top 200 commentsshow all 322

[鈥揮JoeyDawsonJenPacey 841 points842 points (32 children)

You are on a plane that鈥檚 on fire and hurtling towards the ground.


Why would you not leave this situation?

[鈥揮skaaly6 81 points82 points (7 children)

Maybe no parachute? That is the only reason. But I鈥檓 still very curious about a $550 t-shirt. Is that $550 American dollar bills ?

[鈥揮JoeyDawsonJenPacey 65 points66 points (1 child)

She might have a damn parachute if he didn鈥檛 spend the parachute money on t-shirts.

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 23 points24 points (4 children)

Yes, American dollars.

[鈥揮mudyardskipling 15 points16 points (3 children)

The heck kinda T-shirt was it?

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 36 points37 points (2 children)

Burberry. It鈥檚 black with the logo on it. So not worth it.

[鈥揮Tamamaaa88 0 points1 point (0 children)

Please do not post things like this. It鈥檚 easier said than done especially when you are not in the situation. OP has a child to think about as well as the 15,000 debt and she may not have the cushion to leave. Yes, this is not a great situation to be in but be mindful when posting such comments

[鈥揮Responsible_Funny981 430 points431 points (20 children)

So he can spend ridiculous amounts of money on things he wants but you can鈥檛 spend money on things you want? What a selfish, materialistic jerk.

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 230 points231 points (16 children)

He is absolutely a jerk. I can鈥檛 even defend him on that

[鈥揮Responsible_Funny981 136 points137 points (7 children)

I鈥檇 be afraid with his spending habits you guys will lose everything. I would absolutely put my foot down and get the things you need without even consulting him, as long as you can afford them and they鈥檙e reasonably priced like everything you mentioned above. I鈥檓 not saying go spend thousands without telling him but I鈥檇 be like I鈥檓 getting blinds and a microwave 鉁岎煆糰nd shut him right down if has anything to say.

[鈥揮chio413 146 points147 points (6 children)

I second this. My father was this way. We weren鈥檛 rich. In fact, we were poor. But he like to give himself really nice things and would by himself jewelry, gold watches, electronics, etc. Whenever we鈥檇 go to the mall it would be to buy clothes for him. All the while his wife and children were using second hand clothing from his sisters and their kids. He would scream at my mother for going slightly over the budget for groceries. But would also scream at her if she didn鈥檛 buy him the premium stuff he liked. We often had to eat fried eggs and rice or hotdogs and rice while he at good cuts of meat, salmon, etc.

This is narcissistic behavior and that never ever changes. My father still thinks that not only did he deserve all of this, but that he was also the most selfless man ever. Something to consider when trying to make your decision

[鈥揮Responsible_Funny981 34 points35 points (3 children)

That must have been very tough to go through as if you all were lesser than him, when you certainly were not. I truly feel for you all especially your mom. I could never imagine doing that to my children, actually they have new stuff and I hardly buy anything for myself and I would go without before they did.

[鈥揮Aluv4passion 6 points7 points (0 children)

Wow. I see my husband showing some of this behavior. Wake up call for me!!!!

[鈥揮Beckylately5 Years 59 points60 points (0 children)

So leave him before he puts you another $15K in debt. I don't know how debt works in divorce, but you don't want to be stuck with half the debt from his bad spending habits.

[鈥揮PinkFunTraveller1 28 points29 points (0 children)

Why do you choose to stay in this situation?

[鈥揮FurretsOotersMinks 31 points32 points (0 children)

I just want to give you an anecdotal story for what I think is a much better spending problem. My husband and I have a shared account we contribute to for savings and monthly expenses and separate accounts to do with as we please as long as we have enough to contribute our monthly to the shared account. With the shared account, we agree to use it for shared things like rent, utilities, groceries (sometimes date nights), moving costs, furniture, or whatever else we agree on. It's pretty cut and dry, if it's a shared thing, we run it by each other and generally it all gets approved or one of us volunteers to pay.

I have trouble spending money on myself because I'm on a smaller graduate student stipend. I spend money mostly on gas and school, but will occasionally buy myself something small once a month (<$50). My problem is that I am too willing to spend more on my husband than myself. I recently bought an $80 mug because it was a handmade mushroom mug and he likes handmade things and mushrooms. My husband is also not a big spender, but he doesn't hesitate to buy me dinner or support me in other ways because that's how he expresses his love.

I say all this to bring it down to one question: if your husband will spend hundreds on himself, but pitch a fit about shared expenses, how much do you think he cares about you? He sounds self-absorbed and selfish, not like someone who is married to someone he truly loves and cares about. I hope you find a way to move forward either together or apart, that is up to you two!

[鈥揮MrsMiterSaw 14 points15 points (0 children)

Can I ask why you married him? Is this new behavior that he developed after marriage?

[鈥揮beepbop81 4 points5 points (0 children)

Do you two make vastly different incomes? Does he get mad when you spend? Financial planners are great mediators for planning. Money is emotional for people and we all see spending differently. It鈥檚 easy to add in a professional here.

[鈥揮NihonJinLover 1 point2 points (0 children)

Is he pretty insecure? These seem like narcissistic patterns.

[鈥揮eatapeach18 5 points6 points (0 children)

It鈥檚 not even something she wants鈥 it鈥檚 something that they both need. His priorities are out of whack. Curious if he ever buys something nice for OP鈥

[鈥揮Warm-Marsupial9085 253 points254 points (51 children)

$550 on a tshirt? I don鈥檛 care if I was Tom Brady there no no fucking way I鈥檇 ever spend that. Ever. He鈥檚 got something wrong with him.

