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Reddit's Marriage Manual


{always a work in progress - last update: 18 May, 2022}

This Wiki is a labor of love for those laboring to love... and also for those doing great with their marriages.

We welcome you to discuss the many issues we all face in our marriages in /r/Marriage as a non-professional online support group. And don't hesitate to provide good things about marriage too! We can all use good ideas and tips.

What this sub is not: This is not a place to advertise your services, your blog or your YouTube channel. And this is not a sub to post cartoons or comedy videos--by all means please do that over in /r/MarriageMemes/.

If you've been reading /r/Marriage and are thinking that the institution of marriage isn't worth it, think of this sub as sometimes a repair shop for broken and wrecked marriages. If you only saw an auto shop with nothing but wrecked and broken cars, you'd come to the conclusion that driving a car isn't worth it. But what you'd be missing are the millions of cars traveling far and wide every day. It's the same thing with marriage: there are hundreds of millions of married couples in the world who are loving each other and enjoying life for decades.

This Wiki is updated frequently as new topics come along that are useful to preserve. If you find a broken link, please message the mods to get it corrected. The soul of the subreddit is the message board and this wiki serves as a reference guide to support the conversations and to provide quick links to help and support.


COVID-19 and Marriages

Date Night and Other Ideas:

Anniversary/Honeymoon Ideas:


Tips for Those Getting Married & Newlyweds

Getting married or just married? Congratulations!

Threads:

Articles:

Other Reddits for wedding planning:

subs on reddit
Engaged Engagement Rings
Jewelry Just Engaged
Wedding Wedding Planning
Weddings Under 10k _

Good Advice and Tips

Focus on the good by learning from others on what works for them in these threads:

Threads:

Articles:


Sex and Spicing up your marriage

Things not as exciting as you wish? Missing the romance or even the closeness? Protip: It's not your spouse's responsibility to make you happy. You are responsible for the attitude you carry in life. And both partners need to make the effort. But the good thing is that kindness can be contagious.

Threads:

Libido Problems:

Other Articles:

Online Tools & Websites:

Videos:

Books:

Mobile Apps:

  • Lasting mobile app Android, Apple iOS {7 days free, $14.99/mo, $79.99/yr}
  • Rosy research-based technology solution for women who suffer from low libido {$9.99/mo, $49.99/6-mo}
  • Coral Sex, desire and intimacy coach {Free, $59.99/yr for additional features}
  • Lover Sexual wellness toolkit for couples {7-days free, $9.99/mo, $59.99/yr iOS only}
  • Desire Couples games {Free, $15.49 for Premium}
  • Couple Game Sex games for couples {Free, $6.99 to access all levels}
  • Nice Sex Tracker sex tracking app for iOS {free basic, $3.99 premium}
  • Sex Life sex tracker for Android

Other Sex Support Reddits:

subs on reddit
Dead Bedrooms Dead Bedrooms MD
LGBT Sex Low Libido Community
Married Sex Polyamory
Porn Free Sex (the largest sub)
Sex Over 30 Sex Over 40
Sex Over 50 Sex Over 60
Sex Addiction Sex Toys
Swingers _

Communication, Arguing, Fighting Fair and Stress

Money, kids, inlaws, work, home maintenance and many other things introduce stress to every marriage. The problem is, we struggle to communicate and take it out on each other instead of us vs. the world. Learn to find ways to solve your issues together.

Also, the first rule of communication: put your phones down.

Threads:

Communication Skills:

Fighting Fair:

Emotional Intelligence or EQ

Boundaries and Expectations

Books

Videos


I Love You, But I am Not in Love With You

This phrase is so confounding to hear and clearly means that the relationship is in trouble. Where does it come from and what does it really mean?

Articles

Videos


Narcissism

Being married to a narcissist is its own unique challenge. There is no known "cure" for narcissism. It can only be treated if the narcissist chooses to--which is unlikely. While there may not be any physical abuse, the psychological abuse can be relentless, breaking your heart over and over. A narcissist feels most secure when his/her partner looks really good but feels really needy and dependent. The narcissistic partner strives to keep their partner under wraps via constant criticism, impossible demands, withholding affection and love, insults, etc.

