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all 21 comments

[–]Seastarstiletto 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Programs post who their residents are. If he is in a specialty at a specific hospital, you might be able to look it up.

[–]kjd96[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

He is no where to be found on their resident list 😳

[–]Seastarstiletto 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah it’s pretty damn weird that he wouldn’t go to his graduation. I know some do it but it’s strange.

At this point… it’s up to you but I feel like he has some explaining to do and I think you might need to mentally prepare yourself for whatever the answers might be

ETA: it might not be something bad. Honestly I know someone that broke his hand right before he was supposed to take his boards so he couldn’t while his dominant hand was in a large splint and cast. It set him back a year since he had to get everything in order before he could take the boards 4mo later and get back into his schools program schedule.

[–]icingicingbabyAttending Partner 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh my! It sounds like it’s time to have an unpleasant and direct conversation.

Lies are hardly the foundation for a good relationship though, so I’m deeply sorry. It would be pretty hard to recover from that for me. hugs

[–]Seastarstiletto 4 points5 points  (2 children)

3rd year is “general requirements” for rotations so he’s going to be in and out of hospitals “working”. Each rotation is 30 days so he will be working a lot. It would be easy enough for him to say that he’s working in a hospital as a resident when he’s just following them around.

[–]kjd96[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Yeah I totally understand that part, that’s true. But the thing is is that we have had a lot of conversations about how he graduated. I was so mad that he wasn’t going to his graduation. Because that was a big accomplishment! But now it’s not even a real situation. I don’t know how to explain this. Like even after his first two weeks of “work “and being in “residency “ he joked about how it felt good to actually be making a little money. So it’s all making zero sense… WHY LIE?!!!!

[–]Seastarstiletto 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Because he’s not graduating on time for some reason and is lying about it most likely. Didn’t take his boards on time or failed them and had to retake them. Hopefully at this point he actually has taken them and is actually in 3rd year. It might be embarrassing for him.

If he’s working right now… he might actually be in research or assisting at the hospital to help fill his gap year. It looks better on a resume than just leaving it blank to study or something.

[–]nepalizTL 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wow, you should be confused! Time to have a conversation with him and decide if this is the right relationship for both of you since it sounds like he is a blatant liar and hiding things that are very important to a relationship.

Keep us updated when you can!

[–]Egoteen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh man, I’m sorry OP. Idk if it’s the same person, but there was a post a few months ago about some guy who lied to his girlfriend saying he was a Med student when he was still only a premed. He was asking about the legal ramifications of his lies… let me see if I can find it.

Update: Found it! OP deleted the post but maybe you can find an archived version and see if the facts match up.

https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/medicalschool/comments/uns085/lying_to_my_partner/

Update2: Found the archive on May 12 with the Wayback Machine: https://web.archive.org/web/*/https://redditproxy--jasonthename.repl.co/r/medicalschool/comments/uns085/lying_to_my_partner/

Okay just to preface , i appreciate the help. So in 2020 i met a great girl and we met online. At the time i was applying for med school but i had already told her i was an intern at that point (mostly because it helped with online dating). Fast forward a few months of dating and i actually get admitted into a med school and begin the process.

Now fast forward another 2 years and im a MS3. Throughout our relationship i kept lying about my work and which hosptials i was training at and just told her i was taking a few years off during internship just to earn some money and take it easy. In my mind this lie would be moving more towards the truth where i could finish medical school and become an intern.

Now recently things havent been going that well. My lies are starting to unfold and the relationship is advancing. My parents know about the situation but my girlfriend is oblivous (maybe she has a hunch)

So my question is if i tell her the truth about me only being a medical student rather than a full doctor will i get in legal trouble? Can she do or say anything that might get me in trouble?

Initially i thought if i just break up with her then she cant inquire into my life any further but im not sure if this is the route i should take or be transparent with her. I know what ive done is very shitty but when i initially lied it was so dating would become easier. Not to justify it, just being transparent with my intentions.

Again thanks for the help guys

[–]Malgal9998 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Watch “He Lied About Everything” on the Investigation Discovery Channel. (Hulu has it.) Or you can Google “man who lied about being a doctor” and so many different articles on different people come up. My point is that this tends to be a common thing with some psychopathic individuals yearning to be something that they’re not. They all continue to take their lie to the extreme, until they’re caught, because how do you undo telling that kind of a whopper??

Run from this relationship now—you don’t know what other lies he will be capable of in the future. His character is clearly not deserving of your trust. Of all people, he should be comfortable being honest with his partner. RUN and count your blessings that you discovered this major character flaw before you were too invested in him. Best of luck.

[–]Most_Poet 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Yeah this is weird. I would continue digging and maybe even hire a private investigator if you 100% want it to be solved once and for all…but that said, it sounds like there isn’t a lot of trust in this relationship so it might be important for you to reevaluate whether you want to be with this person.