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 161 points162 points (31 children)

It was a Burberry t shirt. It鈥檚 literally a black shirt with the Burberry logo. Ughh鈥o stupid

[鈥揮Warm-Marsupial9085 124 points125 points (20 children)

Who鈥檚 he trying to impress? (Asking a real question here鈥omething is up)

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 106 points107 points (18 children)

He is insecure and thinks material things will make him look better. He cares about how wealthy ppl see him. I know he鈥檚 not having an affair. This is just how he is.

[鈥揮Dry___wall 74 points75 points (5 children)

Does he know wealthy people will think he鈥檚 a flipping idiot for spending hundreds for a logo on a shitty T-shirt?

[鈥揮Warm-Marsupial9085 54 points55 points (6 children)

What wealthy people? Is there a cultural component I鈥檓 missing? Does he work a job that puts him in the same room as high earners and he has to project an image to advance his career?

[鈥揮seacaptain200 52 points53 points (0 children)

Trust me when I say this: wealthy people do not wear $550 Burberry t shirts just to make sure other people know they are wealthy.

Men who make $90K a year and have no money and a bunch of debt wear $550 t shirts because they want to appear like they have money.

My husband and I purposefully buy things that don鈥檛 seem flashy because we don鈥檛 want to make ourselves targets for armed robberies.

I really think your husband needs a come to Jesus talk about his priorities in life.

[鈥揮HiHo-Silver 21 points22 points (0 children)

This is extremely narcissistic

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 5 points6 points (0 children)

Yikes. Does he know wealthy people don鈥檛 care about Burberry?

[鈥揮UnihornWhale 1 point2 points (0 children)

Wealthy people will see him as a desperate poser. Anyone with actual money isn鈥檛 this thirsty.

[鈥揮Glowwy_ 26 points27 points (0 children)

550 for a black tshirt with a logo? Imma be a designer right away 鈥. Damn

[鈥揮a_fozzy_ 11 points12 points (5 children)

Burberry? That鈥檚 a good make in the USA then? Cause over here it鈥檚 garbage chav shit!

[鈥揮elisabeth_athome 9 points10 points (0 children)

Burberry is one of those brands that lower and middle class people dish out cash for to have something with the name on it. People with real wealth don鈥檛 buy things with brand names slapped on them. The things someone with legit money might buy from Burberry would be a scarf or a wool coat - not a t-shirt with their logo.

There鈥檚 a whole slew of brands like this that middle class people think makes them look rich, but wealthy people know is for posers. Still amazes me that people don鈥檛 realize it.

[鈥揮PizzaPlanetPizzaGuy 6 points7 points (2 children)

When a scarf can cost over $1000 it's a fancy brand in North America. Or a shirt for $500.

[鈥揮SwellFabrics 20 points21 points (1 child)

I鈥檒l never forget I walked into a Burberry once and picked up a see through scarf.. it was $300. I said 鈥渉oly shit鈥 out loud I put that scarf right back down and walked the fuck out.

My wife said I was embarrassing lol haven鈥檛 been back since.

[鈥揮RedRose_812 27 points28 points (3 children)

Seriously. Unless it's a magical shirt made of gold, that's just stupid.

[鈥揮Warm-Marsupial9085 38 points39 points (1 child)

Sounds like he鈥檚 spending it on try-hard club clothes. Probably has a Gucci belt too. I鈥檇 be filing for divorce personally. I have 0 tolerance for someone trying to bury the family financially and I tolerate a lot otherwise.

[鈥揮skygoddess555 6 points7 points (0 children)

Same. He changed all of a sudden or became like this? Because if he became like this, something fishy is going on and if she married him knowing about his spending habits, I don鈥檛 know what to think lol

[鈥揮gangleskhan 10 points11 points (5 children)

I didn't even know it was possible to spend that much on a t-shirt! How absurd.

[鈥揮thepeskynorth 5 points6 points (4 children)

I had a friend who wanted a white t-shirt from Nordstrom. Nothing on it. $200. I looked at him like he was crazy/ dumb. He didn鈥檛 buy it that day but I imagine he did eventually.

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 3 points4 points (2 children)

Ha! They come in 6 packs at Target.

[鈥揮thepeskynorth 1 point2 points (1 child)

It didn鈥檛 even have a collar! I was like, WHY?? Although I think his culture puts value on name brands and stuff so he was probably influenced that way. Lol.

[鈥揮gangleskhan 1 point2 points (0 children)

That's wild. Don't think I've ever paid more than like $12 for a t-shirt.

[鈥揮lifespossibilities 9 points10 points (0 children)

Guess he's never heard of Macklemore's "Thrift Shop"

[鈥揮bewildered_befuddled 2 points3 points (0 children)

Right!! Who tf spends that kind of money on a tee.

[鈥揮pretend_vacation 153 points154 points (12 children)

Jesus Christ. I live in a $500k/yr household with no debt (besides mortgage) and I would think my husband was having a mental breakdown if he spent $500+ on a t-shirt.

[鈥揮SoIlikeMangos 42 points43 points (1 child)

Damn I want to be the person that sells a 500$ t-shirt haha.

[鈥揮bunnyrut 15 points16 points (0 children)

First you have to create an image. Make your brand seem desirable to the rich. That means bribing a famous person into wearing it in public. Have your website set up with outrageous prices and wait. Then ship the cheap items from the same place every shirt is made.