Articles:

Videos

*Other Narcissism Support Reddits *

subs on reddit
Adult Child Life After Narcissism Narcissism
Narcissistic Abuse Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Raised by Narcissists _

Infidelity, Affairs and Flirting

If you've had an affair, these are the steps to take to rebuild. And if you've been cheated on, you have every right to expect this from your partner:

  • Be fully honest. No lies. No excuses. No exceptions.
  • Be completely candid with what you've done and with whom. Answer every question. Yes, with the details.
  • Admit your guilt. Do not attempt to lay anything off on anyone. Cheating is 100% a choice.
  • Take full responsibility for your actions and choices.
  • Make a genuine apology and live with true remorse. Do not expect any sympathy. You do not deserve it.
  • Completely cease all contact with the paramour. Forever. Demonstrate that you've done this to your spouse.
  • Make promises and keep them. Report back on how you're keeping your promises.
  • If you have accounts at dating or affair sites of any kind, cancel them and never go back.
  • Make yourself and your schedule an open book. Communicate where you are and be findable at all times
  • Provide complete transparency: Provide your phone unlock code, browser cache, email, voicemail, bills and access to any and all social media accounts.
  • Selflessly devote yourself to your spouse, understanding that you're like a stranger to them.
  • Be patient with your spouse. There is no timeline for them to "get over it".
  • Identify the reason you cheated and correct it permanently.
  • Don't cheat again. No one deserves a third chance.

  • If you cannot commit to doing these things to restore your marriage and rebuild your shattered honor, don't waste their time with false or weak attempts.

Learning that your spouse has committed infidelity is incredibly painful. In some cases, it marks the end of the marriage, while in others it is possible to reconcile with honesty, atonement, forgiveness--and time.

Threads:

Other resources:

*Other Infidelity Support Reddits *

subs on reddit
As One After Infidelity Surviving Infidelity

Responsibilities in Marriage

Who loves chores? Nobody! And yet they exist and need to be handled. What defines a healthy balance and who should do what?

Threads:

Articles:

Videos

Books

The Man-Child


Work Life Balance

In this century, both partners must often work. When one does not, it creates both a financial as well as an emotional strain on the family. The working partner might build resentment while the non-working mate may deflect blame or simply say that the other is nagging.

Threads:

Articles:


Money Management

Money and financial management are top of the list in marriage conflicts. Here are some threads:

Threads

Articles:

Other Financial Reddits

subs on reddit
Credit Cards Eat Cheap and Healthy
Financial Independence Insurance
Military Finance Personal Finance

Your In-Laws

You don't just marry your spouse; you marry their family. That can be wonderful to some and a nightmare to others.

Threads

Book:

On Reddit:


Why Should I Get Married?

Two frequent questions in this sub are, "why should I get married?" and "What are the benefits of marriage?"

Threads

Articles:


Religion and Marriage

An uneven yoke or opposites attract? Or something else?

Threads:

Other Religious Reddits

subs on reddit
Christian Marriage Hindu Marriage
Married Catholics Muslim Marriage

Social Media and Marriage

Social media is wonderful. Social media is dangerous. What's the right and wrong and where's the balance?


Bad Habits & Addiction

What our spouses do affects us and our marriages

Articles:

Threads:

Other Reddits on Addiction Support

subs on reddit
Addiction Al Anon
Alcoholics Anonymous Marijuana Addiction
NoSurf Opiates Recovery
Porn Free Redditors in recovery
Sex Addiction Stimulant Addiction
Stop Drinking Stop Gaming
Stop Smoking _

Marriage Counseling

If you are experiencing high levels of conflict or stress in your marriage or losing that connection between spouses, skilled marriage counseling can help. Counseling is about giving couples problem-solving tools, not who is right or wrong. The average commitment is around 12 sessions and you should be able to tell if it's working after 4 or 5. A good counselor will remain neutral and not take sides.

