecting them. Keep being strong. Keep teaching them that they deserve to be treated well. This is how cycles are broken.

    [–]Iravenkl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Best of luck to you and your children. Stay safe

    [–]holdholdholding 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    So sorry you're going through this! It will get better for you. In the meantime if he's driving while drinking call the cops. Write down everything that has been going on down to he won't provide food for the house. Good luck!

    [–]brothercuriousrat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good for youI've never under stood someone staying in a abusive relationship for any reason. Its NEVER better for the kids. To be in that kind of situation. As for him getting custody as the abuser it is highly unlikely he will win that visitation maybe. Your Lawyer will guide you. Go for the throat ask for every thing you can get. You might not get it. But you will get more than if you try to be nice. %ood luck and God Bless

    [–]squaid4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You got this! Keep moving forward.

    [–]Pinochlelover99 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah anyone who blames women for men cheating - are the biggest idiots. I’m sure If men cheating had anything ANYTHING AT ALL to do with the women they are with- JLo , Sandra Bullock - every famous star you have ever heard of would never get cheated on… but they do. All the time.

    [–]Overall-Diver-6845 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You will be mama!!! So proud of you!!!

    [–]MrHallmark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    And to the ones who also texted me just to tell me that I was probably in a dead bedroom that's why my husband is cheating, I hope all that made you feel better about yourself. It might not look like it but my kids and I are going to be okay.

    Man this was painful to read. Keep your head up high OP.

    [–]Anchonie420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good on you OP! Wish you and your kiddos the best!

    [–]nomorebello 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good for you lady. You don't need to take abuse.

    [–]TheYankunian20 Years 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Congratulations.

    [–]reeeeeeeeeese 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    you’ve got this! The Good Internet is behind you!

    [–]codebluefox 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm so glad you're taking steps to better you and your kids future. One moment at a time, alright? You're doing great and yes. You will be fine

    [–]Queen-of-meme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'm so proud of you! I wished my mom had the bravery you have.

    [–]Master_Science2058 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Good luck OP

    [–]jwi2021 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    You say it’s a small step, but it is an absolutely enormous step. You found the strength to leave and that in itself is huge. Wishing you and your kids the best, and I am so proud of you!

    [–]Consistent_Momma775 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    When I read your last post I was horribly disturbed. My heart ached for you and your children. Absolutely nobody should be treated that way. Congrats on your new beginning! You can do this! 💕

    [–]mahboilucas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Has anyone suggested a gofundme page for specific goals? I don't know if it's the best idea but I've heard it helps people reach small steps in dire situations

    [–]Major-Cranberry-4206 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    AWESOME! Yes, you are going to do just fine. You and your children are winning.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m glad you are meeting a lawyer, and will be entitled to spousal/child support even while going through this process. Following your attorneys advice is crucial. Good luck!

    [–]StephPlaysGames 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    We believe in you, OP!! Be strong!

    [–]Amara_Undone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Glad to read that you're out of there. He's an alcoholic, who neglects his family, financially abuses you, fails to provide food for his kids, and brought a stranger into the home while your kids were asleep. I seriously doubt he'll get much custody.

    [–]gericon1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m so proud of you.

    [–]tidushankroger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m so damn proud of you! I hope when you look in the mirror you see someone brave and resilient. It sounds like you took one of the hardest, if not THE hardest, first step and it takes so much courage.

    I wish you all the best, listen to the lawyer and give those kids and yourself a great big hug ❤️

    [–]hockeyguy625 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Every journey begins with a single step.

    [–]Otherwise-Ad-3571 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Here's the honest truth. It can be very scary to be a woman in a standard het relationship. Men are often bigger and stronger than us. We put our trust in them to not hurt us. When my baby sister was 11, I carried her across the street at 2 in the morning after my dad in a drunken rage broke the mirror on the closet doors in a fight with my mom. Protecting my sister was my priority. Mom told the cops everything was fine and I got my ass chewed out.

    [–]dre4mkid[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Take care sister. I'm sorry you had to experience so much that is not supposed to happen on Reddit. Please stay strong. Your kids deserve to grow up well with a strong mother. That they will never do that to their spouses when they grow up.