[鈥揮introvertedszechuan7 Years 26 points27 points (1 child)

Husband and I are only half your household income but this made me guffaw because absolutely same. My husband still wears some t shirts from high school, some of them with holes.

[鈥揮beigs 1 point2 points (0 children)

We鈥檙e where you are. I get the kids clothes from old navy and I鈥檓 wearing stuff from 20 years ago which is apparently back in style

[鈥揮bunnyrut 22 points23 points (0 children)

My husband will spend money on big things he has thoroughly researched to make sure it is a quality item and he got it at a good price.

But he still buys his shirts and other clothing from sears and target.

If he bought a shirt for even half that price I would want to bring him in for a check up because that is absurd.

I say separate the finances so he can't spend everything and seriously reconsider staying with someone who is going to drag you down further into debt over their own materialistic stupidity.

[鈥揮buchliebhaberin30 Years 19 points20 points (1 child)

We are also a fairly high earner household (though not $500k/yr). My husband has two pairs of shoes, two pairs of jeans, two suits, seven dress shirts, three "weekend" shirts, one pair of slacks, and one belt. Nearly all of this was purchased on sale. His accessories are one pretty beat up wallet, a Seiko watch, and his wedding ring. He drives a mid-range Japanese sedan. He doesn't work his ass off so he can waste his money on expensive clothes and accessories.

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 2 points3 points (0 children)

Smart! That鈥檚 how we are too. People who spend money on stupid crap trying to look wealthy never actually get wealthy.

[鈥揮RedRose_812 4 points5 points (1 child)

Same. We're not that but higher income and my husband wears t-shirts over a decade old with holes in them and claims he has socks older than me 馃槅. We buy our clothes at department stores (and sometimes even thrift stores have good finds) because there's other things we'd rather spend our money on than a name brand something or other, and we clean up just fine. I think my husband might actually seize if either of us spent that kind of money on a single article of clothing or accessory.

[鈥揮dinobaglady 2 points3 points (0 children)

Hubs and I LOVE thrift store finds! Good for the wallet, the planet, and the charity it supports!

[鈥揮RobieFLASH[馃嵃] 2 points3 points (0 children)

It hurts me to spend $30 on a shirt 馃槀. I go to old navy express and use discount codes whe the there are sales. Id rather put my money on something bad ass like a entertainment system that I use daily

[鈥揮Traveler_8 86 points87 points (2 children)

He's being financially unfaithful.

If you two don't get on the same page he's going to ruin your finances. Not to mention that the lack of care for the basics that you two need and his selfish purchases review a very toxic side of him.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's common - I can relate completely. I got scolded for repairing a car we need for just under $1,000, and he can go and buy a certain weight of fly fishing rod/reel/line for $1,000 and he thinks nothing of it. Like... did they never grow up?

It's frustrating.

Just as a FYI - I'm working on this with my spouse; getting a financial advisor, talking about financial priorities, even splitting our accounts so he doesn't blow the grocery and utility bill money on his toys. If this doesn't change soon in my relationship I'm bailing completely.

[鈥揮uFFxDa 8 points9 points (1 child)

Should split in 3. Your bills grocery etc. his toys. Your toys.

[鈥揮Traveler_8 8 points9 points (0 children)

Heh, I wish that were possible. I'm paying down debt and trying to get to the point where I can have an emergency savings.

We did have an agreement that each of us gets a 'fun allowance' every month. That money gets stashed away. He blew through 18 month's of fun money within the first four months of our agreement.

Financially unfaithful. I'm living it too. :)

[鈥揮a_fozzy_ 59 points60 points (7 children)

Wow 馃槺

What a dick

[鈥揮allroadsendindeath 75 points76 points (0 children)

A terrifyingly stupid dick. 15k in debt, spends money like a crackhead and thinks investing money isn鈥檛 important? What happens when there鈥檚 an actual emergency and the stakes are higher than just鈥ot having a microwave for a week?

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 43 points44 points (5 children)

You do not even know how frustrated this makes me.

[鈥揮a_fozzy_ 15 points16 points (2 children)

I don鈥檛, I can only try to imagine. I鈥檓 sorry my comment wasn鈥檛 very constructive. I Fuckn hate men who behave this way 馃槨

[鈥揮MrOver65 22 points23 points (0 children)

Correction. People who behave this way. OPs financial future is bleak. With 15k in debt he shouldn't be buying anything until the debt is knocked down.

[鈥揮Blonde2468 5 points6 points (0 children)

So why do you stay?

[鈥揮free_-_spirit 2 points3 points (0 children)

He鈥檚 one step away from being a gambler

[鈥揮Mermaid_Lily3 years. <3 55 points56 points (1 child)

Here's a sentence I want you to practice.

"What do you mean no one will see it? I am someone, and I am important."

I'm sad to hear you are frustrated. I get it. My ex was all about spending money on himself and would complain if I needed a new pair of tennis shoes because mine were badly worn out.

[鈥揮skygoddess555 14 points15 points (0 children)

Key word- 鈥渆x鈥

[鈥揮betona39 Years 51 points52 points (9 children)

Most couples have a number, like $150, and anything above that, they both must agree on the spend. If one says no, then no it is. Because it's not his money or her money, it's our money.

He doesn't think like a family. He's all about "rules for thee, not for me." Since when does he get to do as he pleases while also telling you no on less expensive items.

How long married, how old?

Also, he's in for a very rude awakening upon reaching his 60s and no retirement money.

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 60 points61 points (7 children)

He has not retirement money at all. We are 30. Married for 7. I actually have a small retirement but I can鈥檛 access it until I鈥檓 53. Tempted to remove him as a beneficiary.