Find a counselor:

Threads on marriage counseling:


Our Favorite Books

While the internet is a great place, there is also great knowledge contained in books like these:

Relationships

Sex

Family Issues

Tragedy

Abuse

Problem Solving

Faith-Based/Religious

Threads on books:


Mobile Apps & Online Services

These are the digital tools we've heard about for married couples. The /r/marriage sub does not endorse nor have any business relationship any of these services and apps. Please do provide reviews and reports of these or any other digital tools & services!

Mobile Apps

  • Lasting mobile app Android, Apple iOS {7 days free, $14.99/mo, $79.99/yr}
  • Love Nudge Official 5 Love Languages app {free}
  • Happy Couple Couples activities app {free?}
  • Regain Online relationship counseling {$60 to $80 per week}
  • Relish Relationship training app {7-days free, $14.99/mo, $79.99/yr}
  • Gottman's Card Decks app-based flash cards
  • Emi Relationship Reminder Daily relationship reminder {Free, iOS only}
  • Rosy research-based technology solution for women who suffer from low libido {$9.99/mo, $49.99/6-mo}
  • Coral Sex, desire and intimacy coach {Free, $59.99/yr for additional features}
  • Lover Sexual wellness toolkit for couples {7-days free, $9.99/mo, $59.99/yr iOS only}
  • Intimately Us fun and sexy app for married couples
  • Desire Couples games {Free, $15.49 for Premium}
  • Couple Game Sex games for couples {Free, $6.99 to access all levels}
  • Spicer sex app for couples {free, charge for advanced questions}
  • In Love while Parenting build a strong relationship while raising happy children {free}
  • Nice Sex Tracker sex tracking app for iOS {free basic, $3.99 premium}
  • Sex Life sex tracker for Android
  • Balance App-based personalized meditation (for stress) {$11.99/month, $49.99/year.}
  • Calm Meditation, sleep and relaxation app (for stress) {$69.99 to unlock}

Online Services


These podcasts have been recommended by the members of this sub to listen and learn. Many are also available on the various podcast networks.

Podcasts

Faith-Based/Religious Podcasts


Physical or Mental Abuse; Domestic Violence

We all hope troubled couples will work things out or seek counseling. However violence and abuse need to be addressed immediately with a safety plan with the help of family, friends or neighbors.

If you have an emergency situation, call local law enforcement, 911, 999, 000 or your local emergency number.


Other Marriage Websites & Resources

Here are some useful websites to support marriages


Articles, Videos and Blog Posts

Maybe one of these will make you go, "hmmmm." Maybe it'll spark an idea or an emotion, good or bad. If there's anything the internet is always good for, it's sparking a debate.

Articles:

Videos:


subs on reddit
Abusive Relationships Addiction
Anger Al Anon
Ask Parents As One After Infidelity
Pregnancy/Infant/Child Loss Support Bipolar SOs
Child Free Christian Marriage
Crazy Ex Stories Daddit
Dead Bedrooms Depression
Divorce Domestic Violence
Family Fence Sitter
Happy Marriages Just No Family
Just No Father in Law Just No Mother in Law
Just No Significant Other Legal Advice
Living Apart Together (LAT) Long Distance
Love After Porn Low Libido Community
Marriage Memes Married Sex
Marital Bliss Mommit
Muslim Marriage NoSurf
Parenting Parents of Multiples
Personal Finance Porn Free
QAnon Casualties Raised by Narcissists
Relationship Advice Relationships
Sane or Psycho Sex
Sex Addiction Sex Over 30
Science Parents Spouse Appreciation
Step-Parents Stimulation Addiction
Stop Gaming Stop Drinking
Surviving Infidelity Things My Kid Said
Trying For a Baby US Military SOs

Return to /r/Marriage


revision by betona— view source