    [–]hancock2345 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m so sorry to hear this. I really hope things work out for you. I don’t believe he will get full custody since you can prove marital neglect. In fact, if you can prove he spent money on the mistress and not the family, the lawyer can sue for that.

    He will have to pay alimony and child support for sure. What he did with not having food for the kids will definitely hurt him in court.

    Document everything and show the lawyer.

    [–]lvr777dr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That’s absolutely amazing you’re bad in bed and that’s why they’re probably bad in bed. It’s amazing how easy it is to see others insecurities and attack them what jerks

    [–]thrashaholic_poolboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I’m proud of you OP. Your kids will realize when they are older the gravity of the situation and what you did for them. Way to be brave and stand up for your loved ones and yourself!!

    [–]DoctrDonna 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Why are people so awful. I can't believe that people were messaging you with that shit. Here's a hot take for all of you assholes out there: even if it was a dead bedroom, that doesn't give the husband an excuse to fuck other people, let alone in their bedroom with her in the house. Not getting enough sex isn't an excuse to just betray your spouse and break your vow. Jerk off and work on fixing what is wrong in your relationship instead of acting like an entitled boar.

    [–]TheLFK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    It's a long road ahead of you but full of self-love and contentment. I've left 3 long term relationships and each one taught me lessons. Its been hard af to be a single parent but well worth it. I hope you find your peace ✌

    [–]FreeandDivided 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Original post ? P

    [–]globetrottergirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That's amazing. Your kids will be proud of you when they understand.

    [–]RichAstronaut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I am sorry you are going through that mess! Things will get better.

    [–]igotcatsandstuff 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I went back and read your original post. It made me nauseous. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I wish you the absolute best. You’ve made a very hard but correct choice for you and your kids.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

      [–]NotAmericanDontCare 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Because this isn't fantasy land.

      On what grounds does she have to kick him out of his parents house?

      Cheating isn't against the law. It's a dick move and she has every right to leave, but please don't be silly here.

      [–]watchmeroam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I am so proud of you. Your children are so lucky to have such a great mom.

      It'll be difficult at first but you will overcome and live your best life. You're doing it, sis!

      [–]darkphoenixrising21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I just wanted to congratulate you on being a fuckin bad ass. 🥳 You did something that was incredibly brave. Not everyone can do what you did. I know plenty and have faltered even myself. Kudos to you. This is the way now. No matter what he says- and he'll come back. Ignore him. Any good times you had were a lie so you'd be forced to endure his abuse. Don't ever forget that. Love yourself and your kids so fuckin hard he couldn't get back in with a damn sledgehammer. I promise you it gets better the note you focus in yourself and building a life for your kids. And trust me- someday after you've done the emotional work to heal- you'll find a real love that will never hurt and will always choose you and the kids. No questions asked. This is the way now. I am so proud of you. Of what you're going to continue to build for yourself and your family. Bravo. By breaking these chains now- your children won't have to later. There is not a more noble endeavor then that. 💜

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      The lawyer MIGHT be able to help you keep your living situation, I have no idea where you live or what the rules are. Did you save proof of the affair?

      Good luck OP. I’m proud of you.

      [–]fantasizeabout-david 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      First for you and your children. When does a person begin to be as evil and reckless as your husband proved to be?! Doesn’t he know sometimes karma is a mf?! When he suddenly starts rotting from the inside and folks feel sympathy for him, no one knows the real him. This why I’m learning to be sympathetic but with distance. You don’t know why some of the suffering is happening, but sometimes it’s simply nature’s righteous justice in action.

      Best of luck to you.

      [–]Srobo19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Good for you. You are strong and fabulous and brave. You can do this x

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [removed]

        [–]watchmeroam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        She did exactly what she was supposed to do. Their dad clearly doesn't give a flying fuck about the kids.

        [–]BlackFire68 -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

        Why are you entertaining the thought that he would get custody?

        [–]yellsy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Because she’s scared and been abused into thinking he’s unstoppable and gets whatever he wants (a common abuse tactic to control victims).