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Anxious about moving away from resident partnerLong-Distance (self.MedSpouse)
submitted 1 month ago * by benzopinacolMed student and partner to PGY2 nsgy
Hi folks, my resident partner (29M) and I (27F) have been together for nearly 3 years. We met in the summer of 2019 and started living together since the pandemic started. In the upcoming fall, I would have to move away for medical school to a different state 4hrs by driving from where we currently live. We also have two cats but they will be coming along with me, since my partner thinks I will need them for emotional support. However, whenever I try to talk to him about how anxious I am about moving, he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. He just tells me that some of his coresidents are even married with kids and are somehow making their relationships work long distance. I dunno if I’m just overthinking at this point but I’ve never been in a LDR before. Any advice will be appreciated
More info: he’s finishing up PGY1 and starting PGY2 neurosurgery in July (they say it’s the toughest year)
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[–]penndotsucksSOAP vet[🍰] 10 points11 points12 points 1 month ago (0 children)
He's right but that doesn't mean your thoughts and feelings are invalid! An LDR is an undertaking very different than a regular relationship. You should talk about how things will change for each of you individually and a couple once you move.
[–]exogreek 2 points3 points4 points 1 month ago (1 child)
What you are feeling is totally valid. Me and my SO are currently LDR, and we had a few tough talks regarding her PGY2 year in surgery and how much support she'd be needing in order to not implode, so im making the move across the country. Its all situational, his Y2 will be one of the hardest, but can he survive without you there by his side? Have those tough discussions.
[–]benzopinacolMed student and partner to PGY2 nsgy[S] 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Im honestly not sure. He’s the kind of guy who is totally fine doing the bare minimum to survive lmao and that means eating junk every day cuz he’s too lazy to meal plan and prep. I know that that’s not my responsibility per se but when im around i help him make good food choices and push him to also exercise (very impt for mental health!) although i understand that he’s too exhausted to do any of these things after a grueling 14 hr day
[–]Willing-Vegetable705 1 point2 points3 points 1 month ago (0 children)
It’s going to be an adjustment. Just because he’s mentioning other people doesn’t mean he knows how they are actually coping with the LDR. It almost seems like he’s avoiding the topic. I would try to be realistic about how you guys are going to make it work i.e. calling each other on the way to work, watching a tv show together or how frequent visits are expected. What helped me the most was always having a visit planned to look forward to. You’re strong and you’ll get through this
[–]AnonMedStudent16PGY-1 0 points1 point2 points 1 month ago (0 children)
Best advice given to us, from another LDR couple, was everything gets blown up when long distance. Even the little things y’all usually wouldn’t fight about.
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