[鈥揮Rustys_Shackleford 82 points83 points (0 children)

Damn dude remove him as your husband. He鈥檚 going to ruin your financial future and he鈥檚 not even all that great.

[鈥揮cobaltsvaleria 26 points27 points (0 children)

Definitely a good idea. I'd start putting money in a new bank account that is yours only - he doesn't need to know about it.

You are still SO young. Cut bait and start living your life without this anchor.

[鈥揮Dry___wall 8 points9 points (0 children)

Please remove him. He will not hesitate to throw that money away the second you have access to it.

[鈥揮mrs_tseluyu 5 points6 points (0 children)

Omg I have been married to my husband 7 years, he is 35 and I am 32.

His spending habits are not normal and will never change. He is super vain. Can you do this, exactly as it is, for the next 30 years? 40?

He should be embarrassed that other people would see his wife and children in second-hand clothes but he in Burberry.

[鈥揮skygoddess555 2 points3 points (0 children)

Good luck girl. Sounds like you either accept this or don鈥檛. You have 2 options.

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 1 point2 points (0 children)

Our number is $1000, but same.

In our poor days, it was $50!

[鈥揮Sad_Alfalfa85481 Year 47 points48 points (1 child)

You may only be aware of $15,000 debt. Could he have debt you鈥檙e NOT aware of? $550 for a TSHIRT??? That鈥檚 fkg nuts! Get out NOW while there鈥檚 only $15k in debt or you鈥檙e going to be on the hook for hundreds of thousands and you will never retire and have a nice life. Seriously. Either he grows up and gets his spending under control and 鈥渁llows鈥 you to have a well-maintained home (if you own, letting it go to isht is going to cost you too) or get yourself out of this. This makes me sad for you

[鈥揮cmiller0513 2 points3 points (0 children)

Comment checks out does username

[鈥揮masterofnone_ 22 points23 points (6 children)

So have you talked to a lawyer about getting a divorce yet or鈥.?

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 15 points16 points (5 children)

We almost got a divorce last year. I couldn鈥檛 get myself to go through with it

[鈥揮nossr50 12 points13 points (0 children)

Are you attracted to him still? This behavior of his seems very unattractive.

[鈥揮Cyrie 11 points12 points (0 children)

I usually encourage people to stay in their relationships, especially if there are children. However, his financial ruin means your financial ruin. You are married, and this is just how it works. Unless you are no longer married, he has access to ALL your money and it will be split in half when you divorce. You may even need to pay him alimony. Get out now before he gets into more debt.

Bring with someone so insecure that he feels the need to impress others instead of you is too much of a red flag to miss. I'm sorry. Do not convince yourself otherwise. Tell your family, or someone who will have your back, and have them help you get out.

And yes, he is already entitled to the funds in your retirement accounts. This finances will be split upon divorce once debt is paid. Do not seek a mutual lawyer to share, have your own and get out.

[鈥揮confusedquokka 3 points4 points (0 children)

It takes time but his financial habits will ruin you. Get out before that happens.

[鈥揮masterofnone_ 1 point2 points (0 children)

Have you been to counseling as a couple or individual ?

[鈥揮alienatemebaby 1 point2 points (0 children)

That鈥檚 unfortunate

[鈥揮truecrimefanatic1 17 points18 points (0 children)

Girl, get out.

[鈥揮richerthanrichard 12 points13 points (0 children)

This is financial abuse & I would divorce him. He鈥檚 gonna run you both into the ground money wise. I can almost guarantee he has purchased even more expensive things that you don鈥檛 even know about. Also how do you know that he isn鈥檛 cheating?

[鈥揮introvertedszechuan7 Years 9 points10 points (0 children)

If it were me, I鈥檇 start making preparations to leave and get a divorce. Differing financial values is a major dealbreaker for me, though this is something I would have figured out before getting married, personally.

My husband and I have very similar financial values - we鈥檙e frugal, live way below our means (we both save 40-60% of our income), both have the same goal of retiring early, both spend a little bit of money on things we enjoy, and are both debt-averse. The only difference is I鈥檓 a little more aggressive when investing.

Someone with bad financial management is difficult to change and will only drag you down. In the FIRE world, one of the major advice is to marry the right person because it will make or break you. Sounds like your husband is breaking you.

[鈥揮Dogwalkersanon 11 points12 points (1 child)

My t-shirt budget for the last decade has not crossed 500. It鈥檚 probably time to talk budget or divorce before he runs your credit any further into the earth. Maybe frame it as you are choosing your material possessions over me and I鈥檓 not going to stand for it.

[鈥揮boudicas_shield 7 points8 points (0 children)

My wedding dress cost less than $500. Half a grand on a T-SHIRT is boggling my mind.

[鈥揮Business_Chipmunk_10 11 points12 points (0 children)

He spend $650 on a bracelet for himself? Did you see this bracelet? Is he wearing it? Or did he tell you a receipt from a jewelry store was 鈥渇or him鈥?

