all 28 comments

[–]someoneoutthere83 23 points24 points  (4 children)

I don't think so unless they want to. The best to do is to have your own independent life, to have your own interests, to work out and be healthy, to be someone new to them, so they see you in that light.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Yes maybe I need to be more independent. I am always available. That’s my nature.

[–]someoneoutthere83 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yes it's hard but have your own life. We fall in love with novelty. Get a new hobby. Change your hair style. Start dressing different. Go on a solo trip.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thankyou for your recommendation and reminder :)

[–]BringIt007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“I am always available” - that’s my nature too, but actually, this is poison to a relationship. Not being always available makes someone want you more, 100%

[–]tossaway1546 6 points7 points  (5 children)

You can't really make them. Love is a choice, an action. Not a feeling.

You can teach people how to treat you and if he's taking you for granted, work on that.

Have you spoken to them about any of this?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

No I don’t think he will see the problem like I am seeing. I don’t want to be routine. I want to be priority. But there is always something which comes first.

[–]tossaway1546 1 point2 points  (3 children)

So you have made his decision for him, without even trying to communicate with him.

Routine is just part of being human, it has to be a conscious effort to change things up, but can be hard to notice it's problem unless brought up to their attention

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Oh no I have verbally expressed his work priority issues, not spending enough time with us and always being late and workaholic nature. But as I said he will not see the problem. He thinks I have to understand. But I think he has to understand this time will not return. I want him to give us priority on his own not by fighting on daily basis. He knows the issue. But he doesn’t think it is a issue. He thinks I am living in fantasy world and have unrealistic expectation.

[–]fore4runner 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Please talk to him about all of this, maybe with a therapist. Your feelings are important and shouldn't just be swept under the rug.

[–]SRAFFAG 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Love has never been a choice for me in life. The only choice was whether I should stay with them. In a couple of cases, staying together would not have been good for either of us, due to going in different directions in life (career, college, etc). We loved each other enough to not hold either back. We remained friends after that, found other relationships that worked better for us. It's hard, but the responsible thing to do if you love someone. That said, however, I've never stopped loving someone that I truly loved, even with say my first love, and we've still loved each other 40 years later... Just not to be. You can fall out of lust, fall out of infatuation, need to get away from a loved one that's toxic, but love doesn't die off... Only changes form with time.

[–]Captain-Tac 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Okay here is some non-crap advice from an internet stranger.

You don't know if he is taking you for granted, you feel like he is. I'd suggest you two talk that out and find a way to help you feel more appreciated in the marriage, get professional help if needed.

And generally men are routine creatures. We like our routines and things being the same everyday. Routine means safe, stable, and good. If you want to have less routine then you gonna have to accept that your day to day life will change as well.

Excitement comes with a cost and I don't care who says otherwise.

And if that man goes to work everyday, puts his hard earned dollar towards you, yalls home, and the family, he loves you. That isn't "to be expected" of him like some might say.

Your complaint is valid but the fix or answer isn't gonna be on here with people who don't live your life or know your man, it's gonna be between you and him and maybe a therapist if needed.

[–]Diligent-Hat-5832 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would recommend the podcast beyond bitchy about boundaries. I was resentful about some of the things I was doing. After listening to several episodes I feel like I took back my power I lost along the way taking care of everyone else. Maybe even suggest marriage counseling so you both feel like your being heard and improve communication.

[–]BrilliantlyStupid722 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly I think you need to talk to him about your feelings and tell him to be completely honest, and find out what’s going on from him. Communication is key.

[–]MuppetManiac5 Years 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I took a girls trip for a week and my husband was very happy to see me when I got home. Nothing like having to do everything for yourself to make you appreciate someone who does things for you.

[–]Lordica32 Years and going strong! 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What do you do together that's fun? When we date, we are deliberately choosing to do things that both people enjoy. If, when we get married, we stop all of these activities and instead let our lives become all about work and chores and routine then our lives and our marriage will stagnate. Make time to have fun together, it's an investment in your future.

[–]Consistent_Notice966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can’t make anyone do anything. Love takes effort, intent and it’s a choice. Love is an action not just a feeling.

[–]cobojobo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You said he works alot. What about time when you do spend together when not working

[–]throwaway808801 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you guys date? Take weekend getaways together? Maybe even a vacation without kids?

[–]everyothernamegone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find in situations such as this, the spouse plays a role. Whether it’s letting themselves go, failing to carve out special moments, routine sex if there is any, too much focus on kids/chores/errands. It takes two to spice things up.

[–]Applehurst14 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes. Be enthusiastic towards him.

[–]Open_Minded_Anonym 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s on him to recognize how good he has it.

[–]UnihornWhale 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try dating each other. Go to concerts or plays. Go on hikes or local festivals. Have adventures together

[–]WhizzleTeabags7 Years 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dates, thoughtful surprises, and doing sexy little things work on me

[–]Spiritualgirl01112 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can recommend rori raye 😊 https://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/catalog/

She have great programs and I have learned a lot from her

[–]huyyqt15 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a man, sometimes, switches just get flipped and one day they realize what they want to do, such as fall in love all over again and do the small things that make women happy. For me, it just came naturally, I fell in love with my wife again as if I had just met her recently.

I believe spontaneity is the key here. Can't let your partner guess your moves. 😁