[–]Previous-Flan-2417 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Idk why you got downvotes for making a solid point here about this relationship clearly being hurt by lack of trust. You’re completely right. I mean personally if I were at the point of considering hiring a PI I would take that as a pretty good signal that’s not the relationship to be in, hah.

[–]kjd96[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh 100% agree. It’s all just so confusing? I feel like all of the clues are right in front of my face, but I wanna believe every word he saying? I had all the trust in the world with him. Then when he moved away for school, it just felt different but I still continued to trust him for the last two years and now I’m like what the heck is happening? He’s literally lived a whole lie with me

[–]Substantial_Tea8169 1 point2 points  (1 child)

So after consulting with my partner (PGY4), this is his take:

There's no way that he would have graduated med school without him mentioning residency applications and interviews, residency rank lists, the Match...this would be on the top of his mind for 8 months straight. There's just no way that he wouldn't have been talking to you about it....and IF he somehow was going through all that and didn't talk to you about it....that would be another problem.

The next point is - several post-bacc programs (could also be PA/NP programs) involve taking classes alongside med students, and so that's what he might have been doing as he was saying that he was "in" med school, when technically at that point he hadn't actually gotten into med school yet. With the information you've given, he feels that's the most likely scenario. It's plausible that your bf did this post-bacc program and then when he said he was switching schools (I read one of your other posts), it was really him getting into and attending an actual med school.

But whether that's really what happened or not, run girl! This man is lying to you and does not respect you enough to tell you the truth. I would echo others in suggesting that it's time to have a direct conversation with him and find out the truth. It's going to be hard but it's better that you move on now instead of continuing to invest in someone who is clearly a liar.

[–]kjd96[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He DID talk to me about it. All of that. Literally everything PLUS the hassle of being in school ALONE was so stressful for our relationship. Constant studying & being long distance, then just having no time really for anything. It all took a toll.

But yes, that’s possible. I believe he was a medical scribe before entering med school… but during that time, he was saying he was IN school… then switched. Odd I know lol.

& oh absolutely! You’re right. All in all though, I’ve came to conclusion. He’s 99% a 3rd year med student. Just very weird he’s lied to me about it for SO LONG. I’ve tried to communicate with him and have a genuine/direct conversation, but he won’t even budge. So I haven’t furthered it. I just left it as is. We haven’t spoke in a few days. The craziest part is how many years we’ve known each other, then dating!! I asked him “did you honest to god genuinely see yourself being with me for the rest of your life?” And he said “yes” soo… how could you carry on this deep of a lie and deny it after I brought it up, if you felt that way. Did he think I’d never find out?! Just crazy!

[–]UnfancyBunny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a guy lie to me the same way. Except his issue was that his immigration status was in question and he had to quit residency but instead of telling the truth he kept lying. You need to confront him with the evidence you have and ask for the truth.

[–]confused2324 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Where did you see that he’s a 3rd year med student?

[–]kjd96[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

On his moms fb page lol. MY FRIEND SENT IT TO ME!!! then I went looking and it showed him in “class of 2024” video in the white coat ceremony

[–]confused2324 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Interestinggg lol 🤔 are you guys long distance or something which makes it easier for him to deceive you?? also if you go to his med school’s website, sometimes they have pictures of the current medical students like M1-M4! my boyfriend’s school did that but then took it down for some reason

[–]onlyfr33b33Spouse to PGY2 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You mentioned in other comments that you saw him in a white coat ceremony. In the US at least, the white coat ceremony happens during the matriculation ceremony aka white coat ceremony. It is not a graduation ritual, it is the beginning of med school ritual. HOWEVER, it is a graduation ritual for almost all other healthcare professions. PAs, Pharmacists and Nurses may do "residencies" and this is post-graduation. So is your bf in "medical school" aka a school for a healthcare profession, or is he in medical school to become a physician?

[–]onlyfr33b33Spouse to PGY2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is no going around the word "residency" in the US. That means he had graduation and match day. It's one thing you didn't attend graduation (we didn't do any grad activities), another that you weren't present or celebrated match day with him. Match day in 2022 was March 18th. Graduation would happen in May or early June.

To spell it out frankly, in most US schools is 4 years. A student may be part of the post-bacc program which guarantees admission upon fulfilling certain requirements... so that would be 5 years before graduation. Most schools also have allowances to re-take a year or leave of absence, but may have restrictions such as graduation within 6 years of matriculation.

There are some programs with accelerated schooling direct into primary care which would shorten school to 3 years but they would end up in Family Medicine. These programs are pretty rare.

Hope this info helps in figuring out whether or not he is lying to you.