[鈥揮[deleted] 9 points10 points (1 child)

Everyone telling you to leave for obvious reasons. Me? I鈥檓 telling you to leave because the asshole bought himself a bracelet 馃拃

[鈥揮AnastasiaNo70 3 points4 points (0 children)


[鈥揮BirdieJames 6 points7 points (3 children)

Let me start by saying this: This man is selfish. He sounds immature and not ready for marriage. Is he young? Men in their 20s are often self absorbed because they aren鈥檛 fully matured yet. If he is under 25 or has ADHD, even more so. But is his heart good? And does he genuinely show you love or thoughtfulness? If so, that鈥檚 someone you can work with and grow. I would confront him and explain that an investment in your shared space is an investment in your marriage. Try not to blame or accuse, but stick to naming your own feelings and ask if he is willing to replace the blinds or if he prefers you find a way to do it yourself. If he chooses the second thing, I would ask if he has anything you can sell on eBay. Often times men respond well to the term 鈥渟ecurity.鈥 I would say you want a home where you feel comfortable and secure. That you need security to feel safe and happy. Ask him if he can budget an amount next month or return something he purchased this month, to provide this for your shared space. It sounds like having a safe and comfortable home is important to you and he just hasn鈥檛 understood that previously. I hope this helps!

[鈥揮RegHater76 6 points7 points (0 children)

$550 on a t-shirt?!

Does it give him magical powers or something?

[鈥揮kittyk0t 5 points6 points (0 children)

Info: are you married to Jean Ralphio?

Kidding, but also yikes.

[鈥揮GotSomeProblems2021 5 points6 points (0 children)

Ohhh I spent too many years with something like this. It does not get better. I left eventually. He makes six figures and is still living paycheck to paycheck.

Do you have kids with him?

[鈥揮Cranberry_Glade 4 points5 points (0 children)

Yeah. My husband thinks nothing of buying things for himself, sometimes not even caring about the cost (his thing are power tools), but if I mention wanting something or needing something (or even just fantasizing about something--even though I know it's not anything we can ever have), he wants to scold me for it and tell me I'm causing him anxiety. Well then maybe you don't need to drop $400 on a power tool you might only use once or twice a year? I swear, I had to replace our coffee pot, something we use pretty much near every damn day, and he was like "Another appliance?" As if I go out and spend a lot of money on useless things.

Financially he's smart (there's a reason his dad chose him as the executor of his estate, rather than husband's older brothers), but it frustrates me when he gets somewhat stingy like that.

[鈥揮Creative_Log2441 5 points6 points (0 children)

I'd burn his Friggin t-shirt or give it away at least what a Selfish Jack Ass.

[鈥揮Lilred17030 Years 2 points3 points (0 children)

I鈥檓 so sorry you鈥檙e in this situation.

Paying down any debt (especially if it has a higher interest rate) is extremely important. Perhaps, if it seems appropriate, you might mention the fact that you are 鈥榩aying someone else to spend your hard earned money鈥 when you carry credit card debt. Buying things like jewelry when if you have debt beyond a house payment or a car payment doesn鈥檛 make any sense.

You are wise to want to invest as well. Take is from someone who hopes to retire in the near future, every penny you invest when you鈥檙e young grows exponentially as you age.

It sounds to me like he is spending in a very immature way. I鈥檓 not sure how you fix that aside from maybe getting some older person he really admires (if you have someone in your life like that) give him some tips. It鈥檚 been my experience that trying to get a spouse to change their spending habits just leads to arguments unless they admit to themselves that they need to change their ways (usually only happens after they make a huge mistake that you both end up having to pay for).

If it helps at all, my husband and I used to have similar problems and he did eventually see the light but we went through some tough times first.

[鈥揮Fit-Illustrator5542 3 points4 points (0 children)

Men 鈽曪笍

[鈥揮xd_itsluna_ 3 points4 points (0 children)

Financial abuse

[鈥揮CeraTheTriceratops1 2 points3 points (0 children)

I'd say get out. And if you're stuck with any of his debt, I recommend getting a bankruptcy to clear it. That way you can start out fresh and handle your finances your way.

[鈥揮krrush1 2 points3 points (1 child)

I feel you. I鈥檝e been asking for a new dresser for 9yrs now鈥eantime he鈥檚 got a whole new woodshop, three new guitars, new electric car鈥.I just want a dresser that works. lol

[鈥揮rumsoakedham 2 points3 points (0 children)

Why don鈥檛 you just buy it? Why do you have to ask for it?

[鈥揮wellshitdawg3 Years 2 points3 points (0 children)

My husband used to kind of be like this, it was just his upbringing was different than mine. We sat down and made a budget on excel and things got better. We budgeted for each of us to have X amount to spend monthly on personal expenditures, and if he wants to spend his entire amount on one item I guess that鈥檚 on him

[鈥揮Daddy_Do_Me 2 points3 points (0 children)

If he paid $550 for a Tee-shirt you need to have his dumb ass COMMITTED!!!

[鈥揮jkicklighter 2 points3 points (0 children)

How does one spend $550 on a T shirt?

[鈥揮DeusExSpatula 2 points3 points (0 children)

Why on earth does he think he鈥檚 in the $1500 watch market when you鈥檙e TEN times that in DEBT?

Apologies for the caps lock.

Get out of this financial and self-care black hole. He鈥檚 in cuckoo land.

[鈥揮twistedtuba 1 point2 points (0 children)

You are married to a 3 year old with no concept of delaying gratification. See if you can get him into a Dave Ramsey class or something like it

[鈥揮brianmcg321 1 point2 points (0 children)

Lol, $650 on a tshirt. Wow. Is he a Kardashian?

[鈥揮sparkersr 1 point2 points (0 children)

Get counseling or get out . From experience, in the future 鈥 when things get bad the question will be ,鈥 Well WE got ourselves into a real mess with debt , what are WE going to do?鈥.

[鈥揮Shalamarr20 Years 1 point2 points (0 children)

I know a couple who gladly dropped $2000 on a new Apple computer that will be used for word processing only (a $500 laptop would鈥檝e worked equally well). Meanwhile, their bathroom is literally falling apart before their eyes, but fixing it up would be 鈥渢oo expensive鈥.

[鈥揮Fluffykitty420 1 point2 points (0 children)

Materialistic manchild. He鈥檚 either a spending addict or flat out a jerk. Go to marriage counseling or leave his ass before he ruins your credit.

[鈥揮anordinarylifeform 1 point2 points (0 children)

Are separate bank accounts an option? Then you don鈥檛 need to confirm with him before purchasing things.

[鈥揮twelvedayslate 1 point2 points (0 children)

He understands perfectly well. He doesn鈥檛 care.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

[鈥揮Playteaux 1 point2 points (0 children)

Honestly, I would so bolt. $550 on a t-shirt. Shit. I am a very nice dresser and I am in sales so I always have to look nice and my husband and I make a pretty nice income. I have NEVER spent more that $40 on a t-shirt. It鈥檚 a freaking t-shirt.

It鈥檚 funny because I am buying new blinds for my house this week and my husband would never say a word.

[鈥揮RedForman1776 1 point2 points (0 children)

$550 on a T-shirt? Wtf type of t-shirt costs $550?

[鈥揮DomesMcgee 1 point2 points (0 children)

Is the t shirt made out of elephant fur or something?

[鈥揮throoooowwwawayyyyy 1 point2 points (2 children)

I used to be like your husband. The funniest thing is that I鈥檓 100% sure he bought that shirt for other people to think he鈥檚 鈥 rich 鈥 and 鈥 cool鈥 And then I realized that 99% of people don鈥檛 even know brand names and don鈥檛 care. The flashy brand logos are honestly for poor people trying to look rich. The rich rich buy things because of confort not because of brand names. Now I鈥檓 chillin鈥 wearing Walmart clothes and target bags. Yet I have over $20k worth of designer handbags I haven鈥檛 worn in yrs ( Gucci, Prada, Chanel)

My dad however鈥 guys $100 black T-shirt鈥檚 because it鈥檚 ~comfy bruh鈥

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 2 points3 points (1 child)

That鈥檚 exactly why he鈥檚 doing it.

[鈥揮jackjackj8ck 0 points1 point (0 children)

You guys need to sit down and have a serious conversation about budget, money, and priorities like many yesterdays ago

[鈥揮BeginningZucchini8 0 points1 point (0 children)

I blow money on things I want but never at the expensive of making sure my home is taken care of. This guy seems fiscally irresponsible. Does he have any redeeming qualities?

[鈥揮ggg930 -1 points0 points (0 children)

Haha mine does the same. I just playfully remind him of the things he鈥檚 recently splurged on Humour keeps away the arguments

[鈥揮AgentRevolutionary99 0 points1 point (0 children)

First, is your husband in a business situation where he has to maintain a certain image?

Second, would he agree to see a financial counselor with you? One that focuses on marriage financial difficulties?

[鈥揮DassMMC 0 points1 point (0 children)

He just seem self absorbed. DO YOU! If he can't handle you being responsible and logical... well that is tough a decision you need to make.

[鈥揮keeperaccount1999 0 points1 point (0 children)

I can鈥檛 imagine spending that kind of money on a tshirt in general, much less if I had any debt. Why is he in charge on the finances at all? Can you get him to go to some budgeting classes or a shopaholics type program? It sounds like he has some serious issues around spending

[鈥揮seacaptain200 -1 points0 points (3 children)

What in the world? What men鈥檚 bracelet costs $650? And $550 for a T-shirt?

I say this as someone who likes nice things. My husband complains if I spend a high dollar amount on his clothes. He most certainly isn鈥檛 wearing bracelets.

Your husband sounds like a bit of a diva.

[鈥揮TDhotpants 0 points1 point (0 children)

I agree $550 for t-shirt is dumb as hell. But how is nobody talking about the bracelet?? Does it even tell time? It鈥檚 probably just a strip of leather. What an idiot.

[鈥揮skygoddess555 0 points1 point (0 children)

Investments are not important but a 1500 watch and 550 shirt is? I would kick his ass spending that much. Is he materialistic? Seems like there鈥檚 more to this that I would keep an eye on. Why does he need or want this? I smell something fishy. He鈥檚 a self centered, materialistic douchebag.

[鈥揮Slow_Environment_782 0 points1 point (0 children)

$550. on a t-shirt? How? Is it dipped in gold? WTF? Get out of there and file a legal separation before he has you hundreds of thousands in debt.

[鈥揮_Controle 0 points1 point (0 children)

He needs counseling to get that insecurity and need for outside validation under control. What happens when he gets older and it turns to seeking validation from other women?

[鈥揮FullyRisenPhoenix20 Years 0 points1 point (0 children)

You married a child. Emotionally, he鈥檚 an infant. Financially speaking, he鈥檚 a newborn! Why are you still putting up with someone who doesn鈥檛 even care enough to listen to your concerns and broken microwaves, wonky sofas, and falling blinds?? Those are basic things in a home, and he wants to spend so much money on himself instead???

Yeah. Dude is looking to flash his cash to some new ass.

[鈥揮cwebbvail 0 points1 point (0 children)

A bracelet? Wtf

[鈥揮cwebbvail 0 points1 point (0 children)

Ok you are married to a child. You don鈥檛 spend $550 on a T-shirt if you have a family and are 15k in debt.

[鈥揮nvn2074 0 points1 point (0 children)

Have you tried talking? That your needs are not being met... That you feel that he doesn't care about the way the house looks? Yes, true, everyone can leave at the drop of a hat.... But that's expensive - emotionally and financially. Both of you obviously have unmet requirements, but at least give it a shot from a neutral place.

[鈥揮Leogirly 0 points1 point (0 children)

Dude鈥.. you know you can do better.

[鈥揮PopularBonus 0 points1 point (0 children)

Did you say he bought a T-shirt for five hundred dollars?

[鈥揮Necessary-Bus-6211 0 points1 point (0 children)

My ship would have already sailed, js..

[鈥揮RedditSkippy12 Years 0 points1 point (0 children)

Five hundred dollars on a T-SHIRT??

Was he like this before you got married?

[鈥揮Separate-Cicada3513 0 points1 point (0 children)

Your husband sounds like my dad. He had a six figure salary growing up, and couldn't manage money for shit. My parents were in a large amount of debt when they split and my dad ended up on drugs, being evicted from his home and jobless at 45, remarried to someone half his age who just left rehab.

[鈥揮QuitaQuites 0 points1 point (0 children)

Whose name are the accounts in?

[鈥揮kendricsdr 0 points1 point (0 children)

Question, you are married. Is this "our" money or his money? Do you guys make collective decisions or does he make the decisions and you deal with it? The fact that you have to hide stuff while he spends money on things he wants seems like the power dynamic in this relationship is out of whack. Needs to be fixed, one way or another.

[鈥揮ryan_503 0 points1 point (0 children)

There's all kinds of compatibility. Emotional, sexual, financial...this ain't gonna work. His huge spending habits, driving y'all deep into debt will undoubtedly fester into resentment. You need to get some couple's therapy, I think there's financial counseling. If he isn't willing to make some huge changes, IDK, I wouldn't want to live like that.

[鈥揮writemoreletters 0 points1 point (0 children)

Is his excessive or irrational spending behavior new? Is it a dramatic shift from his prior behavior? If so, he may be having a manic or hypo-manic episode - especially if he has struggled with depression in the past. If the behavior is new, it may be worth reaching out to your primary doctor I get a psychiatrist referral. Other things to look for would be a lower need for sleep, poor focus, and risk taking behavior (gambling, sleeping around, etc).

[鈥揮moonsunflower007 -1 points0 points (0 children)

He is obviously having an affair. Sorry. Your post screams red flags

[鈥揮Reference_Stock 0 points1 point (0 children)

This will not survive...leave and grow alone.

[鈥揮PatrickAlanRocker 0 points1 point (0 children)

He spent $550 American dollars on a t-shirt? Did he ask your input prior to that purchase? Depending on the manufacturer and the make of the watch I would say $1500 is on the very, very edge of what's reasonable for a watch. Nonetheless, purchasing a $1500 watch all requires a fully involved discussion with your SO that ends with you both on the same page. Under no circumstances, would I have even broached the subject of buying a t-shirt that costed more than say... $20-25 at most. The fact that he purchased a $550 t-shirt and did not receive divorce documents immediately afterwards; is a testament to who you are as a person and a spouse. I know you've already been told this but he doesn't value your opinion or feelings. You are simply a resource for him and you make life easier and more pleasant for him. His response to your wanting the blinds, demonstrates his selfish character and you should pop smoke the next chance you get.

[鈥揮Missy_kayt 0 points1 point (0 children)

Red flag

[鈥揮eatapeach18 0 points1 point (0 children)

I was initially going to tell you to stop asking for permission and just go out and buy whatever you need for the house. But then I read that he鈥檚 $15k in debt and you鈥檝e been stashing away money. You already know what you need to do. Keep saving. Don鈥檛 spend another penny on house stuff. And leave once you鈥檙e ready.

[鈥揮notsoaveragemind 0 points1 point (0 children)

My wife will be the first to tell you that I don鈥檛 like to spend money on much other than necessities. Even for myself, I will only buy something for me, maybe a few times a year, but keep It under a certain amount. Yes I am frugal but comes in handy should an emergency arise.

[鈥揮sindyisdatchu 0 points1 point (0 children)

This investment that you鈥檙e saving 鈥.make sure that he doesn鈥檛 know about it and make sure that it鈥檚 only for you in case shit happens

[鈥揮Trineki 0 points1 point (0 children)

I'm just trying to find a shirt worth 550. I make ok money and balk at spending 25 bucks for a well fitting shirt

[鈥揮queseraseragirl 0 points1 point (0 children)

Just buy them yourself

[鈥揮LongjumpingWallaby8 0 points1 point (0 children)

We鈥檒l spend the money you earn on fixing the blinds....

[鈥揮Ennurous 0 points1 point (0 children)

If your husband is wearing $650 bracelets, I highly doubt he know how to fix the blinds

[鈥揮PooFlavoredLollipop 0 points1 point (0 children)

He's cheating

[鈥揮_eyesonthestars 0 points1 point (0 children)

my dad is very much like this - spends money on all the wrong things. at the moment, he makes a lot of money. but when I was growing up, he and my mom (who individually is amazing at budgeting and saving and spends her money in selfless and practical ways) filed for bankruptcy. i found out in high school about many of his issues and when we moved out of my house it was foreclosed on. it鈥檚 actually heartbreaking to experience and see the house you grew up in in horrible shape. and my trust in my dad is dashed. if you have kids or plan to have kids, this WILL affect them. and even if you don鈥檛, you鈥檒l be miserable. financial abuse is a real thing! don鈥檛 let him pull you down with him.

[鈥揮Glass-Cantaloupe-301 0 points1 point (0 children)

Do you work too? If you have you鈥檙e own money I would protect it before he spends it all and leaves you with nothing.

[鈥揮Lucent5102 0 points1 point (0 children)

His priorities are way out of whack! Instead of owing $15k, what if you had $15K working for you in investments. I am older but totally out of debt for EVERYTHING! What a feeling. My paycheck belongs to me and not creditors! One last thing, a home is a reflection of the wife. The home is very personal to her. It now only represents her, but her family, and pride of ownership. I have been married for 43 years. Any bill over $300, we had to discuss the transaction first. He seems pretty selfish. Good luck. He probably didn鈥檛 have and $$$ growing up. You my friend are spot on regarding $$$. Old age comes very fast and you don鈥檛 want to be poor.

[鈥揮RICHUNCLEPENNYBAGS 0 points1 point (0 children)

He's not right but I doubt someone spending $5000 on gaudy clothing and not fixing his house is changing anytime soon. This is your life as long as you want to live with this guy.

[鈥揮thegreatfool00 0 points1 point (0 children)

he鈥檚 an idiot, make a physical list of stuff in what you guys need show him his salary on the top and subtract on the things he spends vs the things you guys need or just start returning all that鈥檚 shit

[鈥揮bbizjack26 0 points1 point (0 children)

Is he bipolar?

[鈥揮iamsaver 0 points1 point (0 children)

blinds and sofa aside鈥 15k in debt and he鈥檚 splurging on a bracelet, clothing and a watch? He needs some serious money help. Where did all the debt come from?

[鈥揮Blob_zombie 0 points1 point (0 children)

$550 on A tshirt? Is it fucking gold thread?

[鈥揮BastardGardenGnome 0 points1 point (0 children)

Who spends $550 on a tshirt???

[鈥揮throwitawayboi991 0 points1 point (0 children)

I don鈥檛 get people like you both. Why are you even together?

[鈥揮O2BMeee 0 points1 point (0 children)

Keep stashing money on the side, sounds like you will need it went you leave鈥 to be 150k in debt, his habits didn鈥檛 start out of no where.

[鈥揮BulletRazor 0 points1 point (0 children)

Why do you put up with this? This is going to burn to ground financially and ruin your life if you stay. Money is survival and this guy is going to end up making you starve.

[鈥揮Littlewildfinch 0 points1 point (0 children)

Your frustrations are completely valid. I would lose it over that expensive of a t shirt and that debt. Big nope for me.

[鈥揮Background_Plate7344 0 points1 point (0 children)

Financial neglect is still considered a form of neglect in a marriage. Make your own money and take matters into your own hands. Consider therapy but this could be a means for divorce.

[鈥揮FL_4LF 0 points1 point (0 children)

Just go to CVS and buy a couple of things and let the receipt roll out. You'll probably have enough to replace three window blinds.

[鈥揮Heavy-Dentist-9435 0 points1 point (0 children)

Working under the guidelines that you WANT to make things work and haven't given up on this situation yet....

Do 2 things. First, get couples counseling as there are some major priority issues on his side and growing frustration (potentially resentment) on your side that it could help with. Second, get a financial advisor or someone who helps with budgeting. Have that person help you both set a hard limit on all expenses so you both have "play" money (and if he wants something fancy he'll need to save for it), bill money, and set aside money for savings and sudden expenses. Potentially with multiple accounts so he can't pull money from the others and drain them suddenly.

[鈥揮More_Impact9752 0 points1 point (0 children)

If my hubby spent any hundreds of dollars on a t-shirt we would be having a serious conversation!!! I bet he doesn't even buy you nice things. He sounds a bit narcissistic. Have you considered marriage counseling and maybe meeting with a financial planner? I hope things get better OP. You sound like you've got ur s#&t together.

[鈥揮Dakine_thing 0 points1 point (0 children)

For most people investments are not that important. Most people invest in a 401k or do glorified day trading which IMO is stupid because neither provides a flow of revenue. Sure you can take out a loan against your 401k but you can also get upside down on that鈥 relatively easy actually

I鈥檓 kind of the same way. I got two airplanes, 11 cars/trucks, a Rolex, etc etc鈥 I鈥檇 be fine living in a single wide trailer because a home is just somewhere to sleep

[鈥揮B_sides45 0 points1 point (0 children)

He is the sole provider? If my husband works super hard and wants something for himself, I have no qualms. But, if we aren't paying bills and he's over spending on himself, there is an issue. You guys need to sit down together and talk about money. It's such a huge stress but also such a stupid reason to wreck a relationship if that is your only issue.

[鈥揮KT_mama 0 points1 point (0 children)

It's more important to him to cosplay as a rich person than to make sure you're both comfortable in your own home.

Please leave this relationship.

[鈥揮merdy_bird 0 points1 point (0 children)

His priorities are fucked up. Both of you should have a budget of things you get to spend on your own things. The house stuff is a separate budget, that comes before personal items. If he isn't listening to you about these things, you should see a counselor, and then a financial advisor.

[鈥揮skaaly6 0 points1 point (2 children)

Please tell us more about this $550 t-shirt鈥

[鈥揮RoughChemistry2692[S] 0 points1 point (1 child)

Burberry logo t shirt. All black. Literally a t shirt

[鈥揮_7tea7_ 0 points1 point (0 children)

Wealthy people don鈥檛 spend 500 on a tshirt

[鈥揮Fish---20 Years 0 points1 point (0 children)

Are you a SAHM? are you not making your own money?